Savior & Queen Knight University
by TheRoguePhilosopher
Summary: 2 years after defeating the Wicked Witch, Emma and Regina now run an elite Royal military training college to ensure that Storybrooke will never be caught without an army again. However, it becomes apparent that running a magical military is easier than admitting to an attraction to a former enemy, much less a co-leader.
1. Chapter 1

**Savior University – Future Storybrooke AU**

_**The Wicked Witch was defeated 2 years ago. The battle with the WW was so large that it is now infamously referred to as "The Magic War", and made it apparent that for Storybrooke to survive it would need a trained knighthood. As more magical and fairytale persons keep popping up, many elect to join the Storybrooke Royal Guard, and apply for its rigorous training camp, Savior University, run by Emma Swan and Regina Mills. **_

_***M Rating is for a very SQ future – I don't want to call this slow burn…perhaps medium? Medium burn? Medium well? **_

_****Also, first attempt at FF, so help, please! Suggestions, criticisms, anyone interested in beta-reading…all helpful!**_

Emma Swan doing her morning chin-ups and push-ups were the former Evil Queen's favorite morning activity to watch. As the Queen sipped her morning coffee on the balcony of the campus main house, she watched as the Savior took off her shirt, preferring to work out in just a sports bra.

Thus, the Queen was free to watch the flex of every muscle; she could outline every bead of sweat slipping down the Savior's body. Regina's tongue flashed out of her mouth to lick the coffee flavor off of her lips; a poor substitute for where she really wanted her tongue to be this morning. If only the Savior had known that the Queen didn't need to start her morning coffee at 8AM. She could just as easily sleep a bit later, have coffee at home, and not come to the training grounds until 9AM. However, the sight of the Savior, shirtless, and now switching to sit-ups, made the decision of morning routine absolutely worth every second.

Since the Great Magic War against the Wicked Witch, the demand for knights in Storybrooke became apparent. It was decided that starting a Royal Guard would be the best solution, and that Emma and Regina would run training – somewhat of a magical military. Emma for physical training and tactics, Regina for administration. It would be a perfect balance if the two weren't behaving at all times like two teenagers with a crush on the most popular girl in school.

* * *

Emma now added running around the main training field as part of her morning line-up, still without a shirt on. If she were to be honest, she preferred working out with a shirt on. It catches the sweat and helps prevent sunburn. However, once she realized that not only had the Queen required all PT to be done in the morning, on the main field, and scheduled it in such a way that Emma would have to do her workout before the students arrived to have time to fit it in, she knew in all likelihood the Queen would be showing up to make sure that's what occurred.

And show she did. The first day of morning PT requirement, Emma showed early to get in her workout. And the Queen appeared on the balcony, far enough away that if Emma hadn't looked, she wouldn't have noticed, but close enough that the Queen could see everything if she chose to watch. This is when Emma made the split decision that a shirt wasn't necessary, and since the Queen then showed up every morning to "have her coffee", the decision served it's purpose.

If she glanced at the balcony she could see Regina licking her lips in such a way that she contemplated putting herself on the lunch menu for the Queen, skipping the charade and offering herself up. It's what she wanted. Clearly, it was what they both wanted. But Emma also knew that she wasn't interested in a one time locker room sneak-around session, and that if she seduced the Queen fully on any of these mornings, that's all she would get. And besides, she did enjoy this particular morning game.

"One more lap, Swan. One more. Don't you dare quit in front of her. She can see you." The Savior's conversations with herself showed what good motivation it was to have an attractive woman watch your workouts. The giant square field occupied a space larger than a football field in front of the main building that Regina primarily worked out of. There were chin-up bars, tire runs, pole riggs, and all kinds of outdoor training equipment on the sides of the field, which Regina had made sure were immediately available the day Emma had requested them when first designing the school.

"Nope. Not gonna make it…okay back to chin-ups. She likes the chin-ups," Emma said to herself, occupying role of both hunter and wingman in her head.

* * *

Regina, interestingly enough, was unknowingly answering through her own internal conversation with herself and her cup of coffee.

"I can't believe she's still running. She's going to wear herself out before breakfast! Maybe not. It's good to know that the Savior has…endurance. I'll bet the Savior has all kinds of endurance. Oh good lord not the chin-ups again!".

The chin-ups were by far Regina's favorite. They were her weakness. She knew to stay on the balcony during chin-ups, because if she were ever closer to Emma during chin-ups, Emma would surely be able to see the flush they cause across the Queen's face and chest. The way Emma's biceps flexed, the way Emma's abs tensed up on each pull, Emma's hair still long and flowing, perfectly framing her body…let's just say that many-a-mug of coffee had been sacrificed to this morning ritual, as Regina frequently lost track of everything only to feel the cup slip from her hands, each time trying to cover the smash with a coughing fit, which Emma appeared to buy.

* * *

As Emma heard yet another mug drop, she heard the sure-to-follow coughing fit that she wasn't buying at all. She smirked to herself.

"Mission accomplished, Swan. Hit the showers!" She said to herself. If this was the kind of grin she wore just from making the Queen drop her coffee, she could only imagine the shit-eating grin she would wear for weeks if she every actually gave her an orgasm.

She did chance a glance up at the Queen on her way in, who was already beet red, and still having a "coughing" issue.

"Mission _very_ accomplished, Swan," Emma congratulated herself and continued on in the direction of the locker facilities, still wearing her sports bra and grin of triumph.

**Keep going? Do we want a knight training school in SQ land? I know we all want Emma doing chin-ups, but do they warrant a fic?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**A.N. – So it looks like we will continue the story! Honestly, one follower would have been enough of a prompt to continue, and I'm super excited about the turnout! I'll try to make the coming chapters longer than the test run. Reviewers, you are awesome people and I'm mentally sending kind thoughts your way.**

**Suggestions, comments, helpful hints, grammar scoldings, smilie faces…all welcome!**

"Mornin', Granny!" Emma shouted as she approached Granny in the main hallway after her morning shower.

"Mornin', Emma! Stopping by the cafeteria for breakfast today?" Granny asked her question, already knowing the answer. Granny knew that Emma was a big fan of having "Granny's Diner" officially takeover the college cafeteria.

"Just a quick stop before my 9AM recruits. I like to eat a bear claw right in front of them while they're doing laps. It lets them know who's in charge." Emma winked at Granny and smirked at her own joke. "What's for lunch today?" She inquired.

"Well, it was going to be meatloaf, but then I had to put Ruby on lunch duty to do an order down at the diner, so…"

"So meat blob with a side of sauce that we're pretending isn't warmed up ketchup?" Emma smiled knowing exactly what Granny was thinking but not saying.

"She is trying, ya know. Give her the benefit of the doubt. And when you've choked down enough doubt, stop by the diner for my chili." Granny leaned in to add, "I won't tell if you wont."

Emma laughed. "Sure thing. Poor Rubes. Who decided that a werewolf would be interested in cooking the meat first? It's like a battle of nature versus nurture in there."

* * *

"Okay, Regina. Pull it together. You are _not_ a lovesick puppy. You are the Evil Queen. You crush kingdoms. You rain fire on your opponents without a thought for their pain and suffering. You rule with an iron fist. You park in the handicapped parking space without having the courtesy to so much as fake a limp. Get. It. Together." Regina's morning watching session was now followed by her morning pep talk/Evil Daily Affirmations, preparing for her morning budget analysis.

Unfortunately, transitioning from Queen to Mayor, and from Mayor to Administrative Chair, respectively, was less than exciting. It was a switch from the loaded baked potato to a boiled sprout with the dirt left on it. As such, the former Mayor found it more and more difficult to maintain the cool composure that she believed would throw the ever more attractive Savior off her trail.

It didn't help knowing that she would pretend to sit alone in the cafeteria at lunchtime, knowing the Savior would see her and sit with her. It also didn't help that she knew that her entire afternoon was booked around Emma-related activities.

And it certainly didn't help that she realized she had sent a file to the newly elected Mayor from a folder titled, "Regina Swan". It was just something she tried out on a whim! It was going to be deleted, the Queen just wanted to see what her name would look like, just in case. She didn't even realize she had actually put files in the folder before it was deleted, much less a file she needed to send the Mayor. Hence, the pep talk, yet again, back into Queen Mode.

Queen Mode was fully activated by the time the phone rang.

"Really, Regina? Now you're not just attached at the hip, but you took her last name?" Mayor Tinkerbell shouted playfully through the phone. She couldn't get any more than that out before the Fairy's laughing fit started.

"My apologies. That was supposed to say 'Regina/Emma', but I'm used to having to yell at the Savior using her last name. It's more effective. Regardless of misnaming, that is the file that Emma and I put together to fit in an additional Fitness & Fighting instructor into the budget." Regina covered her little file name slip up and moved right along.

"Right. The file name was a 'mistake'. Please, Regina. Like I don't know you by now." Mayor Tinkerbell wasn't having it. She knew what the file was. She also knew she was going to approve any public funds the two asked for, both as a personal favor and to keep the town safe from future magical invasions. "I know when you're lovesick, Regina."

"Really, dear? And how would you know that? Because of our TWO dates that both ended in us looking for ways to end the dates early without offending the other?" Regina was losing patience. She didn't like being called out on her bullshit, or being mocked, particularly from someone who she knew kissed like an excited golden retriever.

The fairy paused. "I know, Regina, because it's the kind of thing you would never have done with me. Have you ever attempted to create a secret portal in a ladies bathroom while out with Emma? I didn't think so. Which is why we knew we were all kinds of wrong, and I know that you seeing that name feels all kinds of right. Don't roll your eyes, your majesty. I can feel you rolling them from across town."

"The budget, Tink?" Regina was now out of patience, and in her second blush of the day. She _really_ didn't appreciate Tink bringing up her second attempt at exiting a date, only to be caught with a lame cover-up. She knew as soon as the entire bar started shaking and the manager busted her standing over her makeshift sink portal ready to jump that she would not be going on another date with Tinkerbell. How bad does a date have to be before someone has to be willing to escape the realm to leave early? Really, at only 9:30AM the day could shape up to be some sort of embarrassment record at this rate.

"Officially, I have to run this past the Dwarves at the next council meeting. Unofficially, of course we're going to find a way to pay Mulan to come and help us. We can't expect Emma and Charming to do everything physical in a school that has coursework that is 50% physical training."

"We appreciate that, Tink. Emma hasn't had a sick day, vacation day, or full weekend since we started taking students. I think this will be a big help." Regina was now attempting to wrap up this call before it became any more uncomfortable.

"Great. Then we'll see you at the next joint council. Until then, _Regina Swan_, if Emma needs a vacation day, I'm sure you can figure something out."

Regina hung up. Regina frequently hung up on the new Mayor. Even though they decided to be friends, and really didn't bother each other in an all-out-anger type of way, the Fairy seemed to take pleasure in the fact that after her two failed dates with the Mayor, and dating the Savior for three months afterwards, now her two exes were now apparently gravitating towards each other. Regina, however, didn't like that Emma had also stayed friends with Tinkerbell. After all, Regina only went on two dates with her. It's not _really_ staying friends with an ex if you were never actually girlfriends. Emma and Tink – that was a whole different story.

"Small world" didn't even begin to cover Storybrooke at this point.

* * *

Regina sat in the cafeteria trying to figure out exactly what was on her plate, if it required both a fork and a knife, and perhaps if it might still be alive. Sloppy Joe without a bun? Maybe someone had just vomited on her tray as some sort of curse revenge and everyone else was getting sandwiches?

"Don't eat that." The Savior showed up, living up to her name and sparing Regina the heartache of mid-day heartburn. "Granny's over at the diner today. This culinary creation is all Ruby."

Regina, up until that point, was pretty sure that her main dish was so undercooked that PETA was going to show up to save it. Now, her full concentration was on Emma. Emma, who had sat right next to her, and leaned in to whisper this information, staying by Regina's ear to wait for a response. The response was Regina's gasp at feeling the Savior's breath on her skin.

Emma then upped her ante, placing a hand on Regina's upper arm. The hand felt warm to Regina, both comforting and seductive. She wanted it to stay right where it was. "We're going to sit and push this around with a fork and knife until Ruby comes out, we're going to smile and wave, and then we're going to throw this out and book it to Granny's before they're out of chili. Are you in?" Emma had no reason to whisper this information. Nobody would have been close enough to hear them. She was just looking for reasons to touch Regina at this point. At least once a day, and preferably close enough for them to feel each other's breath.

Regina could feel Emma on her arm and her closeness to the side of her face. She had to think of a way to prolong the contact. Her first instinct is to argue.

"Oh? And how do we know that Granny simply won't tell Ruby that we ditched her lunch?" Regina whispered back to Emma, enjoying their now private, breathy conversation. She brushed her cheek against Emma's, feeling the soft skin for one sweet second.

"It was Granny's idea, actually. Come play hooky with me for lunch. Don't make me sit at the counter all by myself." Emma was now rubbing Regina's arm for emphasis. At this point, Regina would have eaten whatever Emma had suggested for lunch, dinner, and any meals thereafter.

Regina pulled back just a bit to look Emma in the eyes. "I'm in. But only so you're not alone at the counter."

Ruby saw Emma and Regina nuzzling each other from the cafeteria line, as though they were pretending just to have a whispering conversation. She took out her phone to send a text.

_**They're doing it again. Seriously.**_

Snow's reply came less than a minute later.

_What are we supposed to do? If they don't want to move this along, that's up to them_.

_**Aren't you supposed to want your princess daughter to marry another royal? We have to help**_.

_I think we should let this happen naturally. _

Not a chance, Ruby thought.

* * *

Meanwhile, Henry was at Storybrooke High having his own lunch adventures.

"Honestly, Henry. You can just introduce me as a 'friend'. We don't have to say anything about dating. You met my sister after our first date!" Lilo was getting increasingly upset with this conversation that they seemed to be having regularly by now.

"It's not that I don't want you to _ever_ meet them, but if they know, they're going to be stricter. No more telling Mom, 'I'm just going out with friends' and coming home without a curfew. No more wiggling out of Emma trying to give me 'The Talk', like I'm 10, not 14." Henry visibly shuddered at that one. Once Henry started to show signs of puberty, Emma thought she would be the "cool" parent and try, embarrassingly so for both of them, to talk him through it.

When Henry was 12, they found that he had a lingerie catalog, which coincided with Henry's sudden need to take 30-minute showers. Emma thought she would sit him down for milkshakes at Granny's to discuss "natural urges". The conversation involved a lot of choking on the straw and saying, "Umm. Yeah. You know." When he was 13, Emma tried to explain safer sex, or what she called "going to the adult waterpark". Henry was not amused, and now a little afraid of both condoms and dental dams.

"Lilo, as long as they don't know I'm your boyfriend, they can't make dating rules. I can hang out with you whenever, and we can do anything. And I reeeeeeeally don't want to hear whatever talk Emma would have in store for this." He was being honest. He never hid his relationship with Lilo from friends, or at school. They held hands anywhere they went, so long as "anywhere" didn't include "anywhere near his moms".

"I understand. I just – your moms are really cool, Henry. If you think it's because they won't like me –"

"It's not! I promise. I will tell them, eventually. I just want to enjoy the freedom that we have right now." Lilo sighed. She also enjoyed that she and Henry had basically spent the last month making out all over Storybrooke, without parental supervision. But she also wanted to make the relationship real.

"Give him a few more weeks," she said internally, "let's enjoy the ride, but I want to be his girlfriend officially."

* * *

"Look, it's not like you can't take care of yourself. I understand. But I don't like the idea that someone could figure out how to take your magic, and then have you be defenseless. Do you not remember the cuff that Greg made? And he didn't even have magic to figure out a device to stop it." Emma was getting frustrated.

She had been trying to convince Regina to train with her for quite some time now, and it seems the Evil Queen had no interest in learning any sort of self-defense that required breaking a sweat.

"The cuff was a lucky break. I won't be so stupid as to let someone put something on me again, unless I know it doesn't take away my magic." Regina thought the idea of someone stalling her magic again would be far fetched, and really had no desire to learn weaponry.

"Regina, something could happen and I might not be there."

"Emma, nothing is going to happen, and if something did happen, we now have an entire Royal Guard."

"Fine. Would you rather I assign you a guard at all times? A bodyguard is an acceptable alternative."

"I am not being followed around by some barely-out-of-puberty meathead looking for a replacement for high school football practice. It is fine, Emma."

"IT IS NOT FINE!" Emma yelled, causing the other customers at Granny's to immediately hush and stare. "I watched you during the War from my station, Regina. I watched you take hit after hit."

Emma's lip now quivered and her voice shook. Emotionally, she was reliving the moment when she thought they might not win, and she would lose Regina. It was worse than if she were in danger herself.

"I had to watch you take blow after blow and I _can't do it again, Regina_." The Queen saw the emotion and realized very quickly that Emma genuinely was concerned for her. She wasn't teasing her into learning to do a push-up, or even flirting. She was shaking out of the fear that something could happen to Regina, and they would both be powerless to stop it.

"Hey. Shhh." Regina put her hand on the Savior's back, and began soothingly rubbing up and down. "Okay. I think I understand now."

Emma was staring at the counter, not wanting to breathe or make eye contact, knowing that would be the moment the tears started. She had never cried in front of Regina, and she didn't want to start now. Regina moved closer, still rubbing Emma's back, slowly, and with care.

Putting her chin on the Savior's shoulder from the side, she continued to soothe Emma's shakiness from trying to hold in the tears. "I'm sorry, Emma. I'm just not used to someone asking me to do something because they care what happens to me."

This seemed to calm Emma down for the moment. Once she had herself composed, with Regina still rubbing her back with her right hand, now using her left on the Savior's forearm, she was able to speak.

"Do you remember back when the Witch first got here, and we went on a 'stakeout' together to try to catch her? We sat in my bug watching your office? I didn't need you, just like you didn't really need me. We didn't know who was the villain and I wanted to next to me in case something happened."

"I get it," Regina responded. "You can train me. But I warn you, the closest I've had to exercise in the last 30 years has been walking in heels. I probably cannot use a sword, but I have excellent calf muscles." They both chuckled at that one, and Emma stared at her admiringly, feeling closer now that she had shown a tad bit of vulnerability, and Regina had responded with nothing but care.

"Okay, I have an idea. Tomorrow night, we come here for Granny's all-you-can-eat dinner special. We carb up, and then the next morning you can come work out with me. I'll have you defending the town borders within a week." Emma was now smiling so brightly, with her giant Emma puppy eyes that Regina just couldn't say no to.

"Okay. But it worries me that whatever you're going to do to me on Friday morning requires a 'carb up' meal."

"I will be nothing but gentlemanly, your majesty". Emma's smile backed up her promise.

Regina couldn't tell if she meant at dinner, or at the training fields, but she did want to see what Emma's 'gentleman' side entailed.


	3. Chapter 3

**A.N. – Hello, readers! You guys who are reviewing and following are absolutely fueling the update fire! I am going to try to work on this in my free time and on breaks here and there throughout the day, each day, so keep an eye out for subsequent chapters! I don't want to go more than a day or two w/o updating. Also, you guys rock! **

"Ruby thinks we should be meddling in the situation. I don't think any of us have any business playing Cupid. I mean, really. If Cupid wanted someone as his stand in while he's in Valentine land, he would have designated someone." Snow's venting session over tea in the faculty lounge had occupied both her and Belle's free time for the afternoon.

"I can't tell if you're genuinely interested in letting Emma make her own dating decisions, or if you're still weary of Regina." Belle had to be honest, as she cared about both Emma and Snow after they made her the Chair of the History Department. When some councilmembers didn't believe Belle would be qualified, both Snow and Emma were quick to point out that Belle had read every Fairytale Land history book. Not just every book in Rumple's castle, every history book ever written. She felt like she owed both of them for arguing her case for her job.

"It's _not_ that it's Regina." Belle looked at her skeptically for a moment, to see if it would make her retract the statement.

"Well, what is it? Is it because it's a woman?" Belle pressed further. There had to be something underneath the surface.

"What? No! Does there have to be a reason for me not wanting to meddle in my daughter's sex life? I mean, tell me if I were your mother that this wouldn't creep you out. Think about it, Belle. They get together for dinner or drinks at least twice a week. They co-parent a child. They take each other out for their birthdays. The watch the same TV shows so they can talk about them at lunch. They make each other soup when one has a cold. Emma told Regina about her adult feety pajamas. _They are dating_. They just don't seem to get it. And I am okay with all of that, I just don't want to get involved, because under no circumstances do I want to think about my daughter having sex. With anyone. Ever." Snow's voice throughout this little speech had gotten higher, pitch-by-pitch with each sentence.

"…Actually, you're right. They pretty much are dating. The only difference between them 'dating' and what they're doing now is, well, if they're admitting it, and also at least kissing." Belle was just talked into Snow's side. "Okay, we back off. I can't promise Ruby will, though. Once she has a project, it becomes her hobby. But I'm with you, Snow."

"Good. We stay out of it then." Snow considered the issue closed. At the rate Emma and Regina were moving, and considering how stubborn they both were, if they ever actually admitted that they were dating, it would be when Henry was old enough to apply to S&Q Knight University, and not a day sooner.

* * *

Thursday morning, Henry was in the kitchen at 7:30AM, as usual, making his lunch. While Regina had loosened up as a parent of a teenager enough to let him pack his own lunch sack, she still hovered nearby most mornings.

"And I'm giving you money so that tonight you can order a pizza. I'm eating with Emma at Granny's after work, but we're not going to be out too late." Henry nodded while pulling things out of the refrigerator and cabinets. "And I want your homework done before I get home, and yes I will be checking before bed. Understood?"

"Yes, Mom, I can handle getting my own pizza and being in the house for a couple of hours."

"Okay then. Let's review. What are you finishing before I get home?"

"My homework." Henry responded, but not particularly invested in the conversation as he started making his sandwich. "Anything else, Mom?"

"Yes, actually…where did you get a Hawaiian shirt? I didn't buy that for you."

"Oh, I've had this for awhile. I guess I just never wore it to school before." Technically, Henry didn't lie. He had it for a while because Lilo bought it for him a couple of weeks ago. And he hadn't worn it to school yet, but he figured that since Lilo was so uneasy yesterday, he could do something so she'd see him wearing the present out in front of everyone.

"Hmm. Alright. I have to remember I'm not the only parent who takes you shopping these days. And if…wait. Henry? What are you making? What is that hideous hunk in that can?"

Henry froze. The feeling of "about to be busted" washed over him. "It's called Spam, Mom. Everyone's eating it at school. I just wanted to try it."

"Well, it's a chunk of salt-laced meat product in a can. And, apparently it requires frying. It can't be food, Henry. Really. Now I'm second guessing the pizza."

"No! Mom, it's fine. I just wanted to try it. I'm not going to be eating meat out of a can every day, just like you don't let me order pizza every day. And look, I'm even packing fruit with it."

Regina was actually quite proud of him in that moment. He was indeed packing fruits and vegetables in his lunch everyday, without her making him. Sure, her presence may have been enough of an intimidation, but he still did it on his own. Just like when he started his freshman year of high school and began waking up on his own without 10 minutes of shaking from his mother. Regina didn't appreciate that he needed to blast music in the morning to get ready, but at least in the last month or so he politely changed it from his usual punk rock to Elvis classics. She found it much more pleasant first thing in the morning. Something was clearly up with him, but nothing that sent off her warning bells that it might be bad.

"Alright. Pizza tonight for you it is." She came over and smoothed his hair, and then kissed his cheek. "And you look handsome in the shirt."

That made Henry smile. It made him smile deeper when he realized he would have the house to himself after school, possibly for hours.

* * *

The Savior had dumb bells on the field this morning. Sometimes she liked to work out with them too, and the Queen always found it interesting when there were props in her morning Emma workout show.

However, today the Queen also had some books in her lap. She was subbing Astrid's magical potions class, "Potent Potables", and she needed to brush up on her formulas. What was actually going on was a rhythm of reading a sentence, watching the Savior, reading a sentence, being distracted by the Savior, start a sentence, hear Emma grunting through her lunges, pretend to look at the book, and so on, and so on.

Regina knew she needed to concentrate. The knights-in-training had a double burden: they had to learn bow and arrow, swordplay, and hand-to-hand combat from the old world as well as U.S. military tactics. All of that with magic, fairy creature cataloguing, and regular college classes thrown in, making it important that all of their teachers and courses were pedagogically sound.

Regina forced herself to contemplate the book more than the athletic body just a few yards away. As much as she enjoyed a good Savior oogling, even considering it a job perk at this point, she wouldn't be responsible for her knights learning less than the best.

Emma noticed Regina not as attentive as she usually was. She started doing squats. Regina did appear invested for a moment, but then went back to her book. "Okay, time for the big guns, Swan. We don't want her getting bored of you."

Emma started doing overhead shoulder presses. It was the exercise that she knew showed off her arms the most. Regina did indeed stare for a moment, indicating that if she continued to stare at the ripped Savior's form, she might start drooling. The push-ups that followed were also a test, as it's quite interesting how push-ups start in a position where it would be very easy to have someone underneath the Savior. Lying face up. With her legs spread. Perhaps with her legs wrapped around said Savior's waist, digging into her backside.

Regina quickly shook that off and went back to lesson prep. Emma looked over, disappointed. "Has she lost interest in me already?" She thought. Then she noticed that Regina had her glasses on. Her reading glasses. And there was a book in her lap.

"Interesting." The Savior thought. She picked up her shirt and draped it around her neck, like a post-workout towel.

"I didn't think you were the morning paper type!" Emma yelled up the balcony, walking over. Regina smiled at the Savior's nearing proximity.

"Lesson planning, dear. Astrid's out today, remember?"

"Oh, right. Look at you, in full professor mode first thing in the morning." Emma enjoyed their banter, and enjoyed that she could now stand in a casual pose to still show off her body to the Queen.

"And I see you're still in Savior mode. Or should I say Charming mode? Which of my sworn enemy names would you prefer I call you by?" Regina was speaking down over the balcony, keeping her reading glasses on and the book in her hand. Emma thought Regina looked gorgeous in her glasses. She always looked smart, and sophisticated, but the designer frames around the Queen's deep chocolate eyes caused Emma to stare as she spoke.

"How about I throw out the names that cause you problems, and we stick to Emma?"

Regina laughed at Emma's charm. "Charming" certainly would have been fitting. "Deal? Remember: tonight I'm fueling you up. It's going to be you down here on this field tomorrow with me." Regina's hair was also blowing ever so slightly with the breeze. It made her want to touch the soft brown threads.

"Looking forward to it. But as a reminder, I agreed to learn how to defend myself. I did not agree to an episode of the Biggest Loser." Emma laughed a genuine laugh. Not just the kind of laugh one offers as a flirt.

"I would never try to yell in your face with you on a treadmill, your majesty. I don't think you would let me survive the day if I did."

Regina was now leaning against the balcony front, smiling right back at the sweaty Savior. "Granny's tonight then, but I'll probably run into you before that. It's a small school, Savior."

"Looking forward to it." Emma answered, aware that when Regina made her nervous and blushy, she tended to mirror her words back to her. To be honest, she was looking forward to both the dinner plans and the running into each other. Emma was always a little giddy when they had plans with each other. It gave her a little something extra to look forward to during the day.

* * *

"Yes, I just heard them. They are going to Granny's tonight. And I hope you know what you're doing, Ruby, because Snow and Belle already made it clear they're not helping." Tinkerbell was hiding under the awning on the side of the building, listening to the balcony exchange.

"Hmmm. Okay it's just us then. We need a plan." Ruby started chewing her thumb while thinking, a habit that drove Granny nuts at the diner.

"Well, what's the all-you-can-eat special tonight?" Granny's was fun, and filling, and relatively cheap, and entertaining once the alcohol service started at dinnertime. Everyone loved Granny's, but "romantic" certainly wasn't an appropriate adjective.

"We were thinking burgers. Like a build-your-own burger, unlimited patties on the bun, and unlimited fries? The Lost Boys are usually starving at dinnertime. We like to fill them up quickly." Ruby answered.

"Absolutely not, Ruby. If we're going to start nudging them, we're not sending them to a burger bar and trying to get them to think it's a date."

"Well, I already ordered six cases of ground meat for the patties. What am I supposed to do? Maybe heart-shaped meatloaves?" Ruby started chewing harder.

"Definitely not! First of all, your meatloaf…just, no. Second, little heart shapes? I agreed to 'nudge' them along. Not throw then an obvious 'welcome to the dating world' party." Tink knew that the two women would never behave like they were on a date in front of a burger platter, it was certainly too plebian for the Queen, too 'out with my buddies' for the Savior.

"Well, what am I supposed to do?! Remember, all-you-can-eat night. I have to be able to make big platters, and apparently according to Granny, cook everything until it's hard enough to use as a weapon."

"Actually, I have an idea. I'm going to send a friend over to redirect the menu. He'll be able to figure something out without wasting what you already had delivered."

"Really? Who?" Ruby sounded skeptical, but listened.

"Marco."

* * *

"So, my Moms are having dinner out tonight together. Wanna come over and split a pizza with me? Also, there's a bunch of new stuff on Netflix." Henry tried to sound as smooth as possible, before his voice cracked a bit at the end. Damn puberty voice.

"So I'm still not meeting them?" Lilo asked tentatively.

"Well, if I were to introduce you to them today, do you think they'd let me have you over for dinner unsupervised tonight?" Henry was right. There would be no more unsupervised dinner dates when anyone's guardians were out.

"Okay, you have a point. I will take the secret dinner date, for the sake of privacy. And I think it's cute that your Moms still go on weeknight dates."

"What?" Henry asked with a blank look.

"You know, after they've been together for so long, it must be nice that they still take each other out. You've never told me how long they've been married. Was it before or after you were born?" Lilo asked. It was strange that they had been together for over a month and Lilo still didn't know all that much about the parents she never gets to meet.

"What?" Henry asks again, still not understanding.

"What do you mean, 'what'? Your parents, Henry. The ones we've been avoiding. A tall blonde, a shorter brunette…answer to the names 'Queen' and 'Savior'…" Lilo asked back, the two now just looking at each other like they've been involved in two separate conversations.

"My Moms aren't married. What? What made you think that they were married?! They're not even dating, and when they do date, it's not each other." Henry still had a blank, surprised look.

"How are they not married? Huh? Henry, everyone thinks they're married. August told me they were married when he introduced me to you at his party. You're his kid and they go everywhere together. Are they divorced?"

"No! Never married to each other. Never dated. Why would you even believe that? They have different last names!" Henry found this amusing.

"Henry, _everybody_ at school thinks they're married. And I thought Emma kept her last name to be progressive." Henry couldn't hold back the laughter any longer.

"Seriously? Everyone thinks my Moms are married? Emma doesn't even live with us!" Henry now was in full-out laughter.

"Well, I wouldn't know, Henry, since _I've never met them_." Lilo squinted her eyes, but thought Henry's laugh was just too cute to be mad at.

"Okay, well, I think it's hilarious, so if everyone wants to think my Moms are married, I'm just going to let that one go. And if they want to act like they're married, then we get to have the house to ourselves and order some pizza. Everybody wins!" Henry's logic worked on Lilo, and she leaned in to give him a peck before going into her next class.

* * *

Emma sat in her office for her office hours with her feet up on the desk, leisurely sipping an iced caramel macchiato while listening to the radio. The buzzing of her phone snapped her out of her afternoon mental vacation.

_**I have a problem. Can you come to the class I'm teaching at 3:30? **_

Emma was surprised to see something from Regina only 2 hours after they had lunch together.

_Sure. What's up?_

_**Marco was going to be my live potion tester for the class, but he just cancelled on me. **_

_I can fill in, as long as you tell me what the potions are before I drink any this time_.

Emma remembered the last time Regina had to prep a "Potent Potables" lecture, during which Emma had swallowed what tasted like cherry coke made by a pair of twins that were lab partners, but the elixir acted like an immediate-action laxative. Emma was sure that Regina was accidentally teaching Assassination Weaponry.

_**It's a 3-hour block, so we can just go right to Granny's after. **_

_Sure thing. Let me just grab a T.A. to grade these tests from the Night Recon Tactics lecture and I'm all yours._

_**Emma, this is a big, big help. Thank you. **_

_NBD. Be right over! :)_

* * *

"Okay, the Thai Twins are in this class too, so whatever you do, don't drink anything from either of them." Regina felt the need to warn Emma that the Twins were still as mischievous as ever. Incredibly intelligent, sure. But usually looking for mischief.

"Relax. This time I'm only drinking potions from your desk. It's not like they can sabotage ingredients right in front of you." Emma, ever the brave warrior, refused to be intimidated by the Twins.

Inside, the Thai Twins saw that Emma and Regina were coming, and were desperately looking around with a magnifying glass. The Twins had been recruited in a worldwide search for young adults either from fairytale worlds originally, or the children of those from fairytale lands. While the Twins were highly sought after and on scholarship, they also knew if they caused too much trouble, they would no longer receive funding, or be a part of the most elite force of fighters ever trained.

"We are so screwed if we can't catch all of them. We're not even allowed to have pets." One twin whispered to the other, but the other students still heard.

"Does a flea circus count as having pets? Really?"

"Shhhh. We will find the missing fleas, put them back in the jar, before – THEY'RE RIGHT OUTSIDE THE DOOR. ABORT MISSION. FLEA DOWN. ABORT MISSION." The Twins gave up on looking for the missing fleas and grabbed their chairs.

"Good afternoon, class. I will be subbing for Professor Astrid again. I trust that this time we will all listen, take notes, and follow appropriate instructions." Regina had the authority voice down to a science. Every student immediately sat with a straight back and an open notebook, not willing to so much as flinch in front of the former Evil Queen.

"Emma Swan has agreed again to be our demonstrator. Today we will be learning flame retardant potions. We will use both magic and ingredients to create a liquid that when consumed, will allow you to temporary walk through fire and extreme high heat. It's the same potion the Storybrooke Fire Department uses. It is quite complicated, so please pay attention."

Emma took a seat right in front of the Twins. Her long hair sat partially on their lab table, in front of their piles of books, and unbeknownst to Emma, a flea circus jar.

The flea circus jar that was never capped.

As the fleas spotted the hair ladder that was placed essentially right in front of them, the head flea must have made the order to move the troops, because within 3 minutes of potion mixing, the majority of them had made their way from the jar to Emma's hair, in perfect single-file formation.

"Alright, so now that the potion is finished, Emma is going to come up here and drink the one I made. She has then volunteered to let us run her hands through a Bunsen burner to demonstrate the flame resistant qualities of the formula. Emma?"

Regina looked at Emma, who looked up and nodded.

The Thai Twins looked at each other in horror, as they realized their flea circus had just put themselves out on tour.

"Okay Emma, drink up." Emma knocked back the small vile.

"Mmm…this one's butterscotch!" Emma said, licking the cap after finishing the drink.

"Okay, in about 30 to 45 seconds, you will start to feel a tingling all over. This will let us know the potion has kicked in."

"What about itching? Is it supposed to itch?" Emma asked, scratching behind her ears.

"Itching? No, Emma, it's not supposed to itch."

"Well, it's itching, not tingling. And only on my head."

"Emma, it's not supposed to itch at all, unless you're allergic to the ingredients." Regina moved closer to look for other signs of an allergic reaction.

"Emma...have you recently been around any pets?"

"What? No pets. Why? Does that make the potion do something? By the way, it's tingling now, but still itching."

"Emma, it's tingling because the potion has kicked in, and itching because you appear to have fleas."

"WHAT?! I HAVE WHAT?!" Emma immediately began jumping around trying to shake the fleas out of her hair, jumping through the Bunsen burner flames several times in the process. Luckily, the potion had indeed kicked in.

Regina looked at the class; they were all laughing hysterically. Everyone, that is, except the Twins, who shared a mutual guilty look.

"I believe that we can all see the efficacy of the potion clearly. I'm dismissing class early. And Twins, I will be speaking to Astrid." Regina added, looking at both of the Twins, and to the empty jar in front of them where Emma had been sitting.

"Emma, let's stop at my place before we go out. I have some shampoo saved from when Henry's third grade class had lice going around. Maybe it would work on this?"

"Well, it can't hurt to try. Thanks for not freaking out like I just did. In front of 25 people."

* * *

Henry was shocked when Emma and Regina arrived at the house at 4:40 in the afternoon instead of 8 or 9. And it didn't help that he was ordering the pizza shortly, and Lilo was coming over at 5:30.

"Henry – Emma has a sensitive situation going on right now. She has to go right upstairs to the bathroom, and don't touch her."

"Really? She fell for the laxative potion again?"

Emma groaned, loudly. "No, kid. This time it's actually worse. I have fleas."

Henry didn't like the sound of this. Not necessarily the flea part, but the part where his Moms were possibly cutting into his date.

"Oh, that's no big. Mom has this shampoo that burns and stings, but it'll get rid of them in no time. You should be here less than an hour. Way less." The teenager now made it his mission to get the Moms out of the house.

"Hey, weren't you ordering a pizza tonight. Kid?"

"Yeah, but it's not even 5 yet. I'm not even hungry." Henry, of course being of the Charming genetic line, would not have his girlfriend arrive to cold pizza after a long day of high school.

"Emma, maybe we should just stay in and have pizza with Henry so we can really let the shampoo set." Regina was still pulling Emma towards the upstairs bathroom where the treatment was.

"NO!" Henry yelled suddenly.

Both of his mothers now froze in place, and turned slowly to face the direction of the outburst.

"I mean, I was going to order stuff that just I like on the pizza and watch cop shows, which I know neither of you like. And when I put on stuff neither of you want to watch, you talk through the whole thing. And I'm not 10 Moms, I like having some alone time here and there."

"Okay! Alright, we'll just do a quick shampoo and be on our way." Emma appeased him, chalking the entire last 3 minutes of semi-whining to hormones. "Just save me a slice for later, okay? What kind of pizza are you getting, anyway?" Emma assumed the answer would be "pepperoni and mushrooms", since that was generally Henry's order.

"Ham and pineapple."

"Oh…nevermind, that one's all yours, kid."

The parents were shampooed, changed, and out by 5, which is when Henry then called in the pizza order, and with the biggest grin he had ever had in his entire teenage life, he called over his girlfriend.

* * *

Emma and Regina walked around the corner to their destination, lightly teasing and nudging each other along the way, Emma still with a wet head. It was the most playful either of them had been able to be all day. As they approached the front door of Granny's they noticed the change in the diner's usual ambiance.

"Are those actually tablecloths on the tables?" Emma asked, almost in awe.

"It appears so. And those appear to be real candles on the tables, too. Did we walk in the right direction?" Regina was just as surprised as Emma.

They walked inside, where the did indeed see that they were inside what was technically Granny's, just temporarily turned into _Nonna's_, in an attempt at having an all-you-can-eat Italian night, complete with red, white, and green string lights lining the walls.

Ruby waved, all smiles, from behind the bar. Marco greeted Emma first.

"Emma! It's so-a-good to see you! Please, come in! Regina, eh?" Emma looked both happy and embarrassed at the man's loudness, but he was so jolly that she couldn't be mad in any way.

Marco then leaned over to Emma, "You keep-a-this one, okay?" He backed away and just smiled before Emma could even answer, inadvertently smiling to herself. Marco's happiness was always something that spread through a room like a brushfire.

Marco grabbed 2 menus, and brought them right to the front table in the window. He covered it with a checkered tablecloth that matched all of the other tables, put out the breadsticks, and a candle. It was then that both Emma and Regina noticed that Granny's had significantly dimmed lighting compared to every other night of the week.

Ruby made sure that she stayed back. Waaaaay back. Like, far back enough that neither of Henry's Moms would be able to hear her squealing. Tinkerbell, however, sitting at the counter in disguise, could hear every squeak, and see every wiggle. However, since Tinkerbell had been sitting in a dimly lit restaurant wearing sunglasses and a scarf and nobody seemed to blink twice, nobody would notice Ruby either.

"Can I bring-a you some wine, ladies?" Marco asked, taking the order pad out of his apron.

"Sure." Emma said, impressed that Granny's had wine tonight.

It was then that they noticed the juke box was changed from the normal classics as well, playing instead, "_Bella Notte"_, the Italian classic.

"Beautiful. Tonight's special is the spaghetti and meatballs, meant to be shared by two. But, you can order anything from the regular menu too."

"I like the sound of spaghetti. What do you think?" Regina said, looking at Emma.

"You heard the lady. Spaghetti and meatballs and wine it is." Emma answered. If Regina had been out with anyone else, she would have found being called the "lady" to be condescending. However, coming from Emma, Emma with the puppy eyes and gentle voice, it made her smile.

They sat side-by-side, looking out the window at the street together, waiting for their order.

"Do you think something's up with Henry?" Regina asked after a moment.

"Why? Because our teenager didn't want to hang out with his middle-aged moms tonight instead of watching action movies? No, Regina, I don't think there's anything up. He can have all of the ham and pineapple on his pizza that he wants; as long as he's not out all night trying beer or drugs, I'm happy."

"He put on a Hawaiian shirt this morning. He's never done that before. I found him in a Hawaiian shirt making Spam in the kitchen this morning. And what is that seashell necklace that appeared out of nowhere last week? Since when does Henry wear beach jewelry?"

"So you think our son is experimenting with…surfing? Gee, we better watch out. We wouldn't want him branching out into coconut water on top of everything." Emma couldn't help herself on that one.

"It's not just that. Just lately he's been…subtly different. Not personality-wise, but he dresses different. And eats different now. And he's always out with his friends on the weekend. I don't know."

"Yeah the ham and pineapple thing made me cringe too. But he is a teenager now. He's going to try new things to figure out what he likes. I like that about him. And he's still the good person you raised him to be." Emma put her hand on Regina's arm for emphasis.

"We raised him, Emma. You've been a part of his life, our lives, for 4 years now. That counts too. To both of us."

"I…" Emma started to say something, but couldn't put words to how that made her feel, so they just stared into each other's eyes for a moment, Emma's hand on Regina's forearm on the table, and Regina moved her hand over Emma's to keep her there.

It was then that Marco showed up with the biggest bowl of pasta and meatballs either of them had ever seen, putting it right in the middle of them, and handing them 2 forks, and dropping a napkin into each woman's lap.

"Wow!" Emma had to admit she was hungry after a regular day at the school, then skipping her afternoon snack for Regina's class, and the whole infestation incident. They both dug right into the bowl, twirling the pasta and putting it into their mouths.

"Mmm…MMMmmmm" came from both women, as the dish was done perfectly. They each began to slurp up a hanging strand of spaghetti, up from the pile between them and into their mouths.

Until they both realized when less than 2 inches apart that they were on the same strand of spaghetti, gently bringing their lips together at the end.

Both of them stayed pressed together for a moment, enjoying the surprise softness at the end of the spaghetti.

* * *

**Okay, so I really went to town on this one. If this is longer than people would like, please tell me! I can split it up, or split up future chapters when they end up long like this. Or do we want the longer chaps? Totally a viewer choice moment! Happy weekend, kids! -Rogue**


	4. Chapter 4

**Note: So it looks like we want longer chapters! I will do my best to keep that particular promise!**

* * *

They stayed pressed together long enough that it was clear to both of them that they were past "accident" territory. Both women could only process the feel of warm lips, of absolute softness and comfort. "Soft, soft, soft," was the only thought either of them were remotely capable of at the moment.

After a few seconds, they both pulled back. Emma immediately looked down, with her goofball-giddy grin back on. Regina saw Emma's grin and blushed, smiling to herself. They both went back to eating without saying anything about the best 5 seconds either of them had experienced in quite a long time.

They did, however, sneak each other glances, smiles, and little giggles. Neither of them wanted to speak, and have to acknowledge that they just had a very public first kiss, in the front window of the restaurant no less. That didn't mean that they weren't both happy. If nobody said anything, nobody could ruin the moment.

Ruby and Tink watched from the corner, and after snapping their respective cell phone pics of the kiss, they noticed how neither of the women appeared to be speaking. Regina would wipe sauce off of the corner of Emma's mouth, getting another smile in response, and at the end, Emma pushed the last meatball over to Regina.

Tinkerbell had a sudden pang of jealousy. She knew that dating Regina was an idiot thing to do for both of them. They had zero compatibility romantically. She also knew that she and Emma were really more like friends than a couple, so that wouldn't have gone far. _But why am I the one who ended up un-dateable?_ Tink thought to herself over and over again.

Ruby, however, was ecstatic. The first person she sent the spaghetti kiss picture to was Henry, knowing that he would get her excitement.

While Ruby poured herself and Tink shots, celebratory for Ruby, and a "wallowing in self-pity" drink for Tinkerbell. Emma and Regina had started on dessert, still not saying anything other than smiles and giggles, feeding each other tiramisu while looking into each other's eyes.

* * *

"So I used to bring the fish a peanut butter sandwich every day, and that day that we were out of peanut butter she was all, 'just make a tuna sandwich'!" Henry and Lilo were now laughing hysterically, each eating a piece of pizza with some random movie in the background that neither of them were paying any attention to.

"And I'm like, 'I can't feed him tuna, do you know what TUNA is?!'" Henry and Lilo were laughing so hard their abs hurt. Henry's phone buzzed.

_**Thought you might like to know what your Moms are up to tonight ;P Looks like you're not the only one with a secret girlfriend**_**.**

Ruby knew about Henry and Lilo, they sure had their share of dates at Granny's, and agreed not to tell Emma and Regina. Why shouldn't a well-behaved teenager be allowed to have a little privacy? Since then, Ruby has had a big old soft spot for Henry Mills, even sneaking him extra sides with his burgers.

"HAHAHAHA Hey Lilo! Maybe you're right and I'm wrong. What if my parents really were married?" He said jokingly, showing her the picture.

"Henry! Is this a recent pic?"

"Yeah, they said they were going to Granny's tonight, so that must be right now." He shrugged, not knowing why it mattered. The fact that it just happened after he and Lilo had that chat made it funnier to him.

"It means, Henry, that your Moms are going to be occupied for awhile." She said, giving him her best I'm-going-to-pounce-you-like-a-tiger look.

And pounce she did. Henry didn't have time to blink or breath before Lilo's tongue was down his throat, climbing on top of him like a Wild West bounty hunter mounting a horse.

* * *

Back in the front seat of Emma's bug, parked around the corner from Granny's, Regina found herself in a similar situation.

Regina had insisted on taking care of the check, which Emma did try to argue, since she suggested Granny's in the first place. Emma lost that conversation, but at least it got them talking again, on top of the smiling and giggling. They walked out of the diner, Emma's hands jammed into her pockets, grinning and looking at the ground. Regina pretended to fiddle with her purse, but was really sneaking peeks at Emma.

Once they got in the bug, they were back to silence. Emma fished her keys out of her pocket, put it in the bug, and then didn't turn it on.

She looked at Regina for one split second before launching herself over the center console, landing mouth-to-mouth with the former Mayor. Regina immediately helped pull Emma onto her lap, putting her arms around the Savior, reaching up to hold the back of her neck and shoulders.

Their previous kiss was gentle, and still, neither of them moving their lips outside of the place of contact, and it was everything they thought it would be.

This kiss was the opposite. Emma was moving her mouth against the Queen, like she was starving for the feeling of Regina's mouth. They were both now breathing heavy, with Emma began adding her tongue into Regina's mouth. The both used their tongues against the other, feeling the full length, with Emma dipping into the Queens mouth once, and again, and again, and yet again. Regina was so enthralled by the feeling of Emma in her mouth that she stopped moving her hands altogether, just let Emma steer the ship.

* * *

Lilo backed off of Henry only for a moment, sitting on his lap after attacking his mouth for the last 10 minutes, moving to his neck.

Not being experienced, in fact, having no experience prior to Lilo, he had no idea what was going on. He knew how to kiss, admittedly only after she taught him. He knew the reaction she caused him, usually requiring a cool down period for both him and his pants after a date before being able to walk. So what was she going to do to his neck?

She kissed her way down a bit, both of them panting, and latched on.

* * *

Emma had her hands bracing the back of the car seat behind Regina's head. Regina's hands were under Emma's shirt, but over her bra, with both of them attached at the mouth and grinding at the hips. Emma was slow grinding, in a way that made Regina forget anything that existed outside of the car at that moment. The sound of breathing and wet mouths sucking on lips and tongues permeated the inside of the bug.

Regina was getting bolder with her hands, as Emma grew more aggressive with her hip motions. Still under Emma's shirt, Regina's hands moved over Emma's bare stomach, back around to move up and down Emma's back, and then moving back to her covered breasts. Emma was back to no coherent thoughts, moaning into Regina's mouth, plunging her tongue down yet again. Regina slipped a hand up underneath Emma's bra, feeling a full breast and nipple.

"Uhhhhhhh" was Emma's response, breaking the kiss and tossing her head back, still pumping her hips. She moved her head forward, putting her forehead on Regina's, with her eyes half cast and breathing hard. Whatever was to happen from here on out, she just wanted Regina to _keep doing that_. Emma moved Regina's other hand to the same place on her other breast, silent instructions which Regina followed. Emma moved to reattach her mouth to Regina's.

They both jumped when the streetlight suddenly turned on, right over where they were parked. The streetlights on the side streets turned on promptly at 8PM, an improvement made during Regina's time in office. Emma no longer considered it an improvement. It was a sharp reminder that while the inside of Emma's car might have felt very private, they were indeed, still on a public street.

"Damnit!" was Emma's first reaction. Regina had pulled her hands from underneath Emma's bra, but continue to caress her skin on her sides. Emma put her hands on Regina's cheeks, holding her face close. Regina gave her apology eyes, a look that Emma knew meant they were going to be wrapping up their activities. Rather than abruptly break the contact, Regina began giving Emma soft kisses, like the one inside the restaurant. They were both catching their breath and calming their nervous systems while still feeling close.

Emma could feel Regina's exhale sliding across her cheek after each breath. Regina felt how Emma would use her nose to brush against hers whenever they switched the way their heads were tilted. The gentle presses continued, letting them slowly learn what the other felt like. Eventually, the kisses stilled, and Regina buried her head in Emma's shoulder, with Emma still on her lap.

"I guess that's the clue that we should not leave our teenager alone all night on a weeknight; we should be responsible, and go home." Emma said, as though she were parroting back a punishment from the principle during an afternoon detention session.

"I'll take that as a sign that you're going to go easy on me tomorrow." Regina said, hoping to add a gentle reminder that they would be seeing each other in 12 hours. Emma laughed while climbing back into her own seat, and turned the ignition key.

* * *

Henry had shacked up with Lilo in the den rather than the larger living room. Even though the den had a smaller TV, it was right next to the driveway.

It was a strategic location that served his purpose, as he heard Emma's bug come sputtering to a stop, and his panic response was to practically throw Lilo off of his lap.

"They're here! Okay, out the back?" He said to Lilo somewhat apologetically, but still with the rush of adrenaline that cutting it this close shocked his body with.

"Yes, Henry, I know the drill. I should sneak out, you know, in case Emma needs to ask you to be her best man." She smacked him playfully, grabbing her purse. He leaned in for one last kiss, making sure she made it out the back before doing a quick straighten up as he heard the front door open.

"Henry, I'm home! Are you upstairs or down here?…you ate five slices tonight? I guess you did end up getting hungry after all!" Regina yelled as she took off her shoes, and moved from the front door through to the kitchen.

Henry joined her in the kitchen, and given their individual evening activities, both felt suddenly awkward. Henry knew his mother was still flustered from the activities involved in the pic Ruby sent him, since the first thing out of her mouth wasn't, "Where is your homework?"

What he didn't count on was that he was looking like quite the mess, due to Lilo's sudden aggressiveness that evening. His face was flushed and his shirt was crumpled.

Regina thought back to finding the magazine stash a couple of years ago, and suddenly believed whole-heartedly that her son was asking for alone time to masturbate. Possibly while in the den, where she had seen him come out of 10 seconds earlier. And, apparently, violently enough to cause him to lose a couple of shirt buttons.

She suddenly didn't know what to say. Did they even have a "no masturbating outside of the bathroom or your own bedroom" rule? Is it appropriate to make one? Had the Queen ever, ever, ever had a discussion with anyone that involved masturbation beside the one with Emma two years ago, forcing Emma to talk to Henry so that she wouldn't have to? Why did he need a room with a television? Was this moving beyond just magazines? Should she start leaving out extra tissues so encourage not leaving behind any evidence? Maybe Emma would resume her little puberty talks with him if she asked her to? What the hell is she supposed to say to this situation, anyway?

Both of them stared each other down for a moment, neither wanting to say anything. They were now in a standoff, circling each other from opposite ends of the counter, firmly in their rendition of the kitchen-counter-tango.

Henry started to move to put away the leftover slices. Regina circled and squinted at him, noticing him refusing to make eye contact. Henry knew that she noticed the no eye contact, and wondered for a split second if she knew about the cell phone picture, or if something had went wrong and she somehow saw Lilo sneaking out the back.

The dance continued as Henry put the slices in the fridge, while Regina circled to the other side of the counter, still observing what was now her very adult appearing son. He had facial stubble. It wasn't enough to shave every day, but at least once or twice a week. She moved closer. He smelled like perfume.

Not cologne. Perfume. That one threw her off. Henry was experimenting with wearing perfume? She would be okay with it, of course, as long as he wasn't using her $200 a bottle Chanel without asking. She subtly leaned in and took another whiff. Whew. Not Chanel. She was still surprised, but at least he wasn't stealing from her bedroom.

Okay, so far Regina had made out with her son's other mother, both in a public restaurant and then in the front seat of a car, after giving her a flea treatment, something she never thought she would be doing with another human being, much less one she would want to kiss. She came home to her son possibly coming out of some sort of masturbatory man-cave, covered in perfume. Quite an eventful Thursday, really. She decided not to bring anything up to Henry until she talked to Emma about it.

Until Henry leaned over the trash, trying to stuff the pizza box into the already-full recycling bin. That was the point where everything clicked in Regina's mind. That was the point where Regina could see clearly the now blue and purple mouth-sized mark on Henry's neck, complete with teeth marks.

Regina's eyes were so wide it's a miracle that they didn't fly right out of her head and go bouncing down the hall.

* * *

By 9:30PM, Mayor Tinkerbell was quite intoxicated. Luckily, drunk Tinkerbell was almost everyone's favorite thing in Storybrooke. Honestly, it may have helped get her elected. Between what seemed to be an unlimited supply of Marco's family-recipe red wine and the shots she and Ruby had interwoven into the evening, this was shaping up to be the best DrunkerBell party since last St. Patrick's day, when Tink finished who knows how much whiskey off, and started a strip-jig dancing contest down at the Rabbit Hole. Everyone was even more surprised when Belle won, and Tink was actually in last place, down to underpants and two shamrocks she manipulated into nipple-pasties.

This episode of DrunkerBell had the Conga line moving through a spiral pattern inside of Granny's, and out continuously into the street, around the bench by the bus stop, and back inside, where returning Conga-dancers were then offered another shot. Tinkerbell was, of course, the head of the line. Ruby had already drunk dialed Snow, Belle, the entire Convent, the Dwarves, the Lost Boys who were of age to consume alcohol, and most of the town in general. Who knew that Marco could also play the bongos?

"Come on, shake your body baby, do that Conga! Know you can't control yourself any longer!" Tink was jammin'! She led the line around again after another shot, back out into the street, all while still technically wearing her ridiculous disguise from earlier, complete with sunglasses at night. She looped the line back to the shot station at the front door, finding herself not face-to-face with Ruby, but Granny.

Tink's jaw dropped, assuming this was the point where they were now all being kicked out of what was once a restaurant. She swallowed, having the decency to look guilty.

Granny had arrived 10 minutes prior, intended into chewing Ruby out for letting her restaurant turn into a house party. However, once she saw the amount of money stuffed into the register, and how much liquor had actually been sold rather than given to Ruby's friends, she had a much better idea.

Granny looked Tink right in the eye, did a full shot with no chaser, and shouted, "WHOOOOO WHEEEEE!" and jumped in line behind Tink.

"BEST ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT NIGHT EVER!" Shouted Tink, garnering a cheer from the whole party.

* * *

_**We have a situation. I need to see you IMMEDIATELY. **_

Emma was excited and frightened at the same time. Was Regina so excited about earlier that she wanted to jump her bones right now? Was she angry and regretful? She had no idea what the tone of this text was. It could go either way, really.

_What's up? Are you okay?_

_**I am fine. It's a Henry situation. He's in bed now. Please meet with me. We need to talk right now.**_

_Okay something happened with Henry, but he's okay now and in bed?_

_**Yes. We are meeting now. **_

_My place?_

_**No. The War Room. Bring your Crossbow, and perhaps some of our tactical strategists. NOW.**_

Emma was now 100% sure that none of what Regina had in mind after her first text had anything to do with their kiss from earlier.

_On my way_.

* * *

Charming and Mulan, who had arrived in Storybrooke that afternoon per University request, were now sitting in the center of Granny's, at opposite sides of a table, each with a pile of used shot glasses in front of them.

"Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink!" Chanted the crowd, who now had joint ring leaders in Tinkerbell and Granny.

They both kicked back their shots, slamming the shot glasses down.

"Seven!" The crowd yelled, bursting into applause. The game was a shot every ten minutes until one of them quit, or fell of their chair. Passing out and puking both counted as losing too. Snow watched from the crowd, hoping that Charming won, since if he couldn't walk himself home she had no idea how she was getting him back.

* * *

Emma was at the campus War Room in 15 minutes. Regina was already there, pacing in front of the large Risk-looking map, complete with little toy knights and flags.

"What took you so long? And where's tactical?"

"Yeah…about them. So it turns out once we leave a restaurant, it turns into an all night, all town drink-a-thon, so…Tactical is drunk."

"WHAT?!" Regina was now pissed, on top of panicking about Henry.

"Yes, I agree, unacceptable. If we were to be attacked right now, I'd have to start waking up students to fight. But on the up side, apparently they do know how to Macarena. What's going on? Are we being attacked? Was Henry attacked, Regina?"

"Yes."

Fear immediately pulsed through Emma. "What happened? Are you sure he's okay?"

"I believe Henry had someone over while we were gone."

Emma ran through possibilities. Lost Boys who had fallen wayward again? A school bully, perhaps? Who would have a problem with Henry?

And then it all just came pouring out of Regina, as she launched full into a mommy-meltdown.

"I came home and he looked all disheveled and I thought he was trying to have 'alone time' like he used when he first hit puberty, but then I noticed he smelled like perfume and, Emma, _there was this mark_." Regina said that last part with such disgust that she could have been describing an underground puppy smuggling chain or some sort of sick science experiment gone wrong.

Emma burst out laughing. Long, loud laughs until she was gasping for air. "Let me get this straight." She managed to get out between laughs. "You wanted to meet me in the war room with Elite Tactical in the middle of the night because you think Henry spent the night with – gasp- a girl!" Emma couldn't stop laughing now.

"It's not funny, Emma! You didn't see what she did to him. It was horrible."

"What did she do?" Emma asked, now actively trying to contain her laughter.

"I think- well- I'm pretty sure…she _bit_ him, Emma!"

"What? Like they get together and pretend to be vampires? Like 'yum yum' kind of biting? What are you talking about?" Emma had at least stopped laughing, but was still amused.

"It was _hideous_. He had this blue and purple mouth-mark on his neck. She _bruised_ him."

"So you came home to Henry with a hickey?" Emma asked. She understood a little better why Regina was freaking out now. She could only imagine what empty-nest syndrome would be like for Regina once Henry did grow up and move out. She'd probably try to convince him to live with his Mommy forever, offering him bribes of food and no rent.

"I…yes, I suppose so. But what if she attacked him? I mean, he's been acting so strange lately, and tonight that was just _there_, right in front of my face."

"Regina, have you ever had a hickey?" Emma asked, still amused.

Regina thought for a moment. She had kissed many men, and quite a few women. She had participated in many sexual activities over the course of her life. But in this moment she could not think of a single hickey.

"No. I suppose not." Regina was even surprised at herself. The question had at least distracted her from her freak out from a moment ago.

"So how do you know that Henry was hurt? What if he liked it?"

"Really, Emma, he looked like he was someone's appetizer. How could he like that?"

Emma was now enjoying being called to the War Room in the middle of the night much more so than a few minutes ago. She moved towards Regina's side of the conference table, putting herself face to face with the Queen.

"How do you know it's not something you like, if you never try it?" Emma breathed the sentence out, less than an inch from Regina's face. Emma trapped Regina's body between her own and the table, putting her hands on each side of Regina's body.

Emma moved to whisper in her ear, "A woman's neck is very sensitive. And feeling something warm and wet can feel very, very nice." Emma started sucking on Regina's earlobe, moving down to kiss the corner of her jaw.

Regina then lost the power of speech. She was out of arguments, and had now forgotten all about her son. She felt Emma move down to her neck, using her fingertips in the sides of her body, sending shivers in all directions of the Queen.

"And for the person _giving_ the hickey, well, that's the most enjoyable." She breathed her last sentence into Regina's neck. She licked Regina's throat in a spot she had carefully selected with her lips. She licked it slowly, again, before latching her mouth onto the Queen's neck.

* * *

_**I know, I know – the way I cut these off – I'm the world's worst twat block :P Readers are loved, but there is a special place in SwanQueen heaven for reviewers! Special shout-out to KnightlyDreamer and engy8 for reviewing each chapter. When there are regular reviewers, I'll know something's wrong when they disappear! -Rogue**_


	5. Chapter 5

**A.N. – To be honest, I had no intention of finishing and posting this chapter tonight. However, after that SQ-barren episode, I felt like we all needed an SQ pick me up! I know I do!**

* * *

Regina kept Emma's mouth to her neck with her arms wrapped around the Savior's body, cradling her neck, and wrapping one of her legs up and around Emma's side. She let her head drop back, feeling Emma melt into her. With Emma using her mouth to send chills through her entire body, Regina could take in Emma. She could hear her puffs of breath. She could smell her hair, and feel her pressed against her full body.

She really had no desire for any of this to stop.

Emma eventually pulled back, concerned that if she sucked on Regina's neck any longer, she'd actually injure the now-purple spot. She moved back to Regina's mouth, giving her a long, slow, deep kiss. Regina kissed her way down Emma's neck, intent on returning the feeling.

She moved to let her lips feel every inch of Emma's neck. She moved along the dip between the center column and the side muscles. She let her tongue tickle the pulse point; let her cheek slide while listening to a moan at the softness. She continued to massage Emma's neck with her mouth and tongue, tightening her leg around the Savior's hip, maintaining the full body contact.

Finally, she settled on a smooth spot on the side, opening her mouth, and sucking in the skin, letting her teeth act as a frame for her tongue. She couldn't believe how good it felt to have part of Emma's skin in her mouth with Emma's hands massaging her scalp through her hair, holding her in place.

When Regina finally let Emma's neck go with a loud smack, Emma was still in a haze where everything felt nothing but perfect, keeping her eyes closed. Regina smiled at Emma's daze, with her mouth open, still panting. She liked that she made her feel the way the Savior had made her feel just a few moments before.

Emma felt Regina's gaze before she saw it, slowly opening her eyes, bringing her hands to cup the Queen's face. She leaned in for a gentle kiss.

"Feeling better now?" She asked the Queen, not forgetting that just a few minutes ago, she was panicked enough to call the Savior down to where they currently were currently standing, cuddled up.

"Much." Regina now felt a bit silly at her earlier overreaction, but pleased at how it turned out, and as she leaned back to look at Emma's neck, pleased at the mark she had given the blonde in exchange for her own.

"I suppose then we should exit the war room before we get carried away. There's something about grenades full of instant sleeping powder being 3 feet away from me that prevents me slightly from wanting to go too far in here." Emma was being sincere. If they weren't surrounded by weapons, and little knight soldiers with actual eyeballs painted on, which creeped Emma out to no end, they most likely would be spending the night continuing their activities on the briefing table.

"We still have the issue where there is an emergency in the middle of the night, and Elite tactical decides it's a good time to re-inact Animal House." Regina, now in quite the happy bubble, had no problem staying in the bubble but without forgetting a new administrative issue.

"I think we should let it go. How often is Granny's that much of a party? Everyone was probably excited to see Mulan. And we know it's most likely Tinkerbell's fault, since she seems to be the epicenter of the fun when things get out of control."

"Yes, it probably is. But how can we keep telling people that we have the best Royal Guard in the history of weaponry if they can't control themselves as soon as a short-skirted fairy shows up with a bottle of something stronger than orange juice?" She had a point. Having all senior staff members indisposed of at once was a defensive nightmare. Sure, it was probably a lot of fun, but still a potential nightmare.

"I have an idea. Do you mind not being the only student in Emma's special self-defense course tomorrow morning?" Emma now had a plan falling into place in her head.

"You were still going to make me do that?" Regina asked, somewhat surprised Emma even remembered after the evening's…distractions.

"You bet your ass I am, your majesty. Leave it to me. You can show up tomorrow morning in the comfort of knowing that you will be the only one NOT running through a hangover. She leaned in for an excited kiss.

Emma paused for a moment and then added, "I also have and idea about what to do with Henry. Let's not tell him we know anything. Gee, We should sneak out for necking more often. Apparently it causes great ideas. I'm going to borrow a few things from the surveillance lab." Emma said, now fully invested in her two new plans, which she then unveiled to Regina.

* * *

Mayor Tinkerbell was still wearing her sunglasses from the night before while stumbling onto the field the next morning. Not that she put them on to deal with her now excruciating hangover. They never came off in the first place.

"Why is the sun so bright? Uggghh Emma did Regina do a spell to turn up the sun?" Tinkerbell was clearly not above whining this morning.

"Awww, not feeling so well, Tink?" Regina asked knowingly. She was indeed going to enjoy this session.

Snow wasn't fairing much better. She had managed to get to the field, crawl over to the giant truck tires for running through as an obstacle, and was curled up inside of one, eating her hangover French fries covered in gravy. The Granny's takeout container was evidence that once Charming passed out last night, she just gave up, and they slept in a booth until breakfast.

"I don't even need to be here, Emma. I already know self-defense. I've had a bow and arrow set since I was 4. I started archery practice at 7. I could shoot an apple off your head in my sleep." Snow emphasized that last point by putting down the fries and settling into the tire for a nap.

"Oh no you don't." Emma came marching on over, dragging Snow out to stand next to the Mayor. Well, maybe "stand" is a strong word. More like half-crouch.

"Where's Ruby?" Emma asked, slightly concerned, given the condition of the women who had already shown up.

"Oh, she's here." Tink answered while pointing to the top of the climbing wall, where Ruby was asleep on her stomach with her arms and legs straddling the sides of the wall.

Emma was glad that she had brought the bullhorn down with her this morning.

"Ruby! Get down here!" Emma yelled through the horn, causing Ruby to wake up startled and fall off the wall, into the mud. Ruby was so out of it she didn't even seem phased by the splash, and subsequent ruining of her gym clothes.

"That'll teach 'em" Emma said to herself. She waited until Snow, Tink, and Ruby were in line with Regina, although the former 3 were clearly having trouble standing, much less in accordance with knightly requirements.

"We have a problem, team. Regina and I realized last night that when our entire Elite tactical squad council goes out drinking all at once, we are left as SITTING DUCKS IN CASE OF AN ATTACK." Emma was now yelling into the bullhorn, even though only 8 feet from the line of women. Snow covered her ears, while Tink looked like she might just pass out.

"Oh God, please. No more yelling. Please, Emma. You can have French fries forever. I promise." Ruby gave up on standing a moment before, and was now pleading from her fetal position on the ground.

"This is unacceptable. While we do not have rules against drinking once members of the guard are past boot camp and off duty, we cannot afford to have everyone drunk at once, leaving ourselves vulnerable. What if something were to have happened last night?"

That left the line-up speechless. Tink had been bent over, hands on her knees, trying not to toss her cookies before they even started, while a very muddy Ruby was now using Snow to stand up. Every face immediately sobered up and looked at Emma, as thought it just clicked why they had been called to training first thing in the morning.

"I thought this would be a good opportunity for a little brush up in technique, while teaching Regina a few moves too, and we can all think about why we almost bankrupted both Storybrooke and Fairytale Land to finance this training camp in the first place." Emma stopped using the bullhorn now. They got it.

Regina found morning-run-Emma to be the sexiest thing she'd every laid eyes on. Lunchtime-Emma was playful, and after a few years of parenting together, moving into friendship, Regina found butterflies in her stomach at her presence. Motherhood-Emma was calming, and it was relaxing that there really was another parent for Henry who was equally as invested in his well being.

Knightly-leader-Emma was a combination of everything. Regina really might have to start using the name "Charming", or perhaps "Breathtaking". She had never been attracted to another human being so much in that moment as when Emma showed her natural strengths. She knew that this was someone she could trust with anything.

Snow looked at Emma with pride, at her daughter who had now turned into the protector, and while she had lots of support, it was clear she was the stand-out leader. She had progressed so much from just a few years ago when first she didn't believe who she was, and then when she believed but wasn't all that sure of herself. This Emma had a strength that Snow always hoped her daughter would grow up to have.

Tinkerbell took the sunglasses off. "You're right Emma. I'm sorry that we all got carried away last night. We should work out something where half of us are still on call for emergencies so this doesn't happen again."

"Good. Then you will all have no problem running a warm up lap, and then meeting back here for some stretches. Consider that a lucky break. I was going to run you all until someone puked." Emma was not kidding, but Regina couldn't help smiling at that one.

* * *

After Emma had spent the last half hour finding the perfect balance between making sure her line-up felt their night out last night, but not pushing them to puking, she called the end of training, confident that Regina at least now could _maybe_ throw a punch without breaking her fingers. She fully intented to pull the Queen down from her balcony at least once a week, just to make sure.

She decided to treat herself to breakfast at the diner, forgoing her own workout for the sake of training club hangover, then training the freshmen, and now, for the sake of mid-morning pancakes. Or bacon. Or maybe she could talk Granny into cooking the bacon into the pancake…

Walking into the diner was a shock. After last night, she expected not only a wreck, but not to see Mulan sitting at the counter, chatting and chipper, in a diner that had clearly been straightened up, and with an apparently not hung over Granny taking orders. Charming, however, still looked like he might not fully be alive, slumped over next to Mulan, still "sleeping it off".

"Mulan! Glad you got in alright." Even though she was no longer the sheriff, Emma naturally walked into Granny's with her Sheriff Badass swagger everyone had gotten used to over the years.

"Oh, she got in more than alright. Then she drank your Dad under the table. Literally." Granny replied for Mulan, knowing Mulan was way too polite to say it herself. While the rules of the game didn't originally or officially include, "if you try to hide from your opponent under the table", but that was the point where Tink declared Mulan the winner. However, this morning neither Granny nor Mulan seemed affected by the previous night's activities.

"So why did my morning team look like they had been chewed up and spit out by an ogre, and you two look like you slept on a fairy feather bed?" Emma couldn't help but ask, grabbing a seat at the counter next to Mulan.

"I can't help it if the kids are lightweights." Granny said pouring Emma a coffee.

"You should try the liquor we had back in our world. Your whiskey is like water compared to what we used to drink." Mulan looked down at David on her other side, who just groaned with his head on the table.

"That is, except your Dad, here." Mulan added a pat on his shoulder, smiling at her old buddy, causing David another groan. "He was never allowed to drink as a shepard, and never really wanted to as royalty. Which means he was an easy win." Mulan elbowed him playfully. David was now trying to figure out a way to drink his coffee without having to pick up his head. Emma put in her breakfast order while Mulan continued to eat as though the 12 shots she had done last night were of water.

"I'm glad you're here, Mulan. I know that since you've been going back and forth between our world and yours, you've become somewhat of a surveillance specialist. You take our equipment and technology, and try them out in magical scenarios, right?"

"I do. It's actually sort of a hobby, after fight techniques. I've brought back a few items with improvements that I thought you might be interested in for the Knights."

"Sounds great. I am looking for something specific for immediate use as well. Something that could be planted in a house, and something that could be planted on a person. Audio, visual, and GPS tracking."

"Sure, I can help with that. Am I allowed to know who we're targeting? Is there a security breach?" Mulan was now thinking that she was brought over because of a problem, not simply as another teacher.

"Not a breach." Emma could tell she would have to clue Mulan in, trusting her to keep it hush-hush.

"We think…Henry might have a girlfriend."

* * *

"I know, logically, that it's too much. I know he's going to be angry with us when he finds out. But he's clearly been sneaking around, and we don't know who this girl is, which means we don't really know _where_ he is when he's 'out with his friends', and we don't want him to know that we know." Regina sat across from Tinkerbell at the Mayor's office.

Tink had it redecorated since taking over, giving it more of an "inside a fairy tree forest" feel, complete with indoor woodwork making the walls look like the inside of a tree, and furniture made of velvet green leaves. It really did feel like a room in a magical fairy forest, complete with the fresh smell of a rainforest. Regina had brought Tinkerbell some much-needed espresso, as she was still recovering from the night before.

"Well, it is spying." Tinkerbell offered.

"I know." Regina was now looking down, semi-ashamed.

"And he is going to feel violated."

"I know."

"But, you also trusted him to be home alone, and he brought someone over without your permission. Who knows how often he's done that? Who knows if they do that at the girl's house, too? You have a right to know who comes into your home, Regina. Call it 'home security' if it makes you feel better."

Regina thought that over. If anyone she didn't know were in her house, she would absolutely feel within her rights to put in security measures. The fact that Henry let this person in should make no difference, she reasoned.

"Thanks, Tink. He's not going to like it when he eventually finds out, but he's not the parent."

"Good for you! Time to put your foot down. I'm guessing your girlfriend agrees."

Regina simply stared at the Mayor on that one. Was Emma her girlfriend? Were they even dating? Was last night a date? Sure, they made out a bunch, but only after their dinner facilitated it. Did Emma ask her out intending for it to be a date? She hadn't kissed her, touched her, or otherwise made any acknowledgement towards Regina that anything was different between them, but it wouldn't have been appropriate with the others around.

Then she thought back to the mark on her neck that she hadn't even bothered covering today with makeup or a turtleneck. She was proud to wear Emma's mark, and every time she felt the slight soreness from turning her head, it made her smile, remembering last night. When Emma had shown up for the morning workout with what they are now referring to as "club hangover", Regina saw that she wasn't covering her mark, either.

It made her want to do the other side. It made her want Emma more. Add that to Emma's natural attractiveness being the assertive leader, and Regina just wanted more of Emma in as many ways as possible.

"Well, I can see I just started a train of thought that has no intention of pulling into the station." Tinkerbell felt that she was entitled to tease, given that she helped orchestrate the night before. However, she didn't want to rub that part in just yet. That could be saved one day when she wanted a favor from the University Chair.

"I don't know if she's my girlfriend." Regina was being honest.

"Well, how about the 'woman you're seeing'?" Tink said hopefully.

"I don't know if we're technically dating, either. I don't know. I don't even know if Emma was interested in me before last night." She held back the 'or if she is now' part of that sentence, knowing that the low self-esteem version of Regina was now making a comeback, after being pushed away for quite some time. She went from ecstatic to terrified in three seconds flat.

"Are you kidding me? Do I have to start putting things on a billboard for you outside of your office? Do you need an announcement over the loudspeaker? Emma is, and has always been, crazy about you."

"She might be interested, but that's taking it a bit far."

" Do you know that I never went on a single date with Emma where she wasn't talking about you? I actually hated you for awhile for that…now that I think about these things, why am I friends with you two?" Tink had to add that one in, partially in jest. It was quite ridiculous, but she did genuinely like both women as her friends. "She knows how you take your coffee. She knows where your favorite blanket is, and she doesn't even live in your house. And I have watched her, month after month, stare at you longingly anytime you're in the same room but not talking directly to each other. Trust me. I'm a fairy, we know about these matters." Tinkerbell sounded quite convincing in the moment. Mayorhood was giving her a tone of benevolent authority.

"Well, how am I supposed to know?"

"Ask her out. On a date. Say it's a date; that way there can be no confusion."

"I can't do that." Regina said, raising her eyebrows, as though Tinkerbell had suggested breaking into her apartment to steal her panties.

"Why the hell not?" Tink countered.

"What if she says no?"

Tinkerbell actively smacked herself in the face hearing how much Regina was still just not getting it.

* * *

"Okay, we have the good old fashioned Nanny Cam, can be installed inside of a stuffed animal or any household item modeled after something with an eye, such as a taxidermy pet or craft-fair acquired bird centerpiece." Mulan was now in her dark blue, almost black, camo pants with a black, tight fitting tank top. She had her bulletproof vest on and tactical belt with at least 4 different kids of weapons, from what Emma could count. Their suggestion to Mulan to ditch the Fairytale Land gear while in Storybrooke from Mulan's last visit stuck, and Mulan seemed to embrace fully her inner G.I. Joe.

"I don't think I have anything like that." Regina thought back to not just how to hid a camera in the den, but how to do it.

"Another place we can hide recording devices is in clocks. Desk clocks, alarm clocks, watches. Those work nicely. We have ones that actually work, but have a camera already on the inside." Mulan was fully enjoying her new trade, with the equipment laid out on the briefing table for Regina and Emma.

"Actually, Regina, this might work." Emma picked up a alarm clock model, which if she hadn't been told was also a spy cam, she never would have know.

"And how are we supposed to get Henry just to wear our special spy GPS tracking watch?" Regina was still on board, but now becoming a bit skeptical.

"Really, Regina, it's perfect. We just put one of these desk clocks in your den for audio and visual, and then we give Henry a watch with GPS tracking. We can tell him we got him a watch in military time, since he's going to need to know it anyway. Is that possible, Mulan?"

"Absolutely. We can implant the GPS tracker inside the digital military-time model. We can even have it engraved with the University's crest, or his name, so it really looks like you're just giving him a watch as a gift." Mulan was 100% behind her merchandise, and it showed.

"And Henry's just going to believe we gave him a present out of the blue?" Regina pressed on further, wanting this to be fool proof.

"What if we bought 3 matching watches, with your family crest, Regina? We put the GPS in Henry's, and you and I wear the ones that show the map to track his?" That was a particular technological advance that Mulan was proud of; creating a watch that tracked another watch. "That way, it's not like we just got him a present, but you and I saw something, you know, for our family?"

Regina was overwhelmed with feelings. It was starting to sound like Emma was less and less concerned with monitoring Henry, the current Mills con-artist, and more like she wanted something for the three of them.

Mulan suddently felt awkward standing in a room between the two women, who clearly were sending sparks flying across to each other. Regina looked like she were trying to will her chest open to show Emma it's contents, and Emma was giving Regina the, "I will always protect those who I love" look. It was deep.

"Yes. Let's do that." Regina continued looking into Emma's eyes, trying to show how much her idea struck her in her heart.

"Perfect. I'll have them ready by tomorrow." Mulan set to putting away the items she had out into her security briefcase, and left.

"Are we doing the right thing, Emma?"

"We care about him. Any decision that comes from that has to be right." Emma moved closer to Regina, her presence providing comfort. "Look, I understand why you're a little freaked out about it. Maybe we should talk more, later? We don't have to take the items tomorrow when they're ready if we decide not to."

"Sure. Come by after dinner? Henry has fencing tonight."

"I'll be there." Emma smiled for just a few extra seconds, before leaving the War Room.

* * *

Just a few short hours later, Emma coming over to discuss anything further is not actually anywhere near what was going on. Regina asking Emma on a date also didn't happen, nor did any conversation that would clear up what anyone's feelings were, or what their status was, or how nobody every wanted to see a hung over Snow White again.

Emma did come over, just after Henry left for fencing.

Just because it wasn't officially a date, didn't mean that Emma wouldn't jam her hands in her pockets, feeling suddenly nervous and awkward. Was she allowed to kiss Regina hello? Was she allowed to kiss Regina again at all.

"So…is this us starting his fight training early or late? Are swords at 14 okay?" Emma asked.

"Depends, dear. By fairytale standards or military?"

"I think you just answered my question." Emma nervous laughed.

"Let's go outside. It's a clear night, so we'll be able to see the stars.

Emma followed her out to the yard, having it be just warm enough out to wear long sleeves and be comfortable, and not cool enough for a jacket. She started mapping out conversation topics in her head, like she were planning a morning of drill with new recruits. Point 1, surveilling Henry. Point 2, will she go on a date with me, Point 3, passing out from Point 2.

Regina climbed into the giant hammock, which had a comfortable pillow cover backing instead of just the usual rope. She sat on one side, holding it steady so Emma could set her backside down, and they could both climb in without flipping over. Once they were both on their backs, it was still swinging gently side to side. They both stared up at the stars, not sure what to say, or where to start.

Emma started to put her arm around Regina. The Queen quickly lifted her head so that Emma could hook behind her neck and turn them slightly inward towards each other. Storybrooke was dead silent at night. They lay in the hammock facing each other, just breathing. They exchanged an entire, "we have so much to say, but aren't saying it" conversation in just eye contact.

Until Regina couldn't take it anymore. She had spent the entire day thinking about the Savior rather than touching her. She tilted her head up slightly, giving Emma the hint that was all she needed to bring her mouth back to the Queen's.

Making out in the hammock was new to Regina. She had purposefully gotten one large enough for two people, not taking into account that one day her son would enter adolescence and not want to spend time cuddling his mother. Luckily, Emma fit onto it perfectly.

Emma had Regina completely wrapped around her, with Regina's hand caressing Emma's cheek, as they moved their lips against one another. Every part of Regina that touched any part of Emma was tingling, and encouraging her not to break the kiss.

They spent the evening not speaking, but still communicating. Emma taught Regina that she liked when the Queen ran her tongue along her bottom lip slowly, like licking an ice cream cone, by kissing her with more vigor and moaning each time. Emma was also learning that Regina liked Emma's tongue on her tongue, on the roof of her mouth, both playful licks near the lips at the front, and long explorations much deeper.

Emma now knew that Regina moving her hand up through Emma's hair with a tug meant, "Deeper. More." She now also knew that when withdrawing her tongue, Regina would show her how much she wanted it never to stop by chasing the retreating tongue with her own.

She could feel the difference in Regina's body between slower and faster kisses, and which ones made her swell with emotion, leaving her dizzy, using her hands on Emma to steady herself and continue, and she could also feel which kisses were hitting the Queen in another area that she might one day have the pleasure of kissing.

Regina could feel Emma's pulse in her neck, occasionally caressing the mark from the night before, sending chills through both of them. They now had memorized how the other tasted.

They only stopped much, much later, with the knowledge that their son was coming home any minute, and they were both too charged up to continue without taking it further. Emma was set on that not being rushed. Regina was set on finding out what they were, before giving her body over to Emma, knowing how emotionally attached she was already.

They settled into a rhythm of light pecks on their now plumb and sore lips, Regina now slightly on top of Emma. Regina laced her fingers through Emma's hand, as they slide their fingers back and forth against each other now, adoring the purple and white shimmer of their magic, as they focused solely on each other for the moment.


	6. Chapter 6

Three days later, on Monday morning, Regina found herself presiding over the first meeting since the opening of the University where she had absolutely no idea what anyone was talking about.

"If we use the zero-lens adjustable nightvision goggles, they can replace the 7th soldier lookout because of the zoom-in." Charming had clearly adapted to New World equipment easily.

"I do recommend the nightvision goggles, especially if we're teaching them night land navigation without looking at a map in the daylight first." Mulan was already proving immensely helpful.

"I still don't understand why we have to have them navigate the land on foot at all. Can't we just teach the ones with magic how to poof a troop to a new location?" Emma even thought she sounded ridiculous saying that one out loud.

Poofing. Finally, something Regina understood.

"We agreed that transportation spells, along with invisibility, would be reserved for those with Top Secret clearance. We can't risk an entire troop trying to poof together, have one person picture the wrong place in his or her head, and send the whole group off to who knows where." Regina wasn't willing to risk losing any students.

They were planning the upcoming overnight trip for the junior Elite Special Forces, where they take the kids out for night war games, teaching those who already have finished much of their training out into a remote location. It was an overnight weekend adventure, so that they could sleep deprive the students, and then have them operate in night conditions while sleeping during the day.

Then there was also the issue of how many students were making the cut for a significantly dangerous training trip, and how much staff to take.

"Well, I have no reason to be there." Regina offered herself as the administrator who would stay back.

Emma genuinely looked surprised. After they had spent the last weekend finding multiple excuses to see each other each day, Emma assumed she wouldn't have to spend 3 days apart from Regina the very next weekend.

"Come on, Regina. We might need you. What if a student casts a spell wrong, and we need an undo-it spell? You're just going to leave us to our own devices?" Emma whined that last part.

"No, I'm leaving you to your own training course, since I know for a fact there are no proper restroom facilities out there. I am a Queen. I do not 'pop a squat' in the forest." Regina immediately sat up straighter, assuming her royalty pose. "If you're concerned about magic issues, Emma, I would highly suggest taking Belle. Even if she can't do magic, she's read all of the spell books we have. She would be able to tell you what you need to do to fix something. Something tells me she also would mind things such as poison ivy much less than I would. She lived with a beast, for heaven's sake, she'll be fine with sleeping on a cot in the barracks." At this point, they all had to agree, Belle had become their walking Google resource.

"Well, fine. We'll borrow Belle. But what if a student is injured and we need to find someone who needs medical attention? You know you have the most effective locator spell." Emma still wanted her maybe-maybe not-but probably is-girlfriend to come. They were still avoiding any sort of serious discussion by using their mouths as distractions everytime they were left alone.

"Ruby and Snow. Ruby to scent track, Snow for ground navigation. You'd be surprised how quick and handy Snow is in the woods. We'll send a sub over to the elementary school to cover her for the weekday she'll be gone."

"Okay, fine, we'll take them too. And we need to take Mulan, which means all of the staff cots will be taken. But if you wanted to come, you know, I could sleep on the floor." Emma offered her chivalry, really wanting to offer to share a cot, and not doing so due to the presence of her father.

"Emma, dear, what part of, 'Evil royalty does not go on trips that involve a lack of showering, chow hall meals, and midnight rolls in the dirt' are you not getting here?" Desperate times called for desperate measures.

Emma turned on the puppy eyes. She did not like how this was going. She hadn't actually been apart from Regina for that long since last year's trip, their first attempt at an overnight excursion. But then she also wasn't regularly demonstrating to Regina her mouth-to-mouth skills last year.

"Who's going to watch my back, all alone out in the woods?" Emma was not above pouting.

"Mulan."

"What about the mess hall? If we're all out in the field, who's going to cook dinner? We can't only feed them MREs." Still pouting. Still whining. Puppy eyes now with the signature corner tear.

"Belle. With Ruby's help, if she's not actively tracking."

Now this was getting serious. Emma added her secret weapon, the subtle lip quiver.

"Then who's going to watch your back here?"

"I will." Charming finally remembered that he existed in this conversation as well.

"Yes, thank you, David. Your father will be here, Granny can handle the dining hall and the diner, since she now has plenty of college student wait staff, and Tink and I already made plans for tea time on Saturday."

Emma stopped all pouting procedures. Tea time. As in, when Regina and her more ladylike friends got together wearing dresses and eating sandwiches that Emma would hardly even consider meeting the minimum requirements for a snack, while gossiping about other middle aged women. Not that Emma thought her new closeness with Regina would have garnered an invite, but now she was committed to making damn sure she was nowhere near the dreaded, boring, girlie afternoon tea at Tinkerbell's house.

"Actually, Regina, it's good if you and Dad are both here. We do need someone to track Henry as well." _And not me, so that I can stay as far away from tea time as possible_. Emma kept that last thought to herself. "And yes, Henry does need to be watched."

* * *

Since presenting Henry with his new "family crest heirloom" watch, the male version for him, and two female banded versions for his mothers, Emma and Regina had found out all kinds of things about their son's whereabouts when out with his friends and his girlfriend. On both Saturday and Sunday, Henry was "out with his friends", which immediately in Regina's mind was code for, "I hide things from my parents now, so clearly I'm going out to rob a convenience store after shotgunning a Heineken can, which I will then possibly turn into a bong."

None of that anxiety scenario came true, luckily. And nothing out of the ordinary was showing up in the den cam. However, Henry did indeed track-in as visiting his friends. They then proceeded to visit the candy store and then the ice cream shop, consecutively, twice each day. This also clued them in as to why Henry was always up all night on Saturday nights playing his Wii; clearly that was the sugar. He was also tracked visiting a house neither Regina or Emma were familiar with as one of Henry's known friends, so naturally they assumed they now knew the whereabouts of Henry's secret girlfriend.

Each time after visiting the suspected girlfriend's location, Henry was tracked to loop through the park, spending a good period of time under a bridge next to the waterfall. There was also in each park visit a pause where the street vendors and buskar entertainers set up shop, particularly in the place where Regina knew Belle's father set up to sell single roses in the afternoon. Clearly, Henry was not in need of an increase in allowance. He was still being sneaky, but at least he was being a gentleman about it.

How to proceed from there is where Regina and Emma disagreed. Regina believed that the best strategy was to start spying on the anomaly house, and see if they could identify a female in Henry's age group, perhaps one who looked like she might be corrupting her baby boy. Once a target had been acquired, they would track her to make sure she wasn't a troublemaker. She probably wasn't, but then again Henry was also the boy who ended up Peter Pan's hostage not too long ago, so better safe than sorry.

Emma was done playing commando. She spent all day teaching modern day knights to do just that, she didn't want to continue it on her free time. She liked that they always knew where Henry was, but she did want to find a way to confront him directly, not begin spying on a second teenager. She knew if she didn't stop this before it got carried away, Regina would have her planted outside the girl's house in the bushes with binoculars and some sort of ridiculous satellite listening device.

* * *

"So, she _is _your girlfriend?" Mulan had quickly grown into the role of Emma's butch buddy, a position that required an after-work-beer whenever they were not on sober rotation. It also required taking and giving many punches on the shoulder, and frequent PT training teasings. They had been hanging out after work all week now.

"I didn't say that either. I just…I don't know. I don't even know if we've technically been on a date, since the last time I asked her out, I didn't realized I was, you know, _asking her out._" Emma was feeling nervous all of a sudden.

"Well, what do you usually do when you want to confirm that someone is yours?"

"I don't." Emma started drinking a little faster on that one.

"What do you mean?"

"I don't date. Well, not past one or two dates. Or friends with benefits. I'm using the term 'friend' loosely here. I'm using the term 'benefit' loosely as well." Emma paused to take another chug. "I have people I care about who are friends. I have people I only care about sleeping with. I'm not used to having both with these feelings mushed up in the middle." Emma signaled the barkeep for another round, even though Mulan was now half a drink behind.

"Wow. Okay then. Well, what about Regina? How does she act when she's dating someone?"

"That's the thing. She doesn't either. From what I understand, her first love was killed before they ever had a real date, she was then married off to an old, impotent man who was only looking for a stand-in parent for my mother, and then she was kinda like me – just sex, not dating."

Mulan took that in. She had invited Emma out for a drink hoping to get some pointers on this world's dating practices, although clearly she picked the wrong buddy.

"So, you have no idea what you're doing."

"Correct. I don't even know what I'm doing, much less how to do it."

Well then. Mulan sighed, trying to figure out how she was now going to give advice and get it, from clearly the wrong person for both.

"Well, if you had to guess how to date, how is it done in this world?" Mulan thought of maybe moving into hypothetical territory.

"Oh. I – uh – I guess it's not too different from Fairytale Land. We just don't get married as quickly, or sometimes even at all. You still do stuff together, just here it's more about meeting up for coffee, rather than not showering for days or weeks at a time and then taking someone on a dirty, stinky horse out to the middle of nowhere to dodge arrows."

"I see. Do you want to have your coffee with Regina?"

"I want to have my everything with Regina."

She was indeed still getting her answers out of Emma. "So, what if you like someone that's…perfect. And you're…not." Mulan was getting ballsy. She never talked about her heart with her buddies like this. Maybe this world's alcohol was stronger than she thought.

"Ahhh. And why do I have a feeling we're no longer talking about Regina?"

"Well, I want to help you out here, friend, but I would just say go for it with all of your heart. But you're also the Savior and she's the Queen, you're equally balanced. It at least makes sense."

"And you're interested in someone who doesn't make sense for you? In our world, we call that dating 'out of your league' and yeah, I know that feeling very well." Mulan looked depressed at that one. Not only was there a name for how she felt, but it sounded more depressing than she thought it would. She slumped down and started her second drink.

"The good news," Emma continued, "is that usually the person who thinks she's beneath the object of her affections is wrong, and they end up being in the same league after all." Emma was now brightening up. It felt good to forget about her own fears and say something positive.

"I just…she's _perfect_, Emma." Emma wondered who it could be. Mulan had visited Storybrooke quite a few times, so between those trips and now being here for days, she knew just about everyone. Who did Mulan meet who she thought was so "perfect"?

"Well, whoever she is, I think you should ask her out."

"Well, I think you should tell Regina how you feel about her and ask her if she's your girlfriend now. And you should take her out. All you do is hide out at her place and make out."

"Well, I think that you're deflecting so that I don't ask who you have a crush on."

"Well, I think I'm going to enjoy tossing you into the trenches this weekend."

"I think you should not underestimate who's getting tossed."

They both kicked their beers down, enjoying having a real honest friend to banter with after a long day's work.

* * *

"It's perfect, Tink. Great idea. Yeah, she's definitely buying that this Saturday is a tea party. You should've seen the look on her face. No, nobody's even going to question it. Okay. Thanks again. See you Saturday. No. Nobody knows. I'm sure. Goodbye."

Snow stood outside of Regina's office with he fist up, still ready to knock. Or she was going to knock, until she overheard that particular phone conversation.

If Regina thought she was just going to cheat on her daughter with that fairy skank, she had another thing coming. That thing was going to be a giant bitch slap, once she could prove it.

* * *

"Ruby cancelled. She said that Granny can't do the school cafeteria and the diner at the same time after all. Too much of the staff is too new." Charming was helping Emma pack up their equipment for the overnight from the technology basement.

"Awww c'mon! We might need scent tracking! Okay, well, I guess Snow's going to have to just be extra alert, since she's the next best tracker if someone gets lost. And we still have Mulan, and Belle agreed to be house mother at the barracks." They were almost completely packed. They had selected the top 6 students from Special Forces, Magical Division, known as the Spider Unit for their ability to use magical ropes created from their bodies to scale walls. It was their signature spell, one that Regina had created herself.

The Spider Unit had no idea that they were being taken away for the weekend. They were going to be woken up in the middle of the night by Charming, who would lead them into the forest to hunt down and capture Emma and Mulan, designated as enemies for the war games, and to set up a temporary base camp to hold them hostage. It was also going to be a good time to practice interrogation spells.

Since "base camp" would then become their temporary barracks, and Belle was known to make a mean batch of chocolate chunk cookies, Emma and Mulan were both looking forward to capture.

The following night, also in the middle of the night, Charming would then wake up the top 6 students from Special Forces, Combat Division, known as the Archers due to their weekly trainings from Adjunct Weapons Professor Snow White, although they were trained with swords and guns as well. The Archers had already been introduced to the tactical night equipment in their coursework, and were then going to have to hunt for the captured Savior and Warrior and extract them from enemy camp.

All of this was purposefully designed to put them on assignment on lack of sleep, and also to test the Spiders vs. the Archers to give Emma a better idea of how to command the drastically different units in real-life, should there ever be a need to. And, it sounded like a lot of fun to Emma, if she were being honest. Like paintball, just with magical spider spit.

"Here. We have extra long-range walkie talkies in case, you know, you want to keep in contact with Regina while we're gone." He handed her two talkies.

Emma's eyes lit up at that moment. "Thanks, Dad."

"Get a nap in tonight, kiddo. We wake Spider Unit in 6 hours." Charming smiled at his daughter that he felt so lucky to be able to work with every day, and turned to leave.

* * *

"Weatherman to Carnivore. Come in, Carnivore." Snow had also had the walkie talkie idea, she just didn't give her second one to her husband.

"Carnivore reads you loud and clear, Snow. Oops, I mean Weatherman. Why are you using a sexist name, Snow? Shouldn't it be Weatherperson?"

"Damnit, Carnivore. Use my codename. And use it the way I told you. We're leaving you in town this weekend for a reason." Ruby was at home. Snow was also at home, but Charming was still out. They could have just been using phones but Snow wanted to make sure the walkie talkies worked.

"Okay, so when I follow Regina, am I supposed to just…walk around until I pick up her scent?" Ruby knew she was tailing Regina, she just didn't know why or how.

"Not necessary. She's going to Tinkerbell's house tomorrow. Just follow her, watch them, and if they have ANY sexual contact AT ALL, use the spy cam I gave you to take pictures. Only scent track if you lose visual."

"Copy that, Weatherman. Carnivore out. Over."

* * *

"Okay, I think we should tell my Moms."

Lilo launched herself into Henry's arms as they sat at "their spot" in the park.

"Really? You're really ready?" Lilo's excitement was obvious. Henry was serious about her. She always knew, deep down, but this was a big step for him.

"Yeah. I mean, it's fun being able to sneak around, and I know my Mom is going to be a total pain about it for awhile. She probably won't even let me hold your hand in front of her. But…I don't know. After Emma got us all these matching family watches, and now she's kind of with my Mom, I guess…it's like we're starting a new family chapter, and I want to start it with you too."

Lilo's happiness at his honesty made him regret even sneaking her around in the first place. He might lose certain privileges, but he could tell it was going to be worth it.

* * *

"Oh _God_, Emma." Regina cried out, as Emma had each of her hands squeezing Regina's nipples while attacking her neck with her mouth. Emma just planned on stopping by for a short goodbye make-out, which was quickly progressing to more.

"Ugh. Uhhhh. MMM." Regina was now at the point where real words were not longer going to happen. Emma had never actually taken her shirt off all the way before. However heated they had been during previous sessions, they each always still had a bra on. Now Emma had an entire bare torso to work with.

Emma was stroking and pinching the nipples now, putting her mouth everywhere on Regina's neck and collarbones that she could, licking, sucking, and nipping until she couldn't stand it any longer and moved her mouth right down to a nipple, taking the whole areola into her mouth.

Regina let out a long, satisfied cry at feeling something she had imagined so many times. Seeing Emma's mouth wrapped around her sensitive bud sent shockwaves through her body. She held Emma's head to her breast, gripping the blonde mane. She couldn't stop watching the Saviors mouth; the sucking and bobbing motion turning her on as much as the actual feel of her mouth. There was something about seeing the Savior's mouth work that was driving her wild.

"Emma. _Emma._" She moaned over and over again, now arching her back, still holding Emma to her body. Emma switched sides, and Regina lost her shit.

They were doing this now, or she was going to scream.

Emma kissed back up to the Queen's mouth, letting her now stiff, wet nipples adjust to feeling the air. Regina pulled their mouths together, in an animalistic way that Emma had never seen from the Queen before. Regina kept kissing the Savior's mouth, her tongue commanding the Savior's lips to open, while her hand went to Emma's belt buckle.

Emma intercepted her hands, putting them over Regina's head on the pillow, but continued kissing her. Regina whimpered, and as soon as Emma's hands were back on her breasts, she moved her hands back to Emma's belt.

Yet again the Savior stopped her. Regina whimpered louder, biting Emma's lower lip.

"Baby, we can't."

Regina sat up, now pulling the Savior onto her lap, and started playing with Emma's breast through her shirt.

"I want you. Henry's going to be out for awhile. Just us tonight." Regina attached herself to the Savior's neck.

"Unless I have to meet my Dad in a half hour to go kidnap some 20 year olds."

Regina stopped her movements. "Yes, dear, one way to stop this is definitely to bring up your father while I'm topless. Before you ask, yes, that did kill the mood." Regina began putting her bra on, her frustration clear.

"Hey! Wait a minute! If the car's low on gas it can still make a trip around the block!" Emma looked at her like Regina had snuck in one night and stolen all of her Christmas presents.

Regina stopped and looked at Emma with a raised eyebrow.

"What I mean is we can't go further, because I've gotta leave. And I don't want a quick 'I'll miss you' fuck, I want to keep going when we have a whole night to ourselves. But that doesn't mean I don't like what we were doing."

"Well, now I feel self conscious."

Emma took off her bra and shirt, and laid down next to Regina on the bed.

"See? We match. No self-consciousnessness. I might have to leave soon," Emma paused to roll on top of Regina, pressing her naked chest to the Queen's, "But I want to feel close to you." She looked right into Regina's eyes, and she could feel Regina go breathless at the contact of bare skin.

Regina wrapped her arms around Emma, feeling her back with her hands, before glancing at the clock.

"20 minutes, princess. Then the shirts go back on so you can go scare the shit out of Spider Unit. And," Regina continued, tapping her neck with her fingers, "feel free to leave me a mark to remember you by."

Emma wasted no time reattaching her mouth to her almost-lover's neck.

* * *

**A.N. – so apparently I'm not capable of ending a chapter without SQ making out. I'm just gonna go with it, like an SQ version of "Oh my God! They killed Kenny!" :p. Happy Monday! -Rogue**


	7. Chapter 7

**A.N. - So I looked back through some of my old chapters on here for the first time in format, and holy mistakes, batman! Wow thanks for sticking through my clear grammar blindness! I'm all apologies at this point. My eyes are seriously squinting by the time I'm doing writing for the night. **

* * *

Charming sat back in his armchair, appreciating the finer points of technology this world had to offer. Particularly, the pleather recliner with a massage chair option and an arm that popped open to a mini-fridge, fully stocked with the Charming family supply of beer. Spider Unit had been awoken, given the assignment, and dropped at the edge of the forest to find his daughter and take her hostage.

And for once, it wasn't his responsibility to do a damn thing about it. Charming was going to enjoy his weekend off. He loved his wife. He also loved watching the sports of this world. He was still trying to learn them all, not fully comprehending the differences between soccer, rugby, and football, but he had all weekend to learn. All weekend without interruption. No playing hero. No searching for his daughter. Just David, a beer, and ESPN.

Charming had no idea that fishing was on in the middle of the night, and broadcast as its own sport, complete with announcers. Riveting.

* * *

"If you just tell me who she is, I won't spend all night badgering you. C'mon. We're friends."

"No. It doesn't matter. And stop talking. They're supposed to interrogate me, and you're starting before capture. And they're going to hear you and find us without needing equipment. Hush." Mulan wasn't budging. He feelings were her business. Especially since she didn't plan on doing anything about them.

"Ruby?"

"No. Stop it."

"…Snow? You know she's kinda taken and it would be weird."

"NO. Emma, I'm not saying anymore. I'm not even giving you a 'yes' or 'no' anymore."

"But if I did guess, you'd tell me, right?"

"No."

"So I could have already guessed who it is, and you still would've said no?"

"Possibly."

"OH COME ON, MULAN. Now I haven't even eliminated anyone."

The pair was inside of a bush. Well, they had actually become part of the bush. They had camo on, of course, and light gear in case Spider Unit wasn't successful, but also had attached branches and leaves to themselves and hopped right in the middle of the plant. To an outsider, it would have just appeared to be a bush with a split personality arguing with itself. Which would be ridiculous, if half of the Unit wasn't from Fairytale Land.

The Captain of Spider Unit was one such recruit, coming from a world where a talking bush wouldn't have been unusual. In a land of unicorns, an evil apple tree that threw its apples at you, opium dealing caterpillers, talking potato toys with removable eyes, where your nannies could fly between houses using their umbrellas, and a mouse wizard who cleaned your floors by enchanting the mop and bucket, a talking bush was almost a day off.

"You there! What's your name, bush?"

_Oh shit_ Emma mouthed to Mulan.

"Uhhh…it's just Bush. Ms. Bush!" Mulan answered, clearly not thinking this strategy through.

"Okay, Ms. Bush. We are currently hunting two targets in the area; two women. Have you seen anyone else out here this evening?"

_I can't believe that just fucking worked_ Emma mouthed over.

"Can't say that I have. Thanks for stopping by!" Mulan said, trying to hurry the Captain off.

"Okay then. Give us a shout if you see anything."

"They're in the bush, you idiot." Cadet Woody piped up, now defying Captain Buzz.

"What do you mean, 'they're in the bush'? I just asked the Bush. She said they're not here."

"What I want to know, Captain, is how the fuck you are still a Captain. There is no species of bush that has speaking capabilities." Woody was now speaking with animated hand motions, and getting louder.

"How do you know, CADET Woody?" Captain Buzz was now becoming quite irritated at the insubordination.

"I know, CAPTAIN, because I paid attention in Magical Creature Anthropology 101 last year. No. Such. Species." Woody was now poking Buzz in the chest to emphasize each word.

"Oh really? Then if there's no magical talking bushes in this world, then YOU go up to her and tell her that you don't think she's real! Let's see what she does-"

Woody didn't even wait for Buzz to finish that sentence, he just marched right over, plunged two hands into the bush, and pulled Mulan out in his right, and Emma out with his left, like pulling rabbits out of a hat.

"Ohhhhh. So they were in the bush then."

"I can't stand you." Woody had given up on Buzz having half a brain cell long ago, and was getting increasingly irritated with his Captain's superior ranking by the day.

The rest of the team tied up Mulan and Emma, and transported them to their new base camp, where Charming had told them they would get the rest of their instructions from the staff already in the field.

* * *

Mulan and Emma were allowed to nap in a staff cot for a few hours, but then it was right back to the war games. They were then tied back to back around a pole, seated with their knees to their chests, just as the team had been taught to do.

Buzz and Woody were similarly tied to another pole, as the rest of their team had enough of their arguing, which had carried on through then entire evening. Spider Unit also used their spider goo to create gags for the warring Captain and Cadet.

Snow was now hand feeding Emma cookies for breakfast. She figured if she couldn't help her hostage daughter out of the situation, she'd at least give her a treat. Belle thought it was a great idea, and knelt in front of Mulan to introduce her to her infamous chocolate chunk cookies.

It was a good thing for Mulan that she and Emma were tied back to back, or Emma would have been able to see in Mulan's eyes exactly who had stolen the Warrior's heart.

* * *

It was the best of naps, it was the worst of naps. It was the best of naps while happily passed out on the recliner, dreaming of what fishing would be like somewhere he'd never fished, like Wonderland or Neverland, if either of those were ever future vacation options.

It was the worst of naps when Regina and Tinkerbell showed up at 9:30 in the morning on a Saturday to snap him out of it.

"What? Who? Yes? Fish?" Charming had barely gotten an eye open and a door unlocked before the two women were in his living room talking a mile a minute.

"So Charming, we're just going to assume you're on our side in this, and that it's not enough to just track Henry, but we also must find out who the girlfriend is." Regina wrapped up her closing arguments, "We need your help."

"Honestly Regina, if you and Emma want to do this, and it really is just to make sure he's okay, and he's been sneaking around behind your back, I'm all for it." Regina felt no need to interrupt his train of thought to admit that Emma was not on board, and shot a look over to Tink to keep her fairy mouth shut. "But why do you need me?"

"Look, we're not commandos. We're kind of a brains-not-brawns operation. We do paperwork and teach courses." Tinkerbell hoped David would help, but knew that if he were going to require a bribe, she had nothing to offer.

"The Mayor is right. We've been couch potatoes, not commandos. We have no gear, no idea how to use gear, and have no idea what we're doing. I don't have a spell called 'reveal the name of the young lady who defiles my son'. We were hoping you could take us shopping." Regina said that part tentatively, knowing she'd have to go through at least a couple of 'no's' before hitting a 'maybe'.

"Absolutely not. This is my first weekend away from Snow and my daughter where I don't have to spend it looking for them. Did you know that there are at least eight different ESPN channels? I didn't. Do you know why I didn't? Because between Emma, Snow, and 60 hours a week at the University I've never been allowed or awake enough to touch the remote before. You'll figure it out." David turned to go back to the recliner. The perfect, amazing, back rubbing recliner that he was sure felt lonely without his presence.

"Not mall shopping, David. We're teenage girlfriend hunting. We need you to take us to the hunting and fishing sportsman supply store." Tink new what she was doing. She was here to win.

David had his shoes and jacket on before Tink had taken another breath. "Fine, but I'm buying. Whatever we pick out for you two to use for this, I want to keep after you're done."

* * *

Back at temporary base camp, Mulan and Emma were now being interrogated by Spider Unit, minus the members still in somewhat of a mutiny, but what the squad was calling "time-out", or "use your words, not your fists." That one in particular was for Woody.

Charming had given Mulan and Emma each a word, and the students had to find out what the word was, so in future military operations they could interrogate out a mission codename, or the name of a higher ranking official. Mulan was given "skateboard" as her mission codename, which would be easy information for her not to volunteer, since she didn't know what one was. They could directly ask her questions about it, and she would have no idea they were talking about a skateboard.

Emma was given the name "Regal" as the codename for her commander. David thought if they did one day end up married, he would start teaching his kid now what her place would be.

Snow had added her own agenda to the interrogation. She also required that they try to get as much out of Emma about her dating Regina as possible (having no idea she was then compromising the codename), and upon Emma's request, she also instructed Spider Unit to find out who Mulan had a crush on. The teams had free reign to use physical, psychological, and magical techniques that wouldn't leave any long-term damage or marks. Snow and Belle listened in from the kitchen corner, starting on the next cookie batch.

* * *

"Come in, Carnivore. Do you read me?" Snow had snuck around back to use her walkie talkie.

"Loud and clear, Weatherman."

"Have you confirmed visual contact with the target, Carnivore?"

"Indeed. There has been no physical contact between Queen and Fairy. However, they now have a third wheel."

"Who?"

"Your husband."

* * *

"We're not talking. Just give it up." So far, Spider Unit had cast just about every interrogation spell they could think of. Mulan and Emma had been paralyzed, turned into animals, shrunken, been subjected to remote tickling, and even exposed to terrifying conjurations in pitch-black darkness of all kinds of firey dragons and demon creatures. Neither were budging. Truth be told, though, they were impressed with what the Unit was coming up with. Even if they didn't break them, they were getting an "A".

"Okay, food break. We do still need to feed the prisoners." Snow came in now with what was originally going to be a batch of cookies, but now instead were brownies on the bottom, cookies on top, with a layer of Oreo stuffed in the middle. The interrogations were taking longer than expected.

Belle knelt next to Mulan again, offering up bites of the concoction, feeding her by hand. "There you are. Take as much as you like." Belle's natural kindness and caring was melting Mulan's otherwise stoic exterior. Mulan was able to hide how she felt to everyone else, but if one looked closely, they could see it pouring out of her gaze to Belle, who offered nothing but care and smiles. Mulan was certain she had died and gone to good-soldier heaven.

"Oh my God. MMM. Yes." Snow was feeding Emma, who seemed to put herself in competition with everyone else for finishing the tray. They both had quite a bit, and both mouths were coated in chocolate and sugary sweetness when Snow pulled away and signaled Belle to step back.

The interim Captain of Spider Squad then stepped forward. "Okay, now tell us what we want to know, or no milk."

"DAMN. THAT WAS SMART." Emma knew at that moment, with her mouth still partially full, that they were probably beat.

* * *

Meanwhile, Tink, Regina, and Charming were each perched individually in the palm trees surrounding Lilo's house. Regina didn't even remember making any palm trees for the curse, and if they came after, she wanted to know how they seemed to be surviving in Maine.

"Okay, remember guys. Regina, you are trying to make visual from the back door. Tink, you're watching the front. I'm trying to see inside what looks like a living room from the side. Suspect is a 13 to 16 year old girl, possibly of Hawaiian descent, we have no confirmed height or weight." Charming was really paying more attention to a sandwich that he picked up on the way than he was to the actual house, but both Tink and Regina seemed to be relieved when he took the lead.

Unfortunately, both Regina and Tink were in camouflage jackets that were a) David's size, due to his insistence that he buys and keeps everything, and b) in desert camo rather than forest, due to his future hopes to go Sand Dragon hunting. Tink and Regina were anything but blending in, but at least the binoculars and long range communication devices with earpieces and small, wireless microphones were working.

"I am making a positive visual from behind the house. Henry just came out the backyard, and seems to be heading into the pool." Regina now had the only view that would give visual confirmation that anyone was on the property. "Yes, that's him alright. Pale as a polar bear. I hope he's going to put on sunscreen."

"Anyone else there, Regina?" Tink was frustrated that she couldn't see anything from her tree.

Just then, Lilo came out, bringing the inflatable pool rafts, and then running back inside and returning with a tray of drinks. Regina had to admit, at least if Henry was sneaking around behind her back for a girl, he picked a pretty one.

"Visualization confirmed. Teenage female, now accompanying my son to the pool area." They must have had the house and surrounding property magically enhanced, since nowhere else in Storybrooke was it yet warm enough to use a pool. However, this backyard looked like it might as well be Hawaii.

"Okay, she's helping Henry onto his floating chair. Now she just handed him a strawberry milkshake and his sunglasses." The girl put on some sort of Ukelele music from the radio over at a Tiki themed outdoor bar. The little tramp knew his favorite kind of milkshake. Regina was becoming unhappy.

Of course Henry didn't want to spend any time with his mother anymore. He basically had a backyard vacation available anytime he wanted, facilitated by this girl who Regina had never seen before. She knew she must be magical, just by looking at everything, but she wasn't from their world. And clearly she was wooing her son. She had a pool. She had milkshakes ready to go. She even put a lei on him, for christ's sake. How could Regina compete?

"Tink. Charming. We're done here. Visual has been confirmed, there is indeed a girlfriend."

"What's she like? Can you take a picture? I want to see my grandson's first girlfriend! Do you the he'll take her to prom? Do they have proms freshman year?" Charming seemed more than excited.

"Well, David, if Henry ever decides to clue us in to anything, you might one day have answers to all those questions. For now, no more spying, I know what I need to do. David, thanks for your help. Tink, we are indeed going to need to talk over tea today."

* * *

"I swear, Weatherlady, David was there, and Tink and Regina definitely were not touching each other. They were even sitting in different trees."

"And again, why were they in the trees around a stranger's house?"

"I don't know. I told you Snow, Err, Weathersnow, I couldn't be close enough to hear anything. I watched them all go shopping, then I watched them all sit in trees with binoculars. Maybe they all secretly bird watch when you're not around?"

"Alright, Carnivore. Abandon post. I guess there's nothing more to see there until I can figure out what the heck is going on."

* * *

"MMMMMM. It's so creamy and delicious." The interim Captain, a guy named John, swished the carton of milk around before taking another swig for himself. John's family wasn't magical, but they were of military background, and he seemed to have the natural ability to pick up magic.

"Oh. Come. On." Emma's mouth was still coated, her throat becoming increasingly dry.

"Codename?"

"You wish you knew."

John walked over to the kitchen and grabbed a glass. He stood in front of Emma, and slowly poured the milk right in her line of sight. "It's just so cold. The perfect temperature for milk. And I even chilled the glass. What's your preference? Skim? Whole? Somewhere in the middle? All of that can be arranged, Swan. Just give us the codename."

This was just cruel. It was diabolical. Regina was going to be so proud of them when they returned and told her all about it.

Emma stayed strong. She could do this. The Archers were going to be given their assignments in maybe 2 or 3 hours to come get them, since she thought she could see that the sun had already set from the only window-like crack in the corner. She could last until then, right? Mind over matter.

"Alright, let's try your friend. How about a tall, frosty glass, hmm?"

"Lactose intolerant." Mulan answered.

* * *

Regina was pacing. Regina was pacing and wringing her hands. Regina was exhibiting the behavior one might expect from a person going slowly insane, in incremental fashion. Tink contemplated calling Emma back from war games early.

"Sooooo," Tink attempted to interject after letting Regina talk through a 10 minute hyperventilation, "You think Henry is choosing a girlfriend over you, and spending time with her over you, and hiding her from you, because she showers him with gifts and bribes him over with a pool and milkshakes."

"Of course. Have you not been listening?"

"And your solution is to, what, just buy him everything on his Christmas list all at once because you think that'll keep him here?" Tink was no longer on board.

"Well I have to try. He likes snowboarding. Alright, picture this. What if _our_ yard was a snowboarding hill? If that teenage trollop can make her yard summer all year round, I can make mine winter."

"Which means, Regina, you're giving up your gardening space, your hammock, and the grill and patio that Emma seems to really like." Damn. She hadn't thought about that. Emma did want to add a fire pit this year.

"Okay, well, alright better plan. Henry loves basketball. What if we turn the basement into a basketball court? I think the ceiling is high enough, but putting the bleachers in is going to be tricky."

"Regina, stop. You can't just buy your way into his life."

"Yes I can. She did, I can too."

"Maybe he just genuinely likes her, and the pool is a perk, ever think of that?"

"So maybe I should make the basement a home movie theater instead? Popcorn machine?" Regina was getting desperate and Tink could tell.

"I can see this is going to continue out of control for the evening while you let all of this new intel sink in. Just please, Regina, promise me you'll talk to Emma before you do anything?"

"We don't do that, Tink. We've discussed this."

"You need to, Regina. If you won't talk to your son about this, you need to at least talk to your partner. You might be surprised at how supportive Emma can be."

_Or, _Regina thought_, I can buy him everything I've ever said "no" to._

"Regina, you have to talk to her. This isn't about your feelings or dating or anything else that terrifies you both. You are both his parents, you need to talk to Emma."

* * *

"Hey. Not fair. That's not part of the game? What the hell?" Emma was now confused as to why John cares what her relationship status is with Regina.

"We've had some additional things assigned to us by Professor White for interrogation."

Mulan snickered, somewhat enjoying her friend being in the hot seat. She'd enjoy it a lot more if her mouth wasn't still covered with every dessert ever invented. Snow suddenly made herself look very busy back in the kitchen area.

"Don't laugh, Warrior. You're going to tell us who you have a crush on."

"HA! HAHA! Not just me!" Emma yelled over her shoulder to Mulan. "Mom, what the hell?" Emma only called Snow "Mom" when she was irritated.

"Well, honey, I agreed that I would help you find something out that you wanted to know. And it comes with a price. I get to learn something I want to know."

Emma turned to whisper over her shoulder to her fellow captive. "I say, we just tell them whatever they want to know except the code names, in exchange for a drink. I don't care if everyone knows about me and Regina. I think I'm comfortable saying we're at least dating, and my mouth is so sticky I could trap flies."

"I can't." Mulan sounded tense.

"Why? Who cares if my mother knows who you like?"

"Because she's here."

"What?" Emma looked around. She didn't think any of the students would be Mulan's type, and her mother was definitely taken. And then Emma saw it. She saw Belle smiling over at them.

It was Belle. _Smiling at them_.

"Look, I know it's not going to sound like it here, but I'm going to help you out. We refuse their terms. Then you offer to up their terms by me confessing whatever Snow wants, plus not only will you divulge, but you will ask her out in front of everyone. In exchange, we get drinks and you get untied for taking the extra leap."

"What?! No! You're supposed to be my friend."

"I am. And I think she's going to say yes." Emma believed it. Since Rumple ended up being one of the casualties in the Great Magic War, Belle hadn't been the same. She stayed inside at first, mourning for a good eight or nine months. Only after they got her the professorship at the school did she start seeing people again, and leading somewhat of a normal life. But she wasn't happy, she was clearly just physically going through the motions of having a life.

Emma realized that what Belle hadn't started doing until that day when she was feeding Mulan, was smiling. She hadn't smiled in the two years since Rumple died.

"Just trust me on this one, man. I've got your back. I am your friend, and I wouldn't sacrifice that for a glass of milk. I really think you have a shot."

* * *

_**Notes: I love all reviewers! Not just the logged in ones, but Guests are welcome too! Love all of them!**_


	8. Chapter 8

"Regina? Does this thing work? Do you read me?"

Regina rushed over to the walkie talkie that Emma had left her on Friday. I was now the middle of the night on Saturday. Regina was still awake, reading in bed, wearing one of Emma's sweatshirts that she had left over. It smelled like Emma. It made Regina smile.

"Emma! I guess you were rescued?"

"Roger that. The Archers busted in just in time. Mulan and I were just about to start giving in their demands, and boom! Saved by the arrow!"

Regina laughed. She didn't realize until then how much she had missed Emma. She had been doing a good job of using her their son as a distraction.

"When are you getting back?"

"Well, we're going to debrief Spider and Archer, going over their tactics, and making a few adjustments in the rankings. Then a nap before coming back tomorrow."

"I miss you." That flew out of Regina's mouth before she thought anything over.

"I miss you too. Hey! Why don't we do something together tomorrow night, you me, and Henry? Like a family night?" Emma hoped to stretch coming home into coming home and getting to see Regina.

"Sure. I'll tell Henry so he doesn't make plans for tomorrow."

"Sounds great. Over and out."

Regina especially thought it was a good idea since it was a reason for her to have Henry hang out with his Moms, instead of visiting his special girlfriend island. She did have enough time to hit the mall before Emma returned. Regina did plan on talking to Emma before completely going off the deep end. Just in the meantime…she still have a few hours left to attempt to bribe him.

* * *

Emma and Mulan took two ATV's from the forest barracks back into campus, and beat back Snow and Belle, and they also were expecting Charming. Emma and Mulan made themselves at home in a conference room. They would have to wait for the others to begin grading the assignment.

"You got lucky back there, my friend,"

"I know." Mulan knew exactly what Emma was talking about.

"You were just about to have to Romeo your way out of that situation."

"I know."

"But seriously though, I know we got all rescued and everything before you had to say anything, but I think you should ask her out. That wasn't just the cookies talking." Emma tried to show that she was sincere.

"I don't know how."

"Don't know how to what? Ask her on a date, or take her on a date?"

"Either. Why do you think I asked you so many questions about how to date before?"

"Well, sorry for not being helpful, but I don't know either."

"But you at least know you must be doing something right."

Emma again reviewed her own insecurities, which was why she had never asked Regina out. She just got lucky that things fell into place. It was almost like a romantic movie, really. She suddenly had an idea.

"I think we can both learn how to 'woo' women. I already made plans with Regina and Henry for tonight, but at some point this week I think you should come over to my apartment, and we're going to learn how to date."

Mulan gave Emma the most weirded-out look she could muster. If there were such as spell as "disgusted glare", this look would be how one casted it.

"Not like that! Geez, I didn't mean with each other! Fuck. Not like a pretend date. Look, between Netflix and Hulu and my personal DVD collection, we're stocked. Mulan, sleep well tonight, because this week, we're going to watch every romantic chick flick ever made. This week, my friend, we're going to learn how to be romantic."

Mulan didn't answer. She simply made a face that said, "I know this is ridiculous, but I don't have a better idea."

* * *

Regina took Henry out for lunch. Regina had let Henry order the "kitchen sink" ice cream sundae for them to share for lunch. Henry wanted to know at that point if she was about to tell him that she's dying.

"Look, I realize that I've always been a strict Mom, Henry, but you're getting older now. You do well in school, you're incredibly smart, and you deserve some treats here and there." Regina couldn't believe that Granny's had enough kinds of ice cream to fill the giant bowl, literally the side of a kitchen sink. There must have been 15 different scoops in there, all covered in whipped cream and chocolate sauce. She not only let Henry order, but she was sharing with him. She was really going to push this whole "give Henry anything under the sun that he likes" method.

"Also, don't make any plans for tonight. When Emma gets back, she asked if she could take both of us out to do something." Ahhh, Emma was coming back. Henry thought it made perfect sense. His mother was spoiling her because she must be in a cloud-nine lovesick daze. They were so happy together, and when his mothers were this happy, he reasoned, they gave him things like new, expensive looking watches and giant ice cream sundaes.

_Better enjoy it while it lasts_, he thought, _because eventually the buzz will wear off and they'll go back to being lame old parents, just lame and dating_.

Regina, however, was having a different thought process. She had a lot of fun letting Henry pick out things to buy. She had to admit, she also enjoyed the mountains of new items in the house a lot more than she thought she would. And she had to admit, this particular version of an ice cream Sundae was fit for a Queen. Really, if Queens ordered ice cream, this is how it would come. It was actually a lot of fun to let Henry do and have whatever he wanted. She didn't know if she wanted to go back to being an actual parent.

* * *

"So did you want to tell me why Ruby said that she saw you and Regina and Tinkerbell spying on some random house from inside of a tree?" Charming was expecting more of a "Hey, so happy to be home" conversation, and less of a "I sent my werewolf best friend to spy on everyone" conversation.

"I wasn't planning it, okay? They just showed up here and asked for help. Apparently, Regina and Emma think that Henry has been dating and not telling them about it."

"So the three of you decide to stalk the girl, instead of just letting his parents ask him about it? This is what happens when I'm not home?" Snow wasn't particularly mad, especially since she thought what was going to be happening was way worse, but this was still asinine. She felt that David needed to understand that.

David was not understanding that.

"Well, honestly, I just wanted to go to the hunting store. But Regina said the girl's pretty, if that helps." Snow just rolled her eyes. She figured her husband was useless in this situation. He knew how to slay dragons. His skillset ended there.

* * *

"Hey, welcome back!" Henry gave Emma a quick hug after answering the door a little later.

"Hey, thanks kid." Henry had done his good deed by answering the door. He ran back into the den.

"I guess he's done with 'hello'."

Regina came out to see that it was indeed Emma. Emma looked down, suddenly feeling shy.

"Hey." She said with her shy smile. Regina just walked right over and put her arms around the Savior without hesitation.

"Hey. Welcome back." Regina kissed her cheek, and Emma returned the hug. "Don't be offended. I got him some new video games for the den. I told him to finish up so we could go soon."

That explained it. Emma leaned in for a kiss. After spending the weekend being held hostage, she enjoyed the feeling of little comforts: napping in her own bed, a shower, and now, her girlfriend's lips.

Yes, she decided on girlfriend. She didn't know if it was a title she deserved yet, but it was a title that she had decided while tied up and being interrogated, it was one she was going to earn.

"So, what'd you get him?" Emma asked after she pulled back.

"Oh, we just stopped by Best Buy so he could pick a few things out. You know, boring shopping stuff."

Emma took a peek in the den. Emma quickly realized this was no longer a den, but Henry's Playland, and quickly jerked her had back out into the hallway to address Regina.

"So 'boring stuff' now includes a new Wii U, a giant TV…is that a milkshake maker in the corner?" Emma was both stunned and excited. If this was Henry's new Playland, and she was Henry's Mom, that means she must get to use it at least a third of the time.

"It is. That was his idea. The mini-fridge/freezer set next to it has the ingredients." Emma was stunned. Something hand to have happened while she was gone. She wanted to know what it was. She also really wanted a milkshake.

"I'll explain later, dear. But I believe tonight I was promised a family night." She put her arms around Emma's neck and went back to kissing her, deciding that Henry would come out when he reached his next save point, as he had promised.

* * *

An hour later, Emma was trapped in between two conversations at once, with seemingly no way out.

And because they were bowling, Emma would get one sentence each at a time from Regina and Henry as they rotated each turn.

Henry's turn again. Regina was left seated with Emma. "So I did go spying with Tink. And, well, your father. And I know we didn't agree on it, but you weren't here and I really couldn't stop myself." They watched Henry knock down 7 pins. "Nice job, Sweetie!" Regina yelled while he waited for his ball to roll back.

"We were right. He does have a girlfriend, and we found out where she lives." Henry knocked down another pin. "My turn!" Regina popped out of her seat before Emma had a chance to add anything.

"So, like I was saying, I appreciate everything from you and Mom, like the watch, but I think Mom's taking it to an extreme. Is there something wrong that I don't know about?" They watched Regina knock out a strike. "Nice, Mom!" Henry yelled, as Regina looked quite pleased with herself. "I mean, I know you guys are happy that I still get good grades in high school like I did in junior high, but…I mean it's also a lot of pressure. Your turn." Emma was listening intently, and missed Regina's spare.

Emma went up to bowl. Henry and Regina both sat awkwardly, suddenly only interested in the chili fries on the table. Henry had already decided that he was going to tell them about Lilo, but now his parents were showering him with gifts, and seemed so pleased with him all the time that he didn't want to ruin anything.

Regina didn't want anything to accidentally slip that she knew about his secret girlfriend, so she also kept the conversation focused on anything else. It was then that they watched Emma roll yet another gutter ball.

"Honey, we can have them come put the bumpers up."

"No way. When you're learning to drive, do they put bumpers on the roads for you?"

"Well, dear, if you had been driving like you bowl when you first got here, yes, I would have had the Department of Public Works put bumpers on the roads." Emma was trying not to be a baby about how much she sucked at this, so she sat down with a pout to let Henry take his turn.

"So I just couldn't stand it, Emma. He was at this girl's house, and she had a pool. And music. And sunshine, all the time. It was like living at a beach getaway. I had to do something, and I'm sorry I had to take measures into my own hands." Emma had forgotten while listening to Henry that she had another conversation going on. "I mean, she seems like a normal 14 year old, but I still want him to want to spend time with us, too. My turn."

Regina was up again before Emma was allowed to answer.

"I mean, it is a lot of pressure. What if I'm not the perfect kid everyone thinks I am?" Oh right, Henry's problems. "I love that Mom bought me all that stuff today. I love that we're hanging out right now like we are. I'm just afraid that if…I'm myself, I'm going to mess this all up." Emma was genuinely concerned, and wanted to say anything to reassure Henry that they would always want to do this with him, even if there were something he wanted to tell them. Like all of the things they already knew about.

"Your turn, dear." Regina was motioning for Emma to get up so Regina could return to their dinner and resume the awkward silence with Henry.

"Well, at least we know I'm quick." This time Emma's ball managed to knick a pin at the end before dipping off to the side.

She was soon back in her seat, next to Regina, who picked right back up where she left off.

"So I figured, if I made our place somewhere he wants to be and just as cool as a pool party, he would want to be there, and want to be there enough that he'd want his girlfriend there all the time too, so he'd have to tell us about it. My turn!"

Emma's head was starting to spin.

* * *

By the third game, Emma's advice was helping both Henry and Regina tremendously, which she normally would not have a problem with. However, she hadn't actually said a word yet to either of them.

"I mean, I know deep down that you guys would love me no matter what. But what if I mess it up? Does that affect you two? Are you definitely staying here forever? Are you planning on staying with my Mom? I think what you're saying is that you love everything, even my…friends by extension." Henry popped up before giving Emma the chance to answer.

Regina took his place within the same second. "So you're saying that he doesn't hide these things for us because we aren't giving him what he wants to stick around, it's because we're around him too much and he feels smothered? I think I understand. Your turn, dear."

Emma didn't even know what she was saying in her own head at this point. She stood up to take her turn, giving herself the pep talk she usually did before getting a big, fat, embarrassing gutterball in front of her whole family.

"Swan, you were the first sperm inside the egg. You are the winner. Act like it!" She thought her Savior self-motivation phrase over. She was a winner, and she was going to take control of the situation. She turned around before taking her turn.

"No."

"What, dear?"

"I'm not taking my turn. I'm skipping my turn, which forfeits me for the game that I was losing anyway. It's the last frame, we all know I lost. Instead, what we're going to do is talk."

"We're going to what, dear?"

"Talk. The three of us. Completely open. No more only two of us talking at once, or sneaking around and hiding things. We are a family, and we're going to act like it." Emma was now using her Savior Commander voice. It was Emma's leadership voice that Regina found immensely attractive, but that Henry had rarely been exposed to. He just knew that Emma meant business.

* * *

Regina poofed the three of them back to her home kitchen, since they had poofed to the bowling alley. Regina knew that Emma was tired from her weekend and was only staying awake to see them, so she wasn't going to add the burden of unnecessary transportation.

"Okay, here's how this is going to go. We're going to take turns putting everything out on the table that the others might not know, until we're not keeping secrets from each other anymore. Okay? No. More. Secrets. This is getting out of control."

Henry's eyes immediately grew wide, and he gulped what he very really for a split second thought would be his last breathe. This was happening, and it was happening now, with both of his Moms at once.

"Who has to start?" Regina asked, looking just as nervous as Henry.

"I think we should go oldest to youngest." Henry's suggestion was clearly to put himself last.

"Well, I think we should go youngest to oldest." Regina's counterattack made her position clear.

"We could do 'rock, paper, scissor'."

"No, that's easy to cheat at, and I know you're always paper. Do 'one potato, two potato'. It's much more efficient."

"ENOUGH." Emma was clearly going to have to remain in control with both Henry and Regina staving off this conversation like they were on death row choosing a last meal.

"Since I'm making us do this, I will start. Henry, we know you have a girlfriend."

Henry sat in shock. He really, genuinely, one-hundred percent had believed that they were not onto him. He really thought he was outsmarting the co-chairs of an entire magical knight university. He had no response, so Regina put her hand on Emma's to piggyback on her confession and present a unified front.

"It's true, dear. We've known for a little while now. We were hoping you would tell us on your own." Regina looked a bit sad at that comment, disappointed that Henry hadn't told them on his own. He saw the look on his mother's face, and started to feel the guilt creep in.

Henry still sat in shock. He hadn't formulated a response yet, because he was still so stunned that he was busted.

Emma decided to throw the kid a bone. "Your turn, Henry. And we're not doing this because we're mad. We're doing this so that we can talk about these things together. Why don't you tell us who she is. That'll be your turn."

Henry's mouth hadn't actually closed in the last two minutes, nor had he blinked. He caught up to everyone else by doing both of these things, and adding a swallow.

Then the floodgates opened.

"Her name is Lilo and she goes to my school and she's also 14 and she's really, really cool and she actually wants to meet you both like really, really badly ever since we met at August's birthday party a few weeks ago and her family's from Hawaii and did you know that everyone at my school thinks you two are married?" Emma was impressed with just how much Henry could squeeze out in one breath. She was picturing a future placement with the Storybrooke Knight Scuba Rescue Unit.

Regina was tearing up finally hearing all of this from her son. "She sounds lovely, Henry, and we would love to meet her. Wait – did you say everyone thinks we're married?"

"Hey, I just did my share turn. Your turn, Mom. I'm saving that for next round."

Regina took a deep breath. She felt like Henry had just bravely clued her into this whole secret world of his, and it made her feel as close to him as she wanted to be when she was buying him bribery toys.

"Well, Henry," She glanced up at Emma before looking back at Henry, "We've been spying on you. Extensively."

The smile dropped right off of Henry's face, and he was right back to shocked. Of course they knew how to spy. They lead the Elite Royal Guard. Henry realized at that moment that he must have a tremendous capacity for moronic ideas.

"It started because I knew you were sneaking someone over, and we didn't know anything about this person, so we gave you a watch with a GPS tracker in it, and put a spy camera in the den. However, since those two items made an appearance, nothing showed up on the den cam so we ditched it, but we still track you with the watch."

"How did I fall for that? I am your child, and you gave me a birthday-like present without it being my birthday. I can't believe I fell for that. One of my moms was a bounty-hunter. How did I not see this coming." Henry's level of being outsmarted had now hit a new level. At that point, he made a pact with himself to never, ever, ever try to outsmart him Moms.

"Okay, my turn kid. Here's the truth, you did lie to us, and snuck someone into the house without permission. I'm guessing you didn't do it to be mean, but I fully intend to keep GPS tracking you until you are an adult. If I see signs that you're sneaking around again, I will not hesitate to use military-grade surveillance tactics. Understood?"

"Yes, Emma. I guess it's my turn again. I didn't tell you because…well, when I do tell you things you tend to over react and hover over me. Like all the time. I can't inhale sharply without someone running over with a tissue." Both Emma and Regina were giving him a look of understanding. They knew they could be smother-mothers, but didn't realize it was so bad that their kid would just stop talking to them. "I didn't want to tell you and have you want to come with us everywhere, or insist on always being in the room with us, or something else extra-smothery and scare her off. I like her."

"I'm sorry, Henry. I understand what you're saying, and I think we can agree that in exchange for you still wearing the watch, we can back off a little. But we still need to know where you are, and when you have someone over." Regina couldn't believe how much progress they made just by talking to him.

"Thanks Mom. Your turn."

"Oh." Regina didn't realize they were going to continue.

"Okay, well, Henry, we knew you were sneaking around with someone, and we could track you, so…this weekend while Emma was gone your Grandfather and I tracked you to your girlfriend's house and spied. Just for a bit. Just to confirm that you were at a girlfriend's house, and not getting into any trouble." She had a mixed tone of both apology and firmness, since all of this stemmed from Henry's new ability to add "sneaky little bastard" to his resume.

Henry was back to shocked. He had dropped so many hints, and been so oblivious that his mother had flat out followed him, and he didn't notice? Not only was he not as crafty as he thought, he was quite the opposite.

"But, Henry, it doesn't matter because now we're not going to have this problem anymore. We won't overreact, and you can tell us things. So I think we can all move on from here, and agree that we're going to start talking about things."

The three of them couldn't have been more pleased that everything got out into the open, and at the end of the day they got a household milkshake machine out of it. Henry also made a decision in that moment that he would have to learn how not to be such a sitting duck, and also how to have his Moms meet Lilo without them falling back into the smothering routine.

* * *

"Oh no. We're not going to sleep yet. We're not done with 'truth or truth'". Emma climbed into bed with Regina with the bedside lamp still on. She saw no reason to go all the way back to her apartment when she knew she needed to pass out as soon as possible after this past weekend. However, there were still loose ends that needed tying up before she could do so.

"What do you mean? We told him everything. And I have to say, he took that really well. I feel so much better now, Emma. I'm really glad you're back." They were settled in side-by-side, looking into each other's eyes.

"Well, we're not done. My turn. I want you to be my girlfriend." Emma was still okay with leadership mode. It gave her a boost of confidence, especially after seeing how well things went with Henry.

Regina could not have been happier. She moved in closer, so that their noses were almost touching and her arm was around Emma's body.

"I am your girlfriend." That was Regina's last truth for the night. Emma leaned over to turn off the light, took Regina's face in her hands, and started kissing her. She didn't have much energy left before she knew she would pass out, but she wanted to show Regina physically how happy she was.

* * *

_**A.N. – Welcome to fluff burger, home of the fluff burger, can I take your order? :P**_


	9. Chapter 9

**A.N. – Can I just say that I love that everyone put "fluffburger" orders in their comments after the last chap?**

* * *

"It's just not fair. Everyone has someone. I mean, except you Rubes. But you know how to work it! You only go home alone at night when you want to. The last time someone tried to come home with me it was because they thought I lived with the Keebler Elves!" Tink was not quite Drunkerbell yet, but since Ruby and Snow could tell she was well on her way, they thought it best to stay with her at the Rabbit Hole to make sure she didn't get out of control on a weeknight.

"Well, I do know how to work it. I'll give you that." Ruby took the compliment, and pounded down another drink.

"Not helping, Ruby. Look, Tink, don't you think that's an exaggeration? I mean, you think everyone has someone? I know for a fact that three of the dwarves are single."

"Uggh don't get me started on them. If you've dated one, you've dated them all." Tink thought back to her time with Sneezy. Maybe things would work out better now that in Storybrooke he was a pharmacist, which means he has a real job, not just sitting at home all day on the Miner's Union waiting list. "Regina has someone, Emma has someone, the fact that they both dumped me doesn't help that situation, you're with Prince fucking Charming, Ruby has a line of suitors hoping to ever even be allowed to help her put on her coat, even Henry is getting some, and here I am, sitting in a treehouse night after night wondering if it's time to throw in the towel and get a Cheshire cat!"

Tink was now in full over reaction mode, and started to drama queen cry, throwing her head into her arm on the table, shaking with sobs.

"What are we supposed to do?" Snow whispered over to Ruby.

* * *

"Okay, Mulan, are we ready?" Emma and Mulan sat with in Emma's apartment with two coffee mugs, every kind of snack that could come out of a vending machine, notebooks, pens, pencils, highlighters, and any other office supply one could imagine the savvy student might procure to prepare for a lecture. Emma had clearly raided her department's supply cabinet. That also explained the two grenades on the corner of the table, "just in case."

"Yes, I think I'm ready to learn how to date."

"Good. Me too. Okay, do you want to start with _Kissing Jessica Stein_, _Loving Annabelle_, or should we just jump right to _The L Word_?"

* * *

Regina and Henry were having a quality night at home. In an effort to remember that she quite enjoyed her time being the spoiling parent, and to try to do things that Henry enjoyed to make sure he wanted to not just talk to her, but spend time with her, she agreed to learn the video game system. It was only fair.

She was sure she was going to have to use her best Evil Queen façade, and put on the show of enjoying herself. This was for Henry.

Until she discovered Henry's favorite game, _CastleStorm_.

* * *

"You can't narrow it down by any more than that?" Ruby asked, scribbling on a cocktail napkin.

They were trying to be helpful friends and ascertain what exactly is Tink's "type". In listing the Fairy's extensive dating history, they weren't coming up with very many common themes.

"We've got men, women, blondes, brunettes, baldies, short ones, tall ones, some of these aren't even our species, Tink. Ew." Snow was past trying to hold in her judgments.

"I know! I told you, I'm attracted to personality."

"Yes, but what _kind_ of personality." Ruby thought she could narrow something down to help a Fairy out.

"No, not what kind. That he or she has one." Ruby and Snow collectively rolled their eyes on that one.

* * *

"I think this one's mostly for you, buddy, since we don't actually know if your girl likes girls. I mean, technically." Emma was still taking notes through _Kissing Jessica Stein_, just in case. "Then again, she dated a sparkly imp-type of thing after he held her captive, so I'm pretty sure sexual orientation went right out the window with that one."

Her notebook pages were full of just as many ideas as Mulan's, to be fair.

_-Use the term "marinade" to not mean something food related_

_-Dinner with Mom and Dad – maybe a good idea_

_-Do not calculate the check to split it – even if you split the salad._

_-Just kiss her!_

Mulan was fascinated. She couldn't place a newspaper ad, since she and Belle already knew each other, even if it was just in passing. She wasn't sure enough of herself to actually ask her on a date, hoping the movies would give her some clues on that part. She just needed some way to get Belle out with her, and she was confident she could figure it out from there.

* * *

Henry knew it was an hour past his usual bedtime. He usually didn't have to be told to go to bed either; he usually wandered into his room voluntarily so he could read for awhile before falling asleep. Tonight, however, he was pretty sure that if he threatened to turn the game off before his mother had some sense of victory, he might end up grounded.

"Henry, are all of our archers dead? What is going – HIT THAT TROLL THING!" Regina was enthralled. She had spent hours watching Henry defend their virtual castle against every kind of attack imaginable.

Defending a castle. Ah, that was a feeling she missed. It was why she enjoyed having a balcony off of her office in a building that happened to be built out of very castle-like stones. It gave one the sense of power standing out on a balcony, like a balcony of a castle. She enjoyed it very much.

This was not just Henry's castle. It was _their_ castle. And she was not going to let it go down without a fight.

* * *

By one in the morning, Snow and Ruby were pretty sure that Tink wasn't too drunk, and they made sure she got home alright so they would all get to bed at some point.

Tink laid awake in her bed, trying to put the pieces together. Why did Emma like Regina now? With did Regina like Emma? Why was she attracted to the people she was attracted to?

And then it clicked. She was attracted to people who have been a hero. Everyone she's ever been on a date with has "saved the day" at least once or twice. They were from Fairytale Land, to be fair, so there was an abundance of heroes, but also of villains, and of villains-turned-heroes, like Regina.

She had to figure out a away to make herself appear more attractive to other Fairytale people. She was going to find a way to be a hero.

* * *

"We probably don't need to keep watching this." They were halfway through _Loving Annabelle_ before realizing it was a teacher/student romance, which applied to neither of them. Emma was ready just to move on. This was supposed to be educational, after all.

"We don't need it, but I kind of want to see what happens." Mulan admitted this while scribbling on her pad _beach house getaway?_ Maybe this would turn out to be useful.

* * *

Regina knew she was going to have to force herself to go to bed at some point. Henry had flat-out quit, albeit way past his never-enforced bedtime. She was left alone to defend the castle and figure out the controls all at once.

The over-tired daydreaming started at that point. She wondered if Emma would mind if she turned the house into a castle. She then wondered what Emma would look like in armor. She wondered what Emma would look like in armor on a horse.

She thought about sitting behind Emma on the horse, holding her from behind. She knew if Emma had been with her in Fairytale land and she were in her warm weather training armor, it would be an armor skirt over leather pants, with a sleeveless armor top over a tank top.

She would start the ride up close to the back of Emma's body, feeling the Savior between her thighs. She would run her arms up and down Emma's arms, one of her favorite Emma parts. She loved everything about Emma's body, but something about those arms. MMMmmmm.

She knew how the armor was built. She knew she would be able to move the Savior's hair over to kiss her neck from behind, letting the motion of the horse move their bodies along one another. She could easily slip a hand under the armor skirt, squeezing along the Savior's strong inner thighs. She knew there would be no getting into leather pants while on a horse, but she enjoyed the idea of teasing her girlfriend on the way to where ever they were going in this fantasy.

She also knew Emma by now. She new Emma would never make a sound while out riding in the forest like that. She wouldn't stop the Queen's movements either. She would try to keep her quiet whimpers low, until the Queen moved her hand higher, covering her warm center, applying just the right amount of pressure to break through the Savior's silence, causing a groan and a thrust forward into the Queen's hand. She would knead and squeeze her knight in time with the horse's rhythm, letting Emma choose to speed up or slow down by steering the horse while devouring the Savior's earlobe and neck from behind.

Regina knew at that moment that she was going to have to run upstairs immediately to abide by the unspoken "no touching oneself in the den" rule.

* * *

Regina was surprised the next day for a formal request from Mayor Tinkerbell for a meeting. While the two always had a good professional relationship, and an even better friendship, Tink usually just called or showed up whenever she damn well pleased. Of course, Regina couldn't say "no" after the Mayor had just decided to start being polite.

She told the Mayor to come right over whenever she was free that morning, which meant Tink was knocking on the door by 10:30.

"Mayor, it's good to see you, scheduling your meetings first."

"Well, I felt it was appropriate given what I wanted to talk to you about."

"Oh, and what would that be?" Regina legitimately had no idea what Tinkerbell could possibly want.

"Well, I wanted to know if the University would be interested in hosting an event for the community, since the campus has the space to do so more than the high school. Of course, the University would be allowed to keep a portion of the ticket sales for doing so."

"I would consider it. What did you have in mind?

"I want Storybrooke to host an Ironfairy competition."

* * *

"Please tell me you said yes! That would be a good thing, Regina! We could rake in a lot for ticket sales, it would be free advertising to Fairytale Land for the University, and I think a lot of students would want to do it." Emma and Regina were hanging out in Emma's office. Emma's office was much smaller than Regina's but they were less likely to be bothered there, and they were hardly dealing with any official business, both pretty much having their days wrapped up.

"I told her I'd have to talk to you, and probably the entire board, but that I wasn't opposed to the idea. You think it's good for us to make our first major event something that would be on this scale? Can Granny's Bed and Breakfast even hold the amount of people who would be coming from out-of-realm?" Regina was now thinking logistically, since Emma seemed to be encouraging the undertaking.

"If not, we can offer the athletes our extra dorm space for a discount. Then they'd have the advantage of already being on site." Emma was clearly excited. They lived in Storybrooke, Maine. No professional sports teams, or college teams. Emma had considered tailgating the Sunday morning infomercials for lack of a better alternative.

"Would you enter?"

"What?"

"If I call Tink and tell her to go ahead and plan it, would you enter the competition?"

"You think I should?"

"I would cheer for you."

"…I'll think about it." Emma knew telling Regina she would think about something was basically a yes, and Regina appeared to take it as such.

"Well, then somebody should call the Mayor and tell her we have a competition to plan."

Regina thought about how sexy it was when Emma trained for nothing in particular. She couldn't imagine how attractive she would find Emma when she was in top condition physically, mentally, and magically, all training that Regina was going to enjoy watching immensely. Preferably with the Savior wearing just her sports bra.

The fact that they had yet to sleep together was clearly ramping up the Queen's daily level of frustration.

* * *

That evening Mulan and Emma were back in their makeshift classroom, deciding to hold off on _The L Word_ until they were at least sophomore level lesbians. This was purely a reading group evening.

The Emma was highlighting directly in her new copy of _The Whole Lesbian Sex Book_, and Mulan was taking so many notes that she was basically copying the whole damn thing into her own handwriting.

"Wow…I didn't…wow." That was the majority of what was coming out of Emma's mouth.

"I thought you already knew how to please another woman?" Mulan had just assumed that Emma was the more experienced of the two.

"I've slept with women, if that's what you mean. I just didn't care at the time if I was, umm, performing very well, since I never planned on asking anyone back for a second round."

"Ohhhhh." Mulan understood. This was a motivational issue for Emma. Unfortunately for her, it was a "never done it" issue, and she envied Emma's even mediocre experience level.

They both felt kind of weird reading this stuff together, it was a little more embarrassing than Emma had expected. She knew Mulan was a complete novice, but she had no idea that there were so many things she was unfamiliar with. She started to get nervous.

_Lube comes in kinds? Where does one even buy lube? I've never used it before, but what if Regina wants it and she's over and I don't have any? Is this, like, expected?_

Mulan was having a very different approach, as she hand-copied the book.

_Holding hands – yes. Hugging – yes. Ice cubes on her belly – yes. Kissing – yes please! Kneeling – what?_

* * *

After two consecutive night class sessions, Emma and Mulan both felt much more confident. Emma, by the next night, was ready to start making the moves on Regina with all the fake confidence a knight should be able to muster. She was going to be smooth. She knew how not to date. She knew how not to get caught sleeping with a student, not that she and Regina have that problem, but she knew it now, and more importantly, she believes she now understand personal lubricants.

Axe body spray has nothing on a Savior on a quest for a Queen.

Go get 'em, Swan.

* * *

Mulan paced and paced and paced outside of the University library. She knew that Belle generally stayed there at night past even the students, loving that she was allowed to basically order as many books as she wanted, and had instant access to anything she wanted to read, hard copy or electronic.

Even though she was slowly healing from losing Rumple, even if he did only die after betraying all of her friends and switching sides, thinking the Wicked Witch was a better bet, it was still a tremendous loss. Being at home, alone, at night was always something that brought up that sense of loss and loneliness, which staying in the library until late generally helped with. She would just find something new to read so interesting that it would occupy her thoughts for a few hours.

Mulan knew she had to do it. After Mulan's pretend hostage weekend, she and Belle would share smiles in passing, but anytime it looked like Belle was going to come up and start talking to her outright, Mulan's shyness got the better of her, and she ducked out. Belle thought she and Mulan were just destined to just barely cross paths, not ever really having a conversation. But from what Emma and Regina had studied, apparently being turned down wasn't all that common. And, of course, there was a certain blind trust that what they've been watching and reading was accurate.

Mulan also had heard all about Belle's last lover from Emma and Ruby. Apparently, this guy was constantly choosing his darkness over her, and she thought Belle deserved so much better. All she had to do was ask her out. To do what, though?

She had no idea.

Drinks? Dinner? Should she just invite her to her place? No, people don't just go to the house of someone they barely know. That's how people get murdered. Coffee? Emma said something about having coffee with people, but in the movies it was usually a dinner date. What did Belle eat? What if she was a vegan? Were there any vegan restaurants in Storybrooke?

Mulan saw Belle slipping out of the library, quietly closing the door to not interrupt the silence of the large hallway. To Belle, Mulan had appeared suddenly out of nowhere.

"It's good to see you not tied up." Belle said when she saw the Warrior was trying to look casual, staring into a trophy display case from the senior jousting tournament.

"It's good not to be tied up."

"Are you on a security patrol this evening, Mulan?"

"No, I ahhh, I actually was hoping to see you." _Big breath in, Mulan. It's now or never. If this woman were a Medusa trying to kill you, you would charge right in without a second thought_.

"Oh?" Belle had a way of saying one syllable with just enough of a smile to relax even the most uptight, nervous warrior.

"I was hoping you might be interested in doing something with me Friday night?" There. It was out. No turning back.

"Well, I would be interested, if you're interested in perhaps walking a lady home so she's not alone in the dark, and we can discuss what Friday night might entail." Belle was still smiling, and linked her hand around Mulan's upper arm. Mulan smiled and started to walk Belle out into the cool night.

* * *

"No, Emma, pay attention. If you beat this level, you fight these evil turkeys. Well, I don't actually know if they're evil, but you can still kill them, and then we go back to the castle. If I could just figure out a way to make my little knight access my magic…"

When Regina had told Emma to come over, and that Henry was staying at August's for the night and then going with him straight to school, she could not under any circumstances have imagined that it was to watch Regina play a video game.

"That's, uh, exciting." Emma had no idea why she was over right now.

"It is! What do you think of me making this house look like more of a castle? Too arrogant?"

Ah, the real conversation. "I think if you want to do it, do it. Technically, you are still royalty, and your son is a prince on all accounts. Even if it's just cosmetic, if that's what you want, I say go for it." Emma really didn't mind either way, so if it made Regina happy, why not?

"Thank you, Emma. I'm going to look into designs. After I beat this game."

"Regina, games aren't beaten in a few days. They're beaten in weeks or months, depending on how often you play."

"Well, since I have actual experience in defending a real castle, I think I'll be on the faster side of things, dear."

"Regina." Emma now scooted right next to her girlfriend, pulling the controller out of her hand. Regina turned her head, and found herself nose-to-nose with the woman she thought was the most attractive person on the planet.

"Our son is out of the house, and we actually know where he is. And also, I don't want to play video games."

"You don't?" Regina put the controller on the coffee table. Emma pushed her back so that Regina was seated back, and straddled her lap. She started running her fingers through the Queen's dark hair, noticing how Regina never took her eyes off of her.

"Just like you can't keep our son here with pretty toys, I'm not here for your pretty toys. I'm here for you." Emma didn't give Regina a moment to answer, as she leaned right in for her kiss. All of what Regina had been dreaming about, not just the last few days, but the last few years of seeing the ever attractive Savior and never getting to actually touch her came rushing in.

Regina started kissing Emma in a way that made Emma forget her "lessons" of the last few days, letting her body run on instinct feeling Regina's body molding itself to her own.

* * *

_**Alright, alright. I promise I'm not going to twat block forever! I just had to stick one more in, because I'm evil like that. -Rogue**_


	10. Chapter 10

Emma was learning how difficult it was to remove someone else's clothing, and your own, all while refusing to stop kissing. She had Regina now laying on her back on the sofa. She had placed her body between the Queen's legs, and Regina's button down shirt was wide open, exposing a soft, quivering stomach.

Emma maneuvered off Regina's shirt, getting the dark-haired woman to sit up without breaking lip contact, also unclasping her bra, but not taking it off before lowering Regina back down onto the couch. When Emma's hands slipped under the silk cups to feel her skin, Regina had to break lip contact to gasp, her eyes shooting open to see the woman touching her. She loved when Emma touched her breasts, and her sensitive nipples perked up at the feel of the blonde's warm palms.

Emma locked onto chocolate eyes, milk chocolate with little specs of dark flickering through. She could tell from Regina's labored inhales that she was enjoying the Savior's touch, finding it difficult to keep her eyes open. She settled on keeping them half cast, still wanting to see the Savior's movements.

This time, as she started reaching for the blonde's belt, nobody stopped her. Emma sat back on her heels letting the desperate hands open the buckle, and then undo the button and pull down the zipper, all while never breaking eye contact. She thought seeing the Queen undoing her pants while panting in heat was the sexiest thing she had ever been in the presence of. She loved Regina showing her how much she was wanted.

Emma pulled Regina's bra clear off and went back to her mouth, leaning Regina back, feeling Regina's hands slip under her pants to grab her behind, feeling Emma's skin, and then moving upward under her shirt. The hands were encouraging the Savior to kiss harder, funneling her passion and dizziness and desire through her mouth, as she started to pull her own shirt up, until it reached her neck.

Regina was getting aggressive now. She had been wanting this for quite some time, and wanting it ever so badly once she new how good the Savior's lips and tongue felt against her own. While Emma pulled back to pull off her own shirt, Regina started tugging at the plain white bra.

Eventually, they tumbled their way up the stairs, fully free of clothing by the time they hit the bed, keeping their mouths together as much as possible, and when not possible, they stayed at least close enough to feel the other's breath.

Regina practically threw Emma down on her back. Nothing was stopping them this time, Regina was sure of that. She put her full body on top of the Savior, putting a thigh in between the blonde's, putting pressure on the smooth heat source that the Queen had ignited. Regina knew her own sex was soaked by that point; she was soaked by Emma's first brush of her nipples.

Emma wasn't expecting to be the one on her back, and if she were, not quite so quickly. She wasn't going to complain, either. Regina moved her leg against the Savior's center, pumping with her whole body while panting into Emma's ear. Regina latched on to Emma's right nipple with her wet mouth, feeling the texture of the sensitive peak against her tongue. Regina began moving her mouth back and forth between the Savior's nipples, giving each a firm sucking and licking, back and forth, enjoying the grunts it was creating from the woman writhing beneath her. Emma's moans were now coming in rhythm with Regina's leg, until Regina couldn't wait any longer before moving down between Emma's thighs, face to face with her bare sex.

Between the sight of what Emma must have thought to shave freshly that morning, and the scent that hit Regina's nose right away, her mouth was watering. The Queen wanted to learn both the taste and the texture of the Savior's softest, most intimate part.

She started at the smooth patch of skin. There wasn't even a hint of stubble. Emma must have been thinking about this moment, and given herself time to prepare. Regina found this to be a tremendous turn-on. She gave the smoothness long, hot licks, letting the anticipation build, before licking down to the very cleft of where the skin would part into lips. The Savior let out a long, low groan at feeling Regina's mouth so close to where she was hoping she'd go. She could see the blonde's clit peaking out through perfect pink inner lips, her wetness seeping out a bit lower.

She gave a few long, soft licks before placing her mouth over Emma's perfect bud, letting the natural juices soak her chin, pressing her face in further. Emma gripped Regina's hair, holding on like she might completely lose all control.

Which is exactly what happened. Regina's sucking never lightened up, her whole face pressing into Emma, wanting to feel more of Emma, to have her arousal all over her face, even if it meant speeding the Savior towards her orgasm. She threw the Savior's thighs over her shoulders, snaking her arms around to hold down her stomach. Emma, who up until that point had stopped speaking completely once they had begun, yelled out her Queen's name as every muscle felt the energy shoot through her. She saw her own magic bursting white, gold, and light purple behind her eyelids, having no idea if it were also bursting in a way that Regina could see or feel, also not having the ability to ask at that moment.

Regina didn't let go right away, keeping a tender part of her girlfriend in her mouth, but without sucking the most certainly sore bud. Emma had not lost consciousness, but lost sight and sound, only feeling the mouth between her thighs. She kept her mouth there, cradling the Savior's nerve endings in her mouth, feeling the pulsing against her face, until Emma's sensitivity forced her to push Regina away. The Queen moved to kiss the inside of her thighs.

* * *

It took Emma a couple of hours to recover from Regina's lovemaking, after falling asleep curled up next to Regina with her head on the Queen's chest. She awoke in the middle of the night, as though she had slept a full eight hours even though it couldn't have been more than two or three.

The Queen was still asleep. She had fallen asleep without the Savior returning her affections, and Emma found this to be unacceptable. Just looking at the naked brunette turned her passion level back to off the charts. She rolled on top of her lover, and started kissing her jaw, awakening her gently.

Regina moaned, slowly coming out of her nap, putting her hands around the soft, warm body on top of her out of instinct. She loved how Emma felt on top of her, with their bodies pressed together, their hips already knowing their desired rhythm, perfectly matching each other.

Regina was then awake, and very aware of what was occurring. She showed her approval by moving her legs so that they wrapped around Emma's hips, and used her heels to pull Emma's pubic bone directly into her center. Emma kept her arms where they were, cradling Regina's face on each side, and looked right into the dilated brown eyes.

She could see exactly what Regina wanted, and kept their bodies pressed together as she began her grinding motion into the soaking wet, whimpering Queen. Emma kept a steady slow, deep grind, feeling her shaven skin pushing into a very swollen clit, sliding her way through desperate lips. She was rotating between kissing Regina, pulling back to stare into her eyes, and burying her face in the brunette's shoulder, kissing and biting down on the skin there, and moving back to full eye contact. Judging from Regina's moans and her own hip movements, encouraging the Savior to continue, the Queen appeared to be in sexual bliss.

Emma couldn't get enough of Regina's eyes. They were a different shade of brown than her hair, lighter, and creamy looking, like a chocolate fountain. The intimacy of staring into Emma's eyes, feeling her against her full naked form, and grinding into her wet heat had Regina in absolute sensual heaven. Her arms never left the back of the Savior's neck, keeping her close.

Emma caught on after a few more minutes that she wasn't providing enough pressure to bring Regina the kind of bursting pleasure that she had experienced earlier, and went to kiss her way down the soft, shaking body.

"No." Regina ran her fingers through Emma's hair, and pulled her back up so they were face to face.

"Baby, you can't come like this." Emma was back staring into the chocolate pools, pressing their cores back together, enjoying the gasp it produced.

"I don't care if I come. I want to feel you. Everywhere. And I don't want you to stop." Emma knew what she meant. She didn't want to have to give up any of their skin contact either, or being face to face. Emma kissed her, showing Regina that she wouldn't go anywhere; she was right where she wanted to be.

"We can have both." Emma's answer was a promise, and she kept her body pressed to Regina's, staying between her legs. She only lifted up enough to move a hand between their grinding centers, moving her fingers up and down the Queen's soaked, and now oversensitive slit, and then quickly settling her body back down. The change in contact was enough, while still providing the closeness that Regina needed that within a minute the chocolate eyes that had Emma mesmerized rolled back into her head, a cry catching in her throat, struggling to come out, as Emma felt her Queen pulsing around her fingertips while arching her back.

Emma stayed face to face with her lover, kissing her down from her high, keeping her hand between them to run her fingers through soft, short, dark curls. They stayed like this for a long while, exchanging kisses and looks, until their eyes naturally started to close, and Emma settled onto Regina's body for sleep.

* * *

The next morning, Regina was the first awake. They had shifted so that they were both on their right sides, with Regina as the big spoon. She could feel Emma's full body moving with slow, deep breaths.

Regina thought that when she finally did wake up after a night with the Savior, she would freak out, or not know what to say and play possum until she left to get ready for work. However, once it actually happened, waking up wrapped around Emma felt completely normal to her. She was comfortable with their bodies pressed together, smiling as she thought back to the night before.

She could see Emma's natural comfort with the situation as well, as she rolled over, and smiled at the sight of bed-head Regina. She had never seen anything more gorgeous in her life, and decided right then that Regina, first thing in the morning, with no make up, sex-tossed hair, in all of her natural beauty was perfect.

Regina kissed her good morning, pressing just their lips together, suddenly worried that she might have morning breath. She didn't want to scare her Savior off after such a satisfying night together.

Emma pulled back. "Mind if I skip my morning workout today, my Queen? I think I came so hard, my abs are still sore from last night." Emma was smiling brightly, running her fingers along Regina's jawline.

"Hmmm, skipping out today? What am I going to do with my morning then?" Regina rolled onto her back. Without missing a beat, Emma rolled right on top of her.

"I can think of something things that are better than watching me sweat from twenty yards away." She let out a growl before introducing her new lover to the wonders of morning sex.

* * *

Snow White had been nothing but a supreme princess crankypants since returning back from the weekend excursion. Anytime Charming tried to get her to talk, she just bit his head off all the more aggressively. She tensed as soon as she got home from school, and on nights where she taught University classes, she was extra snappy. This was one of those nights. Emma had been all smiles and giggles all day, and by the time Snow arrived to teach her night session, Regina and Emma were making goo-goo eyes at each other in the faculty lounge. Seeing Emma and Regina acting all cutesy and couple-y with each other was one quick way to set off Snow's continuous bad mood, spiraling into just plain nastiness.

Charming thought that maybe she was stretching herself too thin by working a full day at the elementary school Monday through Friday and still teaching twice a week at the University. However, suggesting a cut-back in working hours meant that Prince Charming was now the target of all of Snow's pent up aggression.

"Oh, so I should just work less because YOU think it's too much for me to handle. Forget what I might want, David, forget that this is just my CAREER we're talking about. It's not like 'princess' is a real job option in this world."

"Okay, then don't cut back. It was just a suggestion. At the end of the day, I just want you to be happy."

"Well, I'm not! So there! I'm not happing now, and I'm not going to be happy cutting back! So learn to deal with it!"

David had a split second where he was thought coming into this conversation without at least a shield, if not full armor, was a mistake.

"Well, if it's not working too much, what is it? Something's bothering you, Snow, I can see it. It's upsetting for me to have to watch you slam things around every night."

"Oh, way to make it always about YOU, David. What about what I want? Hmm? Does anybody think of that? Is anyone thinking of me at all?"

Clearly, David was going to have to start fishing to drag this out. And he knew that since Snow was the most wound up after working with the knights-in-training, the bait should most likely be Emma.

"I'm on your side, Snow. I think it's good to remember that. We're a team, even if we don't always agree, or in situations like now, where I don't know what's going on, so I don't know if we agree. Is Emma upsetting you?"

Snow crossed her arms over her chest. Clearly, David had struck a chord, as Snow now refused to answer.

"Okay, so how much is it freaking you out that Emma is dating your Step-mother?"

Snow looked incredibly pissed that he went there, but she did have the sense to know that she can't spend all of her time snapping at her husband and in the end still have one.

"It's not that she married my father, David. Really. She was never really my 'step-mother'. She just happened to be this evil woman who lived with us."

"Okay, so it's the evil part? Because the most dangerous thing she's done in the last few years was missing that one block club meeting about putting in rose bushes. I think she was just trying to get out of having to actually plant a rose bush."

"I know she's not evil, David. We made our peace with each other before the Great War. I'm not crazy about her, but I'm not cranky about her either, if we're being honest."

"Well then what's actually going on? C'mon, Snow. If you can't talk to me, who can you talk to?" She knew he was right. They might sneak around each other like when David tries to slip things into the grocery cart that they don't really need, or when Snow sends Ruby to be a secret spy…actually, no, they clearly had been hiding plenty from each other.

Snow decided they did need to start talking. Or, rather, that she needed to. David was as transparent as plastic cling-wrap. She was the sneakier of the two, who held more inside until it was forced out.

"Okay, it is about Emma."

"So you're mad at Emma for dating Regina?"

"No. David, get off of the Regina train. I don't care that it's Regina. It's just…Emma never calls me 'Mom' unless I'm making her angry, but she calls you Dad whenever you give her the 'anything for my little girl' face. We missed her first birthday, we missed her first day of school, we missed her first period, yes, David, I said period, stay with me here…it's just that we missed so many mother-daughter milestones that I thought that once we were together again, we wouldn't skip over them voluntarily."

"So you're mad at Emma because you missed her first date, and she just carried on dating like an adult once we came into her life?"

Snow pinched the center of her forehead. David, while truly a caring husband, wasn't always the sharpest knife in the drawer.

"I'm saying, David, that Emma never actually came out to me."

"Oh. Oh! I get it…I think. So you didn't know she liked women?"

"Of course I did. I have eyeballs, David. That's not the point. It's just that from everything I've read and seen, it's supposed to be a big deal when you come out to your parents. Emma didn't think I was important enough to come out to at all, before or after the curse broke." It was especially upsetting after today. She knew what Regina looked like when love sick from the first time all those years ago, but she didn't think Emma was the goo-goo eyes type. It was like she didn't know Emma at all.

David understood exactly what she was saying. Emma might call him "Dad" and have a certain fondness for him, but it was nowhere near parent-child level bonding.

"I guess maybe we could put in more of an effort too. If we want her to be closer to us, it's our move. What can we do to make Emma feel like she can talk to us, even if we don't completely feel like her parents yet?" David could see the wheels start spinning in Snow's head before he even finished his question. How to get Emma to interact with them like parents, indeed...

David's wheels, or should we say wheel more appropriately, also started turning at that moment. How would he get Emma to come out to people who already knew she was gay so Snow could have just ONE happy, touching, mother-daughter moment?

* * *

Emma sat next to Mulan, still grinning like a seven year old with her first lollipop. However, she was being outdone by Mulan's ear-to-ear stretch of her own.

"I'm guessing you've been having a good time." Emma had no idea what was going on. Had Mulan finally mustered up the moxy to say something to Belle's face? She looked like she might have passed her a note through Ruby that said, "Do you like me? Circle Yes or No."

"I asked her out." Mulan's grin grew even wider, which Emma didn't think was possible until she saw it.

"That's great! Oh man, that's awesome! I mean, I'm guessing she said yes, since you're still, you know, showering and dressing in the morning and not cradling a pint of cookies n' cream. Yes, I know your sad-face ice cream."

"She not only said yes, but she let me walk her home, and she kissed me on the cheek."

"Alright!" Emma put up her hand for a high-five, and Mulan happily complied.

"What about you? Looks like you had the same."

"Not exactly."

"What? You asked her on a date and she said no?"

"No, no nothing like that. This is my happy face, Mulan. We're just…skipping the dating part, I guess."

"I don't get it."

"Well, let's put it this way. You know that book we read last week? Well, it doesn't even come close to describing what it's really like."

"Oh. OH!" Mulan turned red, having the decency to look away before giggling into her beer. "I'm happy for you! Looks like we're both finally hitting some luck in the lady department. But, I still need some help."

"You don't need any help, Mulan. You're right on track. She's going out with you all because of your own charm, not from anything we watched in a movie. Just be yourself."

"Don't leave me hanging, Emma. Please. I want to do this right. I don't want our first date to be something we look back on years later, and Belle has to give me a pity look and a comfort pat when we're talking about it. I want it to be good."

Emma had sympathy. She understood Mulan's nervousness. Really, Mulan was experiencing everyone else's high school dating jitters in her mid-twenties. It really wouldn't be fair to leave her hanging.

"Okay, but only if Regina can help too. What? I know I'm the Charming, but believe it or not she's more of the romantic charmer. And she knows how to be sneaky, which I'm sure will come in handy."

* * *

Tink was now making it a point to badger Ruby as much as possible during her diner shifts, since sitting at the counter basically made her a captive audience.

"It's perfect! I'm only putting in the top three events that I know I can win. Who wouldn't find an Ironfairy attractive? I mean think about how everyone goes crazy over Olympians. People of moderate attractiveness immediately jump to 'fuck me now' material when they're winners. Big winners. Like the kind of winner I'm going to be when I'm an Ironfairy winner."

"Hey, I'm not saying doing a competition is a bad idea. I think it's actually a really, really good idea, if you have the time to train for it. But I just think it's a lot of work for a lot of the wrong reasons."

"Please. If I were a guy, Ruby, and I were sitting here telling you I wanted to be a rock star to pick up chicks, nobody would bat an eye. Why can't I be an all-star to pick up chicks? Or dudes? Or…well, let's just say I'm negotiable."

"Tink, negotiable is the polite term for desperate."

Tink threw a fry over at her friend, and continued munching along happily. The fries would have to go once she started seriously training, so for now she was going to enjoy the greasy goodness.

* * *

Regina was sitting on one end of the couch, watching Henry read a book. Literally watching him. She wanted him to notice her, and stop reading on his own, instead of her barging in and interrupting him. Interrupting would be the kind of behavior that a smother-mother would do, and Regina had promised to no longer smother her child. That didn't mean that she didn't still want to. Tremendously.

Regina sighed. Henry didn't even acknowledge her presence.

She frowned, and sighed a bit louder, and more dramatically.

"Hi, Mom." Henry said without letting his eyes leave his book.

"Hi, dear." Henry now could feel his mother's eyes burning into him without having to look.

"What?"

"Oh, I don't want to interrupt you dear. Whenever you're done."

"Okay." Henry continued reading.

"Aaaahhhh." That was Regina's most exaggerated sigh yet. Henry knew at that point she wasn't going away. He dog-eared his page and closed the book.

"Okay. What?"

"Good. You're done. Henry, I don't want you to think I'm pressuring you, dear, but you did say now a few days ago that we would get to meet this Lilo you've been seeing."

"I know."

"So, Emma and I talked about it, and we would like you to pick how we meet her. If you'd like to bring her over for dinner, we'd love to have her. If you want us to take the two of you out somewhere, we can do that too. Whatever makes you comfortable is okay with us, as long as we get to meet her. Soon." Regina was really trying not to sound pushy. Instead it was coming out as desperate.

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Sure. I said you could meet her, believe it or not she's been bugging me for awhile about meeting you."

"Really?" Regina was surprised. Pleasantly surprised. She suddenly liked the girl she had only had a glimpse of from a tree. If she _wanted_ to meet his Moms, she couldn't be all that bad.

"Sure. Maybe we can have her over for dinner? The four of us? She wanted to hang out with me Friday night anyway. Maybe I can see if she's cool with coming over here?"

Regina was ecstatic. No, this was beyond ecstatic. She didn't ram her needs down his throat, and he agreed to have Lilo over. Their family agreement was actually working!

"Friday night would be great, Henry. I'll tell Emma."

* * *

"Shit! Regina, Shit!" Why Emma was now swearing at her was not something Regina understood.

"What, dear? I thought you wanted to meet her as much as I did!" Regina was glad she decided to call her girlfriend instead of text this conversation out.

"I told Mulan I'd date-coach her Friday night. Actually, I sort-of suggested you might be helping too."

"And how exactly does one 'date coach', Emma?"

"I was just going to sit outside the restaurant and wait for text updates. Anything along the lines of 'save me' means I bust in and tell her there's an emergency with Special Forces. If she gets stood up, then I'm supposed to come in and have a beer with her so she doesn't look like she just got ditched. You know, we have a plan."

"Well, I'm not backing us out of this. I don't want to give him the chance to change his mind."

"Okay. Fine. I think there's another option. Do you still have the earpiece and wrist microphone spy-talk thingie you used when you stalked our son while I was away? I thought I saw it in your room a couple of days ago."

"Yes. David wasn't interested in keeping any equipment that he couldn't use recreationally."

"Well, if I can borrow it, I can have dinner with you three without completely leaving Mulan hanging. I think I can convince Mulan to let me be a 'date-secret-service' type of friend instead of an all out 'date-coach'. It's really just having the crutch to make her feel less nervous that's important."

"Emma, if you blow this for us, so help me."

"Hey. I miss you." That put an end to Regina's threatening Queen voice immediately. Emma already knew how to melt the Queen into just Regina, who she missed every time they spent a night in their own homes and beds.

"I miss you too. Okay, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. Only because you have a cute butt."

* * *

_**Happy Weekend, Readers! -Rogue**_


	11. Chapter 11

Emma and Regina were in Regina's office on official business. Emma had made a meeting and everything. They had to review the curriculum for next year's hand-to-hand combat training, now that Mulan was around to help. And if everything went well with Belle that night, she'd stick around for sure when they offered to extend her contract for the next year.

They had to choose their preferred martial arts to draw from, taking into account a new Professor's specialties. They might allow melee combat weapons, another point they had previously been arguing about. They had new space outdoors for training during nicer weather. They still wanted the students to take a written test in addition to actually having to spar, on par with the rest of the University's standards. They had to decide, incrementally, what techniques to introduce them to, and in what order.

Unfortunately, none of that is actually what was happening. It wasn't anyone's fault, really. Emma had noticed that since they had become intimate, Regina needed reassurance from Emma. More often than not, she needed it in the form of physical contact. A hand squeeze here, a rub on the back there, even when they were having sex, Regina clung to Emma like someone was going to come in and take her away. Emma noticed that Regina still went out of her way to subtly touch her, not unlike they did before their first kiss, but now with a different meaning. Regina was insecure. Emma wanted to reassure her.

However, the fact that she now was working on the buttons on the Queen's top after popping up to lock the door meant today's meeting was way beyond "reassurance".

* * *

Charming was pacing the hallway outside of Regina's office, knowing Emma was in there having a meeting. He wanted to grab her casually on her way out, and have a talk. No pressure. Just a casual, "Hey, can we pretend we don't all know you're batting clean-up on the Indigo Girls team so your Mom can feel like a mother when you come out to her?" type of conversation. Just a gentle suggestion.

These meetings tend to run long. Prince Charming was getting tired of pacing and sat outside the door.

* * *

"Emma. Emma. _Emma, God_." Regina's lover had not had very many encounters in which to learn her preferences, but either Emma was a quick learner, or Regina was fairly transparent in her desires. Either way, the Savior already learned _exactly_ what to do to the Queen's very sensitive nipples. Regina was grateful for front-clap bras that day.

Very grateful.

* * *

"Oh, hi David. Do you have a meeting with Regina?" Mulan strolled up to the Chair's wing of the main administrative building to find David sitting with his back to one side of the hallway, bouncing a ball to the other side.

"No, not at all. Actually, I was kind of hoping to catch Emma. She's in there too. They have administrative stuff to go over, so I'm just going to wait."

"Well, actually I was hoping to catch Emma too. But if you need her, it's nothing important. I'm sure the curriculum needs more attention."

"Nope. You caught me. Not looking for Emma for official business. I was hoping to talk to her about personal things too. But look, I won't take long. I can just grab her for a minute, and then she's all yours."

"I…thanks, David. It's nice to work with people who are all on your side. Mind if I wait with you?"

"Not at all. I could use the company. So, you never did tell me how you became a Warrior." Mulan smiled. She had went from travelling Fairytale Land countrysides usually on her own or with an occasional companion, to waking up every day to teach students about things she loved, and with a kind group of friends.

"Well, it all started when my father was going to be drafted into the War…"

* * *

The Queen was just about full-on purple. Not from magic, but from the marks the Savior was leaving on her neck and chest. Regina was straddling her girlfriend's lap, in what started as a, "Hey, I missed you" kiss and quickly turned into, "Lock the door, and nobody has to know we're here."

Emma was running out of places to bite and suck, and Regina was digging her hands into Emma's scalp. Emma went back to a nipple, pulling it into her mouth yet again, relishing in the feeling of Regina on her body, and how it was hardening on her tongue.

She then switched to the other side, knowing Regina was turned on enough to handle little scraps of her teeth.

"Emma. Please. Please." Regina wasn't capable of saying much, but she had enough left in her to beg for Emma's touch. Anywhere Emma could put her hands or mouth, she wanted to feel her.

"Baby, I thought we said we weren't having sex on campus?"

"I thought we were having a meeting. Things change."

"Regina, what if a student needs to see you?"

"You locked the door, didn't you?"

"Yeah."

"Take off my skirt."

* * *

"So, from then on, I was a foot soldier."

"Wow." Charming did appreciate a good story. Especially when it involved a battle-zone backdrop.

"I can't believe you snuck everyone into the palace in drag!"

"I know! I can't believe they agreed and it actually worked!"

"So is this like, naughty fight club time-out?" Since Tink's choice of Mayor footwear involved many pairs of flats in different colors, nobody had heard her come down the hall. "I know, first rule of fight club…" Tink shot the soldiers a wink.

"Hey, Madame Mayor. Are you here for Emma too?" Mulan was more than willing to let another person in the line. Apparently the advice of a Savior was a hot commodity that day.

"Nope. I'm actually hoping to snag Regina before she packs up for the day. If this is how she treats the people who make appointments, then I should stick to just showing up."

Mulan chuckled. "Actually, this is the Emma line. I suppose we might as well start one for Regina, too. David, how long have they been in there, anyway?"

* * *

Regina had one hand in Emma's hair, as she sat on her leather office chair with Emma on her knees, head fully in between Regina's thighs. The other hand was awkwardly knocking around things on the desk, looking for something to shove in her mouth as a muffle.

"Emma. Em. EMMA. Yes!" She was so close to shouting.

Emma smiled, the Queen's bundle of nerves still in her mouth. Regina was not interested in quiet sex. Her Savior loved that about pleasing her.

Regina opened her top drawer and found a scarf, tucking it into her mouth, and letting her now free hand join the other in her lover's hair.

Emma knew this meant she found something to damper the screams, and started to suck.

Hard.

* * *

Tink also got tired of pacing, and sat down next to David, across from Mulan.

"Well," she said, looking at her watch, "It's five o'clock somewhere, and that somewhere is now here!" David and Mulan both checked their watches, seeing it was indeed now 5pm. Tink pulled a flask out of her purse.

"FairyFire. Bathtub moonshine style." She took a swig and passed it on to David.

David figured that with the kind of conversation he needed to have with Emma, and how he needed to make it quick given the level of high demand she was in these days, a little liquid courage couldn't hurt.

* * *

Emma felt exactly what she wanted to feel. She felt Regina's legs clamp shut around her head. She felt the wetness that now went beyond her chin, and had started to drip down onto her chest and the chair. She felt Regina's grip on her hair and heard the muffled scream, with the Queen's head thrown back, all of the veins in Regina's neck popping out from the release as her body jerked through her orgasm.

As the Queen started coming down, Emma stayed between her legs, giving her soft licks, feeling Regina jump a bit at each one, knowing how sensitive she was from coming so hard. She gave a few more soft licks, until the jumps weren't so pronounced, and then a few long ones up her entire center, until Regina wasn't pulling away, but instead building back up.

Emma then put her mouth back on her girlfriend, and quickly pumped in three fingers.

* * *

Tink finished the last of the flask, having downed most of it herself anyway. David refused anymore after a couple of swigs, and Mulan preferred to go to her date that night sober. Surprisingly, though, Tipsy Tinkerbell seemed to be receptive to everyone's advice.

"So, you agree with Regina that we should get an official sponsor to do an IronFairy? I thought she was just giving me red tape to get around."

"Well, think about it. What motivation do contestants have to put in all that training? We know how good you are magically, and you're in good shape. It's not like they're volunteering for an easy win if it's just for bragging rights. A monetary prize would probably help attract people." David was right. So far, the only people who had expressed interest in competing were Tink and Emma, at Regina's urging.

"So we find a sponsor, and offer a cash prize. It's actually genius!" David was all smiles. He enjoyed being the one to give out advice, especially since his own daughter seemed to need it from him so infrequently.

"And Mulan, I think you should wear whatever you're comfortable in." David then thought he would try to stretch his fatherly advice to a second ear.

"David, I'm comfortable in my camo. I don't want to be comfortable, I want to be, well, dashing." Mulan turned a little red at that admission. She didn't think anyone would have a problem with her taking Belle on a date, but she hadn't expected David to be so overly welcoming.

David was so happy that Mulan had brought up why she wanted to talk to Emma. He couldn't think of one instance when Emma was getting ready for a date and asked for his advice on anything. How could she never ask? He was Prince Charming! He was supposed to be the prototype for sweeping princesses off their feet! He was aware, however and in Emma's defense, that she was currently courting a Queen and not a princess, so maybe his skills wouldn't be up to par.

"Okay, then moving away from comfortable. You looked good in the button down shirt from formal last year, with the suspenders and the fedora." Mulan thought back to what she had worn. She had left the button down open to expose her tight tank top (and the body she spent an hour a day running, partially for training purposes, and partially to look good), with a hat and matching suspenders.

She liked that outfit. When she was first picking out Storybrooke appropriate clothes she had seen a more androgynous looking woman wearing it in a magazine, and set out to find it. She was confident in it. It was perfect.

"David, thank you. That's perfect. I feel better already."

"Yeah, David. You're a great help!" Tink and Mulan were now looking at David with the "thanks for being a Charming dad" look. He was quite proud of himself.

At that point, Henry had made his way down the hall.

"Grandpa, have you seen Emma? I don't know where she is, and Lilo's coming over for dinner in an hour. I don't know where my clip-on tie is and I have to get ready."

"Well, Henry, we're all waiting for her here. Care to join Emma's fan club?"

"Actually, David, I'm good now. I think I can go. Tell Emma I said hi, and thanks for helping me out later? Just a little reminder that she agreed to do that?" Mulan stood up to leave, and Tink stood up behind her.

"Yeah, I'm going to head out too. Thanks David."

"Okay. Good luck tonight, Mulan, even though I'm sure you don't need it. Nice to see you, Mayor Tink." David shot the two women he had newly bonded with his best Charming smile as they left the hallway.

"So, Henry. You have a girlfriend now?"

* * *

Regina had never come twice in a row before. To be fair, she had rarely come once at the hands of another person, and when she had, it was in rougher sexual situations where she had ordered it from whatever attractive person she had picked up for a one-night performance while Queen. Even when pleasing herself, once was the limit.

The Savior seemed set on blowing through limits that afternoon.

She was using her mouth, hard, knowing Regina would need the extra stimulation, while rubbing her G-spot.

Regina was incoherent. She couldn't make words anymore, not even having the voice to yell Emma's name. She was all animal grunts, her hands clutching Emma's head, tangling through her hair, grabbing her shoulders, her arms, anything she could feel of Emma, using her hands to claw out her desperation for what Emma was attempting to give her.

Regina felt it building. Emma's arm was burning, making her press on with even more vigor.

She pulled away from Regina for just one moment.

"Regina."

The Queen looked down through her hazy eyes.

"Come in my mouth." Emma put her own mouth back to work.

The command was enough to send Regina to a new level, coming hard around Emma's fingers, sending liquid all over the chair beneath them. The scarf had fallen out of her mouth at some point, and her scream echoed through the entire room as she gripped Emma to her center, shaking through a second orgasm.

The scream that was now able to reach the hallway outside.

* * *

Charming's eyes went wide as Henry had finished telling him all about Lilo, and he heard an unmistakable sound from inside the office. It suddenly clicked for him why they were taking so long.

"Hey, buddy. How about we stop over at my place, and I'll show you how to tie a real tie, and you can meet up with your moms at home?" Charming hoped that was enough of a cover and that Henry hadn't noticed the screams.

"Sure, Grandpa. Thanks!"

* * *

_**A.N. – Dearest Readers: Please take this chapter as an apology for my playing hooky all weekend. And don't get used to the smut! Only when it's earned! Next chapter: Lilo's "Meet the Parents" and Mulan's first date! See all of the exciting things that happen in SQ Universe? -Rogue**_


	12. Chapter 12

The doorbell rang at exactly 7PM, which is also exactly when Regina was pulling a perfectly timed casserole out of the oven, insisting on having it finish exactly when Lilo was to arrive, giving it _exactly_ ten minutes to cool and set before Regina would want to cut into it.

Regina had the whole evening planned out the day before, down to "exactly" everything. It was all set up before they had left for work that day, so all Regina had to do was stick a tray in the oven. Emma thought that explained why Regina had decided they had the time to get frisky a couple of hours ago, still leaving them time to change and straighten up.

Since Emma had joked with Regina earlier in the week about putting Lilo through a round of "twenty questions", Regina had also worked out exactly twenty questions that she wanted to ask Lilo. And to ensure that she didn't have to memorize them and risk forgetting any, she hid little index card cheat sheets all over the kitchen and her spot at the table, so she could reach any of her questions at any time.

Of course, Henry had no idea. She wanted to give the girl a pop quiz, after all, not notify either of them of an exam. She also didn't feel the need to tell Emma.

"Regina, why is there a piece of paper that says 'Tell us about your friends. What sort of people do you hang around with besides Henry?' taped to the top of the cake dish?" Emma actually contemplated for a split second if the note was for her, some sort of elaborate hint that she's been hanging out at Mulan's too often for her girlfriend's liking. And why would Regina feel the need to ask her from a container inside of the fridge?

"It's on the cake, dear, because I don't want to get to that line of questioning until dessert. Put it back."

Emma groaned. "So, these are questions for Henry's girlfriend? Can't we just leave the poor girl alone on the first night?"

"The point of meeting her is to get to know her. Don't you think it's important to know with whom she chooses to associate? What if her other friends are frequently suspended from school? Hmmm? Or smoking the pan?"

"It's pot, Regina. And they're not smoking it."

"Actually, in our world kids smoke the pan. It's much worse than pot. You actually have to fight the plant itself to harvest it. It puts up a fight, Emma, who do you think they named it after? And if you think that's bad, you should see what magical sexually transmitted diseases look like. I mean, if you think herpes sounds bad, you should see - Oh! That's a good one too. Emma, I need another index card."

Emma decided it was time to intervene. She stepped in, physically holding Regina's arms to her sides. She looked into nervous brown eyes.

"Regina, we are not asking this girl if she has an STD on her first night over here. Please. If she's nice, and we like her and want her to stay with Henry, you're not going to scare her away."

Regina's shoulders deflated at that. "Okay. No sex or drug questions. None that are overt. Or that I haven't already written."

"Regina! How many more of these questions are there?"

"Oh, a few more."

"And THIS is the kitchen." Henry made sure that announcement was made loudly right outside of the kitchen door so that his mothers knew he had indeed let Lilo in, and had begun the tour of the downstairs, a scenario that had been pre-choreographed by his mothers. Emma and Regina both preened themselves in anticipation of the big moment.

* * *

"Lumiere's Bistro" was busy on a Friday night, so it was a good thing that Mulan had thought to get reservations. She thought after all her and Emma's research, her first date should be to a restaurant. She felt she had learned enough about taking a woman to a restaurant environment to actually try it out. She would not take out a calculator and attempt to split the bill.

Belle had originally said yes because she thought Mulan was cute, and known for her bravery, and honestly just seemed like an all around nice person. Tonight, however, Mulan was at the table she had reserved at the restaurant with all of that, and now an added dose of hotness. _Wow_, Belle thought, _she's sexy out of her soldier gear_. Mulan saw Belle coming in, wearing a slightly higher than knee length bright red dress, and got up to pull out her chair.

_Sexy and she has manners. This is going well and she hasn't even spoken to me yet_. Belle's smile let Mulan know that she had just made the right decision.

* * *

Regina was smitten. Even though she had made dinner, she felt as though she was being wined and dined. This girl was _perfect_ for Henry.

When Henry had introduced her to his mothers, she circumvented the customary handshake and went right in for the hug. That's a three-point move all on it's own. Regina loved that even though everyone knew exactly how many people she had cursed before, this girl had no hesitation when going in for a hug. Regina was sure that between her last couple of weeks with Emma, and now meeting Lilo, if there was any black left on her heart, it was surely being melted away.

She had seemed so excited to meet Emma and Regina. Henry wasn't lying, she clearly had wanted to meet them for awhile, and hadn't stopped asking questions about the Queen and the Savior. The girl was so excited that Emma was pretty sure she was going to be asked for an autograph and perhaps the obligatory awkward selfie.

"So, you two are together, but you're not married."

"Well, the 'together' part is fairly recent, Lilo, but we're both Henry's mothers. And yes, we can say 'together'."

"I think that's so cool. I mean, it's so romantic, it's like you used to be all evil or whatever, but with a little spot of good, and Emma was always the Savior, but with a little spot of rough-around-the-edges from when she used to be a thief. And then it's like you two fit together like a yin yang. It's so romantic!" The girl looked like she was having the time of her life. She just kept shooting Henry little smiles, and he just let her go ahead and ask his moms whatever she wanted.

Emma was enjoying having dinner with a fan. It had made Regina forget all about the questions she had hidden around the table and the kitchen.

It also made her forget about the CIA-style earpiece and wrist microphone she had on until she heard Mulan's voice in her ear.

"Hey buddy, you there? Need some help here."

Emma had a sudden panic look on her face, causing Regina to look at her with raised eyebrows.

"We're out of rolls!" Emma popped up out of her seat. "I'll go get some more." Emma rushed into the kitchen to answer Mulan's plea.

"She really likes rolls." Henry tried to be smooth, but Emma's jump out of her chair was still odd.

* * *

Mulan was surprised at how easy it was to talk to Belle. She just oozed a natural sweetness that made Mulan feel like they could talk about anything. She was intelligent, adventurous, and stunningly beautiful. And Belle seemed to really be smiling back at her while they talked all about Mulan's past, and how she ended up at S&Q Knight U.

They were so involved in their preliminary conversation that they seemed to forget to look at the menu, which if Mulan had, she would have realized that it was all in French, with no English translations.

Luckily, after a quick look at Mulan's face when she did finally remember to open her menu, Belle could see that French was probably never on a Chinese Warrior's training plan, and offered to order for both of them, then excusing herself to go to the bathroom to freshen up.

"Emma. Emma I know you're at dinner with the family but Belle's in the bathroom so I probably only have three or four minutes here."

* * *

Emma was now in the kitchen with the bread basket, taking her time filling it back up so she could discreetly talk into her wrist.

"Hey how's it going, Mulan? I'm in the kitchen. Only going to be able to hide in here for a couple of minutes anyway."

"What is 'escargot'?"

"You don't want to know, buddy." Emma had tried the dish once at a food festival in Boston many, many years ago. She didn't mind having a 'Taste of Europe', as the festival was called, but decided in the future that she could taste Europe without ever tasting their snails again.

"Well, I sort of need to, since that's what Belle ordered us for dinner."

"Okay, don't freak out on me. You can do this. We're soldiers; we're trained to eat snakes and grubs if we're stranded somewhere and have to."

"She ordered snakes?"

"Nope, but close. They're snails."

* * *

"I hope we all want lots more rolls!" Emma came bouncing back out, proud at herself for just pulling off dinner double-duty.

Almost pulled off. Regina had noticed that Emma felt the need to fill up the basket while there were still two rolls left. Was she expecting a sudden bread rush?

"What did I miss?"

"Lilo was telling us that she runs both cross country track and does track and field, and stays after her practice to watch Henry's fencing class."

"He's very good, Emma. I can't wait for his first match." Lilo enjoyed bragging about Henry almost as much as Regina did.

Henry, at that moment with the women in his life giving him the biggest smiles he could have imagined, felt like the complete and utter jackass that he was for keeping Lilo tucked away, assuming he wouldn't be allowed to date her without some kind of crazy supervision. Of course they would let her date him after they all met. If he liked her, surely his mothers would.

"Yes, Emma," Regina chimed in, "We are absolutely going to go to Henry's first match next week. And Lilo, we would love it if you sat with us, unless you're going with friends."

"No! I'd love to sit with you guys!"

* * *

Mulan only had one thought while working on her plate of escargot across from the most gorgeous woman she had ever seen:

_This stuff is AMAZING._

Mulan seriously loved the escargot. If Emma hadn't told her they were snails, she would've thought they were magical mushrooms full of garlic-y goodness. They were D-E-L-I-C-I-O-U-S.

She thought back to all the times she was out in the woods and had accidentally stepped on a snail, or had seen one slowly but surely making its way along a tree trunk. If she had known they were so delicious, she wouldn't have just left them there! This whole time, she could have had a constant gourmet food supply.

"I really do love to read. I mean, it's not like I only read because I was locked away and had nothing else to do. Now that I'm here, and own a television, I'd still just rather read."

"I can understand that. I never bothered to get a television. I only watch it when I'm hanging out with Emma at her place. It's just so strange to me. I mean, we grew up with reading, not with staring at a little box where your story is interrupted every seven minutes to try to sell you paper towels!"

"Exactly! I can read as long as I like, no interruptions. More escargot?" Belle motioned to the waiter, noticing that Mulan had finished her plate, and Belle knew she was a slow eater, preferring to focus on the wine and conversation.

_I might marry this woman_ Mulan thought to herself. It was all too perfect.

Until it wasn't.

* * *

"Sorry to do this Emma, but I need you again. Please still be there."

Emma made her "Oh shit there's a voice in my ear" face again, and quickly stood up from the table.

"Hey! We made a cake for you guys! Dessert?" Emma scurried into the kitchen before anyone even answered. It's not like any teenager on the planet would be turning down cake anyway, so it was a safe bet.

"Hey I'm here, Mulan. Snails got ya?"

"No, no. Actually, snails are awesome. Look, I think I screwed this up, and now I'm in the bathroom talking to you."

"What?"

"We were talking, and everything was going so well! And we started talking about our histories, and I told her about Aurora choosing Philip over me, and she started talking about Rumple…and I think now she's all sad and we're kind of sitting awkwardly waiting for dessert and I don't know what to talk about now."

"Okay, don't panic, the date's probably not ruined. Did she tell you what happened to Rumple?"

Just then Regina came in the kitchen, to find Emma not talking to a cake, which is what she thought for a moment was going on, and instead talking into the wrist piece.

"She did. I know he died. It was after we got to that part that she got really quiet."

Regina then noticed the earpiece in Emma's ear. Of course! Emma agreed to still help Mulan. She just didn't realize it was actually happening.

_Not bad, Swan._ Regina thought. _A little awkward the way you excuse yourself, but otherwise, not a bad plan_. Regina was impressed with the solutions her girlfriend came up with at times like this. Regina walked over to Emma and kissed her on the cheek, letting her know that she understood know why she ran out of the room for cake like a total awkward tool.

Regina went to the fridge to get the cake out, and Emma noticed Regina's cheat sheet still on top. There was also one at the table under the napkin, on Regina's side of Regina's cup, under the lip of her plate, which is why she brought the whole tray over to herself rather than lift the plate. Who knows how many she actually had tucked around there. And they were all, up until this point, unused.

"Okay, Mulan, remember how I said that Regina would be a good person to have help with this?"

Regina raised her eyebrows as she started cutting the cake to put on a serving tray, and top it with a chocolate drizzle.

"Yeah…is she there? What should I do?"

"Well, it turns out that we have a bunch of things we wanted to ask Lilo that would be good ice breakers for you and Belle. I think. Unless something about a magic venereal disease comes up, then throw the ear piece out."

"Very funny." Regina said, and shook her head "no".

Emma moved behind her girlfriend, using the arm without the wrist microphone to wrap around her, and placed a kiss on her neckline.

"I think Regina would like to help us. And maybe wear the ear piece _and_ wrist piece so you can hear us asking questions to ask to Belle?" More kisses for the Queen's neck.

"No." Regina was okay with Emma helping, but she wasn't in on the scheme.

"I think, Mulan, that she knows it would make me very, very happy." Emma went back to kissing Regina's neck.

"Oh my gosh, Emma, if she says no, please please think of something. I have to get back out there."

"Fine." Regina had to cave, given what Emma was currently doing to her neck, which happened to be something that she wanted Emma to continue doing later.

"Okay Mulan, whenever you hear Regina ask a question, ask it to Belle. You'll be able to keep a conversation going without getting back into the heavy Rumple-related stuff that made her quiet in the first place."

* * *

"So, Lilo," Regina asked while casually putting her hair behind her ear, so that her wrist would pick up her voice, "Do you like school?" Everyone was wasting no time digging into their cake.

* * *

Mulan got the hint, now that the ear and wrist pieces had clearly been transferred to Regina.

"So, Belle, how do you like it over at the school?"

"Actually, I love it! That's so thoughtful, Mulan. Nobody's really asked me about my job since I got it."

Belle had no problem talking about that question, and Mulan smiled in relief that the date was still on.

* * *

Regina then moved into, "Tell us about your family" territory, to which Mulan followed suite. Judging from the scraps she could hear from the ear piece, it was working.

Lilo was telling them all about living with her sister, and Henry had started jumping into the conversation occasionally, especially since he had been to Lilo's house, and met her sister.

Emma still looked nervously at Regina every time she asked a question, but as soon as she heard Mulan echo her, she'd nod to Emma so she knew everything was working according to plan.

It was so comfortable, that Regina even forgot about the spywear for a moment.

She turned to Emma a few minutes later, and let out a casual, "Where's the whipped cream?" She knew this cake was missing something.

* * *

"Where's the what, Mulan?" Oh crap. Clearly, that was not one Regina meant to feed her ear.

Now her date probably thought she was being invited over for first date kinky sex. That was in the book she and Emma read. She was not ready for that yet.

"I said, when did you know you play for our team? You know, since you seem to be okay with the fact that I'm a woman."

"Oh! Oh, that! I'm both teams, actually." And Belle continue from there, without missing a beat.

_Good save, Warrior_, Mulan thought to herself.

* * *

However, at Casa de Mills, the follow-up was anything but smooth.

As soon as the question had slipped from Regina's mouth, Emma's jaw dropped, knowing Mulan would nervously repeat it.

"Shit!"

The entire table now turned to stare at Emma. Emma had not just sworn, which was a teenager no-no, but she did so at the dinner table, a somewhat formal dinner where even Henry was wearing a tie.

Emma smacked herself in the face. Regina knew she had to step in at this moment.

Henry's jaw was still in his lap.

"Okay, Henry, since we have all collectively decided no more lying in this house, I am going to tell you both why Emma just swore at the table, and how she's never, ever going to do it again." She stared Emma down on that point, to which Emma just nodded sheepishly.

"Henry, do you know Emma's friend, Mulan? Yes, of course you do. Anyway, she is on her first date tonight, and Emma and I agreed to be on standby in case she needed a little…help. Well, she needed the help, so we're giving her things it would be good to ask someone you'd like to get to know, since we already knew we wanted to get to know your girlfriend tonight."

Emma was now in the dropped-jaw club. She couldn't believe that Regina just came out with it all. But if she really thought about it, it's not like they really had to hide it in the first place.

"Oh! That's so nice of you! You're both still saving people. You're even heroes during dinner in your own home!" Clearly, Lilo was on board with this.

"Henry and I can help! He's only taken me on good dates." Henry's jaw was now back attached to the rest of his face, in a smug little smile.

Emma smiled. "Why don't we let the kids take a crack at this, Regina? I think Mulan already learned that she's going to have to screen what comes in through the earpiece anyway."

"Okay Mulan. This is Lilo. Nice to meet you. What you're going to do is offer to walk her home through the park. We're lucky it's such nice weather out." Henry new that Lilo was about to give away his signature move; it was one that he was quite proud of.

* * *

Mulan took Belle the long way through the park, stopping by the bridge. She half expected to find a high school make-out point, since she was now being secretly given directions by the teens.

Instead, it was all clear, so Mulan took off her jacket for Belle's shoulders, since it was getting a bit chilly, and they went right to the water's edge. They looked down, noticing a shimmering when they approached.

"Mulan! The pond is enchanted! Look." Belle was peering into the water, and Mulan followed. It was then that they could see the fish swimming, because they were glow-in-the-dark. In fact, if one was close enough, the plant life seemed to have a bright hue as well. It was a shimmery periwinkle blue, with purple, yellow, and spotted-patterned fish swimming all around.

"Look over there!" Belle was clearly enjoying the spot. They could now see baby fish playing with each other, swimming in what appeared to be a game of tag. Because it was so quiet, they could her the magic fish laughing with each other.

"This is wonderful, Mulan." Mulan moved to hold Belle's hand. Belle gave it a squeeze, and put Mulan's jacket back on Mulan.

"Don't you need it?"

"Right now, I need my arms." Belle wrapped those arms around Mulan's neck, and leaned in to give Mulan a kiss, pressing their mouths together, and making Mulan's head spin.

The young fish saw the couple, and their "ooooooohhhh" could be heard through the water, causing the pair to pull apart and giggle.

Belle leaned in for another kiss. Mulan still had her eyes closed when Belle pulled back.

"Walk me home?" She didn't hesitate to take the jacket back, and slip her hand into Mulan's.

* * *

"I think that we should try to have Lilo over more often. We know she's good for Henry now, and we should keep getting to know her. And we're going to see her at the fencing meet next week. She also said she wanted me to show her my make-up. I'm not going to take her into Evil Queen territory, but she did ask what this shade of red is and I can't for the life of me remember until I see the stick. I left it upstairs somewhere."

Emma smiled. "Looks like we've definitely got a Lilo fan."

"You didn't like her, dear?"

"Of course I did. But I think I like her in the sense of 'my son's first girlfriend' and you're already in 'planning mother-daughter dates' territory."

"Well, excuse me if I want her to feel welcome, and _she_ did ask _me._" Emma stopped pulling the cheat sheets off of random pieces of dinnerware and pulled her girlfriend into her arms.

"Hey. None of that. I think it's cute. I mean, she's been here once and you're already giving her daughter status." Emma leaned in for a kiss before continuing. "I like that you want us to spend time with them. But remember, Henry didn't tell us in the first place because he doesn't want to be smothered. We have to still let them have their private time." Emma moved to tuck a tuft of Regina's hair behind her ear, and then placed the hand on her cheek.

"I won't. You're right. We will see her when we see her. I won't push. I just want her to feel welcome. I also feel better about buying all of that entertainment equipment for the den. I do want them to be able to hang out here."

"Agreed." Another kiss. "So, I can stay over tonight?"

"You don't have to ask. You can be here whenever you want." Regina looked at Emma, and thought that she could give her more than that. "I mean, I want you here. So whenever you want to be here, stay over."

* * *

Emma knew that "staying over" on a night when Henry was home meant "no sex", so after Henry said goodnight to Lilo and retired to his own room, Emma decided to keep Regina's twenty questions notes.

Regina was already in bed, waiting for Emma when Emma came upstairs with a stack of notes in her hand. She put them down on her side of the bed and changed into a tank top and a pair of pajama pants that she left in "her drawer", stocked for their overnights.

"Emma, I think we can just throw them away. We used most of them for Mulan and Lilo knows about it. It's not as much fun when it's not sneaky." Regina gave a pout.

Emma got into the bed, facing Regina on her side with the bedside lamps still on.

"Well, during dinner I realized that a lot of these are things that I've never asked you. I mean we've been such close friends now for awhile, but what I know about you is from observation. I know your feelings by your face and eyes, but I don't know the little things about you that you keep tucked away behind all that."

Regina thought that Emma had already pulled out the big guns, especially after their first night at Granny's, and how Emma had already is so damn charming all the time. She couldn't believe Emma was still doing it.

She grabbed Emma's face and kissed her, showing her how much her sweetness is appreciated. If only the pack of soon-to-be soldiers who were terrified of her during this morning's obstacle course run knew what a mush ball Emma really was.

Regina pulled away, and Emma settled so that they were face to face, propped up on their elbows while laying on their sides.

"So, Regina, what is your favorite movie?"

"Alright, but if we're doing this, anything you ask me you have to answer."

"Fair enough. But just so you know, that means I'm throwing out the card asking about first kisses, because mine was embarrassing. You were really going to ask her that?"

"Okay, no. I was saving that for if she ended up being horrible and I needed to embarrass her at the table. What? I'm still a mother, Emma, and nobody messes with my baby. And I don't have a favorite movie. I haven't watched enough to have a clear favorite."

"What?! How do you not have a favorite movie?"

* * *

"I know! Everyone thinks I require all of this high maintenance attention because I was a Queen, but honestly my favorite is Granny's. Especially after we ended up having our first kiss there. To be fair, she only has three other actual sit-down restaurants as competition."

Two hours later, and Emma and Regina were still fascinated with each other. Regina had no idea how deep in she was drawing Emma. By now, Regina was settled with her head on Emma's chest, drawing lines on Emma's shoulder. They had run out of cards and turned off the lights, but this was clearly going to be a "stay up and talk" night, since neither of them wanted to stop.

"Well, what's your second favorite?"

"I hadn't ever thought about it. I guess everywhere else is even. I do enjoy eating outside, though. Like when we can go in the yard, or when Henry was a boy and I used to pack him a little picnic so he could take his kite out to the park. Why?"

"Well, I hope you don't think that one time at Granny's is going to be the only date we ever go on. I didn't even technically realize that I was asking you out."

Regina moved up so that they were face to face. She new what she wanted to say, but also thought it might be too soon. Everything was going so well, but it took Emma years to ask her out, and even that was somewhat of an accident. She settled on not taking the risk, and leaned in to kiss Emma instead, hoping to show how she felt.

* * *

_**Love you, Readers! Thanks for all of the kind words in your reviews. Lets me know I'm not the crazy person who just writes for herself! Happy Monday! -Rogue**_


	13. Chapter 13

Emma and Regina were ecstatic about Mulan and Belle. ECSTATIC. The excitement was boiling over the next morning at breakfast.

By 8AM both Emma and Regina had been wide awake and drinking their coffee together for quite some time, making two cups to bring back upstairs to drink in private before moving to the kitchen for breakfast.

Henry found them dancing around the kitchen to music that must have only been in their heads, doing a call-and-response chant they seem to have made up themselves.

"Who's the best?" Emma chanted.

"WE'RE THE BEST!" Regina answered.

"Who's the best?"

"We're the BEST!"

Henry watched them dance and chant around the frying pan a few more times before coming all the way into the kitchen, making his presence and interest in breakfast, only in breakfast, not dancing, known.

"I guess you guys are happy? From last night?"

"Hey! Henry's up! Hey Henry – who's the best?"

"Don't be a downer, Henry! You're either with us, or you're against us!" Regina's warning was farther from threatening than any other she had ever issued, her grin betraying her.

Henry couldn't stop himself from laughing. He had never found either of his moms happy enough to morning dance, much less together.

"Henry, you have to understand how exciting this is for us," Regina began explaining as Henry pulled a stool up to the center island, "Not only do we love your girlfriend, but Mulan is with Belle now. That means…" Regina looked over at Emma, before they both answered together.

"DOUBLE DATES!" The two women high-fived while Henry happily started on the giant pile of bacon in front of him.

* * *

"We could just invite her over to hang out. It's not like she didn't live with us a couple of years ago. We don't have to bribe her over with dinner or some sort of reason to have a party. Honey, we can just call her." David fully intended to start the weekend off by keeping a level head. He knew that Snow being home with him all weekend meant that resolve was going to be tested.

"I know we can, but I want her to open up to me. I remember Archie telling me once…" Snow had to stop for a moment. Losing Archie during the war was one of the hardest loses for everyone. Rumple made his choices and lost, and even though he had done a few good things here and there, in the end his fate had been determined by his own hand. Archie was a casualty. It was still a soft spot for everyone.

Charming took his wife's hand so she could continue. He knew that it helped them to bring him up naturally in conversation, and not just stop and forget him. Snow took a breath.

"Archie once told me that when doing child therapy, the children wouldn't just naturally open up. They would talk if they were both playing together, and start telling him things like a playmate might."

"So if you find something to do with Emma that's like playtime to her, she might open up to you?" Snow nodded.

"Actually that's a great idea. No shopping Snow, something _Emma_ thinks of as playtime. It shouldn't be that hard. Everything is pretty much playtime to Emma. She loves work. She loves working out. She loves everyone. She loves every place in this town except the Laundromat. Just pick something."

David was right, she was going to have to cross "shopping trip" off the list. Damn. She was going to be Emma's "playmate" friend, and she was going to be fun. She would do anything Emma wanted. Laps around the track in the hot sun? Sure. Fingerpaints? You betcha.

She was going to be so amazing, that Emma would come out to her.

* * *

"I hope that Tink understands that for all of us to agree to a meeting on a Saturday, it means she's a really, really good friend." Regina and Emma pulled into the University parking lot in the Mercedes.

"Well, whatever she wants, I say we just agree and get the hell out of there. Otherwise, this is going to turn into an all day, all night situation. Especially if Tink is considering this a workday and it goes past five o'clock."

"Don't complain, dear. You're the one who dated her for weeks."

"Oh, like you didn't date her? And newsflash, I didn't know I had other options. Not a lot of gay bars in Storybrooke. I was a step away from one of those life-sized blow up dolls. I was going to name her 'Dolly'."

"Oh please. I would hardly call the couple of times I allowed that Fairy to speak with her mouth full in my presence 'dating'." Regina huffed. However, it was good to know that her potential competition for Emma could be undone with a knitting needle.

"We're early. Everyone else won't get here for at least ten minutes."

"More, if they stop for coffee."

"And we know that Ruby is always late for these."

Emma and Regina were clearly on the same page, which is why Regina parked them far from where everyone else would, behind the hedges.

It took Regina less than three seconds to rip off her seatbelt, and attach her lips to Emma's. Emma smiled into the kiss. Regina wasn't wearing lipstick.

She made them early on purpose.

* * *

Emma, Regina, Snow, Ruby, Mayor Tinkerbell, and town Comptroller Grumpy made their way around the room to greet everyone on the IronFairy Exploratory Panel.

Unfortunately for everyone in the town, they had assumed that the fact that Grumpy usually lived up to his name also meant he would be stingy with the town's budget. Just the opposite seemed to be true, and between Grumpy and Tinkerbell working together to party away every last dime on made-up town holidays, the town would actually be in need of an event to provide some revenue. They really shouldn't have rented that ferris wheel for "Garden Gnome Appreciation Day". The fact that Tink actually wanted to do it to attract admirers was just a happy side effect as far as everyone else was concerned.

"We all know IronFairy rules. In order to make the event official and use the IronFairy name, we have to select three events for the competition to be completed back to back: One excruciating physical test, a next-to-impossible mental challenge, and a totally made-up magical requirement that we ourselves will not even be sure is possible. Forum open for ideas." Snow motioned for the discussion to begin. Even though Tink was the Mayor, they were meeting outside of town hall, and she knew to defer authority to any royalty present.

"I have an update!" Ruby volunteered excitedly. "Tink and I have been working tirelessly to make sure this is financially possible, and we've secured two major sponsors!"

"That's right! First, we have a sponsor to pay for any upfront costs of putting the event together, as long as we advertise the product. FairyFire is now the official whiskey of the Storybrooke IronFairy competition!" Ruby and Tink clapped for themselves.

"Tinkerbell, do we really think it's a good idea to have an alcohol company sponsoring an event emphasizing physical and mental fitness?" Of course, Regina couldn't just let that one go. Emma rolled her eyes, assuming they were now in for the day. Actually, if she let them bicker long enough, she could probably squeeze in a nap. Or slip out to find a way to cover the hickey that she new Regina planted on her just moments ago on purpose.

"I don't see the problem. All of the professional sports in this world do it." Grumpy scowled at Regina. "And they're giving us free samples." Tink and Ruby also smiled between themselves.

Grumpy continued, "And since we expect this to cost them a lot, we may have also promised them an official holiday on our yearly calendar."

"Okay, fine. Let's throw the FairyFire name in front of a bunch of under-aged students on their campus. Who's the second sponsor?"

"The Main Street Portal Agency! They're willing to put up the $25,000 prize, as long as we include portal jumping in the competition events!" Regina's eyes flashed little purple dollar signs at that one.

Twenty-five thousand dollars was a lot of money. Perhaps enough to remodel the outside of a house into a castle. She wondered if Emma knew how to dig a moat.

"Excellent! I'm in!" The entire table turned to stare at Regina. "What? You think I can't compete in an IronFairy? The magician who only cast THE DARK CURSE? I swear I feel like if Michelangelo had to continuously remind people about the Pieta. For heaven's sake."

"Regina, we haven't even picked events yet. How do you know they're events that you even want to train for?" Snow was just as surprised as everyone else.

"I can train for anything. And anything that I'm not good at, Emma can train me." Emma smiled at her girlfriend, letting her know she would indeed trade training sessions with her. Maybe Regina would be able to train her magically in exchange.

_Of course_, Tink thought. _They have the unfair "couple's" advantage. This is why I needed an IronFairy in the first place!_

* * *

By the time the meeting ended an hour later, which by Tink's standards meant it was a speed meeting, the events were chosen. They decided to stick to a traditional marathon for physical endurance, the mental test would then be a quiz-off on Fairytale Land subjects, with anything from Fairytale popular culture, history or literature as fair game, and the magic competition would be a scavenger hunt through multiple realms, using the portals provided by the portal travel agency.

A 26 mile run, followed by a mental test like nobody in the room had ever taken, and then an all-realm scavenger hunt, where contestants can use any magical means necessary without endangering others to find their items, all back to back in one 24-hour time limit.

At the end of the meeting, Emma and Regina realized they had some serious training to do.

As everyone was about to scatter, Snow cornered her daughter. It just occurred to her how to make "play time".

"So Emma, I don't think I could handle a marathon, much less a full IronFairy, but I was hoping you'd be able to help me out with something. I know you're going to need to train a lot, but I think I could do with some exercise too. Any chance I could maybe pull you a couple of times a week for some personal training? You train all of the new recruits, and everyone's picking up and throwing cars within their first semester."

Emma was shocked. Not once, in the entire time Emma and Snow had known that they were related and Snow ever showed a common interest with Emma. Snow was more of the "tea party" team, less of the working out crew.

"Sure, Snow. I'd absolutely train you. Anything in particular you want to work on?"

"Oh, whatever you think is a good idea. I'm already the best archer in town, so maybe just physical training and some of that hand-to-hand combat stuff from when you made us all work out hung over? This time I won't threaten to puke on the track. Mother's honor." And maybe, you'll have so much fun now that we're having quality time, you'll want to talk to me more. About many things.

Snow was so excited that her idea was working. It was so easy – why had she never just done stuff Emma liked with Emma before? Her plan was definitely in phase A.

Now, off to find a rainbow sweatband.

* * *

"She's so perfect, Emma." Mulan and Emma were side-by-side at the Rabbit Hole, enjoying a soccer match. They had no idea who was playing, and it didn't matter. Buddy bonding just required a game on, and a bar.

"I figured you were okay when you handled almost everything yourself. You just need to have a little confidence. Why wouldn't she like you? You've got this under control."

"You can tell Henry and Lilo that the park idea was a good one. I didn't know about half of the things that this town brought over from our land. Did you know that Belle had all of the books in the library enchanted? They will automatically translate into the preferred language of the reader. Except the spell books, they don't want those falling into the wrong hands without the proper training."

"Yeah that was another one of Belle's ideas. Nifty, isn't it? Especially since I have no intention of learning Elvish anytime, ever."

"I'm going to text her when we're done and see if she wants to go back to the spot in the park."

"Actually, since Henry made it clear he would be out until exactly his curfew, I think he might have the magic fish spot occupied. Apparently there's something also magical about the waterfall down there too, which I'm sure he's using to woo his current girlfriend. It's still so strange to say. 'My son's girlfriend'. When I moved here he was still drinking juice boxes. Now he just chugs from the entire container."

"Hey. I chug from the container." Mulan and Emma both chuckled.

"And Regina was thrilled to help. We're, umm, I mean, She's already planning future double dates. We can't double date with my parents, because that's just weird. And Tink is chronically single, and that would also be weird, and Ruby's blazing through the town's single population in an attempt at the 'most one night stands' award, so…we really, really need you to stay with Belle. Really."

Mulan suddenly shifted from humor-derived laughs to her nervous laugh. Emma noticed.

"What? Too much? Should I not tell you how we, I mean Regina, may have already been looking at double-couple brunch coupons?"

"I'm still nervous, about, you know…" Ah, she did know. However, anytime Emma was nervous about sex, it usually went right out the window as soon as Regina's lips were on her. Yum. Regina's lips.

Mulan suddenly looked serious, and let her beer know she meant business by finishing it.

"I'd be her first."

Emma looked at her, confused. "Um, no, Mulan. Not so much…I thought she told you about Rumple."

"No, I know about that. I mean her first woman."

"Ooohhh. Wow."

"Yeah, wow. Apparently, she's always been open to the idea, but nobody really sparked her interest until I came here. Well, nobody that requires a sports bra to go jogging."

Emma's eyebrows were up to her hairline.

"Wow, buddy. That's just, wow."

"Yeah. No kidding."

"Do you want to go over the book again?"

"Very funny."

"I mean, I thought you were just nervous about going on an our-world-style date. But wow! Now we're talking about two lady-virgins. I mean, it's bad enough when you're all nervous because it's _your_ first time. Not knowing how to take off a bra, or if what you're doing with your mouth is right. Never mind when it's your first time _and _ you're the memory that your date has forever as 'the first one'. I mean, Mulan – Mulan?" Emma noticed that at some point during her rant, Mulan disappeared.

She looked down the bar and found her ordering a tray of shots, and made her way back to Emma.

"Yeah. We just entered shot territory."

* * *

"Of course she freaked out, Emma. Like she wasn't already under enough mental pressure! You can't get her all twisted up like that. They have to discover each other naturally. Really, how bad could she mess up? Is she going to start going down on her and get lost?"

Emma really didn't like that they had to have these late night conversations on the phone. The only upside was that Emma could use her feety pajamas when Regina wasn't around.

"I know; they'll figure it out. I understand where she's coming from though. I'd be nervous if I were dating you, and I had never been with another woman before, and then I found out you hadn't either, and we both had to figure it all out…it's just a lot of pressure."

"I'd look at it as an adventure. It's exciting, knowing you're both unwrapping someone's body for the first time." Regina was already in pajamas, laying on the couch on her back.

"So then why aren't you over here unwrapping my body? Lots of wrapping to undo here. _Layers_."

"I can't. Henry comes home in a half-hour. I want to make sure he's home on time. I like Lilo, I just don't want them making us grandchildren anytime soon." Hmm. How far had Henry gone with Lilo? That was a pile of nervousness that she brushed off for the moment. That would have to be a talk, eventually. No grandchildren yet, Henry.

"So sneak over when he's in bed."

"He never goes to bed on Saturday night. And how do we know that he wouldn't hear me leave and invite the girl over, or if I tell him I'm leaving, he might invite the girl over. Emma, _no grandchildren_. All of this ends with him inviting the girl over with no supervision."

"To be fair, they were sneaking around for quite some time, so if they were up to attempting to make a little Hen-lo, it would've happened by now. I don't think they're even thinking about that yet."

"Well, I still don't want to leave him alone overnight."

"And we still aren't 'unwrapping' each other when he's home?" Emma understood the rules, but the amount of sneaking around they had to do for intimacy these days made _her_ feel like the teenager. Sometimes it was fun. Other times, like tonight, it was a frustrating barrier.

"How are we supposed to do that? Without him knowing? Even if he's in the den until one in the morning, he'd hear us on his way to his bedroom."

"You mean he'd hear _you_?" Emma couldn't help teasing.

"Well, dear, that's how you know you're doing it right. It just so happens you're always doing it right."

"Is there a spell that can sound-proof the room?" Emma now had on a backward baseball cap with little rabbit ears that matched the feety-pajamas, and was sticking her finger directly into a jar of peanut butter. She had clearly given up any hope that she needed to appear sexy in any way this evening.

"Yes, but that makes me nervous. What if something was to happen, and we couldn't hear him yell for help? Or hear him yell 'fire' or any of the other numerous things that could happen?"

"Okay, is there a way to make him stay downstairs? Sometimes he falls asleep on the couch from gaming all night anyway. I think he actually plans for that, because he always has a pillow and blanket."

"Hmm. I think I can work with that, actually. There's a terrible parenting spell that can enchant a book, puppet show, play, television show or movie to be your child's babysitter. It engrosses them and they won't leave it. It really is for the lazy magician parent."

Emma stopped with the peanut butter finger mid-way to her mouth. "Regina, I can't tell if you're being serious."

"Unfortunately, I'm dead serious. It's magic from our world. That's how _Barney_ took over every child's TV set, before the makers of the _Teletubbies_ bought it for an undisclosed amount. I hear these days it's in the hands of _Dora the Explorer_, but I still have my suspicions…Emma, come over. I think I can make _CastleStorm_ so engrossing that Henry will be in his mancave for the evening, and we'll just have to try to keep the volume to a reasonable level. Just be prepared, dear, because a side-effect of the spell is that if you use it enough, it makes them want the merchandise."

"Seriously?"

"Emma, in twenty minutes the front door will be unlocked, Henry will be so involved with the video game that he won't care if you drag a parade through the kitchen, and I will be naked in the bedroom. It's up to you if you're joining me."

* * *

Emma couldn't believe this was working. They had checked on Henry a couple of times, just to be sure, but he was _engrossed_ with the video game, and tuckered himself out before midnight on the giant couch, with his pillow and Batman blanket.

Upstairs, the women had decided that when Henry slept in the den, it was far enough away that they could enjoy each other, as long as they kept the volume to a reasonable level. It was a difficult task, one that Emma decided they were just going to have to practice it to master. A lot. Lots of practice.

They were now naked, with one low lamp still on. Emma was on her side with Regina's laptop open, and Regina was reading over her shoulder. She was kissing Emma's shoulder, and stroking her side with care. Not enough to turn her back on, she knew they needed the break, but just enough so Emma felt cared for.

Regina looked at Emma laying bare on her side, and was struck by how feminine Emma's form really was. Sure, she was all rough-and-tumble during the day, and Regina loved the muscles she felt flexing against her body, but Emma also had some gorgeous, soft curves. Regina also spent a fair amount of time stroking Emma's hair. How did she keep it so soft when she spent most of the day running through the mud?

"What about this one? It has a double strap. That's supposed to be more stable than the regular single thong-style."

It still amazed Regina to no end that Marco had thought to carve primarily dolls, and open Storybrooke's first toy store, and nobody thought about the adults who might have toy shopping needs too.

"I don't know how I feel about that, Emma. It's still like you're wearing clothing. The point is for us not to be wearing clothes. At all." They had thrown a few things into their check-out cart already, but couldn't stop browsing. Regina returned to kissing Emma's shoulder, running her hand up and down her Savior's arm. How that arm was still able to move, Regina had no idea.

"Well, let's see here…what about this thing?"

"Buy it."

* * *

Mulan knew Belle must still be in the library. She was always there until late, losing track of time. She tended to the stacks the way a gardener cared for the most fragile of flowers.

On the way to the library, while walking through campus Mulan passed a rosebush, just starting to blossom. She used her tactical knife to snipe off a long stem, and continued on to the library.

Belle was in "Folklore", sitting right in the row on the floor. She devoured as much of this section as she could, as more and more of what were thought to be "myths" ended up being tales from realms they just weren't familiar with yet. Mulan crept in quietly, not wanting to jerk her out of her focus just yet.

Belle smiled up at her visitor, approaching in the dimmed night lighting.

"I was hoping you'd be here." Mulan had a way of saying something that was so truthful, it didn't sound like a pick-up line at all. It was dazzling.

"I guess it's lucky for you I'm not the hop-all-around-the-town type." Belle smiled, and Mulan gave her back her own shy grin.

"For you." She handed her the rose that Belle immediately smelled and smiled into. Mulan noticed what Belle was reading.

"There's a book about me?" Mulan was amazed. She had no idea anyone had heard of her adventures, much less cared enough to write them down.

"Apparently so. I was going to check it out, and you could tell me if it's accurate? I think I should probably move it out of here and over to the biography section. Looks like you're quite the hero, and I'm only in chapter three. You gave me an overview, but this is amazing." Mulan sat next to her, putting her arm around Belle so they could both see the book. Belle loved Mulan's scent. She had first noticed it the night Mulan walked her home from the library. It must have been some sort of essential oil blend, not quite a perfume, not a cologne, but it was noticeable. Belle put her head on Mulan's shoulder, inhaling Mulan.

"Hmm looks like this chapter is just when I was in training in the Army. Wait until we really get into it."


	14. Chapter 14

It turns out that after getting to know Belle, Mulan was also getting to know more and more of Storybrooke, which had almost doubled in size in the last couple of years due to the influx of FairyTale-ers after the War. She didn't know that such a blend of two worlds could even exist, but here they were. And she was really enjoying it.

Part of the unknown section of town was somewhat of a "little France", a place that Belle had made herself familiar with, becoming Mulan's guide. She really was the Storybrooke Google.

Belle loved showing people little pockets of her favorite section of town, and loved the idea of double-dating with Emma and Regina. Belle was the one who suggested meeting up at the little café.

They arrived before Emma and Regina, and the more Mulan spent time with Belle, the more she understood her story. For example, she noticed that everyone in the café appeared to understand French, but all had British or Australian accents, just like Belle. It had Mulan confused, until she remember this is Storybrooke, where the car dealership lets you turn in pumpkins as a trade in, so this was the point when Mulan stopped asking questions. It was also the point when Mulan wished she knew about the pumpkin deal before paying out of pocket for her SUV.

"So. Are you going to do the IronFairy?" Belle arrived at the table carrying two Americanos.

"I'm not sure. I mean, I don't know magic, so I don't think I can do the last leg. A marathon, sure. Maybe even a quiz."

"Well, you can always enter and just do the marathon. A lot of people seem to be signing up just for that, even though you can't win the overall prize. Not everyone has magic here, but the idea of an event seems to really be taking off."

"Hmm. I think maybe a marathon could be interesting, and stopping after the run. I mean, I run every day, but it's nice to feel like you're training for something."

"Wonderful. I support anything you prefer, but I sort of needed to know officially. The committee asked me to run the quiz, and put together the questions. If you were doing the whole thing, I wouldn't be able to see you as much or help you study – people would suspect that I could slip you answers."

"Oh. No, no I don't feel the need to do the whole IronFairy. And, I don't mind skipping out on anything that involves portals for awhile. I get jump sick."

Emma and Regina arrived, after spending a good chunk of the morning arguing with the GPS, who had automatically switched into French once they entered Little France, thus immediately becoming of no use to them. Emma had made up her mind that when they got home, she needed to look up French swear words. She would feel more like the gadget would know what she was yelling at it, since clearly seven rounds of "Fuck you, Pierre" meant nothing.

"Hey! Did you guys know croissants can come covered in chocolate? This is my new favorite place!" Emma shouted as she approached the table, with Regina following behind.

"I did know, actually. It's a nice way to start the day, isn't it?" Belle was smiling at the pair. It was nice to be out with Mulan and have interactions with others as well.

"Don't read too much into that, Belle. Not that this place isn't lovely. Everything becomes Emma's 'new favorite thing'. Two hours ago her new favorite place was the water fountain at the track with a bottle refill so you don't have to use your mouth." Regina stuck her tongue out at her girlfriend, sitting next to her and across from Belle.

"What are you guys talking about?" Emma looked up at their new couple-friends.

"IronFairy. We were talking about me just doing the marathon. I'm not such a fan of portal travel."

"That's a good idea. A lot of our students who aren't up to that much magic yet have started signing up for the marathon part. It looks like we should expect a big turn out. I still don't know how it's going to work with FairyFire insisting on turning this into a giant alcoholic advertisement." Regina just _had_ to keep throwing those two cents in. Emma suspected that it was less about the actual sponsor, and more about being a Queen, and thus requiring her voice to be heard prominently in all matters. It was also why Regina felt the need to nod at the groundskeepers while walking on campus, as though that really made a difference in whether or not they showed up the next morning. Heaven forbid she actually stopped to muster up a "Hello".

"Oh, I wouldn't worry about that. If we send Tinkerbell and Grumpy to pick up the samples, they won't make it back to the campus anyway." Everyone laughed at Belle's wit. And accuracy.

"What about you two?" Mulan asked, sipping her beverage. She was glad that yet again, she let Belle order for her. It was becoming a bit of a tradition for the pair.

"We're both going to do it. Full IronFairy. We're going to cross-train each other." Emma responded, proud of themselves. If she were honest, she wasn't necessarily taking it all that seriously. She knew she could train for a marathon, she had done long-run events before. She figured as long as she read up on Fairy Folklore a bit during her free time before lunch every day, that would count as studying. And she had Regina to teach her about magic, and the different lands they could be sent to.

Regina, however, was approaching the event with the seriousness of a rabid dog. "Yes, we're both going to do it. And we are going to train tirelessly until a marathon seems like a quick walk in the park. I will obliterate Tink. She hasn't _seen_ the things I can cast in other realms." Emma looked at her surprised, and a little afraid of Regina's Queen Mode.

"What? Don't you want to win, dear?"

"Well, to be honest, I hadn't assumed that either of us would."

"What?!" Regina clearly needed to give her training buddy a swift kick in the bubble-butt. Emma's perfect little bubble-butt. Yum. She might also give it a little bite.

"Wait, so you were going to enter, and not train to win?" Mulan was surprised as well. She was just doing the marathon, but she was going to train for a good time, even maybe first place.

"Well, I don't know. I'm not that competitive. I think it sounds like a fun get-together. Besides, I wouldn't even know what to do with the prize money."

"Emma, you could do lot with that kind of money. A new car, a vacation, even just to have it in savings for the future." Belle chimed in. "Regina, what would you do with the prize money?"

Regina smiled her best, "I have a scheme" smile. Emma had seen that smile before. She was pretty sure it was how she ended up running a University with the Evil Queen when she was perfectly happy as a half-assed sheriff.

"I'm going to build a castle." Emma rolled her eyes. How did she not see this coming.

"Nice! Like you'd move the family?" Mulan asked.

"No, just a remodel of the house. Nothing too drastic. I suppose I just miss some of the finer points of architecture from our world." Suddenly, Emma thought, it didn't sound too crazy. Regina was raised around castles, why wouldn't she want one of her own?

She looked at Regina from the side, seeing how her eyes lit up when discussing her remodeling plans. Regina was a much more focused and brightened individual when she had a project to pour herself into. Emma decided right then and there that one of them had to win. If her Queen wanted a castle, she would get a castle.

Mulan was holding Belle's hand under the table, noticing how Belle and Regina were really hitting it off. They each had all kinds of castle decorating ideas, as they had each previously lived inside of one. They were at the point of talking like Regina had already won.

"Oh, that reminds me – Emma, dear, have you ever dug a moat before?" Regina paused for a moment while Emma just kind of looked back nervously with no answer.

"Never mind," the Queen continued, "We'll cross that bridge when we get to it. Preferably a draw-bridge. And of course we'd have to have a housewarming party once it's all done. Not a ball, we're not actually making the house bigger. Same size, just a castle replica. Belle, do you think Ruby would be able to cater something like that? I know she's pretty busy with the school during the week, but maybe she'd take on a weekend project for some side cash?" Regina was _really_ jumping ahead of herself at this point if they were planning an imaginary party with their imaginary winnings.

"I wouldn't really know." Belle answer cryptically.

"I thought you two were friends?" Emma asked.

Belle thought back to how close Ruby and her had been before the war. After the War, however, was a different story.

* * *

Belle had walled herself up in what had become her and Rumple's house, not leaving for months. Most of the town had stopped by to offer condolences, and some, like Emma, Snow, and Charming, made it a point to call or stop over once or twice a week, checking on Belle, but still letting her through her grieving process.

Ruby, however, was the one always by her side. It killed her to see her best friend so depressed, knowing there was nothing she could do about it. She visited or called Belle every day, checking to see if she was eating or sleeping, and when it looked like she was doing neither, she would bring her leftovers from the diner or coming at night to try to get her to forget her sadness for just enough of a moment to slip into some sleep.

However, after a few weeks of hiding in the house and Belle making no move past the depression, Ruby started encouraging Belle to leave the house. She offered to take her for a walk outside, or a stop into the library to get some more books, or a quick stop at Granny's, anything really. Ruby really was showing that she cared for Belle as her very best friend.

Belle, however, out of the sadness she had still not moved past, responded with rage. She didn't see it as encouraging at the time, but pushing. She began shutting Ruby out, not wanting to creep out of the hole she had dug herself into, surrounded constantly by Rumple's things.

* * *

Belle started to tear up as she relayed this story to her new girlfriend, and her new friends. She had really taken her feelings out on Ruby, and nothing was ever the same between them.

Regina surprised everyone by jumping in, solidifying her place on Belle's friendship list, and putting her hand on Belle's arm.

"Belle, I think Ruby is probably hurt, but she's also going to understand that you were going through your most painful ordeal. I think if you found a way to just talk to her, and apologize, she would let it go." Belle thought about it. She hadn't started leaving the house until Snow had called her, asking for her help at the University. Now, when out and about town, she and Ruby would just make awkward eye contact, and sadly look away from each other while shuffling in opposite directions. It hurt Belle each and every time, and she knew it was her fault.

"Agreed. She's probably not angry at you, sweetheart, but she might be afraid that if she tries to come to you, you'd just push her away again. You have to approach _her_." Mulan was right. And it didn't hurt that she called Belle "sweetheart", which Belle was learning she loved to hear.

"Alright." Belle looked around the table, realizing just how much support she had these days. It was a much better life than hiding away with the curtains drawn.

* * *

Regina, Emma, and Lilo were in the stands for Henry's first Fencing tournament. They had raided the school team store on the way in, and they each had Storybrooke High hats, shirts, flags, and giant foam fingers. Emma had also wanted the giant cone to yell through, but Regina felt that was the point to draw the line. They happily decked Lilo out in souvenirs as well. Regina didn't look at it as buying her love, but more like making them all match so Lilo really felt like a part of the family.

They were all excited. They were thrilled to see Henry fence. They looked down at the crowd of athletes, all dressed in their matching white suits with their heads and faces fully protected.

This is when they realized they had no idea which one was Henry.

* * *

Tink popped the CD into the stereo, after smudging the living room for negativity. Luckily, when she bought the CD for only $19.95, the sage stick was thrown in as a free bonus.

"Find a comfortable seat. It can be sitting down on the floor, on a chair, or lying down."

Tink was already frustrated. Sure, it can be any of these positions, but which one _works? _$19.95 doesn't grow on trees, pal.

"Today, we are going to introduce you to your best self. You can train your mind for success. Whatever your goals, you can achieve them. Today, we're going to focus on believing in yourself."

Tinkerbell was going to do what she had to do to win that damn IronFairy, and even if she did have five months to prepare, she decided it was best to start immediately.

"Begin by repeating after me: I am a winner."

* * *

Lucky for Regina, Emma, and Lilo, when the actual matches were about to start, each competitor had their masks off to be announced to the crowd, giving the group both audio and visual confirmation that they were indeed watching Henry.

He was in the fourth match of the evening, and had his mask off to wave to the crowd before start. He immediately identified his fans by the ridiculous amount of matching Storybrooke High Athletic Department attire, and also Emma and Regina using military-grade binoculars while in the first row. He was at least impressed that they could hold the binoculars while wearing their giant foam fingers.

The boys put their masks on, and took their positions. The boy Henry was competing against was smaller than him, and was also entering fencing for the first time this year. They figured given Henry's size advantage, he'd probably take the kid out without needing all of the allotted ten minutes.

Within the first minute, however, that was not what was occurring.

It was clear to both Emma and Regina within about a minute that Henry, while appearing naturally athletic, actually sucked at fencing.

Tremendously.

* * *

"We are now going to count backwards from twenty-five, each number bringing you deeper into relaxation."

Tinkerbell was on a cushion on the floor in a position that she decided looked like how a meditating person should sit, with her hands on her knees, palms facing upwards. Really, she looked like her legs were in more of a cruller than a pretzel, but she felt meditative, which is what's important. She looked incredibly serene to the outside viewer.

However, this is exactly when Tink's internal monologue started, as she was five minutes into her CD, and was nowhere near relaxed.

"Twenty-four…twenty-three…"

_Counting. I should really start counting the office inventory when it comes into Town Hall. I mean, really. I don't even check what anybody's ordering. I could be running a Town-wide smuggling ring and not even know it._

"Breath deeply, settling in to your position."

* * *

Belle knew when Ruby was working at the diner, because that was when she tended to avoid it like the plague. If Belle had actually avoided the plague like the plague, the fifteenth-century would've went a lot more smoothly for her. That's a fever you never forget.

She waited until it was mostly empty, and took a seat in what she knew was Ruby's section, in the far corner of the booths. She hid herself behind her menu, waiting for the moment when she would either be ignored and treated like a stranger, or when Ruby would kick her out.

"Can I take your drink order?" Belle heard Ruby's voice over the menu, and pulled it down from her face.

"Oh…Hi, Belle."

* * *

"Did you guys see that! I stayed in a whole four minutes this time!" Henry had rushed over to his fan base right after his loss.

"It was a great try, sweetie." Regina immediately put an arm around him in condolences, but Henry actually sounded proud of himself. She could only imagine how quickly he was beaten in practice rounds if this was a good day.

"You're so brave, Henry." Lilo gave him a kiss on the cheek. "You're going to be my knight someday. I can just see it. Then you can learn to use a real sword."

_Absolutely not_, Emma thought to herself. If this was how skilled her son was with the sabre, he most certainly wasn't getting a flat out King Arther style three-foot razor.

After what they had just witnessed, Emma considered them lucky that Henry had the coordination to tie his shoes in the morning.

* * *

"Repeat my phrases in your mind. My choices are positive, so they should manifest."

_Of course my choices are positive. They're mine._ Tink had given up on the legs pretzel and was now laying on her back eating Twizzlers.

"I am moving up in my life."

_I am moving up in my life…right? What exactly counts as "moving up"?_

Tink sighed. It was going to be a long training season.

* * *

"So, can I get you anything, Belle?" Ruby asked awkwardly.

"Well, I was hoping you might sit with me. I mean, it looks like Grumpy needs another refill, but there's no one else here."

Belle couldn't read Ruby's expression at that moment. She clearly wasn't angry at Belle, and wasn't rude to her. But she was – standoffish? Maybe "stiff" would be a good term to use? Belle knew she deserved it. She was the one who had pushed Ruby away. Now Belle was nervous. This was the moment she had been avoiding for almost a year; it was the moment where she would learn if she could get her best friend back.

"I – Ruby, I was hoping we could talk. Just for a few minutes? Please?"

"Alright. Let me take care of Grumpy, then I can grab us some iced teas."

* * *

"Regina, we have to do something."

"Emma, NO. Be proud of him. He's very brave to get up there in front of a crowd with a sword that he just started learning to use a few weeks ago. It's not whether or not he wins, Emma, it's that he tries."

"I know it doesn't matter if he wins! I'm not a complete asshole, Regina. But…I mean, remember when I was adamant that you learn a few moves for defending yourself? I sort of thought this was what Henry's version of that would be." Henry went out with Lilo after the match, and Regina and Emma were now opening a bottle of wine in the Mills mansion kitchen.

"Shit. Henry's the weak link." Regina finally understood Emma's displeasure at the event.

"Yeah. Big time. Regina, I love him, but our kid couldn't fight off a mosquito attack. Not safe, given who his mothers are, where we live, and where you and my parents come from." Emma also thought back to how easy it was for Regina to figure out that he was hiding something, and to spy on him without him catching on.

"He's a sitting duck. If the seal we ever put on Oz opened, any flying monkeys that survived would be looking for us. He'd be like a snack to them. Not even a snack. Emma, our son is the condiment a monkey puts on a larger child that is the actual snack."

"What are we going to do? It's not like we can send him to military school. We RUN the military school, and it doesn't start until college. And after what we just saw, Henry wouldn't meet the minimum PT requirements to even get in." Emma was suddenly very interested in the glass of wine Regina had poured her.

"We couldn't send him to military school even if there was one for high school around here. That would be like a punishment. I want him to be strong and be able to defend himself, but not feel like we're putting him down."

"Not to his face." Emma mumbled.

"What dear?"

"Never mind.

* * *

"Oh, goodness, where do I even start. Ruby, I owe you a big, big huge apology, and I don't even think 'apology' begins to cover it. When Rumple died, you were the friend who really stuck by me. And I was too caught up in my own stuff at the time to really see it or appreciate it." Ruby had slid in across from Belle with two iced teas, looking very unsure of what she was doing here.

Ruby's somewhat blank exterior started melting almost immediately. It was Belle. How could she stay disconnected from Belle? She started to give the smallest hint of a smile, letting Belle continue.

"And I shouldn't have pushed you away. You were nothing but kind, a good friend. And you were right, I did need to start getting out, and I was at the point of just letting myself wallow and it quickly went from grieving to self-pitying and foolish."

"I – Belle, I understand all of that. I do. And I expected that you might react negatively to some pushing. I hoped you wouldn't, of course, but that's probably how I would have reacted. I'm not upset about that."

"You're not?" Belle was now confused.

"No. It's just that once you _did _start coming back to life again, and you got hired by the University, and you have all of these students who love grilling you for information, and you see Emma and Snow all the time…I just, I thought you would come find me. You know, once you were ready to start letting people back in." Oh. Belle never did that. She had just assumed she had messed things up with Ruby beyond repair, and couldn't even look at her without feeling that shame.

"Oh, Ruby, I thought you would've hated me too much. I was so horrible to you, and you were only trying to help me."

"Well, it's not all your fault. I just gave up. I knew if I pushed you that you might push back, and I shouldn't have given up on you when you did." Both women were nearing tears. They couldn't believe that neither of them just approached the other and had this conversation months earlier.

Granny saw that Ruby had been out of commission, leaving her to tend to Grumpy, who was fully living up to his name that evening. But when she saw whom Ruby was ditching the tail end of her shift for, Granny happily went over to pick the pickles off Grumpy's midnight burger.

* * *

"Okay, we've got to figure something out. And we have to get Henry to learn to defend himself without pushing him, and without him knowing it's because we saw him fencing." Emma started her second glass of wine.

"Maybe he's just physically uncoordinated, and he has another strength. What if he's secretly a genius and could build the weapon that would save his life?" Regina refused to believe that their son, with the Charming genetics, was the boy who had tripped over his own sabre causing the other team's fifth touch.

"Wouldn't he have, I don't know Regina, built something of use by now? He gets B's in science every year. Hardly Pinky or the Brain." Emma was cataloguing every weapon she had ever learned in her head, and putting them in order of difficulty to use.

"What about magic? So far we've kept him away from it because I only know how to teach dark magic, but you've been using magic for years now, Emma. Can you teach him light magic? Maybe he'd be a good wizard."

"That's not a bad idea. But that still leaves the concern I have with you – what happens if Henry learned all that, but got his magic taken away? It's not like that's never happened before." Emma thought back to that short stint before the War when she was magicless. But she also knew how to use weapons. She wasn't sure at the moment that Henry knew how to use a butter knife.

"Well, he does like spending time with your parents. Maybe we can suggest that Snow and David focus on self-defense activities rather than movies and video games when Henry's over. Maybe David could suggest sword fighting? Or Snow could see how he feels about Archery?"

"Maybe. He might say no to the archery, but I can suggest to my Dad that he tries to choose more physical activities for him. And maybe I could start inviting Henry to the shooting range."

"Emma, a gun? He's fourteen!" That exclamation made Regina's standpoint on Henry with a gun clear, so even though Emma wouldn't be against it, she also didn't feel strongly enough to start an argument.

"Alright, fine. I will ask Snow and David to do more physical activities when he's with them, but that's only once or twice a month. I think we're going to need a professional. Someone who can make a man out of him…"

* * *

_**A.N. - So readers, I'm so glad that people are bringing up in the comments Mulan and Belle, because I'm really hoping to keep throwing them in, including future sexual possibilities. If a lot of people aren't okay with WarriorBelle bed scenes though, I might skip it or pop on a warning. Otherwise, I'm going to assume we're mostly on board! Love you all, either way. -Rogue**_


	15. Chapter 15

Emma's phone vibrated twice, the signal for, "Wake up, you have a text message ridiculously early on a Saturday!" Emma rolled over still mostly asleep, her eyes only making out fuzzy shapes.

_**Good Morning Emma**_

Attached to her message was a shot of Regina, who had just woken up, and snapped a first-thing-in-the-morning pic to send to Emma.

It was sort of a new tradition they had gotten into for nights when they stayed at their own places. Whoever woke up first would send a picture of just waking up to the other, so it was like they still got to see each other first thing in the morning.

It started after they learned the spell to attach Henry to _CastleStorm_, but Emma didn't want to overuse it. And she was also not trying to U-haul and possibly scare Regina away. Emma has told Regina that she thought she was gorgeous first thing in the morning, and her favorite mornings were when they woke up together. Regina thought that it was so sweet that she was going to make sure that no matter where they were, they would figure out a way to wake up together.

_Good Morning Baby _

Emma sent back a matching picture, and got up to start making some coffee.

_**Sleep well? **_

_I did, actually. I'm well rested and don't have to do a damn thing today. What are you up to?_

Emma was so well rested, in fact, that she could think of many different physical activities that she could be doing that didn't involve the grueling training that she was now undergoing for IronFairy at Regina's insistence.

_I need to stop over to the campus. I left some tests in my office, and I figured if I have to trek all the way down there, I might as well just grade them there. _

Emma stirred in her cream and sugar. Yuck. Going to work on a day when they didn't have to go to work. That didn't sound appealing at all. Neither did any of the laundry she had piled up, the dishes she hadn't done in four days, buying something for groceries other than her two usual food groups, "Things that come in boxes" and "Things you use as dip for things in the boxes". Grrr. Today was not shaping up to be all that exciting.

_What about after? Grading never takes you more than an hour or two. _

_**Well, I thought I mentioned going to Tink's later. It was kind of planned. You're welcome to come of course. **_

To hang out at Tinkerbell's? Why? So we can listen to how she's aligning her Chakras to provide optimal marathon timing, and training her Third eye to see items in other realms? It was like all Tink thought about was IronFairy. But it was looking like her choices were Tinkerbell, or laundry.

God, she hated laundry.

_What's going on at Tink's? Maybe a movie or something that would require her NOT to talk about IronFairy for awhile?_

_**Afraid not, dear. It's tea party day. Remember?**_

Suddenly spending some time at the Laundromat was starting to sound fantastic.

Emma couldn't believe she was really going to have to do laundry. Regina was going to campus and Mulan wasn't answering her texts. She understood that it had to be done, but she preferred as infrequently as possible. There HAD to be a spell that could take care of that, but Regina insisted there wasn't.

No. Emma was the Savior. She was not going to be rewarded with saving everyone's asses with having to sit through four separate spin cycles because the Laundromat was packed.

* * *

Once she was at the Laundromat, it was indeed packed. Full of Dwarves. And since the dwarves did everything together, they were _all_ there, even Grumpy. Emma also being the Savior was aware that maybe, just maybe, she could get away with things other people couldn't without everyone hating her.

"Get in line, sister. These are my delicates." Grumpy growled at their intruder. Didn't everyone know that Saturday mornings at the Laundromat were the dwarves' time? Seven washing machines, seven dryers, each holding seven pairs of boxer shorts. Do the math.

Emma had to think quick, especially since it looked like it was going to rain out any minute, and she had a better chance of getting them out if it wasn't into a storm.

"Oh, I get it now. I see why you guys are _here_ and not _there_. Yeah."

Seven heads turned to look at the Savior in unison.

"Why wouldn't we be here? This is where we always are on Saturdays."

"Sure. I just figured you guys would've been lined up at Granny's like everyone else for free hot dog day. One per person, but only until they run out. Considering what Granny's looked like, I can't imagine they have too many left anyway. What a shame you guys are missing out. Mine was delicious."

The dwarves didn't even wait for her to finish, before they each had packed up their clothes, whether or not they were still wet, and booked it out of the building like someone had just yelled, "Snow White is on fire!".

Emma pulled out her phone, and pulled up Ruby.

_**You have seven dwarves on their way in. Hand them each a hot dog, and put seven hot dogs on my tab…I'll explain later**_.

_You got it! Coming to tea time later?_

_**Absolutely not.**_

* * *

Mulan was well aware that her phone was vibrating. She also couldn't care less at the moment, since she had just learned something from Belle that she had no idea about. Mulan could operate nunchucks blindfolded if she had to, but dating was foreign territory to her. She felt like a toddler.

Apparently, people open their mouths and sometimes kissed with their tongues. Who knew?

* * *

Belle had stopped by that morning to see if Mulan was going to head over to the campus, and they could walk together. Saturday mornings, like every other morning, Mulan was usually engaging in some form of training. Belle wanted to take a stroll through some of the library stacks to start getting an idea of what she was going to make the questions for IronFairy's second leg.

After she walked up to Mulan's apartment, she rang the bell. She realized that she had never actually been inside of Mulan's apartment. Mulan always dropped her off at her house, or they parted ways at the door. She was suddenly curious.

Mulan opened the door, wearing her training camo cargos, and a tight black tank. Her first expression was confused, as to what someone would be doing ringing her doorbell on a Saturday morning, but that quickly turned into a smile, as she greeted her unexpected and very wanted surprise guest. Before Belle even had time to say a word, she leaned right in for a hello kiss.

"I thought I'd see if you were stopping by the campus today. If you are, I could use some company for the walk over."

"I was going to, but it's supposed to rain on and off all day, and even if it doesn't start raining until later, the field's going to be too muddy. It rained all night." Of course, Belle hadn't even taken the weather into account. It was a bit cloudy, sure, but she didn't check and see if she would need an umbrella.

"Oh. I didn't even think about that."

"Well, I just got through a bunch of sit-ups and push-ups, so if you want to hang out a bit so I can shower, I wouldn't mind some company here."

Belle smiled and walked in.

* * *

Emma was proud of herself for getting all of her laundry done in less than an hour and a half. She decided to push her luck by throwing the clothes in the back of the bug, and heading over to the school. Maybe she would get lucky and she could catch Regina before she disappeared for the day to paint somebody's toenails or knit someone some baby booties or whatever else thing they did at tea parties that Emma wanted no part of.

Regina was in her office just finishing up her weekend work, looking forward to not returning to doing anymore work until Monday. That was a solid resolve. Until she heard a knock at the door.

_Maybe if I'm really quiet, they'll go away. Nobody saw me come in. _

"Regina?" Emma said, popping her head in the door.

"Oh," Regina said relieved, "It's you. I thought I was about to get a student ambush, and it most certainly is not my office hours."

"Still grading?"

"Just finished up. Gave up on laundry already?"

"Actually, I got it all done. Aren't you proud of me?"

"Yes, if it's all really done, I am. Honestly, Emma, do you think when you just cover everything with Febreze I really can't still smell when you have a pile hiding in your closet?"

"Details, details. So since you're finished, you should come with me." Emma took Regina's hand, to lead her to the spot she had been thinking about stealing Regina away to several times over the course of the last few weeks.

* * *

"Mulan." Belle knocked on the bathroom door, knowing she heard Mulan get out of the shower, but she must have still been getting dressed because she hadn't come out yet.

Belle could not believe Mulan's apartment. It was a prime loft space right in the center of the city. It was spacious, clean, and with comfortable yet stylish furniture. It also blew Belle's mind that Mulan just shrugged it off, since the Charmings had actually found the place for her so she would immediately have somewhere to stay when she started at the University.

"I was going to make us some tea but I can't find the sugar. Do you have any?"

"Hey. I'm dressed. Just brushing my hair." Mulan popped open the bathroom door. Belle was floored by the bathroom as well. Mulan had a giant tub with six Jacuzzi jets.

"Mulan, it's gorgeous in here as well. Why didn't you tell me you had this amazing space?"

"Well, I like it a lot. But I haven't been to very many houses in this world. I don't know if this is high or low end, to be honest."

"High." Belle confirmed. "Definitely high." One day, Belle decided, she would get into that tub. How long do they have to be dating before they can start cashing in on girlfriend perks?

"The sugar's somewhere in the cabinets. I bought some when I moved here, but I don't really use it. Here." Mulan took Belle's hand to lead her back to the kitchen.

Mulan always led her by the hand. Even if they were just going room to room together. She thought it was adorable.

Mulan was shuffling through the shelves, when she felt Belle's hand start rubbing her back.

"I thought I had some here."

"Forget the tea. It's not important." She spun Mulan around, putting her arms on her shoulders, and kissing her. She could tell the Warrior had just brushed her teeth, and felt Mulan's hands wrap around her waist.

Since they were skipping their morning trip to campus, she figured they had some free time.

* * *

Emma led Regina up to the War Room. The room had the benefit of being one of the few spots on campus that had no lock on the outside, only on the inside, and it could only be sealed with a faculty member's fingerprint. Once they were inside and sealed the room, nobody would be coming in from the outside. If there ever needed to be an emergency strategy session, nobody would be able to break in on them. There would be no reason for anyone to try the War Room, since they were not in a war, and there were no meetings on the weekends.

Regina quickly found herself being backed up against the giant table, with Emma's mouth finding her soft, red lips. Regina let herself get lost in the moment, kissing back. Emma's mouth on hers felt good anytime, anywhere.

When Emma moved on to the Queen's neck, Regina understood exactly where this was going, and why Emma locked the room with her fingerprint once inside.

"Emma. Uh. God, Emma…don't mess up my dress. I'm wearing this to tea later." Emma barely registered what Regina was saying, full about to start ripping the dress off of her girlfriend, her mouth still attached to Regina's skin.

"Emma." Regina pulled her back, and switched them so that Emma was backed against the table. She went back to kissing Emma, threading her hand through Emma's hair, keeping their bodies pressed together while starting to grind against one another, fully clothed.

Regina started to unbutton Emma's jeans, and then pulled down the zipper. Emma was kissing sloppily now, fully distracted by what was going on at the top of her pants. Emma started to reach up Regina's dress.

"Uh uh. No." She swatted the hand away. "I have plans later, but as far as I know, you don't. We can get _you_ as messy as we want."

Regina went back to kissing Emma, and with the top of her pants open, dipped a hand down just a tad, letting the skin of Emma's intimate parts anticipate her touch. She enjoyed in that moment that she felt a bit of stubble. It meant that Emma hadn't planned on jumping Regina's bones that day, this was a pure spur-of-the-moment desire. It made Regina feel incredibly sexy.

Emma wasn't going to argue with any of Regina's logic, letting Regina dominate their kissing. She felt Regina start running her fingers along her lips, tracing the shape, all without feeling inside. The tongue in her mouth was matching the stroking motions, until Regina put her full palm against the Savior's center, adding pressure.

"Regina. Fuck." Emma broke off, panting. She wanted her Queen to touch her so badly.

"Look at me." Regina commanded, using a voice that was so erotic Emma listened automatically. She could see Regina's pupils dilate as she ran a finger through Emma's wetness. When the tip of her finger reached her clit, Emma couldn't hold the gaze, quickly attaching her hands to the edge of the table to keep herself upright.

Emma was wet. Soaking wet. Regina loved that she wanted her so badly. She used two fingers, shoved down the front of Emma's open pants, and started firmly stroking.

Emma was barely making any sounds other than breathing hard. Of the two, Regina was the talker during sex. Regina had to become very in tune with her lover to learn her signals, and when Emma's breath picked up, her eyes clamped shut, she knew what it meant.

She held their bodies together, rocking into Emma's core, loving the combination of soft, hot, and wet on her fingers. Emma was so wet that the Queen could smell her scent, even while staying upright. Emma spread her legs as much as she could with her pants still on, fitting Regina between them, so that her arm could speed up, travelling back and forth over her straining bundle of nerves.

Emma gripped Regina's shoulders now, her body stiffening forward, and letting out a low moan. When Regina stopped her rubbing, knowing that was the Savior's orgasm, Emma, still without speaking, moved Regina's hand inside of her to feel the pulsing she had caused.

They were strong, steady pulses crushing at the Queen's fingers. Regina kept them there, she would feel when they slowed, and kissed her Savior on her cheek, across her jaw, lightly on the lips, letting the ability to hear and see come back to Emma without rushing her.

* * *

Snow and David had spent the morning with some of their students. They hand somewhat taken on the role of mother and father to the students living in the dorms, many of whom were experiencing their first time living away from home. Snow was amazed at how many students were technically adults, but still needed someone to show them how to operate a washer and dryer.

They spent some time chatting in the lounge, telling of their adventures in Neverland a few years back, answering all sorts of questions from the bright eyed young adults, many of whom would otherwise not bother getting up on a Saturday until closer to dinnertime. The young adults were amazed that they were meeting people they had previously only read or heard about.

Sometimes, after leaving the students they lingered around the campus. Other times, they snuck up to their spot for a little Charming quickie, or what they liked to refer to as a "Charmer".

"Damnit!" David said, jiggling the doorknob to the War Room.

"It's occupied? What the hell?" Snow's disappointment was clear.

"Who the heck would be in there? Damn!" David was a Charming. He was a gentleman, and usually preferred to properly have relations with his wife in the privacy of their own home.

However, David also was still human and had needs, and Snow had made her intentions known before they even got to the campus.

"It's probably just Ruby. She's gotta stop picking up men from the student population. I know she's not technically, a professor, but…remind me again, David, why we let her in on the faculty lock?" Snow and David started walking back towards the elevator, thoroughly disappointed.

* * *

Belle enjoyed kissing Mulan. She loved that Mulan's long, strong arms could wrap around her and make her feel complete secure. She knew she had to take it slow with Mulan, knowing she wasn't very experienced.

She had backed Mulan up so that they were back in the living room onto the couch, still staying in Mulan's embrace, moving her hand up to the back of the Warrior's neck. Mulan was progressing nicely as a kisser. Until last week, Mulan didn't even know that people moved their mouths while kissing, and found it to be a pleasant addition.

This time, Belle let her tongue slip out for a moment, licking at Mulan's lips. When the Warrior's mouth opened back up, she let her tongue slid inside.

Mulan's eyes shot open for a moment, but she kept her mouth in place. _What is…oh? We can do that?_

Belle knew this was new to her girlfriend, since Mulan now just sort of had her mouth open, not really knowing what to do. She pulled back, giving Mulan a loving gaze so that she knew this was okay.

Belle repositioned herself on Mulan's lap, taking the Warrior's face into her hands.

"I think that you should let me kiss you for a moment." Belle always did know how to put things tactfully and not hurt Mulan's feelings. The Warrior nodded, curious, nervous, excited, and turned on all at once.

Belle brought her face back down to Mulan's, and once she got Mulan kissing again, moved her tongue back to the entrance of her mouth. She felt the Warrior's lips part, and slipped her tongue in gently, giving her girlfriend's tongue a soft stroke, then pulling back to just lips. She did this a few times until Mulan caught on, and started to let her tongue reach out to meet Belle's.

Mulan was usually quiet. She didn't volunteer her feelings, and had a habit of shy giggling when she and Belle were teasing each other in their flirty way. She was very timid when it came to physical interactions.

Belle was quite proud of herself when she could hear and feel that this was the first time she had made the Warrior moan, and felt the vibration in her mouth, sending shivers through her body.

* * *

Tea Time was to begin promptly at 3:30 in the afternoon. Regina had long since wrapped up her impromptu session in the War Room, letting Emma and herself part ways for the afternoon, only stopping home to get her tea party hat.

Belle had also, begrudgingly extracted herself from Mulan, not willing to pass up her first tea party invite, and also not wanting to push Mulan too far too quickly. She had even made a little tray of tea sandwiches, and hoped it wouldn't rain before she had time to run home and grab them. She hoped they had a good English Breakfast pot going.

Snow had also extracted herself from David, as he was now in their bed, still naked, and sleeping like a baby. She didn't mind not waking him, once Snow started getting wild, she could wear out a wildebeest, so what she did to the poor man usually required a Gatorade afterward. She got dressed in her best tea party dress, with her lipstick matching the accents on her purse and shoes.

Lady-of-the-town tea parties were one of her favorite kind of get-togethers, and she figured eventually David would wake up anyway and make his way over to the recliner. She left him a sandwich and a Gatorade in the fridge that was hidden in the arm of the chair, along with a note letting him know that tea might run through dinnertime, as they tended to chat for hours.

Ruby was in the process of still trying to tactfully kick out her one night stand from the night before so she could get ready. He was not getting it. The guy was strikingly handsome, but not processing the "gee, look at the time" hints. He was still laying on Ruby's couch in his boxers when Tinkerbell came to pick her up, dressed ready for what could be the Kentucky Derby.

"He's still here." Ruby whispered to Tink at the door when she answered it.

"I'll handle it." Tink strolled right in and found the guy helping himself to the contents of Ruby's refrigerator.

"Hey, Jack, listen"

" – my name's Kyle."

"Yeah, don't care," Tink continued, "Did you have a good night?"

"Yeah, I guess I did." He stood holding Ruby's milk carton in his boxers, looking confused that there was suddenly another woman in the room, apart from the one he spent the previous night with.

"Good. I'm glad. Now tell me, is it still nighttime?"

"No…no it's not."

"Okay, then your cue to leave was about eight hours ago, Jack." Tink winked at him.

Kyle took the hint, and started gathering his clothes, while Ruby tried to cover her giggles. She gave him a little slap on the ass on the way out, so he knew he wasn't being kicked out for lack of sexual performance.

"Now. We have a tea party to get to." Tink escorted Ruby out to Tink's car, so they could get back to Tink's house before the others arrived.

* * *

"I don't know, man. They probably just gossip…well, probably about us. But I don't want anything to do with it. Hey! My girlfriend is at tea, your girlfriend is at tea…Come over. I have beer."

Emma hung up after that. She knew "I have beer" was enough for Mulan to be on her way. She liked Storybrooke's beer much, much better than the tavern ales she had become accustomed to.

Mulan was at her door in less than five minutes. She was glad to have something to do, not to mention an afternoon with what had become her lesbian mentor, which she desperately felt like she needed after the day she had with Belle.

* * *

Ruby had the teapot out, with five places set with cups, and each with a little plate for snacks, while Tinkerbell answered the door, letting in Snow, and giving her the obligatory doorway greetings.

Regina was already there, chatting with Ruby about anything she could think of other than Ruby's cooking down at the college cafeteria. Not that she didn't appreciate all of Ruby and Granny's help, she just knew that if Ruby's recipes came up, she wouldn't be able to lie to the wolf's face.

Belle arrived shortly thereafter, with a full tray of cucumber sandwiches, and another plate of little cookies that she had made. It was her first tea party, and she hadn't done any major socializing since she had started reintegrating herself back into her friend circle.

"Belle! Glad you could make it!" Regina was happy her new friend was in the circle.

"I'm so excited! I've never been invited for tea, and you have a lovely house, Tinkerbell."

The table collectively smirked.

"Aww. Poor girl. She still thinks we're having tea." Ruby's response was serious. Belle looked very confused at the moment, as she was staring at a teapot, and four other women in dresses and hats.

"I'll get the shades." Tink popped up to cover the windows. The others wasted no time ripping off their ridiculous hats, and Snow pulled out a deck of cards while Ruby presented the table with her box of poker chips.

"Alright, ladies. The game is Texas Hold 'Em. No wild cards, straightforward. Ten dollar buy in, second place gets a cut of the pot. Tink, your house, your deal."


	16. Chapter 16

"Now Belle, you've been invited to the circle of trust, so there are some things you need to know about our 'tea parties'. First, the name of the table is Vegas." Regina decided to take her power role and start initiating the novice.

"You named the table 'Vegas', because of the gambling." Belle smiled.

"No. We named the table 'Vegas' because what happens here stays here. Second, this is only referred to as a 'tea party' outside of this room." Regina was shuffling with such skill Belle was sure Regina must have been running some sort of underground gambling ring for the last thirty years. Technically, is gambling even legal in Storybrooke?

Snow pulled a cigar out of her bra, bit off the tip, stuck it in her mouth and lit it. She continued for Regina, "This is how we keep the significant others out. Of course, they're always _invited_, technically, but do you ever see Charming volunteering a Saturday afternoon for 'tea'? We can stay here as long as we like, and they never ask questions."

Tinkerbell was pouring from the teapot into everyone's cup. Belle brought her cup to her lips, immediately spitting out what was not tea, and in fact straight whiskey, causing a round of laughs from everyone in the room.

"Well," Tink said in between laughs, "We're going to have fun breaking this one in. Welcome to the club."

* * *

Emma and Mulan were hanging out at Emma's, choosing to stay inside with their beers rather than go back outside in what was now a full rainstorm.

"Here's the thing, I think it should be you because it has to be you. You're Batman." Emma kept such a straight face that Mulan knew she wasn't kidding.

"I'm what-man?"

"You're Batman. You don't have any magic, you know how to fight, you use all of these cool gadgets to help you, your SUV is so decked out in computer tech stuff that it could be a batmobile. If I train him, it's just his Mom being lame. If _you_ train him, it's like hanging out with his boyhood hero."

"So this makes me like a winged creature of the night."

"No. Look," Emma grabbed her laptop and pulled up some Batman comic pages as a sample, "This is Batman. Henry knows your Mulan story from his book, but if we tell him that Batman is actually based on you, he'll think he has an opportunity to hang out with the real Batman, even though Batman isn't real. And we don't want to hurt his feelings, Mulan, but he was _so bad_ at fencing. It's like he has an inner ear problem that only activates when he's dressed like a Power Ranger and holding a weapon."

"So you want me to pretend to be a comic book character?"

"Is that really all that different from being a Fairytale character?"

"Point taken."

* * *

"So after it kept happening, and kept happening, I realized that most of the Fairy men tended to be gay, and I can only take so many gay boyfriends. I was like, 'if I'm going to keep catching who I'm dating in my clothes, it's going to be like dating a woman". So I thought, 'what the hell, I might as well try it with a girl'. It turns out I'm mostly a top. If I had never tried, I wouldn't even know that about myself!" Tinkerbell accepted one of Snow's bra-hidden cigars, but still sipped her whiskey from her teacup with her pinky up, because even if she was going to be Drunkerbell by the end of the night, she was still a fucking lady.

"What's a 'top'?" Belle was clearly going to be the innocent one at this table. Regina had wondered if all of Lacey had completely vacated Belle's brain. Nobody was this sheltered. It was like telling a puppy there was no Santa Claus.

"Not you, dear." Regina answered, looking at the two cards that had just been dealt to her.

"What? How do you know?" Belle still wasn't understanding anything, and it wasn't lost on her that nobody bothered to ask her if she knew how to play this game.

"You're with Mulan? Belle, I would be very, very impressed with you if you ended up as the top. Maybe more like a switch. I call." Regina threw her chips in.

"It means, Belle, the more…aggressive partner." Ruby tried to put it delicately for her friend who she was sure was going to shortly be exiting a multi-year residency in CelibacyTowne.

"Oh, Mulan's hardly aggressive. She's been nothing but sweet. And she's kind, and gentle…"

"Haha yeah, that has nothing to do with it. It means she's a good person. It has nothing to do with bedroom activities. I call." Ruby tossed in her two red chips.

Snow was _fascinated_. If she wanted Emma to open up to her once they were finally parent-child-workout bonding, she needed to know the lesbian lingo. Just a few things to slip into conversation that could make Emma more comfortable. Emma had agreed to workout with her, but she felt she needed to do a lot of studying before starting her plan. She quickly catalogued what a "top" was away in her very important Charming family information file.

"Oh. Well, how will I know who's supposed to be on 'top'?"

"Not you." Ruby, Regina, and Tink all said in unison.

"But I don't…_how_ do you know?"

"Okay, I'm going to help you out here Belle. If Mulan had a dick, would she be on top of you, or would you be riding her like a racehorse with a million dollars on the line?" And Tipsy Tink was finally joining the party, as she continued throwing community cards in the center of the table.

"But Mulan doesn't have a penis. Not that it matters. But I'm pretty sure on that one."

"She can buy one." Regina threw in, making Snow's jaw drop.

"She can buy one what?" It was clearly going to be a long game for Belle.

* * *

"This is stupid." Mulan was sitting with her arms crossed, wearing the cape Emma had just made her by stapling blue shower towels together, and was wearing the bat mask she made by cutting up the matching hand towel. Mulan thought about reminding her that her title was "Savior", and not "Costume Designer".

"Well, we need to make it not stupid because now I have nothing to shower with. More beer?"

* * *

"Oh. OH. I see." Belle had Tink's iPad in her hands, and was now trying to move the image of the Feeldoe from long ways to short, trying to make this make sense to her.

"It's like a strapless strap on. We already ordered one. And by the way, three kings. My pot." Regina was nonchalant about both sharing her toy proclivities, and the fact that she was kicking everyone's asses.

Snow decided she needed to really try here. She needed to understand Emma. Even if her cheeks were going to be redder than Ruby's entire wardrobe.

"So this part," Snow started, pointing at the top's end, "goes in you, and then…"

"No, dear. That part goes in the top. Not me. Now do you know what we mean, Belle?" Belle's eyes hadn't left the screen. _They come in colors? Do the colors signify something? Does she have to be a red top or purple bottom?_

"I don't…I don't have one of these." Belle was suddenly unsure of her newfound sexual curiosities. What if it's supposed to match your purse and shoes?

"Oh, you don't have to have one. Not necessary. What is necessary is that you do trim your nails, dear. Nevermind, we can discuss that later. But if you did have one of these, which end would be yours? Do you see where we're going here?" Regina was now shuffling, as though she were conversing about something as simple as the weather.

"Ah, I get it now. Okay then. So I need to get Mulan on top. But she's so shy. It's actually adorable how shy she is." Belle hadn't felt this way since she was a teenager, and gathered with the other girls in the village to discuss who they all had crushes on.

"Wait, so Emma's a top?" Snow was ignoring that 'too much information' feeling in the bottom of her stomach and trucking right through. The FairyFire was helping with that decision.

Regina smirked. "Yes. I am the bottom. And proud of it."

"So Emma is really, really…" Snow couldn't believe she was having this conversation. She needed to start another cigar.

"Really, really…what? And by the way, it's your deal." Regina didn't know if Snow was now at the level of awkward where she would ask about their sex lives, but she was about to find out.

And that's when Snow burst into tears.

* * *

"Look, I'll be your Batman. I already owe you a lot. But I don't think I need a costume. You just want me to let him hang out with me, because you naturally think he's going to want to once you tell him I'm Batman. Won't that be enough?" Emma was now wearing the towel bat-costume that Mulan had abandoned.

"Okay, fine. This wasn't going to be helpful anyway. I need you to teach him anything that you think would be helpful that doesn't involve a sword."

"Not a problem. And Regina's not going to have a problem with it?" Mulan knew that regardless of Emma's answer, they were now knee deep in the bro code, and she was going to have to keep her Warrior lips sealed.

"No, no this time she knows what's going on. We're not keeping secrets anymore."

"So you're going to tell her you have no more bath towels and why?"

"Damnit."

* * *

"It's like, I try to be a good mother, and be all caring about what she's doing, but she's a grown woman, so she doesn't want to be mothered. So I back off, and let her come to me as a friend, and it's like I barely matter. We hardly talk as it is; she's always looking to hang out with David. She never came out to me. Nothing. No PFLAG pamphlet on the table. No 'testing the waters' conversation." Snow started a full cry, accepting the handkerchief from Tink. Tink also took it as a sign that Snow had now folded, and grabbed the pot that was now hers.

"Snow, did you ever think that she didn't come out to you because she knows you wouldn't have a problem with it? It's like, if she had grown up with you, and you had just expected her to marry a Prince, then she would have to tell you. But it's not like that here." Ruby was trying to think through this as much as Snow. As far as she new, Emma never came out to anybody. She had just started dating Tink, and between that and how she chooses to walk, sit, dress, and keep her nails clipped, speak, check out women, the way she had spent years looking at Regina longingly, eventually everybody seemed to put two and two together.

"Of course I wouldn't have a problem with it! But, it's a part of her life. And anytime I get anything about her life, it's like pulling teeth. I mean, when did she know she liked women? We all know she's been with at least one man. What was that about? Did she have anyone to talk to while she was sorting through her feelings? Is that why she wears that flannel shirt under that vest?" Snow started crying harder. It was dripping on her chips, which Tinkerbell did not appreciate. She didn't want to win chips soaked from the tears of her ex's mother.

Regina felt like she had some sort of responsibility here. She had to defend her girlfriend, knowing that her existence in the Savior's life may have triggered the meltdown. At least this time it wasn't because she was being accused of murdering someone.

"Snow, Emma never came out to me either." Regina thought that would be a good place to start.

"Well, clearly it worked out for you two. You're already picking out mildoes"

"-dildos"

"Whatever. It's not like you barely have gotten a chance to know her."

"Actually, Snow. I think Emma should be here, because she's the one who plays her cards close to her chest." Snow was listening to Regina intently, as her sobs were softening into little hiccups. "Emma hasn't told me any of those things either. I don't know when she officially 'came out', or why she was with Neal, or any of those other things. Those aren't the kinds of things Emma talks about." Now Regina felt inadequate. Why had she never asked Emma about these things? She thought back to when Emma stayed up in bed with her, and asked her a bunch of "first date" questions. Now that she thought about it, she had never thought to progress them into second date questions.

"Oh." Snow never thought of that.

"Me either, Snow." Ruby chimed in. "I don't really go feeling-diving into conversations with Emma. I think it would scare her off. I also think that when she does include us in her life, if we're supportive, then if she ever did want to talk about those things, she knows anyone here would listen."

Snow smiled. She wasn't being excluded from Emma's world. She just had to learn how to exist in it.

The doorbell rang. Tink popped up to get it.

"Password?" Tink yelled through the door.

"Crumpets!" The visitor shouted through the peephole.

Tink opened the door.

"GRANNY!"

* * *

"You know, I still haven't taken her on a date. Does that make me completely lame?" Emma had decided that she liked the Bat-towels. They could match her feety-pajamas and bunny ears hat. She also might have to make sure Regina never, ever was inside of her apartment again, since she now had a full costume wardrobe.

"Well, I can see how that would be difficult. You both have jobs, you have a child together, when you do see each other, you tend to hole up in your place or hers."

"Hm." Emma pondered that while sipping here beer through her Batmask. "I really guess I just don't know where to take her. I can't just be like, 'Hey Regina, I know you used to rule an entire kingdom and make life-or-death decisions for people, but how do you feel about mini-golf?" Emma was at a loss here. Before her whole world was turned upside down and before she found out Fairytales were real, the only royalty she knew of was Queen Latifah.

"I guess that's a fair question. Maybe the drive-in?" Emma was now starting to panic. She really did need to come up with something. She didn't want Regina to think she was any less than a Queen. Had she ever even bought her flowers?

"In my little bug? We barely have room in there to sit, definitely not to watch a movie. And I don't want to ask her on a date, and then make her drive. That just sounds like one step away from, 'and later we can go hang out in my mom's basement'."

Mulan stopped to think. How _does_ one date a Queen?

"Actually…Mulan, you have an SUV, don't you?" Emma's terry-towel bat senses were putting something together.

"No. You cannot have my car. Not when I think you two do what you do, and it could be done on my backseat."

"Please! I promise we won't do that on your backseat." Emma whined.

"No. Leather interior, Emma. No way. And I don't believe you would be able to fully control yourself to make that kind of promise."

"I promise we wouldn't. Maybe just like second base."

"No way. Do you know how much that thing costs me? What if you spilled a drink?"

"So you like what you've got going on here, Mulan? You like that girlfriend that _Regina and I_ have been so supportive of? I mean, it's really great that _Regina and I_ have been so helpful."

"That was low…Fine."

* * *

Tink had excused herself to get some air, so Granny happily took over her spot. She grabbed an umbrella, and slipped out. It wasn't long before Granny had doubled Tink's stack, with back to back double pairs. She also tended to dominate the conversation, as Granny has no filter between what she's thinking, and what she will say.

"You mean to tell me that you honestly can say that sleeping with men was the same for you as putting your face right in another woman's who-ha?"

Ruby covered her face in embarrassment. This woman might be friends with everyone else, but she was still her grandmother. And that's what had just flown out of her grandmother's mouth.

"Granny!" Ruby still had her face covered.

"What, too blunt?" Granny fluttered her eyelashes at a now very red Ruby.

"Too much too fast."

"That's what she said! Oh, one more for Granny! Try to keep up, kids. But Regina has yet to answer." Granny kept her tea party cigars tucked away in her bun, and pulled one out for this conversation, and poured a teacup of whiskey.

This was an answer that Belle was hinging on. She knew that Mulan gave her butterflies. Mulan was so shy, and romantic, and really everything about her was up to S&Q U standards of chivalry. But eventually, they might have sex. And Regina was the only other person she knew closely who could say she had done both. She was _not_ starting that kind of conversation with Tink, who had already booked it out of there anyway.

"Okay, here's what I'll tell you. It's not the same. It's not even remotely the same. And I don't _want_ it to be the same. Because the sex I have now is the Best. Sex. Ever. _Ever._" Regina was now buzzed enough that she didn't care what Snow heard come out of her mouth for the rest of the night.

Suddenly it was very quiet as all of the women leaned in close to hear what putting your face in a "who-ha" was really like.

* * *

Tink took the stairs down from her Treehouse, and was outside just walking around the block in the cool spring air. It was getting more and more difficult for her to be friends with Regina and Emma, and sit around a table full of friends that all were pleased with their romantic lives.

The part that had bothered Tink the most was that Emma _had_ come out to her. Apparently, she was the only one. And she remembered if vividly.

They had been arguing, as they did pretty much every other day. Tink knew that most of it was because she was a drama-queen handful most of the time, but that was her reaction to dating someone who was clearly going through the motions with her.

"Why are you even WITH me, Emma? Why?" She had yelled, as they were fighting in Emma's apartment.

"Because I'm GAY, Tink. I'm a lesbian." That was it. That was all Emma could come up with. Not because she thought Tinkerbell was beautiful, or fun, or even falling in love.

"So because we both like women, you think that's a reason to just pick one and go with it?"

"Why the hell not? Damnit, Tink. I thought we were going out tonight."

"I thought we were too." Tink knew in that moment that all of the fighting had been because Emma was a distance girlfriend because she didn't have any real feelings for Tink. Tinkerbell also knew she wasn't in love with Emma, but was in love with feeling wanted by someone. And now, she didn't feel wanted at all.

Tea Party day is supposed to be a fun day. Not a dealing with emotional baggage day.

* * *

_**Hey Emma – are you busy tomorrow?**_

Emma was surprised to get a text from Henry. She took off her Bat costume.

"It's Henry."

_**Not really. What's up, Buddy?**_

"He's at Lilo's house today. I hope everything's okay. He never texts me to hang out…Hey, why doesn't my son ever text to hang out anymore?" Emma asked somewhat to Mulan, but still staring at her phone.

"Because you're not Batman?" Mulan couldn't help herself.

_**Well, I kind of need someone to take me to get a suit. I just asked Lilo to the dance and she said yes**_.

"Woooo! The Charmings still got it! Mulan, check this out!" Emma and Mulan high-fived.

"Nice! He's going to be quite the knight one day. Well, that's my cue to head home. You guys should plan your shopping trip. And you can keep the Bat-towel." Emma stuck out her tongue as Mulan dropped their empty bottles in the kitchen on the way to the door.

* * *

"Wow." Snow sat back. She couldn't believe everything that had just come out of Regina's mouth. It wasn't even processing that what she just said could be in relation to activities that she may have done with her daughter. She just knew she had listened to the most erotic description of the female body and sexuality that anyone could have ever possibly conjured. It may have been conjured. That had to have involved magic.

"Wow doesn't begin to cover it. Damn, Regina. I'm seriously considering coming to the lavender side now." Ruby had been enthralled with Regina's tales.

"Holy cow. Wow. And some more wow. What have I been missing out on?" Snow was still stunned.

"I know. Have I even been having sex? Like, does what I do even count?" Ruby said in amazement. Snow was now fanning herself with her cards.

"I think she just talked me into it." Granny sat back, and lit another cigar. It was like an after sex cigar, and after everything she had just heard, it felt like it.

"It's really like that?" Belle asked, hopeful, her mouth hanging open, much like the other women at the table.

Regina did another teacup shot, and sat back in her chair.

"Yes."

* * *

The tea party had rapidly cleared itself out once Tinkerbell returned. The group was still processing everything that Regina had just told them, and it was clear that Tink wasn't going to be any fun.

Belle had her mind made up. She fixed herself so that she didn't look like she just spent her Saturday day-drinking in a treehouse surrounded by cigar smoke. It had stopped raining, but she knew her hair would be frizzy.

She stopped into Tink's bathroom, fixed her hair, and reapplied her lipstick. She did a spritz of perfume. Even though she wasn't smoking any cigars, she felt like it was necessary just in case.

She left the house, walking down the block to Main Street, Storybrooke. To the left was her house. She instead turned right, and walked an extra block down to the loft apartments.

When Mulan opened the door, she didn't wait for "hello". She simply looked into the Warrior's eyes for a split second, and pounced.

* * *

_**Happy Weekend, SWEN! So glad you are all enjoying this! -Rogue**_


	17. Chapter 17

The doorbell rang unexpectedly for a Sunday at the Mills mansion. To be fair, any ring of the doorbell was unexpected, as Emma knew where the spare key was hidden around on the side of the house.

However, she never just barged in unless it was determined ahead of time that it was okay for her to use the key, so seeing Regina's car in the driveway, she rang the bell out of courtesy.

"Emma! Hi." Regina stepped aside to let Emma in. "Just happened to be driving by I see?" Regina was pleased at her surprise visit.

"What? No, I'm picking up Henry." Regina motioned for her to follow her through to the kitchen, always their first stop from the door before moving through to other rooms.

"Picking up Henry for what?" That was the moment where Emma realized they were right back to not telling one or both of Henry's moms things, and was quite irritated.

"Henry didn't tell you, I'm guessing." Regina continued staring at Emma blankly.

"He texted me yesterday to see if I could take him to get something to wear to the school dance. Did he not mention that either?" Regina couldn't hide the hurt in her eyes once Emma outlined that Henry was keeping something from her yet again.

"Henry! Get down here!" Emma shouted up the stairs. It agitated Regina that this was how her weekend was going to end, but the way Emma had no problem coming into the mansion and making herself right at home, even if it was only to shout at their son, provided a certain sense of relationship comfort.

Henry bounced down the stairs, clearly dressed as though he were anticipating being picked up. Regina couldn't believe she didn't notice that Henry was up and dressed before 11AM, generally unheard of considering Henry's late night habits on Saturdays.

"Henry, did you ask me to take you shopping and not tell your mom?" Emma wasted no time cutting to the chase. Regina could only look on, hoping to balance her facial expression more towards "authority" and less towards "why do you hide things from me?". It wasn't working.

"I didn't think it was a big deal. It's just clothes. I thought I didn't have to ask one of you permission to go out with the other? Remember the whole 'you're both my moms' conversation you keep having with me? You both buy me clothes. It's not like we're going to sneak out, Emma."

Regina could no longer sit on the sidelines. "Henry, you do not take that tone with your mother. Of course you can always go shopping with either of us, but as a courtesy you should tell us when you're going somewhere. Do we not tell you when we're going to be out somewhere?" Emma looked at Regina's parenting and smiled. She was so impressed that Regina was clearly hurt, but still making this about appropriate behavior.

"Henry, did you even tell your mom about wanting to go to a dance? Did you tell her when it is?"

"I didn't think I had to."

"Well, you do have to. When is it?"

"It's Friday, moms. I didn't think I had to tell you since your University is hosting us. I mean, didn't you have to approve us using your gym? Why wouldn't I be going?"

_Oooooohhh_, Regina thought, _I did approve for the high school to have a dance this week_. She noticed that Emma was now just looking between her and their son, hoping eventually she might know completely what was going on at any given time.

"I did approve the dance, Henry. But if you're going out, I still need to know where you're going. _Both_ of your parents need to know where you are _without_ resorting to GPS tracking." Regina did realize that she was quite lucky that Henry had just assumed that she would assume he was going to the dance, because she had forgotten that she even approved it, and would need to put a janitorial staff on for Friday night.

"Okay. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. So, I'm guessing you're taking Lilo?" Emma was using this chat as an opportunity to further make herself at home, and find a drink from Regina's refrigerator for the road.

"Of course. Who else would I take?"

"So if Emma is buying you a new outfit for this dance, I'm guessing you're going to be dressed up. Going to your first dance with a date." Regina just decided to go ahead and push her luck. "So can you and Lilo be here for a bit before the dance so we can take a picture?"

Emma pulled her head out of the fridge to see how this was going to go.

"Sure Mom. We can do that."

* * *

While Emma and Henry were out, Regina took this as an opportunity to go to the grocery store without mentioning it to either of them, if only to avoid the usual response, which was for one or both of them to find her grocery list before leaving, and crossing out items such as "wheat crackers" and replacing it with "chocolate syrup".

Regina walked through isle after isle of stock items, representing the mundane suburbia existence in which she currently resided. She had to win this IronFairy and get a castle. She needed a project in which to filter her mischievous side. For a little while spying on Henry had actually satisfied her need to feel sneaky. It was a strange addiction; a symptom of her constant feeling of losing control, much like needing Emma's touch to reinforce her place in reality.

This time, she found herself in the cereal isle. Box after box of "flakes" of varying flavors, and not a single enemy to fight. _I could buy some cereal_, Regina thought_, or I could turn the boxes so that they're all facing the wrong way_…

Regina's smile returned to her face as she decided to go ahead and confuse someone's day.

"So what are we looking for? Dress shirt and pants? Full three piece suit with a monocle?" Emma was casually thumbing through the racks. She wasn't sure if Henry was big enough yet to shop in the adult men's section, but she didn't want to insult him by suggesting they leave it.

"A monocle, Emma? I'm not the Penguin." Henry returned to his rack. He couldn't answer the question anyway, since he'd never been to a high school dance, and didn't know how dressed up to be. However, he had asked Emma instead of Regina, knowing Regina would go for a full-out tuxedo and start taking pictures of him in the dressing room.

"Funny you should say that, Henry. So, you know Mulan, right? Of course you do. You coached one of her dates with me. Anyway, so…you know how Mulan's Batman?" Emma hoped that sounded like a casual slip.

"She's what?" Henry didn't stop looking at shirts. Polo shirt? Button down? Why was Emma talking about Mulan and not helping?

"She's Batman. Like the comic books are inspired by her story. She knows how to fight, but uses weapons and gadgets and brains. Remember when she did that demo of the grappling line and scaled that building on campus?"

Henry stopped looking at shirts then. "Actually, yeah. That was really cool. And she did it with a utility belt." Henry did think that particular demonstration was cool. When he thought back to that, he actually wouldn't be surprised if Mulan turned out to be Batman.

"Well, she likes you Henry. You and Lilo really helped her out that night with the directions to the enchanted pond. So she mentioned to me that if you ever wanted to hang out with her when she's playing with her gadgets, or even training, you're welcome to. That includes weapons – I mentioned to her that you're into fencing." _I also mentioned that I don't want you touching anything with a sharp, pointy end without that entire suit on_, Emma thought, but kept that part to herself.

"Really? That would be kinda cool. I've always thought that if I'm a prince, if I had been raised in Fairytale Land I probably would have been learning this stuff by now."

"Is that why you wanted to start fencing?"

"Actually, I wanted to learn jousting, but Storybrooke High doesn't have a team for that."

"I think we can take it one step at a time. So yeah, if you want to train with Mulan or learn anything from the knighthood besides fencing, you get free lessons, courtesy of Batman." Emma started pulling items from the rack that looked to be about Henry's size. "So here's what I'm going to suggest, son. You can't go wrong with a suit. You just leave off wearing a tie to avoid being overdressed. How's this one?"

* * *

When Regina walked into the potion lab, she already found the Mayor occupying most of the table space. It seemed that they both had a similar idea in deciding that the best time to practice magic for the IronFairy would be on Sundays, when nobody else would be around any of the magical items of the University.

"I guess great minds think alike." Regina knew that Tink was off yesterday at Tea. She disappeared for a good hour, and came back completely silent at her own party. She decided to see if her friend needed her for anything, unless it was magic related, in which case the Fairy she fully intended on pounding into the ground in competition was on her own.

"Oh no. You're not slipping in here Regina and spying on my ingredients. Get your own lab."

"Tink, this lab is at my University. Well, mine and Emma's. You are free to get _your_ own lab. And I'm not crashing your recipe party. I have my own, thank you very much. Hello? Does the DARK CURSE ring a bell?"

Tink sighed. She did understand that Regina was competition. She also did understand that she was being a total cranky face to everyone around her these days.

* * *

The Warrior Formerly Known as Batman woke up quite late for a Sunday, immediately forming a grin on her face. Mostly it was because a very topless Belle was her current blanket.

The night before had blown Mulan away. She thought she was spending a quiet evening in with her beer buzz from Emma's continuing into the evening, and she had settled in with a stack of weapons related magazines that she hadn't had time to leaf through during the week.

That was until she heard a knock at her door, followed by finding a very red faced and frisky Belle on the other side, who immediately jumped on her, wrapping her legs around her Warrior's body.

Mulan had no idea what kind of tea this woman had been drinking, but she needed to find out and keep some in stock.

Belle let Mulan carry them inside to the kitchen, where Mulan deposited her behind on the kitchen table, not breaking their lip contact. She could tell from Belle's sudden aggressiveness that this was going to be nothing like the gentle lesson they had engaged in earlier in the day.

This thought was reinforced when Belle reached around the Warrior's body, using both hands to grab and squeeze her well-shaped ass.

Belle was now attacking Mulan's mouth, and the Warrior was struggling to keep up. But she was determined to try.

Belle's hands were all over Mulan's body over her clothes. Using her hands, she directed Mulan's mouth down to her neck, and Mulan caught on quickly. It didn't take long before Mulan was just as panting and flustered as Belle was, and her hands became as active as Belle's were, causing the both of them to grunt through kisses and grabs.

Belle was reveling in the feeling of Mulan's mouth on her neck, and her hands grabbing at her sides and her back. A few times Mulan's hands passed by the area where the zipper to her dress was, and Belle jumped in excitement, thinking the Warrior would let it open. When this didn't happen, she thought Mulan might need a little push. She moved her mouth so that it was right next to Mulan's ear, and breathed into it.

"Pull down the zipper." Mulan complied immediately, and her hands were then running over Belle's back, letting her mouth wander back up to Belles for what were now their most wet, desperate kisses yet. Belle thought now Mulan would be able to steer, adjusting to the permission to touch Belle's skin that had just been granted.

Mulan had no coherent thoughts. She was barely processing how much she felt at the moment. She felt Belle's skin, Belle's mouth, Belle's breath, as well as feeling a wetness starting to soak into her boy-cut style boxer-briefs. She just kept moving her hands around Belle's back, ignoring the bra in the way, and kissing her girlfriend.

Time after time, Mulan's hands passed over the clasp, and skipped right over it. Belle tried pushing her chest out, hinting in a different way that she wanted her Warrior to go ahead and move it along. Mulan didn't even seem to notice, with her attention fully on Belle's neck and mouth, and her hands roaming seemingly of their own accord.

Belle wasn't going to wait. She took Mulan's hands, and put them on the bra clasp. Belle's boldness today stunned the Warrior's ability to think. Belle's little whimpers in her ear weren't helping with that either.

Again Mulan's hands were around on Belle's back, and Belle thought for sure this time she would feel Mulan undo the clasp. Mulan's hands circled her skin as they went back to kissing again and again, moving her hands away from the bra.

A thought occurred to Belle in that moment. She had only seen Mulan wearing sports bras. Mulan might not know how to take off a bra with a clasp. If Mulan really was her "top", it was turning her on how much Mulan was like having a blank pile of clay to mold into her ideal lover, and one that she was already incredibly attracted to.

Belle pulled back and with a seductive smile, looked right into Mulan's eyes as she pulled her dress down so it pooled at her waste.

"Let me help you with that." Mulan's eyes always looked like they were about to devour Belle, with just a hint of fearful excitement. She always new something amazing was coming, she just was never sure what.

Belle took Mulan's hands, with Mulan standing between her legs as she sat perchec on the kitchen table. She reached behind her and put Mulan's hands back on the clasp of the bra.

"It's hooked together. Just give it a little push, then a pull." She whispered in Mulan's ear. Mulan's hands were shaky. That confirmed Belle's suspicion that Mulan had never done this before. However, she did get it off after a few awkward tugs. Belle kept eye contact with her as Mulan pulled the two sides apart, pausing at the front of Belle's body, knowing what she was about to expose. Belle gave her a little nod, and Mulan pulled the bra all the way off.

She waited for another nod from Belle before placing her hands on the skin that had newly been exposed.

Every hormone that Mulan had every had run through her body must have kicked in, because at that moment, she attached herself to Belle's mouth like she had been drowning and Belle was offering her air, with her hands squeezing and kneading at Belle's body.

Mulan's aggression was unexpected, and it left Belle panting harder.

So Mulan _could_ be a top. The kissed and kissed and groped. Belle would give Mulan little hints about what she wanted her to do by putting the Warrior's hands over her nipples or taking her head in her hands and putting her mouth the her sensitive spot on her neck. Mulan was bucking into her. Belle wanted every inch of her to be covered in Mulan, solid, liquid, and breath.

She did notice that the more aggressive they got with each other, the more Mulan's hands shook. She was still nervous, and now the added adrenaline rush had her somewhat dizzy.

Belle knew that if any more of their clothes came off, she might give Mulan a heart attack. She was clearly not even processing "Belle with no bra", and was reacting purely on instinct. Belle decided she needed to slow them down before they tumbled into bed on pure hormones and instinct as well, which would be before Mulan was really ready.

Eventually, they moved to the bed and went to sleep, with Belle's dress still around her waist, lying on Mulan's covered self. Belle thought about everything she had heard about sex with a woman from Regina. If all of that was true, and this was how hormonal she and Mulan were just from groping, she would have to plan for a place where one or both of them could pass out.

* * *

Emma and Henry had selected a nice black suit with pinstripe accents, and a button-down shirt for underneath. Henry didn't care for being that dressed up, until he tried it on, and realized he could wear that and fix his hair so that he looked like James Bond. That was the point when the suit became cool.

They were now enjoying their unspoken hang-out day, which is always what happened when Emma was designated to take Henry on an errand. Sure, she would take him to get school supplies. And then they just might make a few stops after. Today's stop involved grabbing some ice cream and walking over to the campus to watch the Spell-Casting club practice. It was just like a non-magic magic show, but with more random strikes of conjured lightening and sparkling effects. And sometimes performers stealing your hat from 30 feet away.

And also they did the whole performance as mimes. They realized that they had to let the club practice on campus, since that one time they let them meet in the park off campus, and one of the members decided to make balloon animals, and then bring them to life. This did not go well when the kid who got a T-Rex was then chased out of the park by an actual, albeit only four foot tall dinosaur.

"So. You and Lilo were sneaking around for awhile before your Mom started figuring stuff out?"

Henry thought for a moment. Clearly, he had gotten off on that situation a little too easy. Now Emma was going to give him the lecture. He knew he had screwed that one up, so he decided in exchange for his ice cream he was just going to go ahead and take his verbal lashing.

"Yeah. And I'm sorry. It wasn't anything to do with you and Mom."

"I know, Henry. I'm not still mad. It's just that…well, you remember when we talked about the 'adult water park' awhile ago?"

"EW, EMMA. Not again. I'm not doing that, I swear." Suddenly Henry found his waffle cone a lot less appealing.

"Well, have you thought about what you're going to do when you do…do that?" Henry was no longer so strong in his resolve just to stick this conversation out. He was now beet red.

"What are you even asking me, Emma?"

"Well, I hope that you're not visiting the waterpark in any way for quite some time. But if you ever are, I want you to know that…well, I'd rather you come to me and let me buy you condoms then you not have any to use at all."

Henry thought for a minute. Emma was clearly really going out on a limb here to be the open-communication parent. And it was good to know that he did have someone willing to get these things for him. He also could not possibly fathom having a conversation that involved, "Hey Emma. I think tonight's the night. Could you swing by the pharmacy and help a kid out?"

"Here's the thing, Emma, since we're being honest. I really appreciate you saying that. But I probably wouldn't ask you. It would just be weird. It would be like announcing that we were planning on that for that particular night. Which we're not right now."

Emma had to applaud his maturity. This was definitely a new level of honesty, even for Henry, who until recently had been a model teenager.

"Okay, here's what I'm going to do. I am uncomfortable buying condoms for a fourteen-year old, because I think fourteen is too young for, well, Um, the log flume. Okay? What I will do when you're a little older is maybe keep some in my house, and tell you where they are. That way you can just take them if you need them and don't have to ask."

"I…That's really cool of you, Emma." Whew. Henry wouldn't have to embarrass himself and ask. "But seriously, we're not even talking about that yet. And I know that accidents can still happen. I mean, you didn't plan on having me at eighteen, and I can't imagine ending up with a pregnant girlfriend at fourteen. Don't you watch MTV? Do you see what that's like? That's like an immediate quitting school and getting a job. And then I would have to put off being a knight."

"So you do think you want to be a knight?" Emma was at the bottom of the cone, sucking out the melted center.

"Well, I am the prince." Henry was also nearing the end of his cone.

"Yes, and your mother and I have talked, knowing that means you would be meant to lead the soldiers one day. But we didn't want to pressure you. If you're not okay with that, and you want to, I don't know, be a software programmer or something, we're okay with that to."

"No! I want to be the prince. And a knight. Why do you think I started fencing? I thought I was going to have to start my own knighthood training. But now I can train with Mulan." Emma was so proud of Henry. It was like they bought his first suit, and he was already ready to lead an invasion on his own.

They were _really_ going to have to work on his sword fighting skills.

* * *

Regina and Tink were on opposite sides of the table. Regina was playing around with mixing herbs and causing little mini-explosions, while Tink was doing something, but had put up notebooks and binders around her station, like a little cubicle covering her work.

"No peeking." Tink said, completely engaged in whatever she was doing.

"I'm not peeking."

"Well, just in case you were. You already have a girlfriend. You don't need to steal recipes too." As soon as that came out, Tink knew it sounded wrong.

"So you're problem is with Emma." Regina stopped her mixing, knowing it was dangerous to mix magic with anger, and there was no way this was not going to make her angry.

"No. Regina – okay that's not what I meant. Sorry. I'm fine with you and Emma."

"Really? Because it doesn't seem like it." Regina was irritated. Yup. No two ways about it.

"No, Regina really. I'm fine with it. Did you ever ask yourself how you two just happened to stumble upon a romantic Italian restaurant that would force you two to share a dinner?" Tink knew she had to bring out the big guns, because she had definitely made it sound like she wanted Emma back, and she most certainly did not.

"I—well, I hadn't thought about it. But now that you mention it, I've never seen Granny's do anything like that before or since." Regina was now too stunned to continue using her "Evil Queen" anger voice.

"It's because Ruby and I planned it. We _wanted_ you two to get together. It was pretty obvious it was what you both really wanted but would never take the risk to say. Really, that was not what I meant to say at all." Tink started putting her ingredients away. She was too distracted to invent a spell right now.

"Well, what is it? Tink, I know something's up with you. I thought we were friends." Regina moved to sit next to Tinkerbell.

"We are friends. It's just…I just feel like an old maid, you know?" Regina did know. There was a good period of time during the curse where she had resolved herself to occupy the spaces of Mayor and Mother, and just look at sexual desire as an itch that had to be scratched. She never thought she would find love, much less where she would find it.

"Tink, you know that Emma and I weren't looking for each other, right?" Regina had now switched to a soothing voice, the kind she would use for anyone she cared about having a rough time, friend or family.

"I guess not, but it happened."

"It did. And I'm very, very lucky that it did. But it also happened when I wasn't looking. Sometimes maybe that's when you meet that special someone. You can't hunt a girlfriend down like you're craving pray. You just have to be who you are, and let it come to you." Regina felt quite self-assured in that moment. She knew it was good advice.

"So, I guess I'm not going to have any control over when and if someone comes into my life." Tink had her head on her chins, looking very much like a rejected twelve year old.

"Nope. You just have to let it happen. And it's not going to come from winning the IronFairy, because I'm going to wipe the floor with you." Regina patted the Fairy on the back, making her exit.

"I don't think so." Tink said to a now empty room, going back to her potion mixing.

* * *

_**Dear Readers – This actually is nowhere near where this chapter was supposed to end. I had about five more MS word pages that I wanted to hash out, but I just watched that horrible finale, and I just can't. I feel like I just got sucker punched in the gut, with the message from the actual show being "everyone who was ever gay who ever watched a fairytale needs to be shown just how that's never, ever, ever going ever happen" in the most egregious, in-your-face way possible, not to mention the offenses to my feminist self. So, apologies to everyone who checks this daily, but I don't know when my motivation will be back to continue this, and I honestly can't write right now. Ugh. I really don't even have the motivation to proofread this. And I was having so much fun. G'night, SWEN. Stay strong. -Rogue**_


	18. Chapter 18

_**Note – So it looks like most of us are in the same boat, namely the boat of so-many-finale-feelings. It does make me feel good that we're all still sticking together. Let's go ahead and put some fanfic bandaids on our little fan wounds then, yeah? Love you all.**_

* * *

Henry was warming up, jumping around in place. He was practicing his moves on the sidelines without an actual sabre, just to keep his body moving.

Emma and Regina were back in their Storybrooke high cheer gear, sitting side-by-side, each putting a hand on the other woman's leg, or making sure their sides stayed in contact. It was like they figured out a way to stay together, making everything they were on a never ending mini-date. Watching Henry embarrass himself in front of his peers was becoming a twice-a-week family tradition. Lilo had elected to sit with her friends, of course after running up to say hi to Henry's mommies, and then running back to her friend group so they could see her talking to and then hugging the Savior and the Queen, the town's two most famous heroes. The other teens were fawning over her for getting to actually hug the Queen, making Lilo somewhat of a celebrity herself.

Emma didn't get it. Henry _looked_ athletic. She had played catch with him before, and he had caught the ball. Repeatedly. And he hadn't tripped over his own two feet. But as soon as the kid had a sword in his hands, it was like watching a toddler with his shoelaces untied try to run up the stairs. Maybe somebody was using magic on him. There had to be some kind of explanation. There was no way a fencing sabre was too heavy for an average sized teenager.

"So, what did you get Henry for the dance?" Regina asked, still watching the competitors warm up.

"Just a suit. I think it's good for him to have a suit anyway in case there's something formal in the future."

Henry took his place across from his opponent.

"Oh, and I also talked to him about the Lilo thing. Nothing to worry about. And when there is something to worry about, I'm going to take care of it." Emma kept her eyes on Henry while conversing with the Queen.

"You're going to take care of what, Emma?" Regina was also staring right ahead, knowing it was going to be like watching a car accident in slow motion.

"You know…the 'no grandchildren yet' policy. We agreed that fourteen is too young for them to be doing anything in that realm, but when he's older, I'm going to keep condoms around so he has access to them without the embarrassment of having to ask for one."

"You WHAT?!" Regina saw a few heads turn her way and lowered her voice. "You told him _what_, Emma? What on earth would possess you to tell him that?"

Henry had been in the match for less than two minutes, and was already down four touches. Emma thought this should be reason enough not to have Henry reproduce anytime soon. How was this her progeny?

"I don't know. What's the problem? We talked about this a long time ago, Regina. I thought we both agreed we wanted him not to grow up repressed sexually." Emma was still watching, but Regina's gaze shifted to Emma, and her eyes turned cold.

"Don't you think, Emma, that this is something we should have discussed before you agreed to be his supplier? Is this why he didn't mention he asked you to take him shopping? So he can have free reign to get fresh with that sweet girl later?" Regina, who was quite fond of Lilo, wasn't using her irritated tone. Emma knew how to deal with her irritated tone.

This was the Evil Queen Is Pissed tone.

"Whoa. Okay. I didn't think it was a big deal. We agreed that one day if he was in love, we wouldn't stand in the way." It was difficult to gauge when Regina's reactions were out of anger or hurt, the red, shaky display that Emma found in front of her looked to be a combination of the two.

"I also thought co-parenting meant that we _talk _through these decisions, but I see you're right back to Henry being 'your son'". Henry was still in the match, barely, but down another touch. He might last five minutes this time, if he stopped waving the sword like a five year old using a fly-swatter for the first time.

"Regina, that's not what I did! Are you saying you _don't_ want me to buy him condoms? In the future? In the distant future? It's not like I told him I'd go get some tonight!" Emma was now done watching Henry, and was staring at Regina, surprised that she had somehow triggered this.

"I'm saying that I don't know, Emma! I don't know if I would think it's best to make him ask for them so whe'll know when he's thinking about it, or go with him to buy some so he knows where they are, or any other of the many, many options. But we should have talked about the options, _together_, Emma, before you just go and make family decisions without me! You two really don't tell me anything anymore, do you?" Regina's anger was then only barely covering her hurt. She got up and stormed off.

Henry then lost his match, his opponent getting his last two touches in back to back. He took off his gear and ran right over to Emma.

"Where's Mom?"

"She's ahh…Well, she's kind of upset with me right now Henry. I'm going to walk you home, and give her some time to herself. We can stop for ice cream on the way." The way Emma said that made 'getting ice cream' sound like 'we can stop at a funeral'. Clearly, she was just stalling to let Regina cool off. She also did have that slight, split second thought of hoping that her girlfriend was indeed still her girlfriend, and not the full-out Evil Queen.

* * *

Tink was out for another run, still training on high-intensity. She felt like she knew Fairytale Land information enough to have the brains for the second leg, and enough magic for portal jumping, but no matter how much she ran, she was nowhere near making enough progress to run a full marathon.

Every day it was the same story. She would push herself further and further. She would update her iPod playlists to include her most motivating mixes. She had been self-hypnotizing and meditating for a couple of weeks now. She was on her third pair of sneakers, this one supposedly built exactly for long distance running, with a price that would have suggested that they run the marathon for her. No matter what she did or where she ran, she would go until she couldn't anymore, and then would walk her aching body back to the treehouse.

And every single time, she never clocked over eight miles. Nowhere near the needed twenty-six. She was getting frustrated at her lack of progress. She could not let Regina win. Regina was already the one winning in real life.

She might have to take matters into her own hands. She took out her cell phone.

"Sneezy! So remember what we talked about a few days ago? Right. Well, I need some. And this stays just between us."

* * *

Ruby topped off Mulan and Belle's beverages with whipped cream. Coffee for Mulan, Granny's signature hot cocoa for Belle. Ruby always took her time when her friends were at the counter. It's not like the diner was a big place. She could literally see if an order was up from anywhere in the room.

"I think it's adorable that he's going to his first dance. And Emma's taking him to get a little suit. It's sweet. Don't you think?" Belle started in on her beverage during he pause for a response.

"So this 'dance' is like a ball? They just named it after what everyone comes there to do? They 'dance' at the 'dance'?" Mulan, for being incredibly intelligent at learning military technology, had a lot to learn about American pop culture traditions.

"I think so. Right? It sounds like a ball, so this would be like Henry's first royal uniform." Ruby cut the pretenses of still caring about her shift and also poured herself a cup of tea.

"Well, I've been dancing in a tavern, but I've never been to an official 'ball' or dance." Belle shared.

"Me either." Mulan had never danced in a tavern either, but didn't feel the need to volunteer that information.

"Actually, I've danced in a tavern, but also never at a dance. You guys! I know what we should do!" Ruby took out her order pad. "Think about all the things we see the students doing, either at the High School or the College, that we've never done and we're way older than them. We have some catching up to do." Ruby started writing on the pad. "Number one: have a dance."

"What are you doing?" Mulan had to ask.

"We're going to make a bucket list."

* * *

Emma knew she was now in over her head. She had pissed Regina off before, of course. It was actually their entire first year of face-to-face interaction. That was before she was sleeping with her.

She paced in her kitchen, checking her phone every ten seconds for a possible call or text from Regina. Nothing. She wasn't sure how to react, and wasn't sure at all what Regina was feeling. It was clear that between her and Henry, she felt left out and ignored, which if Emma thought about it not just from the perspective of taking it upon herself to decide a parenting policy, but that on top of Henry coming off of a who knows how long lying binge.

She really didn't know if this was a "give Regina some space" situation, or a "march right over and apologize" situation, or a "show up in my adult onesie with some flowers and hope she thinks I'm too adorable to ever hurt her". Emma had to admit, any of these were a risk. Anytime they had previously been angry with each other, it usually involved custody, or Emma's parents.

Emma sighed, still pacing and checking her cell. Her parents. If there was one couple that she knew that had much experience working through things, it was certainly the Charmings. And if there was anyone who knew about her partner doing and saying idiot things by accident, even with the kindest of hearts, it was her mother.

She pulled up "speed dial 3" on her cell, and let it ring.

"Hi, Snow. It's me. Are you busy? Can I come over?"

* * *

The Mayor knew she had to be discreet in her – exchange. She pulled into the docks, leaving her car as far away as possible from the rendezvous point. It was just a click past dusk, the darkness helping her sneak around.

As requested, Sneezy was disguised as a sea captain, complete with corncob pipe. Tinkerbell did a good job on her disguise as well, approaching in her trench coat, fedora, and sunglasses. Of course, it hadn't occurred to Tink that while an onlooker might not be able to tell it was the Mayor, anyone who did spot her would wonder what Inspector Gadget was doing down by the fishery.

"Arrgg, welcome aboard." Sneezy lit his pipe and immediately sneezed from it, as Tink boarded her own summer boat, recently taken out of storage and into the water to prep it for the summer season.

"You don't have to disguise your voice too, Sneezy. Who picked this outfit out? Pop-eye?" Tink and Sneezy didn't bother going below deck, since there was nobody around as far as they could see.

"Look, do you want my help, or not?" Sneezy snapped between sniffles.

Tinkerbell took out her wad of singles. Even though Sneezy was only charging her forty bucks, she liked handing over a giant wad. It made her feel like a big spender. Sneezy did not appreciate that now in spending his forty dollars everyone in town would be playing "stripper or hairdresser?" in their head every time he went to pay for something completely in singles. He still handed over the paper bag.

"Alright, remember. You have to cycle these, or it'll be bad news. Okay? They're pretty low dose, but just in case, do four weeks on, and a couple of weeks off." Sneezy was clearly ready to get out of there. If they got caught, Tink being the Mayor could probably bribe her way out of any charges. Sneezy knew he could not.

"Yeah, it'll be fine. And remember, you keep your mouth shut about this. If anyone picks you up for questioning-"

"-I know, I know. Sneeze on them until they're too grossed out and they send me home. Got it."

The whole exchange probably would have been flawless, if Regina had not been walking the docks to clear her head after snapping at Emma.

"Tink, what on earth are you doing?" Regina said low, and only really to herself, but clearly concerned.

* * *

"Oooo! Okay, add 'go skinny dipping'!" Ruby didn't know why she kept on the waitressing uniform. She was clearly not helping anyone with anything, unless she counted Mulan and Belle's ever-growing group bucket list.

They had at some point decided that anything this world had to offer, they were going to try. Twice.

"Well, if we're adding that, we should also add 'jumping into the water with all our clothes on'. You know, to balance it out. And I haven't done either." Belle was on board, and she and Ruby were coming up with quite the list. Their few warmer months of Maine climate were going to be busy.

The ever-shy Warrior didn't want to admit that the idea of skinny-dipping somewhat made her uncomfortable, but she also knew better than to try to be the party pooper if Ruby was making Belle smile and laugh. She was so happy to see their friendship back, she would do anything on the list they wanted to do. Mulan tried wracking her brain, but she just wasn't coming up with anything to do. If she had never seen or done it, how was she supposed to know she wanted to do it? Is there anything she had always wanted to do, besides kiss a woman? Mulan thought for a minute.

"Learn to sail a boat." Belle and Ruby both looked happily surprised that Mulan was contributing.

"Actually, that one's good! Tinkerbell has a boat. Maybe she'll teach us?" Belle said as she added it to the list. After they had added "have a dance", which to them meant make a dance for adults like the ones the teenagers were getting, the three of them had found item after item of things they never got to try but were aware of now, having grown up in Fairytale land. Sure, they had hot springs in Fairytale Land, but had they ever had an actual hot tub party?

No. But they were going to make damn sure they did.

* * *

Snow wasn't sure what to do. Emma had never asked to come over before to 'talk'. Maybe this was it. After Tea Time with Regina, she thought that she understood that Emma choosing not to have some sort of grand "coming out" conversation with her wasn't because she was less important to her than other people, so she just let the idea go, and wanted to get closer to Emma in general.

Now, all of that was out the window. This might actually be it. Snow was preparing the apartment as though she was expecting to host Thanksgiving in the next fifteen minutes, which is how long it usually took Emma to get from her place to the Charmings residence.

Snow was vacuuming while stopping every two feet to fluff throw pillows and wipe off coffee and end tables, and she had banished David to the kitchen to make coffee, tea, and to take a pie out of the freezer. David then made the mistake of pointing out that the pie wouldn't even be defrosted in fifteen minutes, much less finished. Snow stopped vacuuming for one short minute, long enough to shoot her husband a look at said, "You better figure it out." David wished for a moment that Regina was around. She would have the pie figured out in fifteen seconds with magic.

Snow was now contemplating if he had time to give the kitchen floor a quick mop, even though she had just mopped it that morning. She didn't have a chance to tell herself no, because that's when she heard the buzzer.

"DAVID, FINISH THAT PIE!" Snow yelled while throwing the vaccum back in the closet, and then fixing herself in the mirror before heading to the door.

"Emma! Hi, sweetie!" Snow thought she had the balance between sounding happy to see someone, but not overly happy figured out.

She did not. Emma could tell right away that Snow was ecstatic that Emma called and asked if she could come over for advice.

"Hey." Emma immediately smelled the coffee coming from the kitchen, and she followed her mother in towards David, sitting at the kitchen table.

David went ahead and poured himself and Emma the decaf he made, without any intentions of letting Emma know it was decaf. He loved having his daughter over. He did not love the idea of being up until 3:30 in the morning for it.

"So, what's going on, honey?" Snow tried to act as casual as possible.

"I think – I don't, well, I screwed up. I think I'm screwing this up."

* * *

Regina wasn't sure what to do. She didn't want to go home just yet, in case Emma was still there with Henry. She also didn't know if she should stay and confront Tink about whatever it was that just happened on the boat. She knew that was Tinkerbell's "I'm being sneaky" disguise because it's the same outfit she used when Tink was dating Emma, and Regina and Emma were just starting out at the University. Emma and Regina were good friends after the War, and between their child, their newfound agreement to stop fighting each other, and then working together all day, they were spending a lot of time together.

It drove Tinkerbell nuts. She was sure that Emma was cheating on her. She spent a good amount of time spying on them in that exact outfit, with both Emma and Regina being fully aware of it. Tink didn't seem to realize that while the outfit hid your body and your facial features, it didn't make you invisible. Tinkerbell wasn't particularly stealthy, and more often than not Emma and Regina would both spot her, and Emma would then spend the afternoon apologizing for her then-girlfriend, not knowing she was apologizing to her future-girlfriend.

Regina knew that the Mayor trying to disguise her identity meant that the Mayor was up to something. Regina decided that Queen trumped Mayor, and if something was going on with Tink, she should at least make an effort as a friend to find out if she was in some kind of trouble.

Regina followed Tinkerbell, with the Fairy going straight home from the boat. Regina appreciated that at least if Tink was going to cause some trouble, she made herself easy to spot and follow. She kept her distance, and let Tink get into the treehouse, with time to remove her disguise. The Queen then followed up the wooden stairs, trying to peek inside, but there were no cracks in the blinds. Damn.

* * *

"And, I just…I don't know what to do in this situation. Am I supposed to wait until she says something to me? What if she's angry? Am I supposed to text her?" Emma had just laid everything out to Snow and David, who were pretending to pick at the pie that David had ruined by microwave defrosting before putting it into a too-high oven. David decided to keep himself out of the conversation as much as possible, letting Snow have her center-stage moment with Emma.

"Sweetheart, I don't know if Regina's more hurt or angry right now, but either way, you need to talk to her. She needs reassurance that she's important to you, and you giving her 'space to cool off' could really come across as her not being important. If there's anything I can say about my years with Regina, it's that she needs to be important, whether it's through positive or negative attention." Emma knew immediately that Snow was right. Given Regina's frequent need for reassurance, Emma should have known that. "Also, honey, you need to speak from your heart. She'll feel if you're speaking by only using your head."

Really, she was probably just stalling by going to see her parents. She hadn't done anything to upset Regina like this since they had started dating, and it scared her. She didn't want to lose this. But she did feel better listening to her mother.

Snow could see Emma's face, indicating some sort of complicated internal dialogue. It was then that David decided to break silence.

"You should probably bring a peace offering, just in case. Basically, if she opens the door and you're standing there with flowers or candy, you know, something clearly for her, it takes the edge off immediately." Emma nodded.

Snow side-eyed the bouquet of flowers David had brought her that day that were sitting in the vase on the table. _So those were the "take the edge off flowers", Charming?_ David didn't even realize that he had just given away one of his best moves. Snow was so happy to be having a heart to heart with Emma that she decided to let it slide.

* * *

Emma wasn't sure what to do. Anyplace where she could buy flowers or candy were closed by the time she left her parents house, and she really did want to bring a peace offering, if for no reason other than to be able to break the ice.

She walked through the town on the way to Regina's house, wondering what to do. She noticed that Regina's entire block could qualify for a Better Home & Gardens spread. She figured she had nothing to lose, and took out her pocketknife attached to her keychain.

Emma stopped at each house on the way, clipping off one or two flowers from each bush she passed. Nobody would notice one flower missing off of an entire pot or bush, right?

By the time Emma got to 108 Mifflin Street, she had a full bouquet, which made her feel a bit more confident. The flowers were light blue, pink, red, yellow – she had really acquired quite an impressive mix. She walked right up to the front door, practicing her many apologies in her head, when the door flung open before she even raised her hand to knock.

Regina saw her coming, and when the Savior approached, she opened the door and yanked her in so fast Emma's only reaction was a surprised squeak.

"Get in here." Regina ordered before Emma had a chance to protest.

'Okay! Alright. I – these are for you." Emma tentatively held out her makeshift bouquet, Savior puppy eyes activated.

"It's a lovely thought dear, but we need to put whatever we had going on a couple of hours ago on the back burner for the moment."

"What's going on? Regina? Do we need to go to the War room?"

"Emma, I think we have a problem. I think that the Mayor is involved in some kind of smuggling operation."

* * *

"Alright. Tomorrow I have an IronFairy logistics meeting with Tink at 2, and I was going to go to her office. I can spend the morning after my lecture briefing Spider Unit for a mission." Regina and Emma were now in the war room. Regina had moved her little Spider Unit risk figures from the campus to the mayor's office. "I'll have her come to campus instead, and once she's in my office I'll give you the go-ahead to send Spider out on search."

"We can't just tell them we're investigating the Mayor." Emma really didn't think that Tinkerbell was capable of anything sinister, but she had to admit that if what Regina described seeing down at the docks was correct, it did sound suspicious.

"We don't have to tell them anything at all, Emma, they're trained to follow orders. But I suppose to keep gossip to a minimum, we can tell them that we believe someone is setting the Mayor up. Now that I think about it, it's a possibility. Could Tink have done something and a Pop-eye type sailor man could be blackmailing her?"

"It's possible. But we should let the Unit do their job, before calling in any other units. Are they trained enough yet to use their spider webs and a camouflage spell at the same time?"

"Well, we're about to find out. I'll keep John as unit Captain, and have him stay on the ground to stabilize the camo spell while the rest of the unit focuses on climbing around the back. You need to continue with your regular routine tomorrow, Emma. It's already going to seem strange to Tink that I'm going to pretend I need to meet here. You need to run your afternoon training sessions with Mulan as scheduled, or Tink will know something's going on. The last thing we need is her finding out we're searching the Mayor's office and her house."

"Okay, I can do that." Emma and Regina both started cleaning up their Risk-esque knights from the Storybrooke map on the table. "You do understand that this has gotta be illegal in some way, right? I mean I'm not technically a Sheriff anymore, but illegal search and seizure?"

"Emma, we do not, nor have we ever, strictly followed American laws here. We broke lots of them when we declared all figures of royalty to still have royal authority. I am acting with royal authority. I promise you, if Tink is up to something, it is going to be far outside of the bounds of this world's legal ability to handle it." Regina spoke to Emma as though she were speaking to any other administrative figure, in the very room that they had primarily been using for secret campus sex.

"Regina, what about us?" Emma's eyes were wide, a little afraid of where this could lead.

"Emma, it's getting late. Let's just not go there tonight." Regina was still avoiding eye contact. She started putting on her coat.

Emma stopped her, standing in front of the Queen, holding her arms. Even face to face, Regina couldn't look Emma in the eye. Emma tried to chase the Queen's gaze with her own, to no avail.

"Regina, I'm sorry. I should have talked to you before talking to Henry. Hey. Look at me." Regina was still avoiding eye contact. When Emma finally did move Regina's eyes in line with her own, having to use her hands on Regina's face, she saw the hurt in the eyes she never wanted to see hurt in. She could see the start of the tears that Regina had been holding back the whole meeting, shoving down her hurt from feeling unimportant for official business. Emma had already been processing how to apologize to Regina, but that was all cerebral planning; it was all thought out from her head. The flowers, the rehearsed lines, they were all compounds of how one is supposed to apologize.

_You need to speak from your heart_, Snow's voice echoed in Emma's head, as she looked at the light brown eyes before her.

"Regina, I love you."


	19. Chapter 19

Regina stared back at the light green eyes in front of her. Emma had just told her that she loved her. She really said it, and Regina could see in her eyes that she really meant it. Emma's gaze wasn't wavering, or unsure. Regina felt her heart swelling in her chest as Emma reinforced what she had just said with her round pools of green.

"I love you, Regina. Sometimes I'm going to mess up. Sometimes I might do something that I didn't actually think through. But at the end of the day, it's never to hurt you or because you're not important in my life. You are central in my life. I'm sorry I hurt you." Emma kept looking in Regina's eyes, watching the fire and ice behind the Queen's pupils melt to soft tears, dripping out to the Savior's hands, still on Regina's cheeks.

Regina looked at her girlfriend for another moment before moving in to kiss her. Emma let Regina pull her body in, and moved her hands from Regina's cheeks to wrap her arms around her neck. Regina felt everything that was Emma in how Emma kissed. She felt the comfort, the warmth, the tenderness, and most importantly, she felt the love. Emma really, really loved her, and now Regina could really, really believe it.

Regina pulled back, locking her gaze back into her lover's eyes.

"I love you too, Emma. So, so much."

* * *

"Spider, this will be your most challenging test yet. Everything discussed in this room is going to be held to confidential level security. You may not discuss this assignment with anyone who is not Spider Unit; only with your fellow Spiders, Emma Swan, or myself. Anyone who breaks confidentiality and compromises the assignment will be suspended from the University, and a review of you file will be issued. Any infractions may also be subject to charges of treason. Is that understood?" Regina really had this whole Queen/General situation down. Regina always knew to keep her spine straight, and to speak to the group while standing, with them seated. Keeping her eye level above theirs psychologically increased her intimidation ability.

"Yes, Ma'am!" The Unit responded in unison.

"Good. The name for the mission will be Operation Forest Forage. From this point on, we will only be using the code name." Regina shut the shades of the briefing room, and turned on the overhead projector, loading her sheets on outlining the floor plans for both the Mayor's office at city hall, as well as Tink's personal home.

"John, you are now permanent unit Captain. You will stay stationed here to stabilize the magic of the unit climbing into the Mayor's office. I need to split the unit up, with nine of you, including the Captain, at the Mayor's office, and three of you over at the Mayor's personal home. The operations will be similar. John, you will need to choose a Lieutenant under you to communicate and supervise, also helping the magic of the unit at the Mayor's house." Regina then moved the floor plans off of the projector, instead putting on photos of city hall itself.

"At fourteen-hundred hours sharp, I expect you all to be in place. You will follow your Captain's orders to move out. Captain, you will be stationed as an Ice Cream Cart vendor on corner 'A' here. You will be selling anchovy ice cream bars – ice cream so that you blend in with the block, anchovy so that nobody actually interrupts you to buy anything. This is the route the unit will take into the Mayor's office. I will be stalling the Mayor here, so expect to have no more than a half-hour. Unit, you will need to perform your ability to spider-climb while also performing a camouflaging. The unit at the Mayor's home will be doing the same as well. If you're crawling on grass, you will make yourself grass. If you are scaling the wall on the north side, you will make yourself the color and texture of the wall." Regina continued to motion with her pointer around the projection of the maps.

The fear started to show in the young Unit's eyes. Sure, they had played war games that at times felt like a real assignment, but this was much more serious. They had never had to try to perform spells simultaneously. They also knew they had to try, or risk pissing off the Queen before they even started.

* * *

"So they took the assignment alright?" Emma and Regina were having their usual lunch together, today in the cafeteria. However, they had learned that IronFairy training exempted them from having to touch cafeteria food if Ruby was working, under the guise of needing nutritionally balanced meals that supported their level of training. Ruby at first had looked disappointed, but understood that chicken nuggets weren't really going to help anyone who needed to run every morning, and practice magic most nights.

In looking around the cafeteria, the students settling into their nuggets looked no different than any other college students. They all had on S&Q U sweatshirts or T-Shirts, or for the late sleepers, pajamas. They were all studying or laughing with friends. Sometimes Regina had to actively reminder herself that her girlfriend's job was to teach these young adults how to snap someone's neck with their bare hands.

"Well, they took it like the soldiers we trained them to be, Emma, but honestly…they looked terrified. I'm already trying to think of back-up plans to tell Tinkerbell when this blows up in our faces." Regina sounded nervous as well, and Emma didn't know Regina to be someone who was easily made nervous.

"They'll be fine, Regina. We trained them. Besides, they're only retrieving any paper bags with items, right? Or anything that looks particularly illegal? It's not like they have to take anything in for forensics. What's really going on here?" Emma and Regina were side-by-side, touching, face-deep into their matching wraps.

"Emma, what if Tink's really in some kind of trouble? I mean, we like Tink, she is our friend, but we know that it's not too far-fetched to think she might have gotten herself into some kind of situation." Emma understood Regina's concern. Nothing good ever comes from negotiating after dark on a boat while wearing a trench coat.

"We'll cross that bridge when we get to it." Emma smiled up, letting Regina emotionally lean on her for this operation.

* * *

When 2PM rolled around, Regina had already emailed Tinkerbell that the students had been getting rowdy that morning, and that she didn't want to leave campus. Tink emailed back her offer to come to Regina's office, taking the bait like the little gullible Fairy champ that they were hoping she'd be.

Regina had spent her hour after lunch setting up communications for the afternoon. She had her computer set to be able to IM Captain John's cell phone, and he would wear an earpiece to discuss the mission with his subordinates. She also had Emma wearing a walkie-talkie so that she could keep her updated when Tink left and the mission was complete.

Emma, however, was not happy about wearing the walkie-talkie in the afternoon. At 2PM she was outside training students, and she had agreed to let Snow come train with them once the elementary school let out. On top of all that, Henry was supposed to come down after the high school let out to start training with Mulan. Emma was going to have her hands full, and really trusted that Regina could keep the Tink situation under control.

Emma had started working out with the students during the 2PM timeslot, since her mornings were now devoted to running with Regina. It was a practice that she had come to enjoy. Even though they didn't talk much while running next to each other, she still felt like they were bonding. It was also a practice that encouraged Emma to spend more and more nights at Regina's, which was Regina's favorite training side-effect.

Emma had the students running laps, a practice she herself sat of out due to her morning runs. Snow arrived 20 minutes in – just in time to miss running, but join in for sit-ups and push-ups, an activity that Emma now joined the students for as well.

* * *

Regina sat at her desk, files ready, computer facing her and her alone, fully expecting Tink to poof her way in with no prior warning.

At 2:01, she was not disappointed.

"Mayor. Thank you for agreeing to meet me here, and my apologies for the last minute problems."

Regina sent an IM-to-Text message to Captain John: _Move Out_.

* * *

Captain John, sitting all alone at his anchovy ice cream cart, gave the orders to his soldiers surrounding City Hall, and watched them melt themselves into the scenery. They crawled across the grass from various directions, blending in quite impressively. They did create a green shimmer as they moved, but it was only noticeable if one knew they were looking for something. As the Captain looked around, nobody passing by seemed to notice anything was occurring.

He continued to watch as they shimmered their way around the building, and gave the order to the second station at the Mayor's home to do the same. He watched the unit in front of him shimmer all the way to city hall, and then start using their spider spell to shoot web and climb. Luckily, it looked like most of the unit was smart enough to also cloak their web, with the Captain just needing to shoot some clean-up magic here and there.

_Operation Forest Forage is underway_ Captain John texted back.

* * *

"So, did you hear that Ruby, Belle, and Mulan started a spring/summer bucket list? I mean, it sounds fun, but it also sounds like something that Tink would crash and end up getting us all arrested. It's basically a list of 'if we could throw a bachelorette party every weekend, what would we do'?" Snow tried to chat with Emma in between sit-ups, breathing heavy during the sentences.

"Uh huh." Emma responded, which was all she could respond with. They were sweaty, and hot, and Emma was still commanding the students. Snow wanted to choose this as their 'girl chat time' activity?

"Alright, everyone, line up for the obstacle course!" Emma shouted. The students all fell in line automatically, single file. Snow stayed next to Emma.

"Snow, what are you doing?" Emma asked, getting her stopwatch ready.

"Oh honey, I said I wanted to work out, not climb things until I want to die. Why do you think I took up archery and not sword fighting?" Emma laughed. At least Snow was willing to admit her limits, and she seemed to enjoy doing some PT with Emma.

"So, Henry's taking this girlfriend to the school dance?" Snow continued, catching her breath as Emma blew her whistle to start the course.

Emma loved her mother.

Even if she insisted on never shutting up.

* * *

"See, here's the thing, Tink. The majority of the students who enrolled are doing the marathon portion only, and they don't want to have to wait five months for the event. Our athletes are already in good shape." Regina was still going to use this time for official business, even if it meant multi-tasking.

"I thought you might say that. I figured everyone would need months for training, but it's a long time to wait." Tink wanted to bump the competition up a bit as well.

Regina was still sending messages back and forth to her Captain from the computer.

_General Mills, the Unit is foraging the forest as we speak. I have no more visual contact, only radio. _

_**Captain, Maintain radio with Station 2, move in on Station 1. If you have lost complete visual, I don't want someone webbing their mics and shutting down all contact**_**.**

"I'm glad we're on the same page, Tink. We were thinking of moving it up to five weeks from now." Regina said, in her Queen-running-a-meeting voice.

"WHAT?!" Tink shouted in a sudden rage. "No, no no. That's TOO soon, Regina! Damnit! I meant bump it up a month or two!" Tink flew off the handles. She jumped out of her seat, and was yelling at Regina while stomping around. Her stomps were powerful enough to shake the entire room.

"This is NOT okay, Regina! You're trying to screw me over! You always are!" Tink was now stomping more violently, causing pictures to fall off of the wall.

When Tinkerbell picked up Regina's vase of flowers from the desk and threw it across the room, Regina knew it there was a problem.

* * *

Henry had just arrived from school, and Emma sent the class back around the track while she set him up with Mulan.

"Okay, Henry. Mulan's going to start on you hand-to-hand combat this week, but you might be able to move onto weapons in the future if you'd like." Emma nodded at Mulan, who nodded right back.

"Cool! Alright, Mulan. Teach me how to be a bad ass." Mulan laughed, while Emma's walkie-talkie suddenly spurred into activity.

"Emma! Emma I think I need you up here. Tink's losing it!" Emma looked at Mulan and Henry wide eyed.

"You two stay down here. I'm going to see what this is about." Emma turned to run inside.

"I'm on my way." Emma said into the walkie talkie before poofing herself to Regina's office.

To Emma, it looked like she had poofed herself into an actual war zone. Most of Regina's office was destroyed, with a very angry looking Tinkerbell being restrained by Regina's magic. It wrapped around the red and growling Fairy, as Regina held her suspended in the air.

"Regina, what the fuck…?" Emma couldn't believe what the room looked like.

"Emma, tell her to put me down! PUT ME DOWN!" Tink shouted.

"Yeah, I don't think so. Regina?"

"I don't know what happened, Emma. I brought up moving up the IronFairy and Tink flipped." Regina was clearly struggling with holding onto the Fairy with her magic for so long, and Tinkerbell was still fighting her. Emma added her magic, letting Regina ease off a bit.

"That's it? All you were talking about was the IronFairy?" Emma was hoping that their mission wasn't compromised.

"Yes. That's all. And then she started breaking things." Regina looked right at Tinkerbell. Tink started to calm herself down.

"Okay, I got a little angry. I'm sorry. If you let me down, I won't break anything else." Regina gave Emma a nod, and they dropped their restraints.

Tinkerbell looked around at the wreck she had caused over something quite silly, and rather than have to say anything more, she poofed herself away.

"Shit!" Regina yelled, running over to her computer. "Before this happened, I just sent the Captain in to retrieve his team! I hope they're out of there."

She typed a quick message.

_**She may be coming back. Get everyone out immediately**_.

Regina received no response.

* * *

As Captain John had gotten that message, he had found the last of his team and sent them back out, now in the Mayor's office doing the final sweep himself. That was when Tink poofed herself back to her office, and was then face to face with a man in an ice cream truck uniform.

"Who the hell are you?"

This was not good. Not good at all. Captain John really didn't want to screw this up, especially since he was just as afraid of Regina as most of the students were. It was mostly the combination of her "I don't take any bullshit" power suits, her authoritative voice, and the fact that she could obliterate an entire village with a well-aimed sneeze. He had to think of something.

"I think you know why I'm here, Mayor Tinkerbell." He sured hoped she knew why, without knowing the real reason why, because he had nothing to go on here. Tink looked at the uniform, and the fact that John was quite well built. He was young, attractive…Tinkerbell suddenly turned red.

"Oh my gosh. I can't believe this. I can't…I can't believe the girls would send a stripper over here to cheer me up. I just, hold on…" Tinkerbell went back to her desk and pulled out a wad of singles, wearing a grin.

"Okay, now I'm ready." Captain John swallowed a gulp, seeing no other way out of this.

* * *

"He's still not answering." Regina waited by the computer screen, hoping to see an answer from her Captain that the mission was not compromised. Emma was looking out the window, noticing eleven soldiers in special forces uniform walking towards them in main building. Eleven. Not twelve.

"Regina, I think Spider Unit is back. Without their Captain." Emma said, dreading what could be next. If Regina's office was any indication, a pissed off Mayor Tinkerbell is not what any of them needed to be dealing with.

The First Lieutenant knocked on Regina's open door. Regina motioned for her to come in. She was carrying a small paper bag.

"Your Majesty, our secondary unit extracted this paper bag from the Mayor's personal home about fifteen minutes ago. Nothing was found in her office. As assigned, we did not open the bag, but this was the only one that fit your description." She handed over the find.

"Good work, Lieutenant. Where is your Captain?" Regina asked, now in her military posture that she used when addressing soldier subordinates.

"Captain John ordered us to move out as soon as the find was made by the secondary team at the treehouse. He went inside of the mayor's office himself to do a final sweep, and told us to go ahead and go back." Emma and Regina looked at each other.

There was a distinct possibility that their smartest, most effective special forces Captain was being ground into fairy dust.

"Thank you, Lieutenant. Dismissed."

* * *

Tinkerbell was in her chair that she had rolled around to the front of the desk, after putting on "Buttons" by the Pussycat Dolls on her stereo. Captain John, who had no idea how to dance, much less how to do so while removing clothing, was down to his tightie whities.

_Tightie Whities?_ Tinkerbell thought to herself. _They couldn't muster up the extra twenty dollars and throw in a nice gay man who might wear boxer-briefs at least? Silk boxers? A Thong?_ Tink just shrugged and kept stuffing dollar bills down the front of his underpants.

John had never stripped before, nor had he ever seen a stripper in real life. He didn't know how long this song went on, but he realized if his underpants were supposed to come off, his ass tattoo of "S&Q Knight For Life" would be clearly visible, and the jig would be up.

He had to stall. He moved over to the coffee table in the office's meeting area, and jumped on top of it. He put his best awkward Michael Jackson moves together, gyrating his hips to the music. Tinkerbell was pleased, and cheered him on.

"Yeah! Who's my Daddy? You are, stripper man!"

It was then that Regina and Emma appeared in the room.

Regina and Emma both stared at dedicated Captain John, down to his unmentionables, with their mouths open in shock.

"Okay guys, was this you, or Ruby and Snow? Who got me an early birthday present? I've never been sent my own stripper before!" The song then ended, and the Captain embarrassingly started hunting down his clothing.

Emma had to think fast. "Ahh, that! It seems, Tinkerbell, that we got the dates mixed up. The stripper was supposed to come _next_ month for your birthday."

Regina caught on quickly. "Yes! Yes. That's what happened. And why we poofed over here. Sorry about the mix up. Did you have fun?"

"I did! And I'm so sorry about your office. I don't know what came over me. It's like this rage built up inside of me…anyway, I'll fix and replace everything."

Captain John was now back to dressed. Tinkerbell went over to him with the rest of her singles, and shoved them down the front of his pants, causing his eyes to go wide.

"These are for you, even if you did get the date wrong." Tink then reached around and squeezed his butt to emphasize her enjoyment. Regina and Emma were both biting their tongues not to laugh at their thoroughly embarrassed Captain.

* * *

They took Captain John back to the campus on foot, going over everything that happened on the mission. They were incredibly impressed with his…dedication. It was obvious to them that John would not only be graduating early, but would enter the knighthood with a high ranking.

They were back before Emma's class was technically over, but Snow and Mulan had watched the Savior run off, and had taken over in her absence. Emma jumped right back in like nothing happened, while Regina went to sit down for a minute on a bench. It had been a long afternoon.

The bench next to Regina was a pack of twenty-ish year old girls. She had noticed that this group must have scheduled afternoons off, because they were always around to watch Emma's afternoon training sessions. Emma started doing push ups with the recruits, making Snow get down and pump out a few more with her. Regina could overhear everything the girls were saying.

"That Savior is _delicious_. I mean, seriously, _hot._ Do you see those arms? I don't know how they stand it." Regina smirked. Now she understood why the group was always out during training.

"Did you see her running before? Ugh. God. Hotness." The girl continued oogling the Queen's girlfriend.

"Oh stop, you just think she's hot because you're into blondes, Rebecca. And she's probably not even gay." Apparently Rebecca's friend was the group bitchmaster, and Regina had to stop herself from laughing.

"It's not just the blonde thing. Tell me that's not hot. Stacy?" The girl asked a third friend.

"Yeah, she's hot, but you're in over your head, Rebecca. She's like way older than us. And I'm going to also say not gay. She probably doesn't even get any anymore, men or women. She's like thirty or something. Calm your tits." Stacy was clearly the group's vice-bitchmaster.

Well, since poor Rebecca was clearly stuck in her gayness with Stacy and the other gossiper who has yet to be named, the Queen thought she would settle a few things for the girls.

As Regina got off of her bench to walk towards Emma, the Savior was dismissing her sweaty, worn out class. Snow followed them to the locker room facilities.

Regina went right up to Emma, and planted a big, wet kiss on her girlfriend. The soundtrack to her affections were the gasps of the girls from the sidelines.

* * *

That evening, Emma and Regina were back in Regina's kitchen, opening a bottle of Merlot. Having to debrief each other at the end of a long day was becoming a regular activity. They both decided to skip out on the evening magic training, and headed straight for Regina's wine cellar.

"Okay, you first." Regina said, pouring into the large, round wine glasses.

"Well, here's the thing. Mulan said that Henry is fully athletic. Like, very athletic. Not just average, but even above average." Emma picked up her glass, not bothering with any sort of aeration or smelling it. If Regina had it, it was good.

"Completely? As in, our son has coordination?" Regina asked, surprised.

"Yeah. Mulan said he's physically fit, he can dodge attacks as well as any new soldier she's ever trained, and he punches strong for a kid who's only fourteen. She said there was no indication that he's weak or un-athletic." Emma relayed the information.

"Maybe she's just trying to be polite. Would she not say anything to offend us?" Regina just couldn't put together the image of her son being a top-notch fighter with the boy she watched being stabbed over and over again at fencing.

"I thought of that too, Regina, but seriously even when I was there before and after the – incident, we'll call it- with Tink, he looked good. I think we should keep an eye out for any indication that someone is sabotaging Henry magically. There could be another kid who doesn't like him, or a parent that doesn't like Henry's moms being the Queen and the Savior…"

"Or that Henry has two mommies." Regina finished for Emma, taking a big gulp from her glass. "Well, tomorrow Henry's skipping fencing practice to get ready for the dance, but his tournament is this weekend. I think between the two of us, we'll weed out if someone is magically restraining our son." Emma and Regina now both had their war faces on. Nobody was going to mess with their kid.

"Okay then. Agreed. Second order of business?" Emma pressed their meeting further.

Regina then opened her purse, and produced the paper bag from the mission, and place it in front of Emma. They looked at each other for a moment, not sure which one of them should open it.

Emma decided to take the lead, grabbing the bag, and peeking inside.

"What the hell?" Emma said out loud. She started pulling bottles out one by one, until there were nine full bottles on the table in total, and one empty one.

They were little orange pharmacy pill bottles, but instead of being filled with pills, they appeared to be filled with sand. Regina looked at the bottles like she was figuring out a puzzle.

Regina opened one of the bottles. The sand was bright, neon pink, and sparkled in such a way that it looked like the dust had a mind of its own. Now Regina knew what they were dealing with.

"Emma, this is not good." Regina said, showing Emma the contents of the bottle.

Emma had no idea what they were looking at. "So, Tinkerbell saves the ashes of burned up My Little Ponies?"

"Emma, these are not ashes. It's not regular sand. If this comes into this world, we will have major problems. Especially with our student population, and the IronFairy coming up." Regina looked like she was holding a grenade instead of a pill bottle.

"Regina. What is it?" Emma asked, eyes wide.

"Fairy Steroids."


	20. Chapter 20

**A.N. - Sorry for the delay, readers! Trying to get a chapter up for the weekend, but in a bit of a hurry. Not really proofread. Some of you are in stormy weather from what I see, though, and need something to read! Love, Rogue**

* * *

"Where is it?!" Tinkerbell was now stomping around her house, looking for her dust. The goods. The old quicker-strengthen-uppers. And she couldn't find the bottles she had purchased from Sneezy. She had only finished one, and finished it much more quickly then she was supposed to. However, she didn't care. She needed it.

She knew that the dose she gave herself the day before was responsible for her rage, and ultimately for wrecking Regina's office. But that was yesterday. Today, she could feel the drug leaving her system. She felt weak. She knew she should be running today, but she just had no energy without it.

Now running late for work, Tink decided to come home and look for it later. She would have to just get through the next few hours without it. There was a good chance that day would include ignoring some phone calls to nap on the mayoral couch.

She knew Red Bull didn't really give you wings. She had already tried and learned that the hard way. But she hoped stopping for one would give her enough energy to make it up the stairs and into work.

* * *

By 8:30AM, everyone who was supposed to be at work was at work. The Mayor had managed to drag herself through the town and into her office, and since adrenal fatigue to a secretary looked an awful lot like a hangover, nobody was alarmed that anything was amiss.

Regina was in her office, prepping her 9AM seminar. Belle was in the library. Snow was at the elementary school. Ruby and Granny were serving up breakfast at the cafeteria and the diner, respectively.

It appears everyone was on time for work on this Friday, except that the Savior and Warrior were missing.

* * *

"Start talking, Dwarf. Who gave you the goods to give to Tinkerbell?" Mulan had the town pharmacist up against a wall in the pharmacy, while Emma interrogated him. After Regina had relayed what she saw to Emma, including the description of a sea captain who appeared to have a cold or the flu, Emma had a pretty good idea as to who was on the ship with Tinkerbell during the drop.

"I don't know what you're talking about!" Sneezy was clearly afraid of both Emma and Mulan, and he had a very few precious seconds to decide if it was better to have them pissed off at him, or to piss off the Mayor.

"Oh really? Let's try this a different way. Do you know what this is?" Emma held up a grenade from the knight supply room.

"A sleeping powder grenade? Fine. Put me to sleep. I still don't know what you're talking about." Mulan tightened the hold on Sneezy's neck, letting him know they meant business.

"Usually, you would be correct. However, this morning Regina and I, you know Regina, Sneezy, the _Queen_, well, we made this one for you. It's not full of sleeping powder. It's full of pollen." Sneezy's eyes went wide. He knew what they were threatening.

"That's right." Mulan hopped in. "One pull of that pin, and this entire building will be covered in pollen. You won't breath through your nose for a week. Hey Emma, how long does it take for that scratchy feeling in your throat to go away?"

"Not just the throat, Mulan. The eyes too. Sometimes the ears. Itching, burning, post-nasal drip…" Emma continued to stare right into Sneezy's eyes.

"Alright! Okay. I'll talk. Just don't do anything rash!" Mulan kept her hold on the Dwarf while Emma kept her hand menacingly on the grenade, as Sneezy sang like a canary in a mine. He outlined exactly how the Mayor had commissioned him to start importing pharmaceuticals from the Enchanted Forest for her use. Specifically, magic steroids.

* * *

After the interrogation, Mulan found herself with a day free, with no plans or responsibilities until later that night. She usually preferred to spend her free time in the library with Belle, rather than go all the way home and just be bored. Mulan hadn't quite caught on to the popular leisure activities of Storybrooke. She found television terribly boring, unless she was hanging out with Emma to watch something. She didn't understand video games at all. Why would someone pay to pretend to do all of the things she did in real life?

Mulan walked through the campus, enjoying the warm afternoon. She appreciated that the walk from her office to the library was clear across campus, since it gave her an opportunity to be out in the fresh air, and to look at the landscaping. More often than not, everything she passed reminded her of Belle. The flowers sometimes reminded Mulan of her new relationship, and she would often stop to pick one, or a student would be selling candy for a fundraiser, and she'd pick up a bar for Belle.

Today, she cut through the cafeteria, noticing the line for the coffee shop next door was short. Most students and professors who had the ability to do so scheduled Fridays as free as possible. Mulan took advantage, picking out a cupcake with a little heart, having the barista place it in a white box wrapped with a ribbon.

When Mulan arrived, Belle was at her desk reading intently. She had her door open, and hadn't even heard the Warrior approach. Mulan's stealth skills were somewhat second nature by now.

Belle's head turned up at the gentle knock, immediately breaking into a smile. She liked Mulan in combat training clothes.

"Are you busy?" Mulan asked politely.

"I'm never too busy for a visit." Belle smiled as Mulan handed her the gift. Her desk was covered in Mulan's regular shows of affection, with a variety of campus flowers tacked to the board over her desk, a postcard of two kissing fishes that Mulan had picked up because it reminded her of their first date, various trinkets with hearts on them…the Warrior never stopped showering Belle with affection.

Belle stood up to peek and make sure nobody was in the hallway, before sitting back down and giving Mulan her "thank you" kiss. It was chaste but caring, as the two were careful never to get carried away on campus.

"So, tonight we were going to stick around for the high school dance." Mulan started a thought, holding Belle's hand.

"Yes! And I think it's a great idea. I mean, number one on the bucket list is for us to throw one, so we should see what one looks like first."

"I agree. But we might have to save it for another time. I spoke to Emma and Regina last night, and they need us tonight. They actually need us all, once Henry is out for the evening." Belle was a bit disappointed. She and Mulan had been waiting so long to become intimate, Belle had started planning nights where she could be less of a "librarian" and more of a "seductress".

Everyone else thought it was adorable how Mulan would only give Belle a shy kiss on the cheek or hand when they were around campus. It was truly innocent and sweet, the kind of relationship model that Regina thought was good for the students to see.

* * *

However, Regina's own girlfriend rarely showed such restraint. As soon as Regina's seminar let out, Emma marched right in to tell Regina about what happened with Sneezy.

She greeted Professor Mills with a firm kiss, not deep enough to signal inappropriate behavior, but long enough to signify anything but just a "friendly" hello. The grumbles from the students still packing up and chatting was not lost on the Queen.

"I didn't even have to use the grenade. I just held it up with Mulan looking angry and scary, and he gave the Mayor up. Good for us, but remind me that Sneezy is to never be given a knighthood position. One threat and he'd give up everyone's coordinates in exchange for a Kleenex."

By then, the students had all left, with a few bits of paper and trash left behind. It never ceased to amaze Regina that they trusted these individuals with life-or-death information, but some couldn't handle moving a coffee cup from a desk to the trash. The two women then moved on to clean-up duty on their way out.

"I guess we know what we have to do. My first thought was to just shut the whole IronFairy situation down, but the students who entered would be disappointed. Not to mention that we'd have to get the sponsors the money back that they already funneled in." Regina said, between bending to pull up papers from the floor. She was also relieved that none of the papers had sketches on them. It was a sign that while messy, they were at least paying attention to her classes.

"No, no. I agree that stopping it wouldn't be fair to everyone else. And if Tinkerbell has problems, and we don't address them and just stop the competition, she'll just funnel it into something else. We don't want her drinking more or doing something else self-destructive." Emma picked up a piece of scrap paper from the floor, and her eyes went wide.

She quickly tried to get it to the garbage, but Regina had already seen her face.

"What is it, Emma?" Emma's wide-eyes were still in effect.

"Nothing. I guess a few students do still doodle in class. I'll just throw it out." Emma said quickly.

"Emma, let me see." Regina came over, noticing the Savior's change in behavior. She grabbed the paper out of Emma's hands.

Her face went from curiously irritated to surprised. The paper was a sketch of her, clearly drawn by one of the students, with horns, a goatee, and a tail, with "Professor SlutMonster" written across the top.

"Regina, they're technically adults, but they're still kids. Let's not let this get to us." Emma hoped that Regina wouldn't read too much into a silly sketch.

Regina sighed. "I know that, Emma. I also know that I'm quite intimidating and demanding of them, because I'd rather have students who are disciplined than who like me. I don't, however, appreciate that there are students who think it's okay to use that as an excuse to throw around the word 'slut'. We might have to rethink our diversity trainings." Regina threw the picture in the trash, along with everything else she's picked up.

"That's something we can talk about. Let's just not get upset. Sometimes I know when I've had to give someone a bad grade, it turns into this kind of childish retaliation. Let's just not worry about it right now. It might be a one-time frustration venting." Emma smiled at Regina, taking her hand to lead her out of the classroom.

The walk from the classroom to the cafeteria was as unpleasant as staring at the picture. Emma kept Regina's hand in her own, but noticed a few of the students would look at Regina in disgust, turning to whisper while they walked by.

Something was definitely going on.

* * *

By lunchtime, Tinkerbell was not only tired, but her stomach was upset as well. She took out her cell phone.

"Sneezy! Yes. Okay, I know that you just gave me what I should need for a year or so, but I seem to have misplaced the bag. Do you think you can get me a bottle or two today until I can find it?" Tink was leaning back now, massaging her temples with her free hand.

"Sorry, Tink. I can't. That's all I can get my hands on. You took up the entire dealer's supply for awhile. I can't help you anymore." Sneezy spoke in a hurried whisper, as though he expected Emma and Mulan to come busting back in at any moment.

"Sneezy there has to be something you can do. Who's your Forest contact? Maybe I can talk to them." Tink was getting agitated.

"I can't help you anymore, Tinkerbell. You're going to have to find your supply. And don't call me here about this anymore, okay?"

Tink hung up on her ex-boyfriend dwarf. She started to think of where she could've left the bottles. She thought she brought it right back to the treehouse, but when she took it and the pulses of rage had taken over, who could say? She picked up her office phone, and pressed the extension for her secretary.

"Yes, this is Tinkerbell. I need someone to go down to Granny's and get me an extra large red eye and a bag of those chocolate covered espresso beans from the store next to the diner."

* * *

Regina and Emma sat side-by-side in the cafeteria as usual, with Emma giving her a little peck here and there, or a rub on the back. The leers from the students towards Regina were not lost on either of them, but Emma figured that since this was their private University, they could behave as they pleased during their off time.

Ruby slid in across from them, happy to dig into her bloody roast beef sandwich with her favorite friend couple. She noticed that they were still attached at the hip.

"You guys might wanna lighten up on the PDA around here." Ruby said, shocking both of the women.

"Ruby, this campus has an open LGTBQ policy, and we're not making out in the hallways." Regina said, slipping into her professional voice.

"It's not that…it's just…" Ruby didn't know how to proceed. As the woman who had the power to slip someone an extra dessert here or there, the students talked to her. And more importantly, when in her line, she heard them talk amongst themselves.

"Ruby, do you know something?" Emma asked, putting her hand firmly on Regina's thigh.

"See, it's like this. Do you know how everyone hates the head cheerleader because she's nasty to everyone, but she's nasty to everyone because everyone was nasty to her first, and it turns out they're all just jealous that she's the one dating the star quarterback?" Ruby flooded her analogy out flawlessly. It would have clicked perfectly, if Regina had actually gone to high school. But luckily, Emma had.

"So you're saying that we have a nasty girl in the mix?" Emma asked.

"I'm saying that, well, in this scenario, Regina is the head cheerleader that everyone is jealous of, because of what she has." Regina looked back and forth between the Wolf and her Savior, still not putting it together.

"So, I'm the quarterback." Emma added with a nod, which Ruby returned.

"Exactly. It seems that you've had quite the crush following from the lesbian student body, the bisexual student body, a few of the straight boys, and cause a few to question their sexualities. You're the one everyone is crushing on, Emma." Ruby felt like she was delivering bad news, even though it should have been a flattering compliment.

"So you're telling me that my students hate me because they're jealous that I'm the one who got the girl?" Regina said, finding this whole situation to be ridiculous.

"I'm afraid so. They were enjoying their little student-on-teacher crushes, until you, well, crushed them. Don't worry, Emma. They still love you." Ruby gave a consolation smile to the Savior.

"Right. Because we need this drama right now." Emma said, suddenly less interested in finishing her lunch.

* * *

Henry looked handsome in his suit. _So handsome_. He knew that he looked _So, so handsome and grown up _because it was all Regina could say to him, over and over again. Lilo was going to stop over so that Emma and Regina could take pictures, after having promised Henry to keep the embarrassment to a minimum, and then drop them off at the dance. Henry was trying to squeeze in one more round of video games before having to put on his jacket and shoes.

Regina was in the kitchen with Emma, practicing photography between her phone and her digital camera. Emma was hamming it up, doing her fake supermodel poses that made fun of actual models. She leaned forward, pouting her lips, pointing her cleavage at the Queen, followed by jumping up to crawl on the counter in her "bad kitty" stance. Regina couldn't stop laughing. The doorbell rang, signaling the end of Emma's photo shoot.

"Ha! Okay, Emma, I do like the ones from the digital camera better. But I'm keeping the ones of you on my phone. I'll get the door."

Henry came right in, finding his suit jack and dress shoes, fully intended on giving his mother a few shots to make her happy, but then leaving to get on to the actual dance.

Regina had them posing in no time. She had side-by-side, Henry holding Lilo from behind, the two of them with sunglasses on giving an action shot, and in less than twenty minutes, they had the camera's memory full. Emma then smoothly caravanned everyone into the car to be dropped off at the University.

Regina was glad that Henry allotted her that little slice of mom heaven, because she was dreading the rest of the night.

* * *

The kids were dropped at the dance right on time, so that it could start promptly at seven. That's why Emma and Regina scheduled everything else for a tad bit later, giving them time to set up.

After having spent the last couple of hours at the diner after work, as she usually did, laughing and flirting with her constituents, Mayor Tinkerbell was back to exhausted. She fully intended on ripping her house apart, and finding those damn bottles.

Instead, when she opened the door to her house, she found the living room already fully occupied, with her closest friends sitting in a horseshoe around one empty chair.

"What the fuck?" Tinkerbell was in no mood right now. All she could think about was that delicious pink sparkly dust that made her run mile after mile and carry all of her grocery bags up the stairs in one trip.

Emma stood up to greet Tink, and escort her to the circle.

"Tink, here's the thing. We're all here because we love you, and we had some things we wanted to talk about." Emma said, taking the cranky and confused Fairy to her chair.

"Emma, that's wonderful, but tonight I'm not in the mood." Tink looked at Regina, Snow, Ruby, Mulan, and Belle, and realized why none of them were hanging out at the diner after work. "What's going on?" She asked the room.

"Tinkerbell, we know that Sneezy sold you these." Regina produced the bag of fairy 'roids that Tinkerbell had been looking for frantically that morning.

"Hey! Those are mine!" Tink yelled, and went to lunge after the bag, but Regina was too quick and pulled it away.

"We just want to talk, Tink." Emma added calmly.

"Is this an intervention?!" Tinkerbell was flabbergasted.

"Yes." Snow stepped in. "Tink, we know about the steroids. Nobody here is judging you, we just want to talk." Snow nodded to Ruby.

"Tink," Ruby started, taking out a piece of paper that was tucked into her cleavage with her notes on it, "When I found out you were using Fairy Steroids, I became worried. It worries me that we grew up around this stuff, and you know how dangerous it is, but you don't care. I care, Tink. I care that you're doing something dangerous." Ruby finished her statement. Tink sat in her chair with her arms crossed over her chest, refusing to make eye contact with anyone.

If she were still on the steroids, no doubt she would have thrown everyone out of her house. Physically. But in withdrawal, she just hoped she could let them talk at her for a few minutes, nod and smile, and then work on getting her bag back from Regina.

Belle started her statement of support. "Tinkerbell, I know we haven't been that close for that long, but I've always sort of looked up to you. You're the one who's always trying to help everyone else. You're the person who fights to show everyone that they deserve love, and wants to make sure everyone's happy. Tink, we want that for you too. You don't need drugs to win. You have us." Tink was now staring at the floor. Snow was looking at her friend worried. None of this seemed to be getting through.

"I'll go." Offered Emma. "Tink, I care about you. I care what happens to you. It's not just the steroids…I think you've been sort of destructive and impulsive for awhile now. I just – I don't want to see you hurt."

That was the line that struck a chord with the Fairy, who had a sudden surge of energy.

"Oh, that's rich coming from _you_, Savior! You're the one who's suddenly concerned with my feelings? You of all people don't get to judge me!" Tink's fury surprised Emma.

Regina wanted to put a hand on Emma to steady her, but she knew that if Tink was upset about what she thought she was upset about, it would only upset her more. Emma got up and knelt in front of her ex.

"Tink, I'm sorry I hurt you." Emma looked into her eyes, and saw the hurt. Emma didn't love Tink romantically, but she loved her as a close friend. "Tink. I'm sorry." Tinkerbell shook her face away from the eye contact. Emma continued. "I'm sorry." Tinkerbell, exhausted from the withdrawal and all the feelings she had been partying away for the last year, started to cry. Emma caught her in her arms.

"Why am I never good enough?" Tink sobbed out, letting Emma comfort her.

"Can you guys give us some time?" Emma asked the group. Everyone nodded, heading out towards the door. Regina followed, stopping to give Emma an understanding look, and a rub on the back.

"I'll see you at home." Regina said, leaving the Savior and the Fairy to continue on their own.


	21. Chapter 21

By the time Regina heard Emma come into the bedroom, she was already about to drift off to sleep. Emma had been at Tinkerbell's for so long that Regina just assumed she would go to her own apartment. However, she was happy to hear Emma let herself in to come to bed.

Regina kept the lights off, but rolled over facing the side of the room where Emma was changing.

"Are you okay?" Regina asked softly, startling Emma.

"Gosh, I'm sorry, Regina. I thought you were asleep. Or maybe you were, and I woke you up. I just wanted to sleep next to you tonight." Emma sounded tired.

"Of course. I told you that you can always be here, and I meant it. Is Tink okay now? I know that 'okay' might be pushing it." Regina wrapped her arms around Emma, kissing her shoulder while Emma sat putting on socks.

"I think 'okay' might be appropriate. I think that Tink and I never really talked about why it was kind of messed up that we dated each other without being in love. We needed to get that out." Emma lay back, and Regina propped herself up on her elbow to look into Emma's face.

"It wasn't just you, Emma. You said yourself that she's been out of control for awhile." Regina had plenty of time to think about how Tinkerbell had been showing signs of looking for anything to feel good. She thought back to when they found her looking like a mess back in Neverland. Regina hadn't realized that was how Tink still looked on the inside.

"No, I know. I just wish I would've noticed. Or done something. I'm actually surprised it hadn't gone this far before. I'm just glad we got to talk, you know? I think it helped both of us. I know that I was crappy to her for dating her because I thought it was that or nobody, but I never really thought about the idea that she might be dating me because she was looking for a way to cover up feeling inadequate. We were using each other."

Regina could see the outline of Emma's face. She could see that Emma was so tired out, and yet so wound up that she wouldn't go to sleep. She leaned in for a kiss, letting Emma feel the love she had through her lips.

"Emma, take off your shirt and turn over." Regina said softly, caressing Emma's cheek.

"Baby, I'm so tired right now."

"I know. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm not trying to seduce you tonight. I'm going to help you relax so you can sleep." Emma gazed back at Regina, seeing her with only the natural light from the window. She nodded, and sat up to pull off her tank, turning over.

Regina straddled Emma's behind, leaning down to kiss the Savior's shoulder blades. Each kiss lingered, as she was in no rush to pull her lips away from Emma's body.

"Emma, you save everyone. It's what you do. You've saved me more times than I can count, you're the reason I'm still alive after the war. You've saved your entire family, you've saved kids from having nowhere to go because of their magic by opening up spaces in the school for them, tonight you might have single-handedly saved Tink." Regina started massaging out Emma's stiff muscles, moving her hands in long, moderate strokes up and down the length of her back. "I think you deserve some self care. We need to make sure you're not killing yourself. You need some time to relax."

Emma started to respond, but Regina shushed her, now starting the real massage, beginning up at Emma's shoulders. Regina would focus on a small area, gently tenderizing her girlfriend's muscles until they relaxed and she could move on to the next spot. She placed light kisses on each spot, feeling Emma's skin on the sensitive surface of her lips. She loved how Emma's skin felt.

Regina took her time, gently relaxing and then kissing Emma, until she could feel Emma starting to relax enough to sleep. Regina took off her own shirt to lay partially on top of Emma, letting her bare chest feel Emma's skin as her lips just had. Emma's breathing was slowing down.

"I love you, Emma." Regina said softly, thinking Emma was asleep. She was surprised when she heard a response.

"Love you too, Regina."

* * *

Henry sat up in his room, still wired from the dance. He and Lilo had a fantastic time. Henry learned how to dance at a party with a real DJ for the first time, as well as dabbling in some of the formal waltzes that were mixed in for the students from both worlds.

He and Lilo both had quite a lot of friends, and after hours of dancing and laughing, with no thought of the pressures of school or fencing or his parents being the town heroes, he was wired, laying in his bed with some new dance music he downloaded playing low enough not to wake his mothers.

He toyed with the orange pill bottle in his hand. Regina had left her bag from Tinkerbell's intervention sticking out of her purse on the kitchen table, and he curiously had taken a peek. It looked like a pharmacy bag, and Henry was suddenly scared that his mother was on a medication; that maybe there was something wrong that they hadn't told him about. Henry took a bottle out of the bag, and brought it upstairs to Google whatever the prescription was for, assuming it would be written on the bottle like any other script.

He instead found the bottles filled with sand, and could only sit inspecting it. He was pretty sure Google would no longer be helpful. When he opened the bottle and found it was pink dust that only seemed to sparkle when someone was looking directly at it, his curiosity peeked even more.

* * *

Mulan and Belle had been driving around after the intervention, not sure what to do with themselves. They both had talked about how inadequate they felt in helping Tink, hoping that whatever Emma did after they were all excused would be enough.

Eventually, Mulan parked the SUV in an open field, maneuvering them both into the backseat to look at the star through the moon roof. The heavily tinted windows made them feel like they were in their own private observatory, and Belle snuggled in gladly on Mulan's shoulder, inhaling her scent.

Stargazing had slowly progressed into cuddling, which then rapidly turned into kissing.

It wasn't long before the kissing became passionate, with both Mulan and Belle topless in the backseat of Mulan's car. Belle was panting, Mulan's hands on her body causing her to gasp into her Warrior's mouth.

Mulan herself was breathing heavily, putting her hands everywhere she could reach, feeling herself flush while hoping it was too dark for Belle to see. The adrenaline rush had her hands starting to shake, as she and Belle had only gone this far once before. Mulan kissed from the Scholar's mouth down her neck, and lower between Belle's breasts, making a circle she had spent the last hour making, before revisiting her girlfriend's nipples. Belle noticed that Mulan was devouring her like an animal, running purely on desire rather than any experience.

She had her fingers wrapped in Mulan's fine, soft hair that she had pulled down from being pulled back at some point, and she didn't plan on letting to anytime soon. Mulan was generally very gentle and tentative with her, but by now she was touching Belle firmly. The idea of her soft, gentle Warrior becoming turned on by her to the point of aggressively sucking a nipple, growling at the feeling of wet-on-skin, had Belle's center tightening and swelling. Belle couldn't wait anymore.

While pulling back a bit, feeling Mulan's breath on her face, Belle took Mulan's hand in her own. Looking into Mulan's eyes, she brought Mulan's hand up under her skirt, touching over her warm lips through her panties. Belle let out a moan, not noticing Mulan's eyes going wide, breathing hard.

Belle's eyes closed, with her forehead resting on her Warrior's, as Mulan pressed up into Belle's panties, not sure what to do, but desperately wanting to do it. She felt the heat through the light material.

"Mulan, it's okay. I want you to touch me." Belle said opening her eyes. Mulan swallowed and nodded. Her hand awkwardly rubbed up and down a bit, watching Belle's face for any sign that she was onto something. Belle nodded, and Mulan's hand started getting shaky, both from the rush of touching Belle, but also from her nerves. Belle bit her lip, determined to be patient and just let Mulan explore touching her without any pressure. When Belle went back to kissing the Warrior's lips, Mulan started to feel at ease, and began moving her fingers along Belle's thighs, over her panty-covered sex, and all around the area.

When Belle felt her hands stop trembling and become confident in her touches, Belle broke the kiss again. She moved her hand down to cover Mulan's, this time moving it inside of the cloth barrier, directly into her wetness. Mulan was surprised at how warm it felt, and how good Belle felt on the pads of her fingers, now picking up on the feminine scent of arousal that she had never been so close to before.

"That's it, Mulan. Keep doing that. It feels good." Belle was gently coaching Mulan to keep her touch, letting Mulan explore the different textures, noticing what made Belle gasp, what made her moan, and particularly when she grew bolder and put a finger inside of the woman on her lap, how it made her start a rhythm with her hips and bit her lip.

Mulan stared at Belle's face, even when Belle's eyes were closed. She had never seen Belle let loose completely. She was always the one who was dressed conservatively, with her hair done perfectly, who always knew the perfect thing to say. Now, her hair was the mess that Mulan's hands had made it from making out, her sweater was pooled around her waist, and she was thrusting her hips back and forth, gripping onto Mulan's shoulders.

Mulan figured out that Belle liked it both when she touched inside of her, where the wetness was increasing, and when she moved her hand further up to the little bump she felt sticking from the opening of her lips. She went back and forth between the two, wetness covering her whole hand.

Belle was completely flushed, continuing to ride Mulan's exploring fingers, until finally she couldn't stand the back and forth anymore. Then next time Mulan's hands travelled back up to her swollen clit, she gasped, "There. There, Mulan. Stay there."

Mulan listened, moving her hand faster, seeing how it made Belle's thighs shake. She had never seen someone in the throes of passion before.

"Don't stop." Belle said, now not moving her hips as much, letting Mulan's hand stroke over her, getting faster, with Belle showing Mulan she was on the right track by moaning louder and louder, until she felt everything burst. She quickly reached down and put Mulan's finger back inside of her, so that she could feel her pulsing through her orgasm with her hand, letting out a groan, throwing her upper body against Mulan's as her body stiffened.

_I did that_. Mulan thought to herself, feeling good about what just happened in the backseat of her truck. She kept her hand inside of Belle, letting Belle catch her breath before she moved in to kiss her Warrior.

"That was amazing, Mulan." Belle smiled at Mulan, who's nervousness was completely gone. Mulan realized that she had never felt this close to someone before, ever.

Belle started to undo the Warrior's pants.

"Your turn."

* * *

Henry's big day had arrived. The fencing tournament was between Storybrooke High and four of the major surrounding schools. By all accounts, Henry's lack of sleep from the night before should have slowed him down getting ready. However, his excitement overpowered the lack of sleep. He knew if he really wanted it, Emma would slip him some coffee, even though Regina didn't want someone so young getting hooked on caffeine. Henry also knew that if Regina said no to the coffee before Emma could slip him some, he had enough candy stashed in his locker at the gym to wake up a poppy field victim.

Emma and Regina went through their ritual of putting together the most fantastic fan uniforms. Regina drew the line at painting "S High" on her face, but Emma went ahead and did her own. Regina didn't think that a high school tournament necessitated war paint, especially since she expected Henry to last the bare minimum one match before being knocked out.

"Regina, if we're going to figure out who's been magic-ing away Henry's abilities, we need to blend in." Emma said that with a straight face, even though she was waving around a giant foam finger.

"Absolutely not, dear, but you are free to mark your face as you choose." Emma was so certain that Regina would let her do face painting that she was also going to suggest writing the "S. H." on their bellies, but that dream was quickly squashed away as well.

Henry came bouncing down the stairs with his gym bag, ready to go.

They met Lilo at the school gym, which looked more like Olympic trials than a high school sporting event. Henry's team had disappeared into the locker room, leaving out their competitors. Some of these kids seemed to have private coaches, and Regina noticed more than a few parents with face paint. Lilo sat right between the Queen and the Savior, in her matching "S.H." regalia.

"I'm so excited. I can't believe it's tournament day!" Lilo clearly was excited. To be fair, she was always excited to watch Henry, even if it was for only a few minutes before he was knocked out. Regina and Emma had come to trust Lilo over the weeks, and decided that since she was familiar with the other students, she might know if someone wanted to sabotage Henry.

"Lilo, we wanted to ask you about something." Regina started, waiting for Emma to nod before continuing. The Queen and the Savior had decided that they were getting to the bottom of this today. "Is there anyone who has a problem with Henry at school?"

Lilo looked at the Queen surprised. "No. Why would someone have a problem with Henry? He's like the nicest guy." Henry's moms both smiled at that.

"We just think it's strange that Henry is so athletic, but…" Regina didn't know how to delicately proceed.

"But if he weren't wearing protection, he would be Swiss cheese in all of these matches." Emma finished for her. They hoped Lilo, Henry's biggest fan, wouldn't be offended but she had to have noticed that Henry was starting the tournament in last place, which meant he was battling the kid in second to last, as the top two players got a buy round in the first bracket. As the top players knocked each other out, Henry would have to battle his way up amongst the other players with poor standings. They didn't think he stood a chance.

"Oh, that. I'm not sure if I'm allowed to tell you." Lilo said while wincing, catching the undivided attention of both Emma and Regina.

"Lilo, if you know something, we need to know. If Henry's in any kind of trouble, we won't be mad at you or him." Emma pressed on.

"Oh, he's not in trouble. I just…okay I guess since it's the big day, you can know his strategy."

"His strategy?" Regina asked, not knowing at all what was going on. The mothers leaned in closely as Lilo brought them into a huddle.

"Yes. Henry's been throwing his matches to start the big tournament in last place."

* * *

Everyone from the Storybrooke side of the stands was shocked when Henry knocked out his first opponent. Not just his first opponent of the tournament, his first opponent ever in competition. Not once did Henry awkwardly trip over his own feet or miss a shot that everyone else saw coming a mile away. He made quick work of his first opponent, and his second win didn't take much longer, finishing both matches in less than ten minutes each. His own team was not just impressed that he could parry, but reposte as though he had been winning all year.

Emma and Regina were shocked, both that Henry had the foresight to plan his entire season in such a way so that he would battle the easiest competitors first, working his way up to the final bracket, and also at how good he really was, knowing he had to repress it all season long to pull this off. And he was good. _Really good._

"You knew about this?" Emma asked, her mouth hanging open watching Henry outwit yet another player, this one who was quite quick on his feet, actually causing Henry to break a sweat.

"Yeah, but obviously he didn't want to tell you. If everyone knew he was throwing matches to get an edge, why wouldn't everyone do it? Besides, the season doesn't matter for the tournament. It just determines your placement." Lilo had the same face she always had on at Henry's matches; proud and excited. The difference was that she always looked this way because she always knew this was the plan.

"Emma." Regina said in awe of Henry's third win. "He's okay. He's not being magic-ed, and he's not the weakest link!" Regina was so proud at that moment. The mothers high-fived over Lilo's head. Of course, he had his biological mother's athleticism. However, he clearly picked up his adoptive mother's scheming ability.

"Not just that, but you were right, Regina. He's kind of a genius. He's still playing fairly, but came up with a plan. Not bad, son." Emma suddenly enjoyed watching fencing a lot more than she had previously. It really was no fun to get all dressed up for an event, and watching night after night of Henry being sent home less than an hour after they had left the house, always sort of feeling sorry for him. Now she understood why he was never embarrassed or upset about his loses. They were on purpose.

"Our son is a genius. A sword-fighting, handsome little genius. And I have pictures of him in a suit from his first dance." Regina was in mommy heaven. To her, this weekend was the equivalent of Henry storming in and yelling, "Mom! I've saved the kingdom and I'm marrying a princess of your choosing!"

For the rest of the match, occasionally Emma would yell "Awesome moms!" Over to Regina, and receive her co-parenting high-five like a champ.

During the break to reset the brackets for what was now the playoff round, Henry stopped back to his fans. He had changed out of his original athletic wear for under his protective armor, starting the afternoon in fresh, less sweaty Under Armour.

He bounced over as he always did, the only difference this time being the size of his grin.

"Henry, that was wonderful." Regina praised him, the awe present in her voice.

"Yeah, kid. That was pretty fantastic. So you've been holding all this back this whole time?" Emma said, still in just as much shock and amazement as Regina.

"I'm sorry, Henry. They asked." Lilo added apologetically.

"It's okay. I don't care if they know now. I just wanted to see if this plan would work. The other guys plan for each individual match, I just decided to go ahead and make a plan to win the season."

Everyone on Henry's team was shocked that only he and their best player were left. Henry was determined to take the trophy, and his plan seemed to be working splendidly, as long as he could beat his final match for the championship. Most of his season had been spent watching the competitors he was "losing" to, cataloguing how to beat them in the future.

Henry's coach came over to where Henry was sitting. The Coach looked less pleased with Henry's performance than Henry did, for some reason.

"Your Majesty, your Highness." The Coach greeted the mothers in such a way that his previous life in Fairytale Land was obvious. "I need to speak with both of you and Henry, privately." They both nodded, not understanding why the coach wasn't coming over to congratulate Henry on his spectacular morning.

"Wait here, Lilo. We'll be right back, so save our seats." Regina told the girl, who looked just as confused as to what was going on as everyone else.

* * *

Henry and his parents were settled into the coach's office. The Coach came in and shut the door, and opened his desk drawer. He placed the orange pill bottle of Fairy Steroids out on the table in front of them.

Regina, for the second time today, could not believe her eyes.

"Some of the kids Henry beat this morning claimed that if the last place player was suddenly winning so much, that magic must be involved. I, along with the assistant coach, agreed, and we searched Henry's locker. This is what we found." Emma could do nothing but stare at the bottle in front of her. Regina, meanwhile, hadn't formulated a response yet. She wasn't sure if angry would be a correct response, since she was the one who had brought it into their home instead of disposing of it after the intervention.

"Yeah, I brought that in today." Henry admitted, not understanding the gravity of the situation. "But what is it?"

"What? What do you mean?" It was now the Coach's turn to be surprised and confused. How would an athlete get his hands on Fairy Steroids and not even know what it is?

"Henry, did you take that from my purse?" Regina asked her son.

"I did, but I was going to tell you. I just thought it looked cool, so I brought it in to ask the Lost Boys what it is later." Henry still didn't know what the dust was that he had brought to school, but it was clicking in his head at this point that it couldn't be something good.

"Henry, are you saying that you don't even know what you brought here?" Regina asked, knowing this line of questioning would be imperative to Henry continuing to fence.

"Right." Henry nodded.

"Okay, so you haven't taken any? You have not used any of this at all, Henry? _At all?_" The Queen was making the importance of her question clear.

"No. I don't even know _how_ to use pink dust. What is that, something you swallow? Sprinkle like Pixie dust?" Henry's innocence was clear in this questioning. The Coach wasn't sure what to do now.

"Henry, are you telling me that you showed up to a tournament and spent all morning winning, after spending all season losing, and just _happened_ to have a bottle of Fairy Steroids, and had no idea what it even was?" The Coach was having a hard time believing this story, but Henry couldn't have possibly been such a talented actor as to pull off being this clueless if it wasn't genuine.

"Steroids?! I had steroids? Wait, steroids are sparkly and pink? Mom, why did you have steroids in your purse?" Henry was clearly as shocked as his mothers had been when the Coach first pulled the bottle out.

"Henry, that was a prescription, which was clearly not for you. And you shouldn't have taken something from my purse, which you are in big, big trouble for." Regina was angry, but not sure where to place her anger. She was angry somewhat at the Mayor, for bringing the substance into their lives in the first place, but also at Henry for thinking that taking something out of his mother's purse was in any way okay. "Henry, even if you didn't use any of this, you are in big, big trouble, mister." Regina's Queen voice was in full effect.

"Coach, clearly Henry took someone else's, Er, um, prescription by accident, and if he says he hasn't used it, I believe him." Emma was joining the conversation, after having the _why does everything end up so fucked up?_ conversation with herself in her head.

"Well, the students did have a right to be suspicious about Henry's sudden winning streak, and he was found with the drugs. He even admitted to taking it from your home. If Henry is willing to submit to a drug test during the break here, and if it comes back clean, we'll let him continue." The Coach thought that was fair. This had not gone at all how he had expected in the first place, fully expecting the teenager to give the typical "that's not mine" or "I don't know how that ended up in my locker" conversation.

"Oh, he'll take it alright." Regina said, making it clear that if Henry could steal from her, she didn't trust his word alone.

* * *

Mother Superior's summon to the High School came as a surprise to her, and when she found out that she was testing Henry for Fairy Steroids, she was even more surprised. She grabbed her sensing wand and made her way over.

When she arrived, Henry, Emma, Regina, and the Coach were all still in the Coach's office. They all agreed to keep the testing discrete because if Henry was telling the truth, it would still cause bad blood amongst the athletes he had already beaten.

"You called Blue? Seriously? Can't you just take a clip of his hair or something?" Emma asked.

"No, Emma. These are magical enhancements, therefore a magical indicator is necessary. If he were on Fairy Steroids, a regular drug test wouldn't show anything other than sparkly urine." Regina answered.

"Henry, where did you even get this bottle?" Blue asked. She was not happy at all that the substance that she had seen destroy many youngsters in the Enchanted Forest was now in Storybrooke.

"Henry went through my purse, Blue. And obviously it was a prescription." It was not lost on Regina that she was now covering for Tinkerbell, who would most certainly be thrown out of office if a drug scandal were to erupt.

"Oh? Regina, are you alright? This stuff is usually for serious illnesses." Blue wasn't really concerned, still being some of the few that didn't completely trust Regina, and probably never would.

"I'm actually much, much better now, thank you. I was going to send the unused portion back, since we both know I can't just flush it." Blue began using the sensing wand on Henry, not unlike how one might have a metal detecting wand used on them at an airport.

"Um, so what happens if you flush it?" Emma asked, realizing just how little she knew about what Tink was taking.

"Emma, do you know what Niagara Falls is?" Blue asked.

"Yes…"

"That's how it was made." Blue answered, slowly passing the wand over the Prince. "Well, he's clean. No indication that he has anything magical in his body of any sort, or the wand would have went off like this." She passed the wand over the bottle on the table, and it began blinking and making a low humming sound.

"Okay! Henry, glad to hear you're actually just winning today. I guess those tips I gave you at practice this week really helped you out." The Coach said, glad to have this situation under control.

"I guess so." Henry smiled, not willing to share his strategy until he won.

* * *

When they had returned to the stands, Lilo was indeed still saving their seats, not that there was a need since half of the competitors and their fans had left after losing that morning. Lilo was also seated next to Henry's grandparents, who Emma had texted to come down and watch Henry win. They dropped everything they were doing at the University and came right down, hoping Emma wasn't being sarcastic.

She clearly wasn't, as they watched Henry blow through his afternoon matches. Henry was never the attacker without making a strike, and seemed to be the only boy who knew how to parry an attack made towards the head. They noticed how Henry's stance had his free arm tucked behind his body for protection.

"Honey, look at his swordsmanship." Snow said, in a proud voice to Charming. "Remind you of anyone?"

Charming watched Henry's moves, also impressed. It took him usually a full semester with the knights before they could counter-attack like Henry was that day. He just shrugged, still watching the match.

"David, he fights like you. Look at his _en garde_." Snow was quite observant.

"Hey, I guess he sort of does fight like me." David said, smiling. They had never actually watched one of Henry's school events before, mostly because they had spent the last few years realm jumping and generally trying to stay alive.

"Emma, he's good. He's _really _good." David said to his daughter. He was also amused at seeing Regina cheer. The woman who had previously spent her days blowing up villages with her bare hands was now quite the soccer mom.

"Emma, what do you think about putting Henry in knight training right now?" Snow asked. She was thrilled to see Henry excel at something, and it provided somewhat of a sense of relief to see an heir to the thrown who was possibly a viable leader and defender.

"What? He's only fourteen, Snow."

David hopped in. "Actually, that's a good idea. Emma, Regina, your son isn't just going to be a regular knight one day. He's going to be a king. It makes sense for him to start his training early." David saw the look on Regina's face, which was showing that they were probably approaching her limit for emotional surprises for the day.

"David, he's a boy." Regina said.

"Well, not quite. C'mon. Emma? If you think about it, it would be no different from an ROTC program. He could just come by after school once fencing season is over, and make sure he stays in shape and gets to keep sword training. It wouldn't really be any different than fencing practice, and he was already learning how to fight from Mulan." David's points were making sense, but Regina had just started to calm down from the steroids incident.

"David, why don't you let Regina and I talk about that later? It's been a long weekend, and it's only Saturday afternoon. I promise, we'll really consider it." Emma put her hand on Regina's, solidifying their position as a parental unit. Emma turned to Regina before continuing. "We don't have to rush into a decision, but we will make it together." Emma looked right into Regina's eyes, and her Queen understood that the statement was much more than just the decision at hand. Emma fully understood now how to mutually make Henry-related decisions, and she saw in Regina's expression how important it was to her that Emma had just said that.

"Well, dear, that's not the only joint decision we have to have regarding Henry later." Regina started to say, keeping her hand in Emma's. Emma looked at Regina, waiting for her to continue.

"Emma, he stole from my purse. He has to be both lectured and punished, and I don't care in what order. This is getting nipped in the bud immediately."


	22. Chapter 22

Despite the little steroid hiccup, Henry's entire family and girlfriend were overwhelmingly proud of him for winning the overall tournament trophy. The family fears that Henry might trip on a crack in the sidewalk and knock himself unconscious were long gone. The last round was with a champion from the neighboring high school that was much bigger than Henry, and his mothers were worried he would be knocked out by a single touch. What Henry lacked in size he made up for in speed, quickly dodging attacks and going on to attack himself.

Regina realized this was Henry's first trophy. It was his first trophy ever. He had never won anything before, but he had also never been competitive before. She was torn. As much as she wanted to march him home for a couch lecture on stealing from her purse, she also knew that the conversation would have to figure out a way to exclude Tinkerbell's problems from discussion, since Henry was not nearly old enough to be included in that type of situation. Even if he were old enough, the problems of his mother's friends were none of his business.

Emma could see Regina's proud, teary eyes while Henry was accepting his trophy, and also the thought behind them. Emma was thinking the same thing. At least if he stole the steroids, he didn't try to use them. She wanted to give him a night of celebrating.

"Hey." She leaned over to Regina. "I think we should let him stay with Snow and David tonight." She whispered to Regina. She looked over at Emma confused.

"Look, they offered to let everyone come back to their place for a big 'Henry Won' party, so if we let him stay he gets to celebrate, and we can figure out what to do about the, um prescription problem." Emma was still whispering.

Regina nodded, turning her attention back to Henry. She was upset with Henry, but now she was blindingly angry at Tink. She had all afternoon to think, and the conclusion was that the Fairy had gotten away with doing whatever she pleased, moral or not, regardless as to who it would affect around her.

* * *

The Queen and the Savior were back in Regina's kitchen, having another wine meeting. Emma decided then that if these meetings were going to continue, they were going to have to switch to hard liquor.

"Alright, I don't think grounding is going to help, because that's partially punishing Lilo. I think Henry should have allowance taken away. We're not giving him spending money every week just to have him steal from us." Regina was pacing behind the kitchen island, as though she was planning an invasion with the knights.

"Regina, he stole out of concern. He thought you were on medications and was worried about you." Emma was sitting on a stool, trying to reason with her distraught girlfriend.

"That may be, Emma, but if he was concerned he should have asked."

Emma cocked an eyebrow. "Really? And what would you have told him? That you took the steroids away from the Mayor? You and I both know we can't tell him that."

"I don't know, Emma. But I would have told him something!" Regina had her hands now on the counter, across from Emma. The Queen hadn't even bothered taking her jacket off before storming right to the wine rack when they came in.

"Well, now everyone thinks you were sick and needed a prescription. Are we just going to go with that?" Emma wasn't happy with any of their options at this point. She didn't even know what sort of illness Fairy Steroids could possibly be used for anyway.

"I think there are certain things, Emma, that are none of Henry's business. Even if I were legitimately sick, I'm not obligated to tell our son whenever I have a sniffle."

"Yes, you are. If I saw a pharmacy bag sticking out of your purse, Regina, I would have done the same thing. Without asking you first."

"Oh? Honesty with Henry means to tell him everything? Do you want to go find him and tell him the real reason I couldn't sit down for two days straight last week?" Regina knew that there was no way she was telling Henry about Tinkerbell's problem. She also knew that Emma would not be telling Henry that she had fucked his mother silly as soon as the dildo they ordered came in, to the point of a very sore Queen with a very used crotch finding ways to casually stay standing during casual conversations.

"Okay, fine. We don't share information that is not age appropriate. But I'm not okay with cutting off his allowance."

"What do you suggest, then?"

"We don't punish him. We just talk to him. Okay, Regina, eyes back in the head please. Look, we've never told him he's not allowed to do something after catching him and had him try it a second time, right? So you were just sick and wanted medicine from the Enchanted Forest, and you're fine now, and in the future if he's concerned with something then he needs to ask one of us." Emma sounded convincing. It was almost like watching Law and Order, Storybrooke Division.

Regina didn't have time to respond before the sound of a bird squawking at an unreasonable volume could be heard from the front yard.

"What the hell?" Regina started before running to the front door.

After looking through the front window, the Queen could see a giant three foot tall bird with a collar on, flapping its wings and calling towards the house.

"Regina, what the fuck is that?" Emma said, fear taking over.

"Relax, Emma. It's just a carrier pigeon." Regina opened the door and walked towards the giant bird.

"Oh 'just' a carrier pigeon? Regina, why is it the size of my car?" Emma shouted from the front door, going for her switchblade that she kept in her boot.

"Because it's a carrier from another world, Emma, not Maine. Emma, I need you to run and grab some candy from the stash. Preferably chocolate." Regina seemed perfectly calm, walking towards the bird as though she was going outside to chat with the mail carrier. Emma remained in the doorway, staring.

"Emma, now would be good!" Regina turned to yell over her shoulder. Emma ran inside, finding a box of half-eaten chocolate hearts that she had given Regina a week ago. She grabbed it and ran back outside, with the knife still out.

Emma approached slowly, watching Regina pet the bird, and the bird dropped a scroll into her hand.

"Oh, these will do nicely, Emma. Good find." Regina took the box, and started feeding them one by one to the carrier bird. Emma approached closer. The animal didn't seem to be aggressive. Regina was unwrapping each individual chocolate, and had given the bird two, before it spit out the third.

Regina looked at the chewed up chocolate on the ground. "I guess he doesn't like mint." The bird shook his head in agreement.

"Nobody likes the ones with mint." Emma mumbled. Regina fed the bird the rest of the box, and then gave it a pet before the bird left to fly home.

"Regina, my level of 'what the fuck' today, I swear…" Emma started, following Regina back inside, allowing the Queen to close the door behind them. She was reading the scroll from the bird as they walked in.

"What is it?" Emma asked, still a bit freaked out by the home zoology visit.

"It's from Philip and Aurora. It's a formal request for help."

"Help with what? Like they need a babysitter?"

"No." Regina paused and looked up at the Savior.

"They're at war."

* * *

Regina and Emma both had read through the scroll multiple times before waiting for Charming, Snow, Mulan, Tinkerbell, and Captain John to join them in the War room the next day.

Philip and Aurora had been requested for the throne in Wonderland, after the Queen of hearts was killed. In fact, the members of the palace, seeing as the rightful heir to the throne was already somewhat one of the rulers in Storybrooke, had specifically sent notice to the Prince and Sleeping Beauty, requesting their leadership. All of the other kingdoms supported such a request, and as far as they knew, the people had accepted the couple as their own.

Unfortunately, the message the bird brought had been less than a happy ending. The more ruthless of the palace guards saw Philip and Aurora's kindness as a weakness, preferring the bloodthirsty rule of Cora. Apparently Cora had employed a card deck of masochists who liked cutting off heads for sport. Leave it to Cora to find a way to magnify a regular deck of cards and their potential paper-cutting ability into actual thinking beings with a much bigger bite.

To compound matters, because Philip and Aurora had to create a new army and palace guard from scratch, banishing their bloodthirsty soldiers who had attempted a revolution, Cupid saw this as a weakness, believing that the ruler of Valentine Land should automatically ascend to any throne having to do with "hearts" in the title. He accepted the banished soldiers, and Philip and Aurora have received word from their spy network that he was planning to colonize Wonderland.

Philip and Aurora had sent a request for military aid, to fortify their surrounding gates and fight off any of Cupid's archers before they could even storm the land.

* * *

"He always was such a little shit." Regina said, incredibly irritated. It seemed like they never actually got to finish one crisis before putting another on their plates. "He could never mind his own business. If you were happy, he had to intervene to make himself happy. If you weren't happy, he would try to make you find love, whether or not you wanted it."

"Uhhhh…" Tinkerbell coughed up.

"I mean no offense, dear." Regina quickly shot off to Tinkerbell.

"I still don't understand. Why would Cupid want to go to war and take over the Queen of Hearts throne?" Emma had never met Cupid, and couldn't imagine an innocent little cherub with a love arrow causing so much damage as to scare the reigning rulers.

"Emma, whatever image you have of Cupid from American Valentine's day you're going to need to ignore. We're talking about someone who only grows roses for the thorns. Cupid is, and has always been, a greedy bastard of a warrior. Sure, he shoots people with his arrows to make them fall in love. But he only does that because for every couple he makes fall in love, he then has the power to take away love from another. And in taking away the love power, it increases his life." Tinkerbell explained. She was aware that as Mayor, she was only on the Elite Tactical Unit as a formality, but she did try to be helpful whenever possible. She was also not sure why the young man who she was sure was a stripper was suddenly on Elite Tactical. Is that how he was paying for S&Q Knight U's tuition?

"Tink's right." Charming chimed in. "If Cupid wants to take over Wonderland, it's not going to be to spread the love everywhere. He must be looking for some kind of power surge."

"My mother's hearts." Regina finally said. "If he had his hands on those hearts, he could make them all fall in love. Then, he could make an equal number of them fall out of love. And my mother stole so many hearts, well…"

Snow caught on quickly. "It would make him immortal." Snow's jaw dropped at the insidious evil they were discussing. A real, true, power hungry villain. They hadn't had one of those in awhile.

"Snow, that's it." Even Regina was impressed with this level of evil scheming. "He's going to take the hearts my mother left there, and he's going to make himself immortal. He's going to take away love."

Emma ran that over in her head. _He's going to take away love?_ Cupid had the power to do that? Just how many people would this affect?

"Well, then the request seems legitimate. We should send some help." Emma thought out loud.

"I second that." Tink added.

"I vote no." Regina said in her Queen voice, sending chills through multiple spines.

"What?! Regina, we can't seriously just leave them there alone! They wouldn't have asked for help if they didn't really need it!" Snow was furious. How could they not help?

"Snow, we're talking about joining a war. We're talking about sending off our soldiers somewhere that would provide a likely death risk in battle, and an even greater risk of losing the ability to love. Forever. Do we really want to put our soldiers in that kind of danger without a direct threat on us?" Regina reasoned. She actually had a point. They weren't under attack, and they would have to hope their own army would be fine with fighting another kingdom's war.

"We need to do something, Regina! What if the situation were different, and we were under threat, and had to ask Philip and Aurora for help?" Snow continued arguing.

"Actually, she has a point." Emma said, as Regina turned to shoot daggers at her girlfriend with her eyes. "What if we need them in the future? This would damage our diplomatic standing. Not to mention that if he invaded and was successful, who's to say he wouldn't try to come here afterwards? You do still have some of your mother's hearts in your vault, Regina. Yes, I know about the vault still being…a storage cabinet." Emma hoped that Regina would see she was trying to be rational, not choose her mother over her girlfriend. Emma tried to slip her hand onto Regina's thigh under the table, only to have her Queen jerk away.

Regina turned her attention back to Snow. She swallowed down all of her old hatred for Snow White that she thought she had worked through, and buried it deeper. This wasn't about disagreeing with Snow White. This was about really believing that sending in their knights was premature.

"Snow, can you honestly tell me that when you go to teach tomorrow night that you could look into your students' faces, and choose who you are okay with sending off to war?" Regina said calmly. "Can you tell me who of your students you would choose to possibly be in Cupid's way and never love again? Think about it. They're not just risking their lives, they're risking their ability to be happy. Is this a risk you're willing to take with others peoples' futures?"

Snow's face fell. She actually could picture her baby knights, and their cute little faces as she taught them how to hold an arrow for the first time. No, she could not send them off to war so simply.

"Regina might be right." The entire table gasped.

"Oh, like we're all so surprised that I might say something that's right every once in awhile. Really. Am I not supposed to be offended?" Regina responded.

"Fine. We now have an odd number of votes with the addition of our new Captain to the squad. I say we go ahead and put it to vote." Regina finished, assuming that with Snow on her side, she now had everyone in her pocket. "All in favor of sending military aid to Wonderland?"

Emma and David raised their hands. Two votes. Regina shot Emma another look, but couldn't be mad at the woman simply for disagreeing with her. Emma generally did follow with her father over her mother.

"Abstaining?" Regina called out.

Captain John and Mulan raised their hands.

"I'm sorry guys, but I've never been to Wonderland. I don't know enough about that world to assess what type of risk we'd be putting our units in." Mulan added, followed with an agreeing nod from John.

"That's alright." Regina said, assuming the last three votes were nay. "All opposed to sending aid?"

Regina raised her own hand, and Snow showed her support. The only one who had not voted at all was the Mayor.

"Tink – you have to pick one. Yes, no, or abstaining. Stirring coffee doesn't count as a vote." Regina said, her irritation with the Fairy from the last two days now compounding with the Mayor's refusal to participate. Regina held back the _you incredulous little twat_ that she desperately wanted to add to that sentence.

"I just think we should explore other options. What if we agree to send support, but it's not in the form of troops?" Tinkerbell really didn't like being the swing vote.

"What do you mean? They asked for help, Tink, and we're an army." Emma said, secretly hoping that Tink had a really, really good idea so that they wouldn't have to get involved in a war.

"Black ops. We send over the Intelligence Unit to gather everything they can on Cupid and his archers, and figure out a plan that doesn't involve sending Storybrooke residents into combat." Emma and Regina were both impressed. Maybe they could find a way to win this without weapons. After all, Philip and Aurora had asked for help, but not specifically a full division. That part was simply implied.

"If we can send aid that doesn't involve direct troop involvement, I change my vote to yay. My only catch is that if we're doing this black ops, we don't make a public announcement. If we're working behind the scenes, we need to keep it that way to avoid panic." Snow responded. Maybe the intelligence unit would show that Cupid didn't have anything to do with the invasion at all. Or he might actually be losing. It was worth a shot.

"Agreed. Black ops with no foot soldiers is agreeable to my concerns." Added Regina. "It appears as though we have decided, then." Regina took out an official document, wax to melt into a seal, and four stampers. Regina, Emma, Snow, and David each took their turns melting the wax, and adding their seal to the parchment. It was a ritual that reminded the other three in the room just how much power the royal family still wielded.

"It is so declared we, the rulers, knights, and citizens of Storybrooke, are at war with Cupid, Valentine Land, and any official allies thereof. We are acting out of service of King Philip and Queen Aurora of Wonderland. No Valentine Land residents may enter into our realm from this point on, and we will provide no relief for any of Cupid's allies or defected soldiers." Regina made the announcement. A moment ago they were just batting around ideas, now it was official. The Queen's voice made every spine in the room shoot up straight, and every heart start pumping in double time.

They were at war.

* * *

Tinkerbell went home, wired and afraid. She had never been in a position of authority, much less a position of administrative power during wartime. This _really_ was not a good time to be trying to get her life back together.

She was determined to be the best Mayor she could be. She went through her house getting rid of the crutches she had hidden around. She went to the bedroom drawer that she hid her secret pack of cigarettes. She usually saved them for nights out drinking or severe stress situations, but now she went ahead and dumped it. She then moved onto the kitchen, dumping out her giant bottle of FairyFire. She found her little single ounce nips that had previous replaced the utensils drawer, dumping those out as well. Next came the flask, her bottle of half finished wine in the fridge, and her sheep's bladder of absinthe from her last visit to the Enchanted Forest.

Next was the living room, walking towards the potted plant that she had taped the last of her Fairy Steroids behind. As far as Emma and Regina knew, she had only taken one bottle. Because that one bottle was open, they assumed she had finished it. However, she knew better than to take a whole bottle at once. After they had stolen her stash, she knew she still had a third of a bottle hidden, but in her last rage fit, she threw it somewhere. When she found it after the intervention, she packaged it up and hid it for an emergency.

Tinkerbell was just about to throw it out, when decided that keeping a stash for emergencies wasn't such a bad idea. Only absolute emergencies. She wouldn't take it or tell anyone about it, unless there was a real emergency.

It's just an emergency stash, right?

* * *

It had been decided that Mulan and Belle would head up the Intelligence Unit, or IU. Mulan was chosen for her military experience, and Belle for her superior knowledge of Wonderland, magical creatures, and the stories associated with Cupid. They figured it would be best to send Mulan to Wonderland with the unit with the person who had the most knowledge about both sides. The fact that they were dating was just a bonus for them.

The assignment was to last three days, after which the Intelligence Unit would report their findings to a joint meeting of Philip and Aurora, as well as Storybrooke Elite Tactical. They would decide their next move from there.

In the meantime, everyone was instructed to act like nothing was going on. It was agreed that everyone would go to work, telling Mulan and Belle's students that the pair were on vacation. Since they had been seen all over town holding hands, everyone would just assume it was a lover's trip.

Easier said than done. Regina seemed to be the only one who wasn't able to put a fake face on like nothing was happening. When Regina was the Evil Queen, she could've planned an entire war against both Cupid and Aurora, and nobody would have known it was in the works until she told them otherwise.

Now, war planning as simply a Queen, losing her evil associations presented her with an entirely different situation. To complicate matters, Belle was her closest friend at that point, and she knew Mulan was Emma's. If anything happened on the mission, one or both of them would be incredibly upset.

Adding to the stress, Regina also knew she had to figure out a way to dispose of no less than 18 grams of Fairy Steroids, without anyone knowing she had it, assuming that Blue had bought her prescription story and didn't really know how much she had. She also couldn't send it back to where it came from, or it could be traced as brought in through Sneezy and to Tinkerbell. She also couldn't dispose of it entirely at once, knowing the damage the dust could cause if it were all kept together.

_Damnit, Tink_. She thought. _You couldn't just smoke some pan like everyone else around here?_

* * *

_**Happy Wednesday, Readers! Here's to hoping we all have lots of fic time post-season! -Rogue**_


	23. Chapter 23

Regina had tilled the soil with her new fertilizer. Then she added the lilacs, the rose bushes, and the tiger lilies. They just needed to be patted into place, after she had sketched the layout to bring her yard back into warmer weather perfection.

2 grams down, 16 to go. Sure, the neighbors might wonder why her house had roses growing the size of sunflowers, but nobody was going to directly question the Queen about her own property.

Piece of cake. At this rate, she could have the stash disposed of by the time Henry was ready for college.

* * *

Emma was down at the diner, trying to avoid as many people as possible, in case someone outright asked her where Mulan and Belle went. It occurred to her that they had decided to say they were on vacation, but never came up with a full cover story. What if she said they were in Key West, and someone else asked Regina, who said they were in Mexico? Better just to lay low for a few days.

Ruby noticed the Savior staring at her plate as she ate. She knew nothing she put on a plate could possibly be that interesting.

"Hey. It's rude to stare. Even if it's not technically alive anymore." Emma looked up. Ruby was in on the plan, as she often was in case they needed her in the future. "Rough week?"

"I haven't had a week that wasn't rough since the third grade." She gave a half-smile. "This is me, acting normal."

"It's not, Emma. Unless you're legitimately upset with the potatoes. In which case, by all means carry on, but we both know you're not. You need a distraction."

"Oh, Regina's busy gardening." Emma said, about to go back to staring at her plate.

"I didn't mean sex! Geez, Emma. Dirty mind much?" Ruby said laughing, as Emma turned red. Ruby leaned in to lower her voice. "We're supposed to be acting normal. I think I have an idea." Ruby reached into her pocket, a task that was quite a feat given how tight her shorts were. She handed a piece of paper over to Emma.

"Is this what your customers order these days?" Emma looked at the paper that looked more like an order for a frat party. A horrendous, loud, obnoxious, vicious, exciting, entertaining, fun frat party.

"It's the bucket list we started. Look, number one was to have a dance. We sort of all came to the conclusion that we've never been to one, and it was just so cute seeing all of the high school students get ready. None of us want the responsibility of hosting a ball, but this seems low maintenance."

"So what are you saying, exactly? We start doing things off the list while Mulan and Belle are gone?"

"No! No. We can just plan the dance for us adults, and have it for when they get back. It would be like a welcome back gift that wouldn't look suspicious." Emma looked at Ruby with one eyebrow cocked.

"C'mon, Emma. It'll give us something to do. My friend's gone too, you know." Ruby said hopefully.

Maybe they could use with a distraction. She would have to talk it over with Regina, of course. Emma's wasn't particularly in a party planning mood, but she didn't want to tell Ruby "no" outright.

* * *

"Henry, we need you to understand that it is never, ever, under any circumstances okay for you to go into my purse, much less take things from it." Regina was pacing back and forth in front of Henry, who was seated on the couch. Emma was on the arm of the couch.

"Mom! It's not like I stole money. I thought you were sick." Henry said, with his head down. "And I'm sorry that I did. Because now…I think I know what's going on, and I wish I didn't know. I wish I hadn't gone in your purse. I'm sorry." Emma perked her head up.

"We told you what was going on Henry. I needed a prescription." Regina said, sticking to her lie enough at this point to pass a lie detector test. Well, not one for Mother Superior, but nobody passed those.

"I…Mom, I did end up asking the Lost Boys what the dust was, exactly."

"Henry, we told you what it was. The coach told you what it was. Why are we still talking about this?" Emma decided to jump in before Regina popped that vein in her forehead.

"I know, you told me. It's Fairy Steroids. But they told me what it's _for_. You know, if you take it because you're sick, not to cheat at sports." Emma was now very interested. She didn't even know that much.

Regina's eyes went very, very wide. "Fuck."

Emma and Henry both stared at the Queen, like what she said was worse than anything anybody could possible have said. Ever.

* * *

The problem with quitting all your vices in one fell swoop was that now, you don't know what to do with yourself.

At least that was the case with Tinkerbell. By the evening, she would usually be out drinking. But Tink being Tink, she knew she was never able to just have one or two. She had to have enough to feel that buzz, where everyone is awesome and everything sounds like a good idea. On the weekends, it meant drinking past that buzz to try to keep the high as long as possible. So she stayed in, interested in nothing on the television.

She had to find something to do.

She opened a newspaper, and looked at the "things to do in Storybrooke section." Clubs, special events…she had to find something. Storybrooke had an adult massage section?

* * *

"I know that you either cheated on Emma, or you're a hooker. And I don't know which, and I'm not okay with either. I wish I never looked in your purse." Henry said still sitting with his head hung low, and his face bright red. He looked like he was fighting back tears. Emma had never seen him so distraught.

"Regina…what are Fairy Steroids for by prescription?" Emma asked absolute shock.

"She doesn't even know? That's fucked up, Mom! I thought at least if you were a hooker Emma would know!"

Regina was now officially in the worst predicament of her adult life. She thought back to her time before Snow's firing squad. The firing squad was preferable.

"Okay, this is out of control! Both of you, sit down!" The Queen shouted her order, making it clear there would be no room for arguing.

"First, Henry, I have neither cheated on your mother, nor am I a prostitute, and since if either of those things were true a swear word would be appropriate, so I'll let that slide. Yes, I am aware that I swore first. And the Lost Boys don't know everything, stop going to them with questions." Regina was becoming animated, using her arms to fly around her body, marking each point.

"Regina, what does the dust cure?" Emma asked. She would really like to know why their son thought they were running a brothel.

"Syphilis. Fairy Syphilis. I told you, magical STD's are way worse than the ones here." Regina responded as Emma put her head in her hands.

"I can't believe this is happening." Emma mumbled to herself.

Emma and Regina both stared at each other for a moment, not sure how to proceed.

"Henry, you need to know that I have not been with anyone other than Emma, and I do not, nor have I ever had Fairy Syphilis." Regina said with finality.

"Really? So you had Steroids for another other reason? You were going to cheat your way through the IronFairy?" Henry had the nerve to keep questioning. "None of your business" was never really an option with this kid, and Emma knew it.

"Henry, the prescriptions were Tinkerbell's." Emma said.

"Emma! Way to give her up! We decided we were not telling him that!" Regina was fuming.

"Oh." Henry said, suddenly feeling both relieved and terribly embarrassed at the same time. "That makes perfect sense."

"What makes perfect sense?!" Regina was about to lose it. Or might be in the process of losing it. Difficult to tell, really.

"Well, Tink…dates a lot. Lots and lots. Like anyone that I know with a single parent has a parent who has dated Tink. I guess it was only a matter of time before, you know, you catch something." Regina plopped herself down on the armchair adjacent to the couch, exhausted, and covering her face with her arm.

Emma wasn't in much better condition, continuously running her hands through her hair. She couldn't think of a single thing to say. They all sat in silence, horrified by what had just transpired. Henry waited a moment, before adding his final thought.

"Mom, I'm sorry I thought you were a hooker."

"Henry, now would be a good time to go upstairs." Emma answered for Regina, with her face still in her hands.

* * *

Belle and Mulan had just planted the bug in Cupid's base camp. The invading army was still battling from outside of the main gates of Wonderland on the North end. Mulan and Belle set up camp on the south end, now listening to Cupid's most private conversations. Luckily, Wonderland's makeshift army was able to fortify the gates, for the time being.

"I told you, I only bathe with bubbles!" They heard Cupid berate yet another one of his generals.

"Sir, there isn't any bubble bath in this land." The man said in a shaky voice that let Mulan know that the ruler's bath time was serious enough to make or break this general's life.

"Then get me some. Our land, their land, wherever you have to go! And the next time someone packs my overnight things without my bubbles, I will put a head on the chopping block!"

It was going to be a long three days.

* * *

Tinkerbell cracked. She couldn't just sit at home, alone, with nothing to do. She figured if she were at Granny's when Ruby was on shift, at least she'd get to hang out with someone. She was also trusting that someone to serve her no more than two drinks, and then cut her off.

Ruby was happy to have the company. It never really felt like work if her friends were hanging out with her. And between the college cafeteria and the diner, Ruby hardly ever saw Granny since they split management responsibilities.

"I just have nothing to do, Ruby. I can only train so much, you know, without the umm…stuff to help." While technically a server, Ruby always played the part of therapeutic bartender to a tee.

"Hey! I have an idea! I was just talking to Emma about planning things from our bucket list!" Ruby pulled the list back out from her shorts.

"See, number one was a dance. I think it's a cute idea. And the rest we came up with to do whenever. Wanna help plan a dance for when Mulan and Belle get back? Emma didn't seem too interested." Ruby was excited.

"You know what? Sure. Why not? I think I've thrown enough carnivals and holiday parties in this town that I should be considered an official event planner!" Tink was excited. She finally had something to look forward to.

"It's on!" Ruby said, high fiving her Fairy friend.

* * *

Emma and Regina were out back in the hammock. Regina lay in the crook of Emma's neck, with a blanket draped over their bodies. Emma's scent, and the feel of Emma's skin, never ceased in its ability to calm the Queen's most stressful moments.

"I feel like we're screwing this up." Regina said softly. Emma planted a kiss on her forehead.

"We're doing the best we can." Emma was rubbing Regina's back and arms, trying to provide as much comfort as possible.

"Emma, our son thought I was a prostitute, we have a friend who needs rehab but can't go to anything this world would have to offer, and we're at war, not to mention that we sent our best friends out to war as the first possible casualties. Oh, and our students hate me. What have I not screwed up so far?" Regina said, now letting the tears flow. It was overwhelming to look at the entire picture.

"Regina, none of those things are our fault. And you're not screwing everything up." Emma was ready to be the Savior tonight for her girlfriend.

"It doesn't feel that way." Regina clung onto Emma tighter. "It feels completely out of control."

Emma let out a chuckle. "I guess this is our welcome into parenting a teenager while running a kingdom. Is this what it was like in Fairytale Land?"

"Nobody ever called me a 'hooker' in Fairytale Land." Regina answered, finally mustering up a little chuckle herself.

"Regina, we need a break. We need to figure out a way for us to have some alone time. I mean it. Every time I say I'm going to take you on a date, something comes up. Every time we have a family day planned, something comes up. We might have to seriously plan a vacation to recharge, because I'm almost sure I'm at the max for producing adrenaline."

Regina pulled Emma's hand to her lips and gave it a kiss. "You'd take me on a vacation?"

"Of course I would. I'd take you anywhere you'd want to go."

Regina knew that the most likely scenario would be that they would never get to go on said vacation. Just like they never got to go on a date. Just like things never calmed down. Regina was slowly realizing that if they waited for an opportunity, they would never have one. They certainly couldn't take a breather while still technically at war, while being half of the royal council. For the moment, however, the thought was enough, and she let Emma hold her as they chatted about hypothetical getaways. If they couldn't take a physical break, they at least found a way to take a mental one.

* * *

Snow and Regina were in the weapons lab the next day. Snow was curious as to why Regina had asked for her, and her alone, to meet in the weapons lab. She figured it was about the war, so she came.

"Here's my idea, Snow. Can we turn this into a weapon?" Regina asked, producing an orange pill bottle from her purse.

"Regina! Are those from the intervention? Why didn't you just get rid of them?" Snow said shocked, as though Regina had pulled a baby from underneath her skirt.

"What do you think I'm trying to do, Snow? You can't dispose of that much F.S. at one time. I'm down to eight bottles. Sixteen grams. This is one of them." She said.

"Well, the last thing we want to do is make the attacking army bigger and stronger." Snow said, as Regina shot her a "duh" face. It was much more authoritative to say it with a stare than out loud.

"Is there a way to have this made into an individual serving so if a soldier needs a boost on the field, he or she can take a dose and battle on through fatigue?" Regina was trying to think of deliver and dosage modes.

"I'm not sure. Hmmm. But it's not a bad idea. Can you leave this bottle here with me?" Snow asked, opening and then eyeballing the sparkling powder.

"It's yours. Here, take two." Regina produced another bottle.

Six grams down, twelve to go.

* * *

Mulan and Belle both winced as they heard what sounded like Cupid beating the crap out of one of his soldiers in his tent. They had heard the entire conversation leading up to this point.

"I told you, I only eat my sandwiches with the crusts cut off! And, it's not even cut right! TRIANGLES, NOT SQUARES!" At that point, they heard what was assumed to be Cupid picking up the table and tossing it over, and then bludgeoning the soldier who had served him the inappropriately cut sandwich.

They could understand up to a certain point. Nobody wanted sandwiches cut into squares instead of triangles. But this guy seemed like a complete spoiled brat. They had been camped out for two days, and so far, all they had learned was that Cupid was a Diva. A separate-my-m&ms-by-color, don't photograph me from my left side, do these shoes make my ass look fat, complete diva.

"Mulan, we have to do something. We can't just spend our whole time here listening to tantrums."

Luckily, whenever Mulan had made her rounds, it actually appeared as though Wonderland's army was slowly but surely killing off Cupid's soldiers to the point where Mulan found it highly unlikely that they would actually break the gate and get into Wonderland. Still, they had to come back to Storybrooke with more than "Cupid prefers silk sheets, even on a cot."

* * *

Emma was running her afternoon training class. Rebecca, Stacy, and the other girls were still watching Emma train the underclassmen. It was like for some reason, now that they knew Emma was with Regina, they found Emma _more_ attractive.

Of course, that also meant they all still hated Regina. Regina opted to watch the training session from her balcony. It reminded her of the old days, when Emma and Regina were content to arouse each other from a distance. The Queen decided to play a little game with her Savior, and remind the girls that the Savior was hers and hers alone in the process.

When Emma saw Regina standing on the balcony watching her, she waved. Regina waved back, and bent over the railing slightly, letting Emma see her cleavage.

Oh boy. Emma was going to have trouble with this session. She decided two could play at this game.

Emma went ahead and took off her shirt, dressing down to her sports bra. The girls on the sidelines looked like they were about to pass out. Emma ordered the students to line up for the obstacle course, which Emma and Mulan had newly changed to keep their bodies from getting too used to the same exercises.

Emma had the stopwatch ready to time them, but she wasn't doing it with them. She instead went to the side, pouring water over her face, letting it drop down her body.

Oh the Queen was enjoying this view very much.

She watched the drips roll down Emma's body, trailing down her abs. Regina responded by sitting now on the cement railing surrounding her balcony, crossing her legs seductively, so that Emma could see her from her perch.

The girls noticed the Queen's one-upmanship. It had never occurred to them that the Queen herself was also quite attractive. It wasn't until Regina brought her pen up to her mouth, playing with it using her lips and tongues, still with her top buttons undone that they really saw it.

Regina Mills was just as hot, if not hotter than Emma Swan. The bystanders were now torn between watching Emma's push-ups, as the Queen was, or watching Regina's mouth now work a lollipop, treating it more like a clitoris than a piece of candy. It was like they were slammed with too many choices at once.

"I'm…um, I'm gonna go hit the showers." Rebecca said, standing up from the group. _A cold, cold shower_ she thought. The rest of the group nodded, watching both Emma and Regina's sexiness as they backed away from the scene by awkwardly walking backwards.

Regina smiled to herself and started tapping out a text.

_**Finish class, then meet me at your place. Henry will be back at home after school and I want us alone.**_

* * *

Mulan and Belle just decided they would have to take bigger risks. It was now nightfall, and they were right outside of Cupid's main tent. They heard that his soldiers had found his bubble bath, and the commander was taking full advantage while still talking to his general.

"Don't worry, General Clubs, once I am immortal, every land will be our land. Forever. You will rest easy knowing your children and your children's children will live forever in a land where it is always Valentine's day. And then everyone will have to shower me with the chocolates, flowers, and gifts that I deserve. For all eternity."

_That's all? _Belle thought. _He wants it to be Valentine's day all the time? And to be everyone's Valentine? _This guy clearly needed a hobby. Or a puppy. Any distraction, really, because this was a new level of obsession.

"And love, Sir!" The General answered faithfully.

They heard Cupid pause. "Nobody can love me, General. You are dismissed."

Why would nobody love Cupid? Mulan saw that his guards at the opening of the tent were sound asleep. So much for security. Mulan motioned for Belle to stay hidden, before creeping up past the guards. She had to get a look inside.

When she did slowly and silently pull back the tarp just an inch to catch a peek inside, it was just in time to see Cupid stand up from his bath, fully in the nude, and shake off before grabbing for a towel.

In that moment, Mulan understood everything. The drive for war. The belief that he had to have Valentine's day, because nobody would every truly love him.

Mulan caught a peek at the tiniest dick she had ever seen.

* * *

_**A.N. – Okay, Readers, so I originally planned on breaking this up into seasons with each school session, and breaking off after the IronFairy to start a separate, S&Q Knight U season 2. Then I got bored a couple of days ago and started a war, so…this might just drag on for one or 37 more chapters lol. Dunno! Well, shit, let's just see what happens, because now I'm pretty sure I'm just going to keep adding for convenience sake, unless having a lot of chapters to sift through is confusing. -Rogue**_


	24. Chapter 24

_**Readers, your kind messages and reviews absolutely are the motivation to sit and do the type-y on the lappy. Seriously, you guys are the best!**_

* * *

The Queen had her Savior much sweatier than she was from her workout earlier. Emma had tied her hair back, and the tendrils escaping the hair tie were slick and sticking to her head.

Emma was on her stomach, naked, and still twitching from Regina's mouth on her core only moments before. Regina had shed her own clothing and flipped Emma over. One of the things she had learned about her girlfriend over the past few weeks was that Emma's back was very responsive. When Regina gave her a massage, the Savior would moan gratefully, the touch relaxing her entire body.

Other times like now, when Regina used a lighter touch, it drove Emma wild. Her back could be very sensitive, with the lightest breath or lick creating an erotic ripple up and down her spine. Regina took full advantage of this, and began lightly moving her fingers over Emma's back, in a clawing motion, but not hard enough to actually claw.

"Regina. _Fuck_." Emma groaned out, now back to panting. She loved Regina touching her back. She knew Regina had figured out her major erogenous zone.

"That's the idea, dear." Regina then braced her hands over Emma's, lacing their fingers together. She trailed her mouth around the Savior's back, not touching with her lips, just letting Emma feel her breath run over her skin. Each exhale made Emma grip Regina's fingers and bury her whimpers into the pillows. She could hear the light "haaaaa" sound, as feeling the Queen's breath was lovemaking all on its own.

Regina added her mouth, trailing her tongue in little circles around the blonde's shoulder blades. Regina began grinding into Emma's butt cheeks, enjoying the sight of Emma squirming, still running her tongue all over the skin canvas she had to work with.

She knew Emma wasn't writhing to get away. She loved every second of it. Emma was gripping Regina's fingers and now grabbing at the sheets in her apartment bedroom. She was happy they decided to do this on sheets that neither would care about ripping. Every time Regina ground down into Emma's ass, the blonde ground her face down into the pillows harder to cover her moans. Regina let go of Emma's hands, sliding her arms underneath their bodies to bring her nipples down to Emma's back while she rode her from behind.

Emma could only say the Queen's name over and over again, the feel of the contact on her back with the breath and tongue now at the nape of her neck driving her back into a pre-cum high. Regina started grinding harder, her natural increase in panting only sending more shivers down Emma's spine.

Emma didn't want the feeling on her back to stop, but she knew once Regina ground herself down in one last hard thrust and bit into her shoulder that the Queen was coming. Regina had her in a vice grip, keeping her teeth sunk in, twitching while still riding out her high on the Savior's back.

"Oh God, Regina." Was all Emma could say, moving her arms around to touch Regina's thighs on either side of her body. Regina quickly pinned her lover's hands back down, re-lacing their fingers. She ran her tongue along the shell of an ear, breathing another hot breath.

"Shhh. Not done yet." She breathed out to the Savior, who could only whimper, still feeling the contact on her back. Regina went back to running her breath and tongue along the Savior's spine, dragging her lips over the shoulder blades, causing Emma to arch her back in pleasure.

"Regina. Please." She whimpered out. That was all the Queen wanted to hear. She quickly bent back over the Savior, still straddling her butt, letting her nipples go back to brushing along the skin. She moved her other hand back around to Emma's front, and when Emma lifted her hips slightly, Regina was able to snake a hand through, putting her fingers on Emma's clit.

Regina went back to grinding her body along Emma's back, matching the strokes she was making with her hand. Emma was in overload. Having someone touch her back and her clit at the same time started the spasms in her low belly, travelling down until everything burst, throwing her face into the pillows while Regina let her ride out her orgasm. Emma was jerking through it, but the shockwaves shooting through her body prevented any sound from coming out of her open mouth.

Regina stayed holding Emma from behind, kissing her shoulder. She knew Emma wouldn't say anything until the feeling returned to her lips. After it did, and Emma could breath again, she flipped over, pulling Regina down on top of her.

"I love when you do that." Emma breathed out, stealing a kiss.

"What, dear? When I do this? Regina began breathing onto Emma's neck, working her way up to an earlobe, and sucking it into her warm mouth.

"Oh God. _Regina_." Some nights Regina was insatiable. Emma could see this was one of those nights, as Regina took the new position as another opportunity to mount the Savior.

* * *

Mulan and Belle were waiting outside of the South wall, the opposite end of Wonderland from Cupid's stronghold. They had given their signal that their mission was complete, and were awaiting a drop ladder, as this wall had no gates.

"So we're spending the night with Aurora. _The_ princess, well now queen, Aurora. _Your_ Aurora." Belle thought the mission was easy. It was staying with the woman who had formerly stolen the Warrior's heart that she found difficult.

"She's not _my_ Aurora. One time I put her heart into her chest. Once. She's with Philip, who has been a good friend to me." If she were being honest, Mulan wasn't looking forward to seeing Aurora with her husband either.

"So if I just held another woman's heart in my hands and gently maneuvered it still beating back into the core of her body, _just once_, you'd be okay with staying with her for dinner and possibly overnight? Obviously I'm coming in with you, I'm just not excited about it." Belle was a kind person. Belle was sweet; she was able to see the good in everyone.

She also knew that if this Aurora laid one hand on her Warrior implying anything more than friendship, she would open the gates and let Cupid on in herself.

"It's not like that. And if we're fair, it never was like that on her end. I was just putting an organ back in its place to her."

"Mulan, you don't just hold someone's heart in your hand and then think it's not a big deal. I wouldn't let just anyone put my heart into my chest."

Just then, the drop ladder came down.

"Here we go." Said Mulan, preparing to deal with more awkward conversation than she usually had to deal with in a week.

* * *

Henry had decided that he had better be on his best behavior after the things that had transpired between himself and his mothers. He decided to be a model knight and a model son. If Storybrooke had a boy scout troop, he would be making Eagle scout within the week.

When he got home from school, he noticed that his mothers had not yet gotten home from work. He purposefully took his time coming home, hoping to help an old lady across the street or stop someone from tripping on untied shoelaces, to no avail.

When he did get home, he set straight to work. He straightened up his room, and then pulled out the vacuum, doing both the upstairs and the downstairs. He swept the kitchen and unloaded the dishwasher. Next he set to dusting, doing the living room, the den, and the dining room, taking out the feather duster for the shelves with the china and collectable plates. Still no moms.

Henry then decided that if they were running late, they would probably be hungry when the got in, and set himself up to make dinner. He didn't have many recipes in his young, inexperienced repertoire, so he figured he'd just make a larger batch of things he'd make for himself. This meant a big tray of green beans and two boxes of macaroni and cheese.

He also started his laundry while it was cooking, a task that he new was his mother's least favorite.

By the time Regina and Emma did get home, the house smelled like something delicious was cooking, and Henry was sound asleep on the couch at 7pm, with his shoes still on.

* * *

Once Philip and Aurora's hospitality was laid out before Belle and Mulan, Belle could no longer have any suspicious thoughts towards the young Queen of Wonderland. It was obvious that she loved Philip very much, and she enjoyed the tour of the castle, paying attention to every detail the couple went into.

It was also obvious that Aurora had great affection for Mulan, but Belle didn't see any sexual desire in her eyes. Sure, she could see that Aurora cared about Mulan a great deal, but she was also able to ascertain that she wasn't a threat. She still made sure to be glued to Mulan's side as much as possible. She had already lost Rumple, she wasn't losing someone else she loved to anyone or anything.

They were led to the dining room, with dishes already set out on the table. Philip went to pull out a chair for Aurora, with Mulan following suit for Belle.

"My apologies for not arranging for a feast, but we knew you'd be back late. Our child is already asleep, so we need to keep it to normal conversation levels." Philip said, having all of the grace of a true knight and leader.

"Oh it's no worry. We don't need a feast or anything like that. You're very kind to put us up for the night before we return in the morning." Belle responded, sitting across from the soldiers, and next to Aurora.

"I have to say, I'm relieved to hear that Cupid's army is much smaller than we thought. Perhaps we can fight them off without needing Storybrooke troops. And we can't thank you both enough for coming to help us." Philip continued.

"Yes, we owe much to both of you. And your kingdom. Anytime you or any of the others on your council want to visit, you're welcome anytime. The royal guest quarters are yours. It really is lovely in the summer. And when we're not being attacked." Aurora offered.

Mulan gave a smile. "That's very generous of you."

"Wasn't it cold camping out overnight?" Aurora asked the guests.

"Oh not at all. Mulan's like sleeping next to a furnace. If anything, I would request a fan." Aurora laughed at that one.

"Philip's the same way! In the summer I have to scoot over all the way to the edge of the bed. It's like he radiates heat. He's part royal, part sun. Not to mention the snoring."

"I know what you mean! She does this thing where it's a snore, and then a little whistle through the nose. It's actually adorable."

Philip and Mulan were both paused with their forks halfway to their mouths.

"Are they doing what I think they're doing?" Mulan leaned over to whisper to Philip.

"I believe so, friend. We're being wifed at our own dinner table."

* * *

Emma walked over to shake Henry awake, checking for a fever. She hoped he didn't need a nap because of an impending sickness.

Regina instead walked around the rooms of the first floor with her eyes wide like she was entering a new castle for the first time. Everything was perfectly straightened up. She could tell the carpet had just been done, and she ran a finger along a side table, finding no dust.

"Emma, Henry must have cooked _and_ cleaned while we were gone." Regina said, still in awe.

"Ah, that explains why the little guy is all tuckered out." Emma said.

Henry started to open his eyes, registering the fuzzy image as his mothers back home.

"Hey! I made dinner. And housework is exhausting." Henry said, sitting up.

"Thank you, Henry. That was very thoughtful. And yes, it is exhausting." Regina said. She was impressed, and suspicious. Was Henry fulfilling a knightly obligation to help around the house, or was he about to unload the mother of all fuck-ups on his parents?

"Well, I'm starving. I worked up quite an appetite." Emma said, as she walked into the kitchen, only pausing to throw Regina a wink.

In the kitchen, Emma and Regina were both scarfing down their post-workout mac-n-cheese.

"Don't drip on the counter, Emma! I just cleaned in here." Henry scolded is mom. He finished his normal serving, leaving the rest to his mothers, consuming the food like they hadn't eaten in three days.

"Well, I'm going to go grab the laundry on my way upstairs. Anybody need anything?" Henry asked.

Emma and Regina exchanged looks before Emma answered, "No, we're great Henry. That was sweet of you to make dinner for all of us." Henry smiled and bounced on out of the room.

"Emma, I have never seen Henry like this before. He usually doesn't do what he's supposed to do, much less take on more voluntarily." Regina was still suspicious of her son.

"Regina," Emma started, still shoveling in a fork of green beans, "I don't care if he robbed the bank. This is awesome for us."

"What do you mean? It is nice, if he's just being genuinely helpful. But I'm not seeing a motive. Unless the motive is so horrible this time he's waiting to tell us." Regina helped herself to another plate of food. She was slowly learning that riding a Savior burned a lot more calories than riding a horse.

"Regina, think about it. We work long hours, we still do the grocery shopping, go to school events, and do you know what would help with that a whole lot? A housewife. If he keeps doing this…Regina, we will have a housewife!" Emma suddenly was proud of herself, even though she had done nothing but eat since they walked in the door.

"You want us to make Henry our housewife?" Regina said, with both eyebrows raised.

"Isn't it nice walking in the door to a hot meal after a long afternoon…"

"We have a housewife!" Regina agreed enthusiastically. "Emma, we need to do whatever we need to do to keep it this way, because I really like the idea of not spending tonight doing laundry."

* * *

"I'm not saying to rush, Belle, I'm just saying, it's never too early to start dropping hints. I gave Philip a good six days of talking about how nice _our_ castle would be together one day, and how _our_ towels would have matching kingdom colors, and how _our_ family crests overlap perfectly. If you've already tagged your mate, you just have to finish dragging her in!" Aurora and Belle were now alone in the sitting room, after Mulan and Philip went off to look at Philip's new training equipment.

"Wow, so you spent six days of your time courting dropping the hints that you wanted to marry him?" Belle said, trying not to choke on her cookie, if Aurora was implying what she thought she was implying.

"This was long before I was put to sleep, of course, but no. Not six days of the courtship. The courtship was six days total. We were married on the seventh." Aurora said, telling her favorite personal life story.

"Six—wow, six days! That is…" Belle didn't know what to say, and now didn't want to volunteer that she and Mulan had been dating for weeks.

"I know! A long time, but there was a battle in the middle that Philip had to attend to." Belle was still trying to look at Aurora like she had seven heads, one for each of the days she knew Philip before pledging to be with him forever. "But if you know you love someone, why wait?"

"I can think of a few reasons. Look, you got lucky with Philip. And I feel very, very lucky to have Mulan. But I was with Rumple for years, and was constantly finding out new things that he had hidden away from me. It takes a long time to really know someone."

"But was he an honorable man? Mulan is honorable. She doesn't have things to hide away. She's not someone who you have to look for the good inside of, because it's all good." Aurora truly thought Mulan was pure good. She also carried tremendous guilt knowing just how Mulan had cared about her, but she was already in love with Philip. Mulan had never tried to take advantage of her, always being the trustworthy specimen of knighthood.

Aurora put her hand over Belle's. "I know in your world people don't get married after six days. But do you _really_ have any doubts about Mulan?" Belle smiled at her new friend. She didn't have any doubts. But she also wasn't in a hurry, because as Aurora said, Mulan was honorable. She didn't need to lasso her into a marriage like Aurora felt she had to in snagging Philip.

* * *

When Mulan and Belle returned, the members of Elite Tactical that normally would teach courses that day cancelled everything. They all knew that commanding the war was more important than one lesson could possibly be.

"Alright, Mulan, Belle, full report please." Snow started off the meeting. The royals generally had a rotating chair leadership style figured out, having been brought together uniformly as being on the same side since the Great War.

"Cupid's army is weak. I can't see them actually getting through the gates or over the wall. That is only true if my assumption is correct that Cupid is using his entire army, and doesn't have reinforcements or allies to send for back from his land." Mulan relayed.

"That's certainly good news. It might not be a bad idea for us to send the Archers though. If we have our line behind the gates, if any of Cupid's soldiers do try to scale the wall, the Archers can pick them off from the inside without being in close enough range for hand to hand combat." Snow relayed her plan, looking to Regina, who gave a nod. They still wouldn't technically have to send anyone into direct combat.

"It seems Cupid is indeed trying to become immortal. He eventually wants every land to be part of Valentine Land, and he will declare it Valentine's day for all eternity. However, instead of giving gifts to your beloved, you would be required to bring gifts of love to him. And honestly, just based on his personality, he would probably keep fighting until every last one of his soldiers was dead." Mulan continued, not wanting to have to relay every single detail of everything they heard.

"That kind of power would require him to take away as much love from others as possible. It could be hundreds of couples. I don't get it. I don't get how someone can want to be immortal so badly only to be constantly showered with gifts as the end goal. How can the man responsible for making people fall in love want to take away love?" David was at a loss for words.

"Well," Mulan started, looking at Belle first before continuing, "it seems he does have a motive. He doesn't believe anyone will ever love him."

"And if he forced them to buy him chocolates and flowers for all eternity, nobody would. Roses are expensive." Emma was equally as confused as David.

"There's a reason for that too. It seems that, Cupid has, he's, umm…" Mulan didn't know how to put it delicately.

"He has SDS." Belle finished for her.

"SDS?" Regina asked impatiently.

"Small dick syndrome." Belle finished with a little giggle.

"It's true. I sort of saw it. It was like looking at a second belly button. Like a little bird's head peaking out of a nest." Mulan explained without the ability to look anyone in the eye.

Everyone paused before Regina, Tink, and Emma all burst out laughing.

"So you mean to tell me that Cupid, the Lover of Lovers, has such a tiny dick that he started a war?" Tinkerbell was in a full laugh.

The women couldn't contain themselves. Emma and Regina were both laughing so hard they were crying.

"We declared war on someone who's acting out because he needs to use tweezers to urinate?" Regina choked out, still laughing.

"The guy we're fighting has less meat than a vegan at a farm stand!" Emma couldn't resist.

Belle had been resisting, but couldn't hold in her laughter at that one. Pretty soon, everyone at the table who didn't have a penis was in hysterics, gasping for air.

David and John just looked at each other and shrugged. They sort of felt bad for the guy. And relieved that they weren't a similar situation.

"I guess that clears that up. Belle, mission two?" Snow continued.

Mulan noticed Belle looked nervous, and didn't look at her at all before answering.

"Philip and Aurora definitely have not done anything that I could see or find to agitate Cupid. They were filled with nothing but kindness, and nothing that they said or did suggested the knew about Cupid's, um, condition."

"You had her spying on our friends?" Mulan asked, wearing the same look as someone who had just been slapped.

"They just asked me to make sure they didn't do anything to agitate him." Belle said, knowing that it was going to upset Mulan.

"On Aurora. And Philip. You were sent to spy on my friends." Mulan stopped her sentence there. This would be the point where the Warrior would bury any actual feelings, her general reaction to them, except when she had been with Belle.

"Mulan, we knew we couldn't ask you. Too much history there." Emma chimed in.

Mulan just sat shaking her head. She was zoned out for the rest of the meeting.

* * *

When Regina and Emma returned back to the Mills mansion, Housewife Henry had again done his share, having spent the afternoon tackling the bathroom. He didn't actually know what cleaners to use in what room, so he just "eenie meenie mine-y moe'd" himself a bottle, hoping it would all work out.

The women also came home to a full pot of spaghetti and salad. Henry was starting to like being showered with gratitude and compliments. Emma and Regina liked Henry's sudden interest with responsibility enough that they increased both his allowance and pushed back his weeknight curfew. So far, Henry was a win-win. He thought this was working out so well, he might offer to do Lilo's laundry.

Emma and Regina then found themselves with a bit of time on their hands, since Henry insisted on starting another laundry load. The two women decided to go ahead and ride this out as long as it lasted, and went out back to the hammock with a blanket.

Emma liked when they had a blanket on the hammock. It meant her hands could do whatever they wanted to, without anyone being able to see. It took exactly thirty seconds for Emma to get Regina's pants open, slipping her hand inside.

"Mom?"

Both women who could answer to "mom" froze. Emma was about to pull her hand out, when Regina's hand snapped onto her wrist to stop her, staring right into Emma's terrified face.

"Yes, dear?" Regina yelled to the doorway.

"Do whites get cold or hot water?"

"Hot! Thank you again, Henry." Regina yelled, as Henry ran right back inside. Emma stayed still in shock for just a moment, waiting to make sure that nobody would be able to see anything from the house before getting back to making the blanket jump about.

* * *

"Mulan, wait up!" Belle was jogging as best as she could in heels, as Mulan started her brisk walk home.

"I don't want to talk right now, Belle." Mulan answered, still looking straight ahead.

"You don't need to, but I need to." Belle finally caught up, grabbing Mulan's arm. Instead of pulling her to a stop, she laced her arm in the Warrior's so they could walk together.

"I'm sorry that I was spying on Aurora and Philip. I don't look at it as spying so much as scoping them out, which given that it was Aurora, I was going to be scoping her out anyway. And everything's fine, there was never anything to worry about."

Mulan hadn't tossed Belle's arm aside, so Belle took that as a good sign. But then again, the Warrior never made an outward show of her feelings if she could avoid it.

"I'm not upset that you had to run a character assessment, Belle. I actually should have assumed that they would want one. I guess I just thought they skipped it since we all know them. I know them. I fought side by side with Philip, and you keep reminding me that I once held Aurora's heart with my bare hand." Mulan quietly said, slowing down her walk to a manageable pace for Belle. "You were doing your job." She added.

"But you are upset about something." Belle pressed.

"It's fine. I'm just tired from the trip. I want a bath. No bubble bath." Mulan shuddered at the thought. After what she had seen, she would probably never be able to look at bubble bath the same.

"Mulan, please. I'm sorry that I did that. It's not like I was sneaking around their castle. I was just supposed to make sure to talk to them a lot and make sure they didn't do anything to piss off Cupid directly, which is what would have happened anyway. And I'll admit, I was curious about Aurora. But she's a sweetheart, and Philip is a sweetheart, and they clearly haven't done anything wrong." They were now at Mulan's door.

"Fine. You want to know what my problem is? You should have told me." Mulan leaned in and gave Belle a kiss on the cheek, before going inside, clearly not asking Belle to come in.


	25. Chapter 25

Regina smuggled a small, orange bottle down to the mines. She stood by the entrance, signaling for Grumpy to come over.

"Regina – can we help you? We're sort of behind here, in case you haven't noticed. We gotta make quota, sister." Grumpy growled out. Regina recognized it as an already normally cranky man under pressure.

"Yes, I know you're behind. Who do you think tracks your quotas? We use the materials for weapons, Grumpy. I'm not here to impede. I'm here to help." Regina said in a low voice, looking around every few words.

"You? With a pick-axe? I think we'll figure it out on our own."

"No." Regina pulled out the bottle. "Fairy Steriods." She whispered, making sure the other dwarves were out of earshot. "This bottle is enough to get your whole crew through the night, and probably meet your quota early."

Grumpy grabbed the bottle, looking inside. He saw the telltale sparkles. The Queen had herself a stash of genuine Fairy Steriods.

"How much?"

"No charge. This is a one-time deal, and you never got it from me, understand? I just need to get rid of it." Grumpy nodded, taking the bottle back inside. If they were going to go from being behind to finishing early, and for free, he wasn't going to question it.

Eight grams down, ten to go.

* * *

Emma and Mulan were in the War room, strategizing how to proceed with Cupid.

"He's really not very strong, and not much of a leader. He's a tyrant. I'm willing to bet if we target him individually, his soldiers wouldn't be able to put up much of a fight." Mulan was looking at the map they had made up of the Wonderland gates, the main point of the battle. They already had assumed that Cupid's army didn't have any ladders or grappling ropes, or they would have attempted to move over to the south wall and climb by now. Instead, they had only been focused on the main gate.

"Okay, I trust your judgment, but at this point we'd have to go for capture over kill. He hasn't identified himself as enough of a threat to warrant an assassination attempted, and there's no way we would get one past my mother anyway." Emma moved the toy soldiers of Spider Unit into Cupid's camp area.

Mulan moved the toy Archers back behind the wall. "I say we keep the Archers behind the wall, so if somehow their soldiers do get over, they can pick them off as they try to get over. Unlikely that we'll need them, but I think it'll make Philip feel better."

"Agreed. Spider will do the capture and take Cupid as a prisoner. Archers are back up. Now, how are we going to actually isolate him to get to him?" Emma looked at the pieces like a master chess player, choosing her next move.

"I know how. You know those arrows we have with the balloon tip that explodes sleeping powder on contact?" Mulan was rapidly putting this plan together.

"Yes." Emma said, still looking at the map.

"Call the sniper."

* * *

Mulan and Emma exited the War Room, Emma turning left to go see Regina, Mulan turning right to grab her things from her office, done teaching for the day, but she would be expected to stay on campus during the mission they had just planned.

The Warrior made it ten seconds after Emma disappeared from the hallway before feeling someone or something grab onto her arm.

Mulan quickly used her body to brace against the weight, twisting the grabbing arm and slamming the intruder into the wall.

"Ow, Mulan!" Mulan was horrified to see that she had just immobilized Belle, immediately releasing her.

"Belle, I'm not someone it's okay to sneak up on."

"I see that. Always yell first, got it." Belle said, rubbing the arm that was twisted.

"I'm sorry. Are you alright?" Mulan asked, looking over Belle's arm. It was just red, not even bruising.

"Funny, I came to ask you the same thing, since you're not answering any of my calls or texts." Belle crossed her arms over her chest, trying not to sound hurt. She knew that Mulan's stoic exterior was from her career need to not be seen as weak, not because she didn't actually have feelings.

"Sorry. War meeting." Mulan responded.

"Are you heading out? I was going to walk home today." Belle said hopefully.

"Actually, I have to get back to my office. You know, war strategies." Mulan said, stoic face in full force.

"Okay, maybe some other time then." Belle's face fell, and she turned to leave.

"Wait." Mulan said to stop her. "Look, I have to stay here for Tactical, but if you want to stop by later and keep me company, I'll be at Communications on back-up duty from nineteen-hundred hours on." Mulan had decided that she wasn't going to break up with Belle for hiding part of the mission from her. She also wasn't going to cry, or yell, or mention it again. She was just going to bury it, like she did with everything else that had ever bothered her. Aurora, things she had seen from battles, all things that can be shoved down, she had shoved down.

"I would love to keep you company." Belle leaned in, giving Mulan a kiss. She was happy that it was returned.

Maybe Aurora was right. It was too early by Storybrooke standards to think about marriage, especially considering that they didn't even live together, and if Belle was honest with herself, she didn't even know Mulan's last name. Did Mulan have a last name? Either way, that was definitely too much and Belle didn't want to end up in a country music song. However, it didn't mean that she hadn't tagged her mate, and didn't want to waste any time making sure she was still on board.

* * *

Tinkerbell and Ruby were in the Mayor's office holding after hours auditions. The "dance", with Tink and Ruby planning it, was spinning more and more out of control. Specifically, they were looking for go-go dancers for the dance they were planning. Not fully nude, just hot shorts, and bikinis for the women. More specifically, people who wouldn't have a problem both dancing half-naked, but who would let people paint on them throughout the night with glow-in-the-dark body paint.

This dance was going to be off the charts.

"Next!" Tink shouted, having her two recently acquired bodyguards escort in the next applicant.

"Sneezy! You're not a go-go dancer." Tink said irritated.

"Hey, I can dance! And I have the body for it – it's just a small body. Do you discriminate against dwarves?" Sneezy added, clearly offended.

"No!" Ruby jumped in. "We most certainly do not discriminate. Please, show us what you've got." Ruby started the song they had been auditioning people to.

Sneezy had some serious moves. He also apparently owned a pair of hot pants. What the Mayor and the Wolf didn't know, is that he also really needed the money.

"Hired!" Ruby yelled.

* * *

Emma and Regina found themselves in the War Room, with the map of the mission now covered in travel brochures. Emma had brought a stack from various U.S. travel agencies, Regina had hers from the Main Street Portal Agency for other realms.

"You really think this is going to happen?" Regina asked, starting to get attached to the idea of taking a break. Knowing herself, she would probably worry about Storybrooke the whole time she was away, but Emma had voiced her desire to take a break quite a few times.

"Regina, we're going to make it happen. What about this one?" Emma was holding up a brochure for a castle bed and breakfast.

"That's where Belle's from. See, the cookware serves themselves to you. When you want to know what time it is, the clock jumps off of the wall and comes over to tell you. It is great for a taking a good, lazy break. Also, you don't have to learn French." Regina explained.

"And all of that sounds extremely creepy. Which ones do you like?" Emma was excited.

"Well, I know it may seem boring, but I have quite a few vacation homes still in my name in the Enchanted Forest. You know, if everyone didn't go back and burn them down before the Great War. There are still so many places there you've never seen." Regina said. She knew she was speaking out of false nostalgia for a place where she never felt loved or welcome, but she felt like she should offer to show Emma around where she grew up.

"I think we should save that one for a family trip. I'd like to bring Henry. But this one's just us. Even if it's just for a weekend, this is happening, Regina." Emma made her point very clear.

"I understand."

"I mean it. We're taking a vacation. Soon. I will have Spider Unit tie up everyone in this realm if I have to. We're doing it."

* * *

Mulan was watching four security screens at once, with five walkie talkies lined up in front of her. Belle took a peek in the door and knew not to sneak up on the Warrior twice in one day. Or ever again, really. She was lucky Mulan hadn't just judo-flipped her on instinct, considering her entire adolescent and adult life had been in the military.

Belle knocked softly, and Mulan took her eyes off of the security cameras to motion Belle in, carrying a little box with her.

"It looks fascinating. What are those grass monsters?" Belle asked, amazed at how clear the images were coming in.

"That's Spider Unit. They're covered to blend in with the scenery. They crawl in on their bellies very slowly to stay undetected." Mulan explained.

"It's working. I couldn't tell that was a Unit at all." Belle said, identifying Snow, David, and Granny easily on the other cameras. But the grass monsters were definitely un-identifiable.

Belle took out the little box and opened it. She knew that she would get nowhere trying to make Mulan talk about feelings. She would have to show them.

"I brought you something." She said to Mulan, who was only keeping half of an eye on the screens. If something happened that the others couldn't handle, they would radio in. Actually, they would radio Emma and Regina first, so she was technically the back-up's back-up.

Belle took out a small silver charm that would normally go on a necklace, except this one had no chain. It was clearly old, possible melded out of pewter, and in the shape of a small bell.

"My mother had this made for me long ago, before she died when I was a child. The chain it came on has long since broken. I still keep it around it this little box." Mulan looked at the ornament, which had Belle's name inscribed on the back.

"I know you're not technically supposed to wear anything on your dog tag chain except dog tags, but I thought it would blend in quite nicely. If you wanted to wear it." Mulan's eyes were wide. She understood the significance of a piece like this.

"Belle, I can't. Your _mother_ gave this to you."

"I trust you." Belle said, closing Mulan's hand around the piece. "If that were you out there like those guys are out there tonight, I would want you to have a little piece of me with you."

Mulan took off her chain, and added the small, flat bell to her tag chain. She put it around her neck. Nobody would even notice it was there, but she would know. She took off a piece of leather strapping from her wrist, one that she always wore, but Belle had never questioned her about. It was quite fashionable, and when Mulan was dressing up for something like a date, she was fashionable in general.

"Then when I'm not here, I want you to have something too. This is leather from my father's leather layer for his armor. When the ends started to fray, I stripped it out and made it into a bracelet." Belle had no idea that the simple piece from Mulan's everyday wear was something so old, and with such significance.

"I trust you." Mulan said back to Belle while looking right into her eyes, putting the bracelet on the slender wrist.

* * *

Storybrooke's forces had moved in on Wonderland. Mulan was still in the Communications room, watching camera feeds attached to the helmets of the Spider Unit, as well as keeping contact with Emma and Regina who were in the war room, in case things didn't go as planned and they needed a back-up unit. Luckily for the foot soldiers, they had no idea that the back-up unit options that were being discussed involved where to get a couple's massage and facial spa package.

Snow signaled for the Archers to form a line behind the gunners guarding the gates from their perches. They were to watch the top of the wall like mice hiding from a hawk. No turning to talk, look around at ground level, or so much as scratch an itch.

The first one to break the rule was indeed Snow. The entire line could hear _whack. Whack. Whack. _Snow wasn't prepared for Wonderland mosquitos. The rest of the Archers had to fight the urge to look, as their leader was now proving to be the biggest distraction.

Captain John had strategically placed Spider Unit in ghillie suits surrounding Cupid's camp, prepared to stalk in undetected. All they had to do was wait for the sniper to hit her target, and grab him. And if it wasn't a clean shot, they each had their sleeping powder grenades. They were prepared to knock out the entire unit if they had to, really hoping it wouldn't come to that and then have to worry about what to do with the piles of sleeping bodies.

Charming was at a top perch over the gate, commanding the mission.

"Visual on Cupid is positive." David watching Cupid come outside of his tent, appearing to yell at one of his guards. They couldn't hear what the guard was being reprimanded for, but they watched the guard being dismissed, and Cupid sat down, pulling out what appeared to be a cigar, lighting up.

"Target is 300 yards away. I am now calculating the wind force." He said to the sniper.

"David, your highness, you're a sweet boy, but I've been using this thing since before you had the pleasure of wetting your first diaper." Granny put the sleeping arrow in her crossbow, lining the crosshairs up with the target.

"I'm still your spotter. You fire on my -"

David watched as Granny's arrow struck right into Cupid's chest, and he slumped over just as the dust exploded around him.

"You've gotta hit them when they're inhaling." Granny said, as David looked at her with raised eyebrows.

Cupid's soldiers looked at their fallen leader in disbelief.

"We're free!" General Clubs yelled at the others. "We're free! Leave him!"

Spider Unit on the ground watched as Cupid's own army ran away, some running into his main tent with sacks, clearly intent on looting it. They could hear yells of "I get his jewels!" or "Run! Before he wakes up!" coming from all over the camp.

Captain John saw no reason at that point to sneak up to grab him, and stood up from his spot. The Unit quickly webbed the target, tucking him into a neat little bundle to drag home. Getting him inside of Wonderland, through to the portal, into the portal, and through to interrogation in Storybrooke was still going to be quite a trek. It appeared that his army could care less that their leader was being kidnapped by what looked like forest monsters.

* * *

"Emma, we have the entire world, no _all_ of the worlds literally at our fingertips here, and you're going to tell me that your first choice for our first vacation together is a waterpark?" Regina couldn't believe that spending a weekend wet and covered in chemicals, conditions that most people go out of their way to avoid, was Emma's current first choice.

"What's the problem? It's like a thrill park and a beach getaway all in one!" Emma knew from the Queen's original question that the waterpark was out, but she wasn't going to go down without a fight.

"THE problem? You say that like there's just one. Let's see, if it's cloudy it'll be too cold, if it's sunny I'll be burnt to a crisp, you splash around in chlorine which dries out my skin, there's a good chance that your pool will also include the urine of one or more persons, and plummeting six stories to my aquatic death doesn't exactly scream 'couple's vacation' to me." At the rate they were going, by the time they actually decided on a place to go, they might actually have the free time to take a break.

"Right, because another trip to the jungles of Neverland sounds great. Why on earth would we go there again?"

"I hear it's quite nice now that Mowgli and Baloo took over. Look! They do dinner theater now." Regina pointed back at the pamphlet.

"Rook to Queen, come in Queen." John's voice came in over the radio.

"We hear you, Rook." Regina answered back into the walkie talkie.

"Mission accomplished. Target is in custody, and will be traveling back with us through portal seven. Full platoon accounted for. No casualties."

"Good job, Captain! We'll meet you in the dungeon."

* * *

"This could be a spot where we put the caged go-go dancers, but we want some that people can access to paint as well." Tink and Ruby were negotiating with the owner of the Rabbit Hole for what was originally going to be a dance, and was now turning into an all-night blow out.

"That can be arranged. We can have small stages built at stations. Do you want black lighting?" He asked, jotting down all of Tink's requests as the flowed out.

"Absolutely. How do you feel about us bringing in a hot tub?" Ruby and Tink nodded at each other.

"I, well - I guess that's okay, but if you flood my place, I'm going to charge you extra."

"Not a problem. Now, let's talk VIP room options. What's your champagne stock like these days?"

* * *

Unfortunately for the Storybrooke knights, "the dungeon" was actually just a spare room next to the vending machines that they had converted by putting blackout shades over the windows and moved some basic restraints into. They weren't ever anticipating going to war again, much less capturing someone who would need to be held.

Cupid was webbed to a chair with a hood over his head. He had been taken the entire way through Wonderland, through the portal, and across campus hooded so that he could never identify his surroundings.

Regina, Emma, and Mulan were now taking over the operation, so those who were in the field could now rest after a job well done.

"He's a lot smaller than I thought he would be. I mean, he looks strong, but not in warlord proportions." Emma said, looking at the captive.

"That's because he's not actually a threat, and he can't do magic without his arrows. As long as we keep him unarmed, he's neutered." Regina was circling the man like a lioness stalking prey. It had been quite some time since she had a prisoner.

"I think I can just hit him until he agrees to never attack anyone ever again." Mulan said.

"I'm hooded, I'm not deaf. I can hear you, ya know. And if this hood is messing up my hair product, so help me!" Mulan knew this was the beginning of one of Cupid's tantrums.

Regina wasn't having it. She walked over and ripped his hood off. He did have some luscious blonde locks, clearly a man who was familiar with leave-in conditioner.

"Oh, did you not want us to mess this up?" The Queen was in her element. She walked right over to Cupid and shook her hands through his hair, creating a messy bird's nest.

"Ah! Stop that! Stop it!" Cupid was now turning beet red, fighting his restraints.

Regina went over to a drawer and pulled out a pair of scissors.

"Perhaps, dear Cupid, you need to learn that you are not in _your_ kingdom anymore. You're in _ours_. We make the rules here, and you do not get to make demands." Regina held up a pinch of hair, hovering the scissors over his head threateningly.

"No! Not the hair!" It certainly didn't take long to make Cupid beg.

"She's really good at this, Emma. Like scary good." Mulan whispered over. The observation served as a reminder that the woman she and Belle had been having double date brunches with was indeed the same women who was formerly known as the Evil Queen.

"I think I'm going to stop arguing with her. About everything. For my own safety. That means there's also a good chance I'm going back to being stranded in a jungle sometime soon for the sake of 'vacation'." Emma whispered back.

Regina started trimming Cupid's hair.

"Please don't." He whimpered.

Trim, trim, trim. The little "snip snip" sounds could be heard throughout the room.

"I'll ask you again. What were you doing attacking Wonderland?"

Cupid continued to whimper, but no answer. To be fair, they didn't actually need an answer, since they knew. But they needed a confession to extradite him back to Wonderland for a trial, and to investigate an appropriate heir to the throne for Valentine Land.

"Maybe giving you a trim isn't good enough." Regina turned to her fellow interrogators. "Emma, be a darling and go get us the buzzer."

"No! Please no! I was so pretty!" Cupid cried.


	26. Chapter 26

After 24 hours, Cupid was not talking. Regina gave him the worst, most 1980s Flock of Seagulls style haircut she could manage, breaking him down into a whining puddle, but still no admission of his plans.

The Queen was at it again on Friday night, when Emma came in with two armed guards.

"Regina, we're just going to have to leave him for now. We're supposed to be at the dance."

Cupid's ears picked up. A dance? As in, where lots of people went to fall in love? Or where he could take away love? Or even simply put on his red leather pants and get down with his bad self?

"Oh Emma, it's at the Rabbit Hole. Something tells me this is the kind of event it's appropriate to be fashionably late to." Regina was heating up beauty wax, intent on giving Cupid little lightning bolt eyebrows. At this point it wasn't even about getting a confession. Now she was just having good old-fashioned Evil Queen fun.

"It's a dance, Regina. We show up in little couples, dance awkwardly to music nobody likes, have some punch, socialize, and go home. How late could it go?"

Cupid was _really_ interested now. They were coming in "little couples"? He had to get out. He was not missing a dance. He had to follow them down to this Rabbit Hole.

They were describing Cupid's element. He was a party boy, a playboy, he was the one throwing the parties. They were always where he could give and take the most love, get a little snookie on the side for himself, and it was always his favorite time. Second was still war. But first was definitely a party.

"You really haven't spoken to Tink lately, have you? This is beyond the innocent get together that Mulan and Belle had in mind, before Ruby and Tink morphed it into…whatever it is. This morning Tink called me to suggest that when picking out our outfits, we, and I'm quoting, 'whore it up' for the evening." The Queen hadn't taken her eyes off of the wax the entire time. Maybe she would do his armpits, too. That would really get him talking.

"Regina, please. We're too old to be out until three in the morning. And we're not leaving Henry alone all night." Regina stopped stirring the wax.

"Fine. Guards, I am untying the prisoner so he can eat when dinner comes in. You are to keep your weapons pointed at him at all times. He goes to the bathroom right there," Regina pointed to the bathroom off the main room with no door, "and he eats in here. Under no circumstances is he to leave this room."

"Yes Ma'am!" the guards responded.

* * *

When Mulan and Belle came walking up to the entrance to the Rabbit Hole, they found a line to get in already forming, and they were an hour later than start time. Tinkerbell was at the door, along with a much larger, muscle-y guy who seemed to be the real bouncer. They went ahead and got in line, only standing in it for about five minutes. It seemed to be more of a formality than a showing that the dance was full. Even standing next to the building, they could feel the music pumping, and see artificial fog rushing out every time Tink opened the door to let someone in.

There was only one more couple in front of them.

"ID's, and five bucks cash each." Tink barked at the couple, as she sized them up. She had on her night sunglasses, and was also wearing a feather boa over her black dress, and was smoking an E-cigarette that blew out a light purple smoke.

"She's charging a cover?" Belle said, taking out her purse, flipping through to see if she had any cash.

"I've got it." Mulan said, making sure she had her military ID ready. This was the point where Mulan realized that she had better never leave Storybrooke while in this world, as she didn't technically have a driver's license. Or a birth certificate. She actually figured Belle was in a similar state, outside of their realm-hopping passports.

It was Mulan and Belle's turn, and Tink did not seem please.

"No, no, no, no. This is an exclusive club, not where you take your middle school sweetheart!" She yelled at them. She opened her purse and handed Belle her pink sunglasses and another feather boa.

"This is my back-up pair. Don't mess them up!" She said, before turning to Mulan. The Warrior was actually dressed quite well, if they were going to a Gucci runway show. This, however, was a dirty, loud, creative, dark club with booty-popping honeys in a champagne room.

She took out a small pair of scissors, cutting off Mulan's sleeves.

"Hey! I like this shirt!" She yelled, but didn't pull away.

"You'll like it even better when you don't look like everyone's mail carrier." She took the sleeves, cut it into strips, and made little bow ties, attaching them to Mulan's suspenders. She then pulled out a magic wand, using it to magically paint on each bow tie, but nobody actually saw any color change. Tink then started painting on Mulan's face with invisible make-up, and Mulan thought this might be the point where Tinkerbell had finally lost it. Completely cuckoo for cocoa-puffs.

"Tink, you're not doing anything."

"You'll see it in the dark, under the black lights. Okay, you two are good to go!" Tink opened the door, letting more fog out, shoving the couple inside.

* * *

Cupid watched his two guards as they watched him eat his soup. As promised, one had a taser pointed at him, the other had a bow and arrow drawn. He knew eventually the Archer's arms would tire, but the one with the taser could just keep switching arms, potentially indefinitely, until it was time to lock him in for bed. However, the one up he had on his captors was that they had no idea he had his spare arrowheads hidden in his boots.

He had to figure something out. He knew if he made a swift movement towards his boots, they would see the jerk and shoot. He thought for a moment that it might be worth it if he were to just be hit with the taser, but if the guard with the bow and arrow shot, he knew that would be the end of the line.

The guards saw the captive's eyes roll back into his head, as he collapsed onto the floor and started having what appeared to be a seizure. They each dropped their weapons, running to his side. Cupid was quite the thespian, and faked his seizure with the best of them. The two guys who previously had held the weapons had no idea that in the process of flailing his limbs about, he had reached into his right boot and pulled out one of his smaller purple arrows. Luckily, Cupid always knew where he had what kind of arrow hidden in case he needed to make a quick grab in battle.

He squeezed the arrow in his hand to activate it, and ended his theatrics as he threw it into the air and ran out of its way, as though he had just thrown a grenade. The arrow set off as fireworks over the guard's heads, exploding and then sprinkling into their hair.

The two men felt the blast of the love weapon, and within seconds, couldn't keep their hands off each other. It was the most intense love and desire the two had ever felt, forgetting momentarily about both of their wives. It was like they needed to physically unite with one another. Immediately.

The two were so busy hungrily making out in the middle of the floor that they paid no attention to Cupid stealing their wallets, and taking their weapons.

"Now. If I were a Rabbit Hole, where would I be…"

* * *

Emma and Regina were inside the club, making their way through the crowds, only light up by all of the glow-in-the-dark paint on the walls and on people's bodies, and the black lighting. There were trays of shots that Tink had enchanted floating high up above the dancers, occasionally floating by, so if a dancer wanted one, she could just grab it out of the air. There were some corners with couches and tables by the go-go dancers, and stools at the bar, but otherwise it was pretty much wall to wall dance floor.

Tinkerbell had reserved them a VIP room, which meant champagne hot tub, bottle service, and just about anything anyone could want on request. And when Tinkerbell had told them that earlier, she made it clear that she indeed meant _anything_. Tink was at the point where she equated "Mayor" with "Sultan". Emma had been on the velvet couch in their private, curtained off room for about three seconds before they noticed that the VIP servers were all topless, men and women.

A topless woman went right to Regina with a tray in her hand.

"Can I get you a beverage? We've got drink specials all night long." The woman leaned over, putting her very free breasts way too close for the Savior's liking to whisper, "This hour, the special is sex on the beach."

Regina tried to ignore the nipples that were now three inches from her face, simply replying, "I'll have a bottle of the chardonnay."

Emma couldn't take it anymore. "I'll have my girlfriend back, thanks. And a glass for me for the wine." She said, hopping into Regina's lap.

The server backed off immediately, leaving to get the wine.

"Jealous, dear?" Regina asked, amused.

"Immensely." Emma responded, before kissing Regina in a way that said they would be taking full advantage of VIP status.

Regina didn't want to get too carried away, and hoped some of Emma's friends would find their way over. She had only a couple of hours to unload as much of the Fairy Steroids as possible, which meant identifying which partiers looked the most responsible, but which were also not students. She had left one bottle at home as a back-up, but had a good eight grams in her purse, in the individual two gram bottles.

* * *

It didn't take long for Cupid to figure out where the Rabbit Hole was. The stage lights flashing around the building could be seen blocks away, and it seemed like the only hopping place in town. He could also feel the magic drawing in from that particular point in town. It was his kind of magic, love and sex and desire and fun and a drive for complete lack of responsibility.

He wasted no time taking inventory of what kinds of arrowheads he had stashed in his boots, and how many, calculating exactly what to do. He began the task of fashioning arrows to put the arrowheads on, carrying the bow with him that he looted from the guard.

Nobody cuts Cupid's hair without permission and gets away with it.

* * *

Back inside, Ruby, Mulan, Belle, Snow, Charming, and Tink were now tucked inside. Regina had slipped out to start scoping out her drug options.

She would definitely not be distributing to the go-go dancers, especially not Sneezy. The dwarf was surrounded by men and women; clearly the most popular dancer. Regina was impressed with how in-shape mining kept someone.

She also decided against most of the people on the dance floor, who were already quite intoxicated, and they way that some of them were grinding to the point of coming very close to actually having sex suggested that some of them had brought their own little drug stashes. Regina was glad not to be the mayor anymore with that thought.

Belle dragged Mulan out to the dance floor, channeling her inner-Lacey for a moment. Mulan actually looked amazing under the black light, with all of the paint work that Tinkerbell had done now visible. Belle thought it was hilarious that Mulan danced with the fluidity of August when he was made of wood.

"Hips! Mulan, it's all in the hips!" Belle shouted out.

"What?!" Mulan shouted back. Belle turned around, shoving her butt into Mulan's crotch, putting the Warrior's hands on her waist. She smirked at the idea that Mulan's eyes were probably wide. Once Mulan was in grind position, she leaned her head back to talk right in her ear.

"Move with me."

Mulan looked around, trying to see what everyone else was doing. It looked like…well, it looked like everyone was just humping their partners as though there were no clothes and no other people. Interesting.

* * *

Sneezy refilled his drink tray, and covered in body paint made his way back to the VIP area. He paid the topless woman with a $50 from his hottie shorts so he could take over the area.

Tinkerbell just laughed as he danced his way in.

"Sneezy! You're supposed to be working the floor!" She laughed.

"Well, I thought I'd check on how the boss was. I mean, bosses." He added quickly, acknowledging Ruby.

"Well, as long as you're here, dance!" Sneezy started pulling out his best club moves, which made Charming incredibly uncomfortable, and Snow incredibly entertained.

"Yeah! Sneezy, come in the hot tub with us!" Snow shouted, as David shook his head in horror.

Sneezy went over, lending a hand to help Tink up so they could prepare to jump in the tub.

Emma watched the whole exchange, wondering what on earth was taking Regina so long to find the bathroom, even taking a line into account. She was distracted by the dwarf in his very tiny shorts, noticing how he had come in to dance for Tink. Tinkerbell who he had formerly dated, but Tinkerbell had dumped. Tink, who he risked his neck for to get the Steroids smuggled in for. Emma couldn't believe she was just getting this.

Sneezy was in love with the Fairy, and he had it bad.

* * *

Regina wasn't having any luck. She ducked past Mulan and Belle grinding on the dance floor, making sure she wasn't spotted. Maybe the Rabbit Hole wasn't the best place to try to distribute drugs responsibly. She had already casually left a bottle in the women's bathroom, hoping it would just fall into curious hands. Two grams wasn't really enough for anyone to do any real damage, anyway, and she had to unload. Three bottles left.

She looked over to the VIP corner, and saw Emma half-hanging out of the curtain, clearly looking for her. Emma waved her down. Regina sighed, giving up on her current unsuccessful career as a drug lord, and went back to VIP. She saw Emma also waving in Mulan and Belle. It was uncanny how she did it, really. It was like watching a mother duck identify her ducklings in a full pond, and somehow got them to all follow her back single file.

Once everyone was back in their private party, Tink and Ruby got out of the hot tub, drying off.

"Okay, everyone! To the boat!" Tink's boat was parked right at the docks, about a hundred yards from the bar.

"Don't worry, the boat is just as stocked as the party is! C'mon!" Emma looked at Regina and shrugged. They might as well. Mulan and Belle had a similar expression.

"You guys go ahead! We're good here!" Snow yelled, still in the tub with Charming and Sneezy.

"Fine! Ladies night on the boat it is!" Tink yelled back, taking her new entourage with her. She and Ruby redressed before walking through the club to leave. Heaven forbid anyone saw them less than dressed like runway models.

* * *

Cupid saw that a group had now moved to a boat from the party, and moved his position to spy on the new outside party. He had been contemplating on how to get in, but if the party was going to just present itself to him instead, even better. It wasn't long before the boat had its own music blasting, and a crew of partiers opening their secret stash of liquor and dancing on the deck. Nobody appeared to be driving the boat anytime soon, they were just using it as another private party option.

Cupid snuck in closer, staying behind the area shrubbery. Once he was close enough to identify faces, he saw it as a party of his captors. Cupid smirked. Clearly they thought their prisoner was still safely under lockdown. This was a situation Cupid liked _very_ much – a fist full of his orange arrows, one of his more creative magic creations, and a load of unsuspecting victims, most of whom already seemed to have lovers. This was almost too perfect. And Cupid was quite pissed at the level of accommodations he had been given the last couple of days.

He banded together all six of the arrows he had made up, easily shooting them over Emma, Regina, Mulan, Belle, Tink, and Ruby on the little boat without them noticing right away. They only looked up when the arrows exploded into fireworks over their heads, letting the magic rain down right on their faces.

"Hey, look! Someone's setting off fireworks!" Emma yelled excited.

"No! No, those are not regular fireworks, Emma! That's Cupid's magic! We have a problem!" Regina said, starting to panic.

As the fireworks dissipated, they each felt _something_, leaving their bodies. Each of them watched a smoky, thin line, each a different color for each person leave and float over their heads, swirl around into a min-vortex, and then return to each body a different color.

"Um, what was that?" Mulan said, feeling very strange, but not sure what was going on.

"Oh no." Belle started. "I've read about that. It's in Cupid's autobiography, 'The Awesomeness of Me'. That's a Love Blender. This is not good."

"How bad could a Love Blender be? It sounds delicious. I bet that's something they make at the bar." Tink responded, not breaking out of party mode for even a second.

"It takes the love you have for someone, rips it out of your body, and puts it in someone else. It would take a group like us, and scramble up who everyone loves." Belle was becoming distraught. She knew she was with Mulan. She had every memory of every date they've ever had, their first kiss, every encounter. But as she looked in the Warrior's eyes, she no longer felt in love.

It was confusing, and devastating, as Regina looked at Emma and realized the same thing. She knew they were supposed to have feelings, but they weren't there anymore. She still had all of the good memories, but didn't have the feeling behind them. She didn't melt from looking at Emma's eyes. It was like a part of her was missing.

"Oh, I should be fine then. I'm not in love with anyone." Ruby said, still dancing with Tink, and neither of them taking this seriously.

"It doesn't matter. If you're not in love, it takes your capacity to love, and mixes it up." Belle said, still looking at Mulan, trying to feel something. Trying so hard to make everything she felt only moments before on the dance floor come back. _Where did the love go?_ She thought.

* * *

Cupid had positioned himself in the cabin of the neighboring boat. He loved his mischief, and wanted a good view when it finally kicked in. The full force of what he had just done hadn't even kicked in yet, but he was already regretting it. Getting a closer look, he saw a blonde Fairy that he hadn't seen during his time in captivity. And she was beautiful.

Cupid immediately regretting having assigned her love to someone else.

* * *

On the boat, Tink and Ruby were still dancing, and the other two couples were still staring at each other, trying to figure out why they no longer felt in love. They looked devastated.

Tink and Ruby took pity on the couples, and Ruby slid in between Mulan and Belle, while Tink went to Emma and Regina. They were seriously becoming party downers. Major party foul.

Once Ruby was next to Belle, and Belle felt the Wolf's leg brush up against her own, she felt the telltale jolt of electricity shooting through her body; what she remembered the first time she put her hand on Mulan's arm. Belle's love came flooding back – but it was for Ruby.

Ruby felt it too, suddenly feeling awkward. She felt Mulan's stare burning a hole in the back of her head, as the Warrior could see clearly to whom Belle's love had been scrambled over. This was not cool.

The three of them were in a three-way stare down, nobody having any idea what to say. That is, until they heard Emma next to them.

"Hey, get your fucking Fairy paws off my girlfriend!" Emma yelled, as Tink and Regina had immediately started making out after one look at each other. That answered the question for Emma where Regina's love had gone.

"You don't even love her right now!" Tink said, before attempting to reattach her mouth to the Queen's.

"It doesn't matter! I did, and she's mine!" Emma attempted again to rip Tink and Regina apart. Until she glanced up and caught a look at Mulan, who suddenly seemed _very_ attractive. She had never noticed how the Warrior had such perfections about her. Mulan's skin was impeccable, as was her well-shaped, lean and strong frame.

Emma was incredibly turned on by the Warrior in that moment. And it was creepy as fuck, if she were honest.

_Oh boy_. Emma thought. _This is going to get messy._ _Me with Mulan. Tink back with Regina. Belle and Ruby. We have to fix this._

Cupid was not enjoying his plan much at all. He knew the Evil Queen was one of his captives. He did not want her kissing the perfect, gorgeous Fairy that he decided he just had to meet.

* * *

The couples, or rearranged couples, left the party immediately and went to Belle's house to figure out what to do, since she lived the closest.

"At this point, we have two problems. The first is that Cupid clearly escaped and has arrows, and second, it's not like I don't want to jump your bones, Mulan, but I really need to get my love back for Regina." Emma started, leading the objective. "Belle, is there anything in the books that say how to fix this?"

"I'm afraid not, at least not that I've seen. I can keep looking. Maybe one of the other books out of Valentine Land will have a reference to that particular kind of arrow. I know it's a stretch, but I don't mind going to the library to at least try." Belle said, trying to sound positive.

"I'll come with you!" Ruby said, popping up from her seat. Emma noticed Mulan's eyes bulge for a moment, but the Warrior said nothing.

"Whoa there, Red. I think we should stay in our regular couple formation for the time being, until we get this figured out." Emma really had keeping Tink off of Regina in mind, but the others had to be concerned as well.

"It's okay, Emma. Let them go." Mulan said sadly. What if she never got her love for Belle back? She wouldn't deny her the right to be with Ruby by clinging on to past feelings that were no longer there. She also had to come to terms with being currently in love with Emma, who knew all of her embarrassing secrets and habits and had seen her way more drunk than Belle.

"Later guys!" Ruby yelled as she and Belle scooted out of the room.

"Okay, fine. Pairs it is then. I think we should make a rule – and Mulan, make sure you text this to Belle and Ruby – no sex with out current interests. Even with our love jumbled up, it's going to go back eventually when we figure this out, and we don't want any regrets. I mean it, Regina. If we get out love back and I find out you slept with Tink, I'd have a problem with it." Emma was still the leader.

"Why, dear? Don't want me taking your sloppy seconds? Please. Like you didn't sleep with her." Regina went right back to sucking face with Tink.

"Emma, we have to figure this out. They're…they're making me feel awkward." Mulan piped up.

"Okay, Mulan and I are going to get my parents and see what we can do. You two: _no sex_. I mean it." Emma and Mulan left, leaving Regina and Tinkerbell together.

* * *

Cupid knew he was on the run now. However, he couldn't just leave Storybrooke and just leave behind the Fairy he was so immediately smitten with. He had to learn everything – he didn't know her name, who she was, what she did, and had nothing to go on.

Luckily for Cupid, he was able to barter for some supplies and for clothes that would help him blend in. Apparently shop owners in Storybrooke took old world gold coins, and Cupid decided to go ahead and settle into the boat he had already broken into. There were no food stores, no clothes aboard, and layers of dust everywhere. As far as Cupid could tell, the owners hadn't been around in awhile.

The Lover of Lovers was going to get himself a lady. He got back to the ship's cabin, and immediately took out his newly bought scissors. First order of business was going to be fixing his hair. Second, was to get the fair to fall head over heels in love with him.


	27. Chapter 27

_**A.N. – Hey readers! Okay, I know everyone's super pissed about that last chapter, but do I really have the heart to keep couples apart? I mean, really? No worries, kids. We still live in Fluffville here at S&Q Knight U.**_

* * *

"I am absolutely not moving into a treehouse with you, Tink! That's absurd. I have a son. And technically, another girlfriend, who's supposed to be out fixing this."

It had taken all of fifteen minutes of the Savior leaving with Mulan for Regina to feel the full force of her ability to love transferred into Tink. It had also taken about that long before everything that ever annoyed her about Tink, which is why she stopped dating her in the first place, surfaced. That's how long it had taken for Tink to help herself to Regina's wine reserves without asking, and demanded that Regina quit her job to be a stay-at-home mother in their arrangement, which apparently meant moving in together.

Regina was not having it.

"And what if they don't fix it, Regina? Nobody's ever broken Cupid's magic before. Ever. And it's not like if it's broken I have anyone to go back to anyway." Tink finally got the cork out of the bottle, which Regina was clearly not going to help her with.

"They will. And I'm also not quitting my job, regardless as to whom I end up with. Do I really seem like someone who spends the day without an occupation? Evil or otherwise? I noticed you didn't offer to quit your job to run a household." Regina couldn't believe Tinkerbell's presumptuousness. Actually, she could. Again, there were reasons why Regina did not want to continue dating Tink.

"Hey, a two person household with a child takes some compromises."

"Tinkerbell, _we_ do not have a household. And you are not someone with whom I need to _work out compromises_. We are not living together." Regina said, explaining with little hand motions.

"So…you stay at my place four nights, I stay at yours the other three then?"

Regina could feel the headache coming on.

"Tink. We are in love, but it's not real, and I am not living with you. It's probably best if you go home. I'm going to look through my magic books here, and I don't need anymore of your input."

"Nope. Not leaving, _sweetheart_." Tink said pouring herself more wine.

"Fine. Then sit there while I do the research, but do not speak. Hopefully there's an un-blending spell of some sort."

* * *

Emma and Mulan were at the Charming house, with Sneezy in tow. They figured it couldn't hurt to have someone with chemistry training on board who was devastated to hear that Tinkerbell's love had been taken away and jumbled up.

"I say we re-capture Cupid as a priority. Who knows what kind of havoc he could cause running around unsupervised." Mulan said, in full Warrior mode, trying not to look at Emma at all.

"Okay, so you left Regina and Tinkerbell alone, bad idea, and then Belle and Ruby left together – which is probably okay since Belle is nothing but loyal and Ruby's technically straight. So who are you two in love with? Who else was on the boat?" Snow asked, looking ever like the hot mess one might expect from someone who just spend three hours drinking in a hot tub with a prince and a dwarf.

"That's, um, complicated." Emma said, also not making eye contact with Mulan. Mulan stayed silent, still feeling strange that she was attracted to her friend.

"You two! It's you two! That's – okay, I'm not judging, but it's weird." Snow said, as the gears finally started turning in her head.

"No kidding." Emma responded, turning red. Emma and Mulan's entire walk to the Charming residence was in silence, with awkward sparks flying the whole way. They felt the love, but the complete package wasn't there, because all of their memories and experiences of that love was still tied to their real partners.

"We just need to fix this." Mulan said quickly.

"We already know that interrogating Cupid doesn't work. Regina was working on him for quite some time and he didn't budge. What are the chances we can get him to fix this?" David said. He was really glad that he and Snow opted not to get on the boat. It's not that Mulan wasn't nice enough, but…

"If Belle and Ruby found something in a book, they would come back and tell us, right?" Mulan asked the room, looking depressed. It was like she was just assuming that they should abandon all hope.

"Of course they would!" Snow said. "If there's something to find, the two of them will find it." She reassured them.

* * *

Belle and Ruby probably would have found something, if they weren't tied back-to-back in chairs by Cupid, who had stalked them inside. Nobody else was in the library on a Friday night. Everybody was probably still at the Rabbit Hole, if they were being honest.

"Who is she? The blonde you were with? Who is she?" Cupid asked desperately.

"You mean who is the Savior? She's the one who's going to burst in here and kick your ass." Ruby responded.

"No, not her! I know who that is. The Fairy. Who is she?" Cupid asked desperately, with his eyes sparkling like he was about to see one of the seven wonders of the world.

The two women were stunned by that question. Was this whole war set off because he was looking for Tink?

"That's the Mayor, Cupid, also on the list of people who can kick your ass." Ruby was irritated at being held captive, but secretly enjoying the feel of her back against Belle's. It was tingly, and honestly confusing for the Wolf. She could smell Belle's perfume. Never once before had another woman's perfume turned her on.

"The Mayor. She sounds lovely." Cupid said.

"Really? She sounds lovely just because she's the Mayor? What's your problem with her?" Belle asked, getting suspicious.

"No, I have no problem with her. I'll make you a deal. You came here to find a way to undo the spell, right? I will untie you and let you get back to work, if when I do, you give her this." Cupid pulled a single, long stemmed rose from his arrow quiver.

"Are you serious right now?" Ruby asked, clearly disgusted.

"You can take this deal, or I can suck the love out of both of you forever." Cupid said.

"You know, my father used to deliver flowers for a living. I can take it to her. Perhaps add a little love note?" Belle said hopefully. If that's all she had to do to get out of this mess, she could make one unwanted delivery.

"Good. Then you two back to work." Cupid began untying them.

"Wait- you want us to find a way to undo your magic?" Ruby asked.

"I do. I believe I've made a terrible mistake. Get the Fairy her love back." Cupid responded.

"What's in it for us?" Ruby asked.

"Not being tied up."

* * *

"I might be in love with you at the moment, but I CANNOT STAND YOU ANYMORE!" Regina was shouting at Tink when Emma, Mulan, Snow, David, and Sneezy came in.

"Well, you HAVE to stand me, since we're in LOVE NOW!" Tink shouted back, launching a throw pillow at Regina's head. She apparently assumed they were called "throw" pillows for a reason.

"Okay, that's it!" Emma stepped in, backing the two up from each other.

"She started it! Leave it to Regina Mills to fight love. This isn't the first time you've screwed me over, and I'm sure it won't be the last." Tink plopped herself down on a couch.

"Nobody's screwing anyone in any capacity!" Emma had to ignore Mulan's presence for a moment. She ignored Mulan's tender, quiet yet attractive, soft yet firm presence, as she had been ignoring it all night.

"Oh, can't handle that she's mine now, Savior?" Tink said menacingly, slurring the words a bit. Emma noticed the wine glasses.

"Were you two having a date?" Emma asked offended.

"No. My dear Fairy love here decided to help herself to my wine. She also helped herself to my kitchen, and my slippers." Regina pointed down to the little purple coverings on the Fairy's feet.

"Okay, enough of this." Emma went over to Regina, and planted a long, wet kiss.

The fireworks that had originally sparked over their heads on the boat occurred again over the Queen and the Savior's heads in reverse. It was like a riverboat setting off fireworks; the explosions started over their heads, bursting upward. The crowd watched their strands that were attached to Tink and Mulan pull and enter back into their bodies, with their colors returned.

Regina felt everything rushing back, holding Emma to her, refusing to end the kiss. It was like watching someone who just had CPR after drowning, and the drive to gasp in as much air as possible. Emma was her air. She wrapped her arms around Emma, holding her firmly in place.

"True love's kiss! Why didn't we think of that?" David said. Something so simple, yet not even something any of them had considered.

When the two finally pulled apart, they forgot anyone else was in the room.

"Hey." Emma said into Regina's eyes.

"Hey. It's back. We're back, Emma." Regina ran her hands along Emma's face as she basked in the moment, before remembering something.

"OH MY GOD, I kissed Tinkerbell!" Regina ran upstairs. Emma followed her up, watching Regina run to the bathroom and immediately open the bottle of mouthwash. She gargled and swished desperately, trying to wash away the last couple of hours.

"Ugh! Who knows what I could have caught! Maybe I can magically burn off my lips and just conjure up new ones." Regina suddenly had magic flames in her palms.

"Okay, baby, let's not get carried away." Emma came over to wrap her hands around the Queen's waist from behind, stopping the madness. "I've kissed her before too. Do I have to burn off my lips?"

"Fair point. But just for mentioning that, I want you to mouthwash too."

Back downstairs, Tinkerbell was pouring herself more wine, still wearing Regina's slippers.

"I don't feel any different" the Fairy lamented.

"Me either." Mulan said, just as depressed as earlier. Of course, as soon as she finds love, it gets taken away, then it gets put in her best friend, and then when her best friend gets her love fixed, she still gets nothing.

"Oh. You two didn't get—I guess True Love's Kiss would only help the two in true love." Snow said. It looked like they still had a long night ahead of them.

"What do we do now?" Mulan asked.

"We get you over to Belle, now!" Emma said, coming down the stairs, now minty-fresh.

"Hey! What about me! I don't have a true love!" Tink said.

"And how do I know if Belle's my true love? I've never actually dated anyone before!" Mulan was having issues. What if Aurora was her true love? She had moved on from that situation, but the thought still lingered as an anxiety in the back of her head. She didn't want to kiss Belle and be disappointed. She also didn't want to think that her true love could be someone she hadn't even met yet, and have kissing Belle still not mean anything. It would actually be devastating for her.

"That's actually why I'm here." Sneezy piped up, back to wearing clothes for the first time all evening.

"I'm not kissing you." Mulan made very clear.

"No, no no. I'm a pharmacist. That means I'm a chemist." Sneezy said, as though that explained everything.

"We think that, well, Sneezy, with maybe some help from Regina, might be able to make a potion to get everyone's love back." Snow said.

"Then why aren't you doing it?!" Tink shouted. They had a plan and weren't doing anything about it?

"I need…okay, remember the stuff I sold you?" Sneezy said to Tink, trying to be discrete.

"They all know about the Fairy Steroids, Sneezy." Tink said.

"Right. Good then. I need it back. Fairy Steroids aren't made of hormones, like steroids from this world. They're made of pheromones. If I'm going to try to make something, I need whatever you have left." Sneezy said.

"Here." Regina pulled the bag from her purse and tossed it to him.

"Hey, there are only a few bottles left. You took all of that, Tink?" Sneezy asked, horrified.

"No, she didn't take all of it. I've been disposing of it, slowly and responsibly." Regina said, not giving up any more information.

"Regina, how exactly have you been disposing of it?" Emma asked.

"Let's not get into details, hmm? Sneezy, can you or can you not work with this?"

The dwarf looked over the bottles and nodded.

"Okay, looks like we're taking a group field trip to the campus! Regina, you and Sneezy need to go to the lab to try to make something. David, Snow, now would be a good time to hunt Cupid. Mulan, you're coming with me." Emma dished out responsibilities.

"Where are we going?" Mulan asked, assuming she would have been on Cupid hunting responsibility.

"You're coming with me and Tink, because you are kissing Belle tonight. It's worth a shot." Mulan gulped nervously. She knew there was a chance that everything that had happened so far with Belle was about to be undone with one failed kiss.

* * *

Mulan stopped walking with the group ten feet from the library entrance.

"You guys go ahead. Just give me a minute." Mulan said. Tink had no problem going right in to see what the other pair had found. Emma stayed back with Mulan.

"Now is not the time to get cold feet, Mulan. We need this fixed." Emma said.

"Emma, what if she's not my true love? What if it's someone else?" Mulan said, terrified of going inside now.

"Mulan, I don't think it works like that. Belle believed she had true love with Rumple, and he died. Do you really think the world is set up so that you can only have one true love in a lifetime? It's not the same as a soulmate, it's whether or not the love you have with another person is mutual, and true." Emma's pep talk didn't seem to be doing the trick.

"And what if what she feels isn't true? Emma, this is a big risk. Why can't we just wait and see if they make a potion?"

"What if there doesn't end up being a potion? What if it takes them five months? Or five years? Mulan, you can't just be in love with me all the time if we can try to fix it." Leave it to Emma to pump up the pep talk.

"Emma, I can control myself."

Emma got behind Mulan and started pushing her through the door, with Mulan still resisting.

"Get in there, and kiss that woman. You are a Warrior. If I told you to get in there and fight an ogre, you would do it. Instead, you get a kiss, and you're only fighting yourself. Inside." Emma pushed Mulan all the way through to the inside of the library.

* * *

Inside, Tinkerbell was holding out the rose pinched between two fingers as though someone had handed her a dirty diaper.

"Ugh so he decided that he's in love with me from spying on me while mixing my love up? This is a new level of creeper." Tink said, not trusting the validity of the rose.

"It seems so. He was pretty adamant that we needed to figure out how to break his magic." Ruby said.

"Maybe if you went on just one date, he would turn out not to be so bad." Belle added, with Tink and Ruby going wide-eyed. "What? If I had never given Rumple a chance – okay, forget I said anything. Bad example."

Emma and Mulan made their way in.

"Okay, do it." Emma said, pushing Mulan towards Belle.

"Do what, exactly?" Belle asked.

"Regina and I got our love back with true love's kiss. Do, it Mulan. Then we only have to find cures for two people instead of four." Emma said.

"Hey! You're just going to kiss her! In front of all of us?" Ruby knew she didn't really have an argument, but didn't like the idea of Belle kissing someone. It was like a primal, gut reaction had just kicked in out of nowhere.

"No, I don't think that's necessary, Emma. We have Regina and Sneezy working in the lab." Mulan said, shoving her hands in her pockets.

"Sneezy agreed to help? What's he charging you?" Tink asked, getting more irritated by the minute.

"He's not. Look, he's –I think he has feelings for you, Tink." Emma said, still trying to shove Mulan over towards Belle.

"Great! I go from no one to a train of unwanted suitors!" Tink said.

"Mulan, stop being a baby and kiss her. I know you probably want to kiss me, which is weird, but we need to get this moving." Emma said, learning just how strong the Warrior was. When she didn't want to move, she wasn't budging.

"So you and Regina just kissed, and it fixed everything for you both?" Belle asked.

"_Yes_. It's so simple, I don't know why it wasn't the first thing we all tried, I just –"

Emma was cut off by Belle grabbing Mulan's shirt, and pulling her in for a searing kiss. Mulan froze up for a moment, but then closed her eyes and leaned back into Belle. Once Mulan relaxed, the fireworks started from over their heads, letting their love re-emerge. They both felt it, that moment when they went from kissing someone because someone dared them to, to wanting the contact, and more of it. They stayed kissing through the sparkling display overhead.

"Um, how long are they gonna do this for?" Ruby asked. Everyone in the room felt a bit awkward, as the couple showed no signs of coming up for air. They all noticed when tongues became involved.

"Maybe we should…um…" Tink looked at Ruby and Emma, and they all silently nodded and started backing away.

"We'll just leave you guys to it." Emma said. _Boy am I glad that worked_, she thought on the way out.

* * *

Regina and Sneezy were in the lab, where Sneezy was in mad scientist full force, complete with lab jacket, goggles, boiling containers of various sizes. He was going to attempt to molecularly disassemble the Fairy Steroid compound to extract the pheromone component, which then would be turned into a liquid, and attach a tracking spell from Regina's magic to have the love of the recipient track back into its appropriate body.

Regina liked mad scientist Sneezy. It looked like he was having a great deal of fun. Why hadn't she ever tried chemistry? Besides the fact that when she was a girl, it would have been alchemy, and her mother would have chained her to her bedpost, that is.

"And according to Mulan, his whole temperament, the tantrums, belief that nobody will ever love him, the need to have something to strive for such as becoming immortal and taking over Wonderland, all stems from his tiny, tiny little Cupid penis." Regina was explaining the situation while they waited for the solutions to distill.

"Seriously? That's all?" Sneezy said, keeping his goggles on. Even if Regina was refusing to wear hers, he was going to make damn sure he still had eyeballs whenever this all got finished up, even if something did explode in their faces.

"I hear that can be a very sensitive topic for a man. Just think about if you woke up tomorrow, and your little friend was half its normal size." Regina said.

"That's…really depressing, actually. But I wouldn't go start a war over it. Look, we're using up all the Fairy 'roids you gave me for the potions, but if you have anymore, we might be able to fix the Cupid problem too." Sneezy was putting together ingredients in his head for a second experiment.

"I actually do have one last bottle. I had it tucked away for an emergency." Regina said, not knowing where this was going.

"Let's just say that I might be able to get Cupid's problem fixed. Not that he deserves it after this, but if it'll ensure he stays sane in the future, I'll see what I can do." Sneezy offered.

"Alright, I'm just going to poof home then. I don't want to miss the pheromone separation – I've heard it's quite entertaining. I'll be right back." Regina said, poofing her way out.

* * *

Mulan and Belle stayed connected for quite some time in the now abandoned library. Belle had her fingers buried in the Warrior's hair, and Mulan was holding their bodies tightly pressed together. When they finally separated, they were both out of breath.

"I'm really glad that worked." Mulan said breathlessly.

"Of course it worked! Why didn't we think of that?" Belle said, staying in Mulan's arms.

"Well, I didn't know if it would. I thought you already had your true love, and I guess I never really thought that I would get one at all. So yes, I'm _really_ glad that worked."

"Well, I had no doubts. And I didn't like not having my love for you." Belle began playing with the little bell around Mulan's neck.

"I didn't like not feeling my love for you either." Mulan said, seeing her leather strap around the Scholar's wrist.

"Mulan, there's no one else here." Belle said suggestively.

"I know. They all left." Mulan responded, clueless as to what her girlfriend was implying.

"Yes, we're _alone_, and I haven't felt my love in _hours_." Belle said, pulling Mulan back behind a stack.

_Oh. I get it now_.

* * *

Regina poofed into the house, and found Henry at the kitchen counter wearing a bandana tied around his head and also wearing one of Regina's aprons. He had the vacuum out, which looked like it had been dragged through the desert, and Henry was sitting at the table counting money.

He jumped at the intrusion. "Mom! What are you doing home?"

"I have to grab something upstairs. Henry, why are you dressed like an Amish Build-a-bear?" The Queen apparently wasn't just "poofing" in and out.

"Okay, so you know how I know how to do laundry and cook and clean now?" Henry started nervously.

Regina folded her arms across her chest and nodded, eyebrows raised.

"Well, I got so good at doing this house, that I did Lilo's house. You know, I thought it would be a nice surprise. And her sister gave me money for it, not that I asked, but she did, and then I guess a few other houses found out about it – so between three houses on this block and the big green one around the corner, I made two hundred bucks this week!" Henry said excitedly.

"I – okay. Well then. I guess that's not too different than if you were mowing their lawns or shoveling their snow. We'll talk about it later with Emma here. Henry, I'm leaving again in a moment. When I'm gone, you need to stay here with the doors locked, and you are not to go outside. We had a captive of war escape the campus. It's not safe." Regina said, trying to make sure Henry understood the gravity of the situation.

"You had a captive?!" Henry asked. He never really knew much about what his moms did other than his few visits for training here and there.

"Yes, and we're technically at war. Cupid escaped. If a man comes to the door – tall, blonde, medium build, with a quiver of arrows, you do not answer the door. Hide and call me immediately." Regina said.

"Okay." Regina nodded, going upstairs for the last of the stash.

* * *

It had taken all of five seconds for Belle to get Mulan in between book stacks, and to rip her pants half off, leaving them bunched around one leg. Belle wasted no time burying her face between the Warrior's legs.

Mulan was nervous that someone was going to come in and catch them. Mulan was nervous because Belle had only done this to her once before, which is when she learned how messy it gets. Mulan was nervous all around.

And it made her incredibly turned on.

It was like Belle never held anything back. If Mulan was the cautious one, Belle would just throw her to the wind so she could learn to enjoy the ride. The Warrior buried her fingers in the reddish brown hair bobbing between her legs. She was really starting to question if she were really Belle's first girlfriend, given how talented she seemed to be in this particular facet of their lives.

Mulan was quiet except for the panting. When she came, both of her hands shot down to Belle's head, throwing her back against the shelf. Neither of them noticed the entire stack unit tipping over from the force of Mulan's body until it was too late, and the entire stack went down, knocking into the stack behind it, and the stack behind that, until all of the Arts & Recreation section was on the floor.

"Fuck." Was all the Warrior could manage over Belle's giggles.

* * *

_**Happy Weekend, SWEN! Promises for more SQ to come (I know it's been a little thin for them lately!) Much love! -Rogue**_


	28. Chapter 28

David set the trap so the adult sized box would come reigning down on anyone who crawled inside for the goodies. The trap was meant to lure someone in who just couldn't resist the gifts associated with Valentine's Day. It was a picnic spread with a bottle of champagne, a bouquet of flowers, and a heart shaped box of variety chocolates. And when any one of those items was touched, the cage would come crashing down on them. Snow and David thought it was perfect.

Cupid watched their next failed trap attempt from the nearby tree and shook his head. These were the worst captive hunters he had ever seen. He was even in a tree twenty feet from them, with no camouflage, and they still had no idea. Their last trap was simply a box over a box of chocolates, which was set off by a squirrel, reminding them that cupid was a full grown man, not a feral cat that needed to be neutered.

"This is it! There's no way he's going to resist this. Okay, you hide in the bushes, and I'll stay behind the garbage can. When he's trapped, we'll call in for transport." Cupid laughed at David's little plan, as he watched the whole thing unfold. He literally laughed out loud, and his "hunters" didn't even hear. Cupid almost pitied them at this point.

* * *

Regina, Emma, and Sneezy were in the lab. Sneezy believed he had made two new formulas, one for Tink and Ruby to drink, and one for Cupid's man problem.

Tinkerbell and Ruby, however, were not rushing to the lab to try the mixture out. It would be appropriate to say that the Fairy was stalling.

"Ruby, you have to help me out here. If we take that potion and it works, Sneezy's going to be all goo-goo eyed at me. Worse, apparently so is a prisoner of war. I can't run, I can't hide. Let's just not take it, okay?" Tink pleaded.

"Oh no. I'm not staying in love with Belle because you're too much of a coward to turn down a couple of guys! This is uncomfortable for me, Tink! She's my friend." Ruby was taking that potion. Tink could choose not to take hers, but Emma would probably strap her down and force her not to be in love with the Queen anymore.

"I'm thinking of a plan. I'm thinking, I'm thinking…give me a minute." Tink was pacing, with Ruby just staring at her with her arms crossed over her chest.

"I have it! Okay, what if we drink the potions, and we pretend it made us fall in love with each other! Yes! Please, Ruby! Then Cupid and Sneezy have to back off." Tink was as close to jumping up and down as one can get without actually hauling off to a trampoline.

"No! Tink, I totally respect your bisexuality, but I still like guys. Only guys. And I would like to get back to liking as many of them as possible, and pretending to be your accidental lesbian lover isn't going to help with that."

"It's not? Ruby, please. If you're pretending we're in love, it just means that while Cupid's around that we're out together a bunch, which is what we do now. I know I'm your favorite wingwoman. I promise. Help me out with this until Cupid's under control, and I'll deal with Sneezy myself, once that's blown over. Please, please please please!" Tink begged.

"Fine! Only until Cupid's gone, and only because I think he's legitimately crazy and you turning him down might end in you being kidnapped. Limited hand holding, no kissing."

"Deal! Let's go get our potion on!"

* * *

Mulan and Belle were in the library, assessing the damage they had just caused. They had taken out a full section, shelving units and all. Mulan was still getting her pants back on appropriately, while Belle was just hoping nobody heard the giant crash they had caused.

"Mulan, what are we going to do? It would take both of us days to put this back together." Belle was still giggling, but understood how much work the two had just created for themselves. They would have to pick up the shelves, re-arrange the books in appropriate order thanks to the Dewey decimal system, not to mention all of the dust that was stirred up from the crash.

"Belle, do you know magic?" Mulan asked.

"Nope. Never had so much as a lesson." Belle answered, distracted by the books. She hoped none of the originals had a cracked spine. Some of these books were literally hundreds of years old.

"But you know where the magic books are, don't you?" Mulan pressed, hoping Belle would get it.

Belle nodded.

"Belle, now would be a good time for us to take magic for a test drive." Mulan said. They had to fix this. How were they going to explain the "accident" that lead to destroying a third of an entire floor?

* * *

Cupid was past feeling sorry for his former kidnappers/current hunters.

Now he was just going to fuck with them.

He took one of his non-magical arrows out of his quiver, and positioned himself into the tree branches so that he could not be found with a simple glance. He could easily spot David and Snow, still thinking that they were "hiding". It was pathetic, really. David really thought that a small street trash can could hide the body of a full grown man. Like when little kids think that in playing hide and go seek that you can't see them if they can't see you.

He took out his arrow, and lined it up with the box of chocolates. He had a second arrow, ready to go if need be.

Snow and David heard the "pop" of the arrow entering the box of chocolates, not moving the box, but instead firing straight through. They both ran to the trap to see what happened, and when David picked up the box with the arrow shot clear through it, the Charmings found themselves caught in their own trap.

"Damnit, Cupid!" David said, pulling the arrow out of the box. He sat down on the blanket to call someone to get them out. Snow sat next to him, helping herself to some champagne.

* * *

"This one! It's for help with cleaning up! It's perfect. Okay, Mulan. It's musical. It looks like we need someone to play this music, and another person to direct the – what does this look like in the picture, a group of little brooms?" Belle asked, turning the book sideways.

"I don't know, Belle. They look like they're for cleaning up a house. Brooms aren't going to help get the shelves back up and put the books away."

"It's worth a try. I don't have a magical flute or anything. What can we do here?" Belle was looking through all of the books they now had open to their potential spells. "Maybe if I just hum the tune?"

"What do you want me to do?"

"Mulan, if anything appears, you direct them to help you pull up the bookshelves. Let's just start with that."

Belle began humming the tune in the book. After just a few bars, smoke started moving from the pages, over to Mulan.

"It's doing something. Don't stop!" Mulan said, bracing herself for the worst. It's not that Mulan was against magic, it was just that she had never used it, and had no experience with something she knew to be quite powerful.

The smoke started swirling around Mulan, outfitting her in a blue wizard's hat and a red robe. Belle kept humming, and it wasn't long before a broom did indeed appear.

"Okay, now just direct him to what needs help. I'll keep humming." Belle said, taking a quick break from the music before going back to it, now outright singing the enchanted song. More and more brooms kept appearing.

Mulan did her best to show with hand motions that they needed the stacks picked up, which the brooms with their little hands indeed could do. The stacks were upright within a few minutes. Mulan kept directing them with her hands as a conductor directs an orchestra, and jumped up onto a study table to continue her motions.

"Okay, now I need them to pick up the books!" Mulan said.

"Just keep directing them!" Belle kept singing, as the magical helpers did their jobs. This was really working. The little three foot tall brooms acted like magical little helpers, following Mulan's silent directions in time with the music. This was working out nicely. It looked they they wouldn't actually have to pick anything up themselves.

* * *

In the lab, Tinkerbell was having another argument, without even having gotten up to taking or not taking the potion.

"I'm not doing that!" She yelled.

"Look, we're not saying to outright have sex with him, just that if you go on a date with him…how else are we supposed to get him to rub this lotion on his two inches to make it bigger?" Regina was trying to get the Fairy to take one for the team, and diffuse the whole war situation.

"Well, I'm not rubbing it for him! Why don't we just give him the lotion! I'm sure he'll be glad to administer it himself."

"Probably not, Tinkerbell. Do you think he'd trust those of us who kidnapped him? He knows we're on Wonderland's side. He doesn't know that you technically are. Look at it as a spy mission. Take one for the team!" Emma knew they were pushing it, but it was worth a try.

"I'm not doing it! Gross! He spied on me, and then tied my friends up!"

"Alright, let's just calm down. How about you two take _your_ potion so we can see if it even works, and then worry about getting Cupid a penis that doesn't make him want to blow up the world." Sneezy really wanted to get out of there at some point, preferably alive. He was also quite pleased that Tinkerbell didn't seem to want to touch the Lord of Valentine's Day's penis.

"Good plan. Tink, bottoms up." Ruby said, grabbing her small vile, and handing Tink hers.

Tinkerbell looked at the bubbling goop. It clearly had signatures of Regina's magic, and was still warm, as Sneezy had just pulled it off of the burners before bottling it. It smelled like licorice. Not the nice, berry twists, but the evil, nasty black licorice that nobody actually gave to children unless they hated children.

"I'm not drinking this." Tink said.

"You were doing shots of Jager a few hours ago. You can kick that back with no problem but not your love potion?" Regina asked in her snarky voice.

Ruby went ahead and kicked back her potion, and Tink went ahead and followed suit. There were no sparks or fireworks for them, just two long lines of smokiness, one from Regina pulling back into Tinkerbell, and one coming from outside of the room and making its way back into Ruby's body.

"Hey! I'm not in love with you anymore!" Tink said to Regina. "And it's a good thing, too, because you were shaping up to be a terrible wife. I mean, you have a problem with every little thing, no sense of compromise, I _hate_ that picture you have over your fireplace, and wow I'm glad to have my love back."

"The feeling's mutual, dear." Regina shot back.

"Okay! Everyone's back to normal then!" Sneezy was pleased, assuming if the potion worked, his lotion for Cupid would as well, and he had a big bottle of it ready to go. "So Tink, um, now that you have your love back…" Sneezy started, and Tinkerbell could tell what was coming. Everyone could. The entire room cringed all at once. These were definitely the kind of folks that would slow down passing an accident scene.

_Oh no. Exactly what I was dreading_ Tink thought.

"Right! So now that my love's back, we should go! Right Sweetie-pie?" Tink said, grabbing Ruby's hand. Ruby stumbled a moment, but remembered their agreement.

"Absolutely, cuddle-buns. Let's leave these folks to it!" Ruby and Tink ran off together, no longer negotiating on who would rub what on Cupid's you-know-what.

"What the hell did I just do?!" Sneezy yelled to himself.

Emma's cell phone started vibrating. She answered, walking off from Regina and the Dwarf for a moment.

"Uh huh. Shit. Okay. Where? Hang tight."

"Cupid trapped David and Snow. In their own trap. We've got to get down there." Emma said.

"Did you just say he caught them _in their own trap_, Emma? Doesn't David teach 'Kidnapping and Captivity' in the fall semesters?" Regina asked.

"Yeah, but you know how Cupid is. Apparently he can escape anything." Emma wasn't particularly concerned with the situation, she just wanted to get them out.

"Hang on. I have an idea how to get them out." Regina responded with a little smirk.

* * *

Mulan and Belle were now trapped on top of a study table. Belle had long since stopped singing the tune, but it seemed to make no difference. Apparently, once two dozen brooms show up to get to work, there's no stopping them. Mulan had taken off the wizard's hat and robes that had appeared on her, and tried using hand motions to direct the brooms to stop cleaning once the job was done, to no avail.

Once the shelves were up, and the books all away, the brooms continued on to the floors. The ones sweeping the carpeted areas by the books weren't really of concern, as sweeping on carpet wasn't doing anything anyway. However, in the study area next to the stacks, there was tile flooring, which they had started to mop, forcing Belle and Mulan onto the table.

Once the mopping was done, the brooms wouldn't let them off, because the floor was wet. Once the floor was not wet anymore, they started mopping it again, like they hadn't just done it. It appeared to be a never-ending cycle.

"We're never getting off this table." Belle said, huddled next to Mulan.

"We could try to jump for it to the carpet." Mulan said, trying to find a way out of this.

"Well, if you can jump twenty feet, you really are Batman. I'm stuck here." Mulan knew Belle was right. There was nothing close to jump to, nothing to jump up to grab onto.

"Okay, I'm calling Emma."

* * *

David and Snow were still inside of their person cage over their impromptu Valentine's Day-esque picnic. Snow was just flat out eating the chocolates now, having run out of steam for the mission quite some time ago.

"Okay, class. Now what do we _never_ do once we have a trap set?" Regina asked last year's captivity class, now sophomores. It was almost dawn, as they had been up all night. She figured they weren't too far off from the student's usual wake up call, and this would be a good learning experience.

For Snow and David.

A small, scrawny boy with his military-issued glasses raised his hand.

"We don't touch the detonator. At all, for any reason. Right professor Charming?" The boy asked.

"Right, Stanley. I'm glad you could all come out here for this demonstration. I'm sure you'd all like to go back now and get ready for the day." David was tired, and clearly being punished for his earlier indiscretion.

"We never, ever touch the detonator. Even if your adversary provides you with a distraction. We always disengage the mechanism first." Stanley continued. David remembered this student. He was the one who always shot his hand up when he asked the class a question, and would act like he was about to fall over and die if you didn't call on him, because _oooo! I know!_

"Not so fast, David. Good job, Stanley. Class, I'd like you all to show us what you learned last year, and free them from the trap. Let's see what Professor Charming taught you. Stanley, since you answered correctly, you're the team leader." Regina was enjoying this entirely too much. Emma had to admit, it was amusing. And technically a training exercise.

Stanley had the team fall into formation, with seven students surrounding the trap on lookout. The others made quick work of the cage, identifying the safety, and working on pulling the professors out.

Emma's cell phone went off again.

"Yeah, Mulan. We're still around. I can – you're what? Brooms? Seriously? Okay, just stay put, I guess. We'll be right there."

"Problem?" Regina asked Emma.

"Looks like this team is going on a second field trip. Now we need to go to the library. And Mulan said to use the second floor entrance. It sounds bad."

* * *

Every time Mulan or Belle pissed off the mopping brooms, more of them were summoned. Every time they made a move to escape, it had pissed them off. Now there were at least fifty mopping brooms with little wooden arms appearing with buckets, intent on scrubbing the floor. There was now so much water that the library was flooding, and Belle and Mulan were huddled on the table as a raft.

Regina, Emma, and the students came in on the second floor, looking down onto the situation. David and Snow had been sent home to sleep for a few hours before going back out for Cupid. Regina immediately recognized the spell they had summoned, made for apprentices of sorcerers trying to get out of their chores. If they had bothered to pull the second volume off of the shelf, they would have learned the rest of the music to relieve the little helpers of their duties.

"Okay, class. This is an upper-level situation that you're not up to yet in your studies, so you're just going to watch me. Emma, make sure they stay here please." Emma nodded, not knowing what the fuck was going on with these little brooms and their magical flood.

Regina started down the stairs, with the class watching over the railing. As she approached the water, she used her magic to spread the sea apart, spraying the water up into a reverse waterfall. As she parted the soapy lake, the water started disappearing.

The brooms were now angry at the Queen. They abandoned their buckets and went rushing over.

"Mulan! Throw me the hat!" Regina yelled, and Mulan quickly tossed it over.

Regina put it on, and it started glowing. It hadn't done that when Mulan had put it on. Mulan was also not actually a magician. Regina held up her hands, and the brooms stopped.

"Students, it is very important when you learn music magic next year, that before starting any spells, you also learn the song that stops whatever you've conjured. Pay attention." Regina began to whistle a tune, one that sounded similar to the one Belle had sung, but a minor key version. The brooms one by one walked to their buckets, and exited, marching in time with the tune single-file.

"That was so cool!" One of the students said. When the last broom made its exit, stopping to give the Queen a little curtsy, the students erupted in applause. Only once they were all gone and the hat stopped glowing the Regina stop whistling.

Mulan and Belle quickly hopped off of the table.

"Thank you so much, Regina! I don't know what happened. It's like more and more of them kept coming and they wouldn't stop!" Belle was still terrified from the incident.

"So, would either of you care to explain how you got into this mess?" Regina asked.

"That's a private story, Regina. Maybe that's a 'conversation over brunch' type of question." Belle said, pointing to the students on the second floor.

Emma was amazed at Regina's calmness and authority. She was convinced in that moment that Regina was capable of anything with her magic. Actually, Regina was capable of anything, period.

* * *

_**Note: I know, short chapter. It's because I'm saving the rest for the next! Happy Pride Month, Readers! -Rogue**_


	29. Chapter 29

When Regina and Emma finally returned to the Mills mansion at the crack of dawn, they were exhausted. Henry had left a note explaining that he put leftovers for them in the refrigerator, but they were just too tired to even consider it.

They went upstairs, and Regina started pulling out pajamas to put on. Emma was too exhausted to get undressed and then re-dressed just to pass out, so she stripped down to her bra and underwear and just climbed into bed.

"I'm even too tired to shower. Emma, you're right. We need to find a way to take a break. We can't keep doing this with work, Henry's events, and crisis after crisis back to back. We're supposed to run a marathon, not live one." Regina climbed in and snuggled up next to Emma, in their usual position on their usual sides for when they were spending the night together. Regina preferred to be the big spoon, but usually at some point in the night she would wake up either half on Emma's chest, or switched around into little spoon position.

"Marathon, right. There's something else we haven't had time to train for." Emma said sleepily. She knew there was a 50/50 chance that they wouldn't remember this conversation anyway.

"And we moved it up. Emma, what do you think about us dropping out of the IronFairy?" Regina asked. Emma knew if this is what was coming up, the Queen was really at the end of her rope with how overworked they were.

"What? Regina? What about beating Tinkerbell? And winning the money for your castle? It's going to be tough, but we could still win it!" Emma knew how much Regina missed having a castle. She was determined to get Regina whatever she wanted, even if it meant running herself ragged through the realms.

"Emma, think about it. That's the perfect weekend for us to go away. If we're ever going to go on a vacation, we need the school to be on break, and lots of other people around to handle our never-ending list of issues. And we need to find someone to watch Henry, and if everyone we know is congregated in one place, that's a little easier, don't you think?" Emma flipped over to look at Regina's face.

"You're serious?" Emma asked.

"Dead. As in, I will be dead if we don't take a break and then try to run a marathon. The castle can wait." Regina said.

"Okay. We don't show up for IronFairy then. If you're sure it's what you want. I was only going to do it because you suggested it." Emma said, leaning in to kiss Regina's forehead, then her nose, then her lips.

"Love you." Regina mumbled, relaxing into the much-needed bed.

"Love you too."

* * *

The two woke up only six hours later, to a barrage of texts from everyone else. It was amazing how little everyone else could accomplish and still feel the need to text the Savior about it.

Emma's phone was packed with updates from Snow and David. The "updates" were really just texts letting Emma know every time they switched locations looking for Cupid, coming up empty. New location, new text message.

"Okay, why don't my parents understand that I don't need to know when they're not finding anything?" Emma grumbled. Coffee and girlfriend. That's all she wanted at that moment. Not unnecessary texts. She hit her mental snooze button, snuggling back under the covers, enjoying that they smelled like Regina.

Regina's phone had texts from Belle. Judging from the time stamps, it appeared that Belle and Mulan had awoken an hour earlier, and since Snow and David were on duty, they wanted to see if Emma and Regina wanted to join them for brunch in Little France. Regina was now wide awake, and that meant she was going to keep Emma up too. As soon as Regina finished reading the texts out loud to Emma, the Savior started grunting out her response.

"Yes. Yes, please. Coffee. Food. Friends. Not Cupid. Shower first. Clothes." Was all Emma got out, with her face buried back in the pillows, causing Regina to chuckle and run her fingers through the blonde mop on the pillow next to her.

"Alright dear, I will text our acceptance back, upgrading it to complete sentences." Regina gave Emma's cheek a kiss, and then brushed the hair away from her face. "Hey. I'm hopping in the shower. Coming?"

Emma's head perked up right away, her eyelids still have closed. "Shower. Yes. Then coffee. Regina. Shower."

* * *

As was becoming the usual, Mulan and Belle were at the coffee shop early, with some time to themselves. Belle had tucked into her purse a little book to talk about with Mulan. Once they were situated with their coffees and had put in their breakfast orders, she pulled it out.

"I want your opinion on something. Or permission, really. We have all of these history books in the library, including stories that others have written about you and me. I think we should start keeping track of our own stories."

"How? Like a journal?" Mulan asked.

"Yes, exactly like that, but every time we go through something…well, like last night, minus a few details, we should write it down. Who else is going to write the history that's happening now if we don't keep track? Otherwise it'll end up being passed down word of mouth, and by the time our great-grandchildren go to write it down, it'll be missing information." Belle hoped Mulan was okay with this, but she wouldn't write about her girlfriend if she were against it.

Mulan knew what was really going on. They were at the point where Belle had read eighty-five percent of what was in the library, and was now ready to switch to being an author. Of course she would be supportive.

"I think that's great. If you want to write, you should do it." Mulan said smiling.

"Great! Okay then. Chapter one: When Belle fell in love with Mulan." Belle started to write.

"Wait! Umm, how much is going in there?" Mulan asked, turning red. There were so many, many things that Mulan didn't want about her time pre-Belle getting out, particularly the fact that she and Emma sat through three nights of lesbian training just to work up the nerve to ask her out.

"I won't put anything in that you don't want. And I won't put anything in that's private for us." Belle said, putting a hand on Mulan's arm from across the table.

Emma and Regina arrived, looking ever bit like worn-out rock stars who were up way too early after a bangin' concert.

The pair placed their orders, and joined Belle and Mulan at the table. Once the two pairs of sunglasses on the women were taken off, their dark, puffy eyes were visible.

"So, you two don't look so chipper this morning." Belle said.

"We slept six hours after staying up all night, drinking and then chasing Cupid and by the way, rescuing you two. We also haven't eaten in about seventeen hours. You're both lucky we showered." Emma said. Regina got up to get their drinks from the side bar.

"Hey, if you two wanted a day off, we can go Cupid hunting later to relieve David and Snow." Mulan suggested, always the good friend. Regina returned with their coffees as a server came out with the full table's breakfast orders. It was not lost on Mulan that Emma started shoveling it in with little regard for the fact she was daringly wearing a white shirt.

"We're okay with taking over shift this afternoon. I promise. Once this latte is down, I'll be back in business." Emma said.

"Are you sure? It's really no trouble." Belle offered.

"Actually, there is something we wanted to ask you both about. We're fine with hunting today if David and Snow don't catch him. It's about the weekend of the IronFairy." Regina started, looking at Emma. When the Savior gave a little nod in between bites, Regina continued.

"We're not doing the competition." Regina said.

Belle looked shocked, but Mulan understood right away. If either of the two women had said they were so much as going to train today, looking like the wrecks they were, she would have to intervene.

"I get it," The Warrior started, "And I think it's a good idea. I'm only staying in because I'm doing just the marathon portion. It's too much to train for seriously right now."

Belle looked at Mulan, and then back at what used to be Emma and Regina, now looking more like Mick Jaggar and Steven Tyler.

"Right. We totally support you not showing up. No big deal." Belle said.

"There's more. We're hoping to go away on a vacation that weekend instead, and thought maybe you'd be able to watch Henry for us?" Emma asked.

"Of course! We'd love to!" Belle answered for them.

_We would?_ Mulan thought. She liked Henry just fine, but she didn't know how to take care of a teenager.

"Oh my gosh, thank you so much. That's such a relief." Emma said gratefully, pausing to take another chug of her caffeine. "He's really no problem. We're only looking at taking a three-day weekend, so he can come over to one of your places or you guys can stay at Regina's with him. Whatever's easier. He does his own cooking and cleaning now, so it's just making sure there are adults around in case something crazy happens. Which, you know, seems to be every other day." The Savior finished.

"We can leave you a list of instructions. He doesn't have a bedtime on weekends, so nothing to worry about there. And he's just going to go watch the competition that you're both going to anyway on Saturday. We promise, this is a very low-maintenance babysitting job." Regina said, now excited. She was getting her energy back. Between the food, a few solid hours of sleep, and now the excitement that they might actually get to go away, she was back in the game.

"Where are you guys going?" Mulan asked, hoping it wasn't far in case something did happen.

"We don't actually have that little detail worked out yet." Regina said looking at Emma.

"We're having a disagreement about where to go." Emma clarified.

"Have you considered Wonderland?" Belle asked.

"You mean the place that was just at war a few days ago?" Emma asked, hoping that Belle was joking.

"They're fine now. And when we were there, Philip and Aurora were fairly adamant that they would like visitors. I think they're lonely. They have no other royals in the realm, they only get to see people who don't work for them when someone visits. Their properties are open to any of us from this realm for helping them out." Belle said, hoping to help out her friends.

"It's true, and it's really nice. Castles, manicured gardens, it would be free…" Mulan knew the couple ruling Wonderland would love to have Emma and Regina visit, but would also know when to back off and give them free time. It was actually a really good idea. And technically, they had offered their place up to anyone from Storybrooke.

"We can call Philip and Aurora from the mirror room anytime. They're so grateful we caught Cupid, they'll probably give you the honeymoon suite. If we actually crack Cupid, they'll probably give you the whole castle." Belle said. The entire table was thinking _yeah, but they don't know yet that he's escaped_, but nobody wanted to say that much.

Regina looked at Emma.

"It's not a bad idea."

* * *

Snow and David had only taken a two and a half hour nap, before going back out for Cupid. The problem seemed to be, besides the sleep deprivation, that Snow only knew how to evade capture, not how to capture. David was in a similar situation. Hunting dragons usually mean that one could tell exactly where the dragon was from miles away.

They were up in the clock tower with binoculars, hoping that Cupid would be stupid enough to try to walk through town in daylight. They didn't want to go as far as wanted posters, since nobody in the town outside of a chosen few even knew there was a captive in the first place. And without soldiers, they figured Cupid couldn't do much. Anytime he used an arrow, it would provide them with a location. They figured a stakeout would be okay for daytime, suggesting that Emma and Regina do an active hunt at night.

Now they were just watching. People watching.

"Is that Cinderella and Sean? Wow. I don't know how she got her figure back after that baby. It's like she bounced right back, and looks like she never had a kid." Snow said.

"I think I see Whale down there. Is he hitting on Mrs. Potts? Snow? Isn't that the woman who teaches second grade?" David said.

"It is! And I think she's married." Snow had no problem with the stakeout turning into spying on the entire town. They had to find _something_ to do with themselves.

"She's flirting back! Look at her! She at least ten years older than him." They watched as Whale blatantly stared at the woman's cleavage. She seemed to notice and had no problem propping the girls up with her arms for the doctor to get a good look. Neither of them would put it past him to offer a free breast exam.

"Is that Grumpy adding whisky to that coffee cup out back? Is that what he does before work now?"

"Hey! That's a pack of students from the University. They're freshman. They're in boot for the whole year – they're not supposed to be having candy at all! It looks like they just bought out the convenience store. They must be stashing it somewhere. Are we going to have to start doing bunk checks?" David couldn't believe his eyes. The entire town just literally walked around with their secrets hanging out, if anyone were ever around to pay attention.

Snow took out her phone to text Emma.

_Staking out from the clock tower. Good location. We'll stay here awhile._

"Look at Sleepy! Is he peeing on that dumpster behind that building?" David quickly moved his binocular view over to the dumpster.

"No, it looks like he was, and he fell asleep standing up." Snow and David both got a good laugh out of that one. Storybrooke was actually...interesting.

* * *

Emma, Regina, Mulan and Belle were in the mirror room, trying to use the one with the Ace of Clubs on the top to call Wonderland.

After only a few rings, Aurora picked up, using the mirror in what looked like her powder room.

"Hi! It's so nice to hear from you all! Thank you so much for all of your help!" Aurora said, waving. This was much better than Skype.

"Hi Aurora! It's no trouble, we're just glad your kingdom is no longer having issues." Mulan said, having the most history with the young royal.

"How's Storybrooke? Anyone broken the prisoner yet?" Aurora asked.

_Well, he broke himself. Out, that is. _Emma thought to herself. Regina jabbed her in the ribs.

"Hey!" Emma knew she hadn't said anything out loud. Regina leaned over to whisper in her ear.

"I know what you're thinking. Shhh." Regina said. Emma scowled. How was the Queen able to bust her for things she didn't even say out loud anymore?

"We're confidant that Cupid will be cooperative within a short period of time." Mulan answered, also not willing to give up that he escaped. "We were actually calling about your offer while we were there. Still looking for visitors?"

"Are we ever! You must have gotten our pamphlet from the travel agency!" Aurora said excited.

Nobody had any idea what she was talking about. Regina and Emma had grabbed most of what the realm agent had, but they didn't take every single one. Regina thought it would be tacky. Apparently taking ten of them at once and guzzling a complimentary coffee was not, Emma had learned.

"What pamphlets? We actually haven't seen it." Belle said, now curious.

Aurora opened a drawer and rifled through some things before producing a small booklet. She handed it to Belle through the mirror. Everyone gathered around.

"We're making a bed and breakfast! Philip and I. We need to start getting some people interested in Wonderland!" Aurora said excitedly.

"Phil's Haunted WonderCastle?" Regina read out loud. "You're castle's haunted, Aurora?" The Queen asked, now feeling sorry for the young rulers. Magical hauntings were no joke.

"Oh, it's nothing to worry about. A moan here, a moved item there…really we're just playing it up. You know, keeping it marketable. It's what sets us apart from every other castle bed and breakfast." Aurora said, beaming with pride.

"Well," Emma piped up, "We actually were calling about coming for a visit. Regina and I were looking to get away for a weekend and heard you were the people to talk to."

"Oh my gosh! We would love for you to come! Anytime you'd like. Anything you want from the package is on us, just make sure you tell all your friends about it when you get back. Please come see us! The bushes from Cupid's attacks are almost grown back, we remodeled the guest area, and we would LOVE for you two to be our first guests!" Aurora was bouncing with excitement. Real live guests. She could stop having conversations with her body pillow that she had named Betsy.

"Well, I guess that settles it." Regina said, exchanging looks with Emma. They both nodded. "We'd love to come visit."

* * *

Sneezy was back in the lab, with his new ingredients imported from Neverland. He figured smuggling and importing were really just a difference in perspective. He wanted to help catch Cupid, but only in the hopes that he would use the lotion he had concocted on a whim.

If it worked, "Dr. Sneezy's Penis Remedy" would be up for sale the second he had it tested out on the captive.

He was going to make millions.

* * *

"So we're voluntarily staying in a Haunted Castle? We're really doing this?" Emma asked, as they sat in Regina's office at the University. They wanted to be on campus in case Snow and David made a capture. They also had a nice view of Henry down on the training grounds. Since winning the fencing tournament, he had a line of younger kids who wanted to start fencing asking him for lessons. They went ahead and let him use the University's training equipment whenever they could keep an eye on him. However, his mothers had no idea that he was charging per lesson, per head.

"I highly doubt it's actually haunted, Emma. If it were, Aurora would not have been describing it as "a moan here" or there. When magical beings come back as ghosts, it's never good." Regina said. She knew that if the Castle really were haunted, Aurora would either no longer be living there, or they would be destitute based on what extermination wizards were charging these days.

"Like the stuff you see on Ghost Hunters?" Emma asked.

"The Exorcist." Regina answered. "But again, I doubt it's haunted at all. I say we let them put on their little charade, and go ahead and take our vacation. It's actually smart how they put this booklet together." Regina continued fingering through the amenities pages. They offered a lot for their packages, on par with a five star resort.

Emma was not so easily relaxed by Regina's reassurances. She not only believed in ghosts, but couldn't even watch all of The Exorcist out of the terror it provided. Not good. A Neverland vacation was starting to sound more appealing.

If she were being honest, a vacation back in prison was sounding more appealing.

"Emma, it's fine." Regina said, putting her hands on Emma's arms. "There's no way it's really haunted. I promise you, if it were, they wouldn't still be there, much less trying to get others to come. Is the big bad Savior really going to chicken out at the thought of Philip running around with a sheet over his head?"

"It's fine." Emma lied. _It's not fine. We're going to be chopped up into little ghost nuggets and possessed and poltergeisted and all of those other science fiction words_.

* * *

Snow and David now had a telescope set up, in addition to their binoculars. The difference was mainly that the telescope was powerful enough to spy into windows.

"They didn't even shut the blinds! David, Mrs. Potts is cheating on Mr. Potts with Whale!" Snow shouted.

"Gross. Not something I want to see. Hey! Ruby's sneaking out for yet another smoke break at the diner to get yet another guy's number. That's four in the last three hours. How does she do that? How does Granny not notice her disappearing every twenty minutes?" David's new favorite show was Storybrooke, Daylight Hours. This town was much more interesting when you could hide out and see all of it.

"I think I see Henry. Since when does Henry do his chores at other people's houses? He's using a feather duster. I'm going to have to ask Emma about that."

David moved his binoculars around a bit more. This was better than bird watching. At this point, they had forgotten all about Cupid.

* * *

Cupid had not forgotten all about them. In fact, once he was certain they were going to be in the clock tower for awhile, he took advantage of the location.

Cupid had been watching the Fairy. It didn't take him long to figure out where she lived, where she worked, and who she interacted with. He waited until she was home in her kitchen, before loading up his arrow.

The "whoosh" through the open window startled Tink, but the sight of an arrow in her refrigerator with a note pinned to it had her curiosity. She pulled the arrow out and took off the note.

_My Dearest Mayor,_

_I only hope I didn't startle you, but I wish to make my feelings known. YOU are the fairest in all the land. I will see to it that your every wish be fulfilled, your every dream come true. I cannot reveal myself just yet, but there is a token of my appreciation for your every perfection at your doorstep. _

_Your Dearest Love,_

_Cupid xoxo_

Tink was now terrified. She was indeed being stalked again. She didn't want to risk going to the front door and having him standing around, ready to kidnap her. She instead made no move towards the door, and staying away from the open window, called Emma, who everyone called when they were in trouble.

* * *

Emma and Regina arrived in five minutes, speeding through the town in Regina's Mercedes. They ran to the campus armory closest to Regina's office, geared up, and headed out. They took the fact that Cupid used an arrow very, very seriously.

Emma was on high adrenaline. Between constantly having to save everyone's asses, she was worried what would happen when she and Regina went away together. She loved her parents, but the fact that they were still holed up in the clock tower while Tink was basically left as a sitting duck meant that neither Snow nor David were named the Savior for a reason. They were the Charmings. They were good at…being charming.

The Queen and the Savior were taking no chances. The fact that they were romantically involved, and now had been for quite some time, meant that they could convey things with each other with just looks. It was proving to be quite handy in these situations. Emma could just look at Regina, and the Queen would understand "Move in" or "Hang back". Regina parked the car in front of Tink's treehouse.

Emma visually scanned the property for evidence of Cupid lingering around with her binoculars. She saw nothing unusual, except for a small box in front of the door, wrapped in red paper with a pink and white ribbon on it. Cupid must have made a drop and run after firing the note. Emma gave Regina a nod, with a look that said, "proceed with caution". Regina nodded back.

Regina got out with a small pistol strapped to her thigh. She preferred using magic, but Emma insisted she always go out with a back-up plan. Emma had five different types of weapon hidden on different points of her body, and both were wearing arrow-proof vests.

They walked up to the front stairway back to back, Regina with her hands ready to conjure, Emma with her sword drawn. They proceeded slowly, constantly scanning the area. They got up the stairs to the front door, still with no sign of Cupid. Emma picked up the box and knocked.

Tinkerbell answered, relieved to see them there, and armed.

"So it seems he did leave you a token of his appreciation. You did the right thing, Tink, by calling us and not running to open the door." Emma said.

"I guess if it's a present I should open it." Tink said, reaching for the box.

"No!" Regina shouted, swatting Tink's hand away. "That could be a trap. It could be a bomb. It could be a curse. It could be any number of things. Why do we not take candy from strangers, Tink?"

"We don't? I take candy from anyone I can get it from."

"Regina's right, Tink. Just in case, we need the bomb squad in here first."

* * *

Ruby had the winner of "Lunchtime Number Exchange" in her bedroom, down to his boxers, and handcuffed to the bed. It had been a long day, and she was ready for some fun. Luckily, Peyton seemed to like the same kind of fun, which is what got him the date over the others who had all hit on Ruby throughout the day.

Ruby was rifling through her whip drawer. Why was nothing ever where she put it? Did the last guy steal her cat-o-nine tails?

Ruby's phone buzzed on vibrate. _Hmmm. A Vibrator. That'll shock him. Better get that too_. She only checked the phone because it was right in front of her.

"Damnit!" She said. She knew as soon as she saw the beginning of the text, a big bold _**EMERGENCY **_tag from Emma, that her fun was about to be up. Then when she saw she was being called in as bomb squad, she started putting clothes on.

"Hey! What's going on?" Peyton yelled from the bed, still cuffed.

"Okay, honey, here's the thing. I have a tincy-wincy situation I need to take care of. I'll be right back."

"What? No! At least uncuff me!"

"No need. I'll be right back. I promise. If you're a good boy while I'm gone, you'll get a reward." Ruby winked at him. "Ten, fifteen minutes tops."

* * *

Ruby started her package check from five feet away. That's where if there were anything magical that would hurt anyone, she would start getting an aroma. Everyone stood behind her, knowing not to get closer until Ruby gave an "all clear".

No magical scent, and the hairs on the back of her neck weren't standing up.

"Clear for magic. Moving in."

From three feet, Ruby could smell biological material. If there was a dead anything in the box, she would pick it up. Flower, animal, body part, a hair, germ warfare powders, nothing would get past Ruby at three feet.

"Clear for biological weapons. Moving in."

Getting right up close to the box was the most dangerous, and Ruby knew it. She had to get close to sniff for explosives. She let her nose sniff around the box, and then the corners where the lid came on and off. She couldn't smell any sort of explosive at all. It smelled metallic, but not like gun powder.

"All clear." The other three women collectively let out a sigh.

"Okay, my job is here is done, I'll see you all later." Ruby said, trying to exit as gracefully as possible.

"Wait! Don't you want to see what it is?" The Mayor asked.

"I'm going to be a bit tied up tonight, but you can tell me about it in the morning." Ruby said, rushing out.

"Well, I supposed there's no reason to stall anymore." Regina said, motioning to Tink. "Open your present."

Tinkerbell looked at the small box. She cautiously opened it, gasping as she looked inside.

She reached in and pulled out a necklace that must have had twenty diamonds on it, attached to pure 24 karot gold. Tink had seen this kind of jewelry on the royals before, but never owned a piece herself.

"It's beautiful." Tink said, her voice full of awe.

"It's from a maniac." Emma reminded her.

"Right, but you're going to catch him anyway, so I can keep it." Regina rolled her eyes.

"Just a suggestion, dear. Don't wear that out with him running around. He'll take it as an invitation to make more uninvited visits. Are you alright here now?" Regina asked, glad that it turned out to be nothing.

Tink nodded, already trying on her new necklace, rushing over to a mirror.

* * *

"Looks like we've got a criminal on the lose who…escapes and gives women presents. I've gotta say, criminal wise, it could be worse." Emma said, ushering Regina back to the car.

"At least with his fascination with Tink, we know he won't skip town before we can catch him, and he won't try anything dangerous. He wouldn't risk hurting her." Regina said, climbing into the driver's seat.

Emma got in the passenger side, looking at Regina, who seemed to be in a good mood since there was no bomb at the Mayor's house. She slyly put the CD she kept stashed on the passenger side into the player. "Baby You Can Drive My Car" Came blasting out of the stereo.

"No, Emma, you cannot drive my car, for the thousandth time."

* * *

_**Happy Tuesday! Love all you readers, new and old. Also love reviewers and followers - your comments/messages are always helpful! -Rogue**_


	30. A Wonderlandful Vacation

_**Author's Note: Sorry for being an idiot, readers, but I just now figured out how to name the chapters. I hope this makes skipping around to find where you left off easier! This is my first fic, so sorry that I didn't do that for people who only check in once in awhile!**_

* * *

Cupid had set up quite the camp-out in the forest. Over the past couple of weeks, he had constructed a cabin by hand, acquiring items here and there with a combination of things he made himself out of wood, things he traded for in town on the down low, and a few items he had gone dumpster diving for. He figured with no way back to his world, and a Fairy to woo, he might as well make himself comfortable.

He had also continued showering Tinkerbell with gifts, often watching her from afar. She regularly came home to gifts on her doorstep, or love notes on her desk at work. Tink had no interest in actually dating a war criminal, but she did enjoy that someone thought she was special and showered her with gifts. They were always accompanied by a love note, in what Tink found to be true Valentine's character. If he wasn't a complete creepy stalker criminal runaway with a dick that she had heard was the size of an eraser, she would certainly go out with him.

Cupid knew he would have to step up his game. At some point, he hoped to present himself as a suitor worthy of meeting the Mayor face to face. He would have to come up with something fairly dazzling, considering he had been pulling out all the stops just with gift giving. However he chose to actually ask the Fairy out would have to be worthy of the ruler he was, and the beauty he observed from afar.

* * *

Emma and Regina were packing for their trip. Emma had things that she wanted to bring for Regina as little romantic tokens, but Regina hovering over the suitcases was making it difficult to sneak in anything. Emma gave up, figuring she could just improve while in Wonderland. She wanted Regina to feel special and loved on their first trip away together.

Emma was also trying to get away with packing as little as possible. Usually when Emma packed, it meant putting everything she owned into bags and boxes and jamming it into the bug. Packing for just a couple of days seemed like no big deal: a couple of shirts, a couple of pairs of jeans, something dressy-er if they did something in the castle that required something less casual, but otherwise she wasn't worried about it. She knew in their Storybrooke clothes they would look painfully out of place anyway.

Regina was apparently attempting to clothe every resident of Wonderland, assuming they were all her size, and trying to jam it all into one rolling suitcase. Emma came into the bedroom with her one backpack.

"You're still packing?" Emma asked, trying not to sound offensive.

"Emma, did I leave my black lace bra at your place?" Regina said, rifling through drawers.

"Regina you have like five of them."

"No, this one's different. It's the one where the swirls go clockwise, not counterclockwise. You know the one."

"Oh, that one." _I have no idea what she's talking about. They all look exactly the same_. "Well, since I'm the only one who's going to see your bras, I don't mind if the swirls go clockwise or counterclockwise, babe."

"It makes a difference." Emma looked into Regina's bag. The other four black bras were already in there. They weren't even going away for four days.

"Maybe Henry threw a load in the laundry. Also, I don't know what SPF sunscreen you use, so I'm bringing three kinds." Regina was still on the hunt for the bra. As far as Emma could see, Regina was more than packed. She had enough for them to move to Wonderland in some sort of inter-realm witness protection program.

"I also can't find my socks." Emma looked into the suitcase with what looked like at least six pairs, and then looked back up at Regina. "Not those, the other ones." Emma knew telling Regina to cool it would only make her look more.

This called for a distraction.

"Since you can't find your socks, you can borrow mine." Emma said, stripping the socks off of her feet, and throwing it into the suitcase.

"Ha, ha. Very funny. This is for clean clothes."

"You're also missing a bra? Have one." Emma kept her shirt on, but undid her bra, pulling it out from beneath her shirt and tossing it into the suitcase. She leaned back on the bed, eyeing the Queen seductively. Regina could see the pert nipples peeking through Emma's tank.

"Anything else you're missing? How about a shirt?" Emma stripped off her shirt, noticing that once her bra had come off, Regina had stopped all movements, simply staring at Emma's show. She leaned back into the pillows next to the suitcase, topless, eyes locked with Regina.

"Packing?" Regina asked.

"I'm done. You should be too."

"Henry?"

"Downstairs. CastleStorm."

"Mulan and Belle?"

"Not for a few hours."

Regina smiled, having gone through her checklist.

"I suppose I should make sure that I have enough shirts. You can never be too careful." Regina started unbuttoning her own shirt as she walked to the end of the bed. She tossed her own shirt onto the suitcase, climbing onto Emma.

Regina began running her hands over Emma's chest, kissing her Savior. Emma was glad that they had graduated into "lights on" sex fairly quickly, something she had never done with previous partners. The sight of the Queen climbing onto her body, looking like a hungry panther was not something she wanted to miss.

Regina had a way of kissing Emma that made the Savior forget about everything else, including breathing. Emma let Regina steer for the moment, touching her all over her bare chest. Regina ran her hands everywhere that was exposed, enjoying Emma's little whimpers into her mouth.

"What if I need a pair of jeans?" Regina asked with an eyebrow cocked. Emma smirked up, and started unbuttoning her jeans. Regina gave Emma about two seconds before just ripping them opening, stripping them off of the Savior, and throwing them in the bag.

That sparked Emma a thousand times over. Emma shot up, her lips finding Regina's roughly. All of the stress of the last couple of weeks had put a damper on their usual sexual activities. The Savior was all bottled up.

Emma had her mouth on Regina's neck, having trouble deciding between sucking and licking, all while working on getting rid of the Queen's bra.

"_Emma_." Was all Regina could growl out once the bra was off, and Emma was attached to her right nipple. Emma was fully sitting up with Regina on her lap. Regina was flushed, loving the way Emma's tongue felt brushing the very tip of her nipple. She dug her hands in Emma's hair, holding her head in place, and then allowing the Savior to switch sides. Emma proved to be skilled with her mouth, swirling her tongue around before drawing the full bud inside.

Emma held Regina, nursing on her like a starving babe. There was something comforting and exhilarating about Regina's breast in her mouth, feeling Regina's hands in her hair, with her hands running up and down the smooth skin of the Queen's back, feeling every muscle, the vibration of every moan. Regina could only say Emma's name over and over again, each time more strained. Regina's hips with her pants still on were grinding down into Emma.

Emma desperately wanted to rip the Queen's pants off, diving into her taste. However, with how much Regina was enjoying Emma's mouth on her nipples, she couldn't deprive Regina of the pleasure she was wanting in the moment. Emma decided to drag it out, letting Regina drink in every drop.

She switched sides again, holding Regina close, sucking firmly and quickly. The Savior's head was swimming, drinking in her desire for the Queen. Regina gasped, holding Emma even tighter to her breast, letting one hand trail down Emma's back. The back was Emma's weak spot, and she knew it. Emma felt the sparks shooting up and down her entire body, both from the pink tissue in her mouth, and the hand touching her skin. Regina had her head thrown back, sounding like she was trying to say something, but it was coming out as only deep, throaty groans.

It wasn't until Regina ground down onto Emma hard, crying out, nearly ripping out a handful of Savior hair that Emma realized what Regina was trying to say.

_I'm coming_.

The Queen's orgasm from the Savior's mouth on her breasts was shaking through her, all she could do was cling to her lover and ride it out through gasps and shakes. Emma smiled into the soft skin in front of her, moving her kisses to the valley in the center, then moving to kiss right over Regina's heart. She held her shaking Queen in her arms, feeling the heat come off of her body.

Regina settled herself with a few breaths, and moved onto kissing Emma with more aggression and need than before. She nudged Emma down onto her back. She used her foot to kick the suitcase off of the bed completely.

"We'll need the room."

* * *

Henry _really_ didn't want to get up to answer the door. He was just getting into a new level, but he knew from the crash he heard upstairs that there was no way either of his mothers were coming down to get it. He put the game on pause, but kept the controller with him as he ran to the door.

"Hi, Henry!" Belle greeted him.

"Aren't you guys not supposed to be here yet?"

"We wanted to drop in early to make sure we went over everything with your mothers." Mulan explained. They also planned on a giant pasta dinner with the kid for Mulan to carb up before the marathon, and getting to bed at a decent time.

"It's okay with me, but you're not going to see them yet." Henry said, letting his babysitters in with their overnight bags. They had agreed to stay at the mansion, so they would disrupt as little of Henry's life as possible. For Mulan, who had spent a good chunk of her life sleeping in either barracks or on the ground, staying at Regina's was like a vacation for the Warrior as well. Bonus points for letting her girlfriend stay too.

"Oh? Are they busy? We don't have to be so early. We just wanted to check over our instructions." Belle said, holding the print-out of the email Regina had sent her that morning. For a "low-maintenance" job, Belle was surprised that the instructions were long enough to require chapters. Chapter One: Who is and is not allowed in the house and when. Chapter 2: What Henry is and is not allowed to do.

Chapter 2 was by far the longest, taking into account a list of "not-allowed-to-do" items that were beyond anything Henry would be capable of concocting, including "attempting medical care beyond first aid" and "sending faxes or items express mail". Who exactly would a teenage boy send a fax to?

"My moms are upstairs. They're going to be awhile."

"Oh, they're probably still packing." Mulan said, following Henry to the living room.

"Nope. They're having sex." Henry said casually, un-pausing his game.

Mulan and Belle both looked at each other with wide eyes.

"They're what?" Belle asked, not believing what she just heard.

"Yeah. I'm pretty sure it happens every time I'm down here playing this. I guess they finished packing and decided to take advantage of their last couple of hours with their own bed. Ew. It's great for me though. They never make me go to bed when I'm playing this."

Belle could not believe what she just heard. She went towards the stairs, and heard a long moan that was distinctively Regina's voice.

"Henry, why don't we take you out with us to Granny's? We'll just leave them a note to meet us there before they leave to give us their keys."

"I have the spare keys. And I don't want to leave. I'm playing a game." The babysitting spell they had put on the game was still in full effect, only seeming to need a re-charge every couple of weeks.

Mulan looked at the game, not seeing the appeal. Then after a few minutes, she saw the appeal, once she had been staring long enough for the magic to take effect on her.

"Henry, you fight these things on the screen? With that controller?" Mulan asked, sitting next to Henry.

"Yeah, it's awesome, isn't it? You want to try?"

"Yes. I would like to try."

Belle heard another moan from the upstairs, eyes going wide.

"No, she would not like to try. We're going to Granny's."

"But-"

"We need to go Mulan, now." Belle said, cocking her head towards the upstairs.

"Right. We'll leave a note."

* * *

By the time Emma and Regina next checked the clock, they realized they had twenty minutes to get down to the portal agency for their jump. The two began scrambling to put clothes on, and Regina's careful packing went out the window as they threw everything that was now around the bed and on the floor in the bag. Regina grabbed their portal passports, and after a quick read over of Belle's note in the kitchen they ran outside to the car.

They sped to Granny's, stopping in for a quick goodbye and to wish Mulan luck tomorrow. Belle tried to fit in some questions about the "Watching Henry" list, but Regina insisted it would be fine, before the two sped out the doorway.

Mulan, Belle, and Henry returned to their dinner after watching the women in half ripped, crumpled clothes speed away to make their appointment. Belle turned back to Henry.

"So, Henry, what do you think? Would you like to write your own story for our history book?" Belle asked.

"You're a hero too, Henry. You're story is going to be in a book some day, like ours are. Wouldn't you like to be the one to write it?" Mulan asked.

Henry thought about it. He was a high school student, he played video games, hung out at Lilo's pool, and was on the fencing team. Outside of who his mothers were, he didn't think he was all that interesting. He would have to make it interesting.

"Sure. I can write my own chapter."

"Wonderful! Glad to have your help, Henry." Belle was excited. Her project was taking off.

Henry liked that he was taking in extra money from cleaning and giving unofficial fencing lessons. He had quite the bankroll stashed that his mothers weren't really even aware of. He would have to make a name for himself to be worthy of being a book character, especially if he were the one to write it.

* * *

Emma and Regina looked like they were going to just make their jump time. They put the car in overnight parking and jogged to the terminal. Once they got there, the realized they hadn't taken into account what the security line would look like.

It was their own faults, really. They had the portal authority making sure Cupid wasn't attempting to jump out, and everyone coming or going was to be checked for anything from Valentine Land.

"Looks like we're taking a later jump." Emma groaned, getting in line.

"What are you doing?" Regina asked.

"Preparing for my inevitable pat down?" Emma asked.

"Emma, we're royalty. We're the ones who put the security measures in place. We do not 'wait in line'." Regina said as though Emma had suggested they hang out at a liquor store corner and sip 40's from a paperbag.

"We can't just cut these people!" Emma said.

"Watch." Regina waived her hands around the line, freezing everyone except the security agent at the front. "They won't even know the difference." The security guard looked terrified when he saw the line freeze. He looked even more afraid when he saw who had frozen the line. He guessed all the rumors about the Queen still having her powers were true.

Regina marched them right up to the front, and handed over their passports and ID's. The guard had no desire to be frozen on that particular day, so he went ahead and checked them in.

"Okay, I see here two tickets for a five-thirty jump to Wonderland. The jumps are delayed this evening due to inclement weather, so expect your portal to be ready closer to six or six-fifteen." Regina and Emma both exhaled. They had rushed for nothing.

"Alright, everything looks fine here, except you can't take that through with you." The agent pointed to Regina's bottle of water in her hand.

"Excuse me?"

The guard pointed up to the "No Liquids Beyond This Point" sign overhead.

"I apologize, your Majesty. Security policy."

Regina snarled, readying her hands to cast another freeze.

"No, Regina." Emma put her hands over the Queen's before they fired up. "Let's just do what he says, it's his job. It's also what we told them to do." Emma said, trying to keep everything calm. "We can buy another bottle on the other side if you're thirsty."

"Fine." Regina threw the bottle in the garbage can. "No threat of accidentally watering any plants with Storybrooke water. Can we go now?"

"Umm, your Majesty? Could you maybe unfreeze the line now?" The guard asked timidly.

Regina turned around while rolling her eyes, moving her hands in the opposite direction as she had previously. The line unfroze, carrying on as though nothing had just happened. Emma was still somewhat amazed how that spell worked. People could just lose a few minutes, and have no idea it even happened.

Emma followed Regina down to their gate. She could see Regina's eyes bug out of her head, as the vendor on the side was selling the exact same water she had just thrown out for $4 a bottle.

"Baby, let it go. We're on vacation." Emma put her arm around Regina's waist as they walked. "You can have all the bottle water you want when we're in Wonderland. Not even bottles. Whole _bathes_." Emma kissed her on the cheek, feeling Regina loosen up. Finally, they could relax.

* * *

Later that night, Tinkerbell was at the counter while Ruby worked. The two were enjoying a nice Friday night chat while Tink waited for Ruby to get off shift. Ruby offered her a beer.

"No, thanks. IronFairy tomorrow. Probably not a good idea." Just then, Tink saw Sneezy come in with some of the dwarves.

"Actually, it's probably a good idea. Beer me." The Mayor ordered. Ruby saw who walked in and nodded, pouring a drink.

Sneezy made his way over to Tink.

"Hi." He said.

"Sneezy, hi there. I saw that you're in the competition tomorrow. Good luck."

"Yeah, I came to tell you the same thing. Actually, all of the dwarves are entered now, so you've got some competition."

"Snow and David are doing the full IronFairy too, and a bunch of the students from the university. We've got a lot of competition. I'm not worried. As long as my Sweetie here is cheering for me." Tink said, giving Ruby the face to let the Wolf know that their charade was still on so that Tink could keep her suitors at bay.

"I always cheer for my sweetie-buns." Ruby answered. "That's me. Girlfriend cheerleader. I don't know how we have time for all the cheering I do between all the scissoring and organic urban farming." Ruby added, giving Sneezy the "get lost" smile.

"Okay then. More than I needed to know. Well, I'll see you both tomorrow I guess." Sneezy shook his head and walked back to the dwarves. He wasn't buying that Tink was with Ruby at all, since Ruby was still leaving the diner twice a week with a man, heading back to her place. He wasn't going to push the Fairy. Whenever she was done playing whatever game she was with Ruby, he'd be there.

"You owe me _so much_ at this point, Tink." Ruby whispered. "What if they never catch Cupid? Is this going to go on forever?"

"They _will_ catch him. He's clearly still around. And really, Ruby? Scissoring?" Tink said, wearing her excessive jewelry collection. Contrary to what Regina had told her, she always wore Cupid's gifts. They made her feel special. And he did have excellent taste.

* * *

Emma and Regina were spit out of the portal smack onto their butts, and it wasn't a gentle landing either. Their suitcases were spit out of the giant wormhole shortly thereafter, while the two were still trying to stand up. Instead of spitting them out onto the front lawn, they were thrown into a random hallway. The two had no idea which way to go, since it wasn't a castle they were familiar with.

"Hello!" Emma shouted down the hallway.

"Philip! Aurora! It's us!"

"Ohh they're here! Hit the lights!" Aurora said from the control room, watching their guests from the security cameras. Philip did as he was told, bringing the lights down to a dim.

Emma noticed the items and furniture in the hallway were covered in cobwebs, but it didn't smell musty. This must be the "haunted" theme in "Phil's Haunted Castle". Emma picked up her bag and took Regina's suitcase, motioning with her head for Regina to follow her.

"And the eyes on the pictures follow you as you walk. Nice touch." Regina said, noticing what was going on right away. Somebody had spent quite a lot on year-round Halloween decorations to get their little bed and breakfast off the ground.

"This way! I think I hear something." Emma picked up the pace with Regina following along, towards the sound of a piano playing. She didn't even know Aurora played the piano.

It turns out they didn't. The piano was playing itself.

Emma looked like she was about to vomit.

"Player piano, Emma. Not a ghost. We can get one of those in our world too." Regina took her rolling suitcase out of Emma's hand to lighten her load, since clearly Regina was going to have to explain everything they passed to the Savior. "Philip and Aurora are expecting us for dinner, so they probably just thought the portal agency would dump us either in the dining hall or at some kind of front desk check in. Let's go find them."

Emma knew what a player piano was. She noticed that Regina sweetly was still trying to reassure her.

What she also noticed was that Regina had not been able to explain the floating candelabra hovering _over_ the player piano.

* * *

The pair finally found their way to the check-in desk, despite Emma jumping three feet in the air every time she heard anything that could remotely be considered a sound. While Emma was trying not to outwardly appear to be a completely scaredy-pup, Regina found it hilarious.

This weekend was going to be fun.

At the desk they were surprised to see Philip and Aurora already had staff, awaiting guests. They could see, however, that they were indeed the only guests. Regina liked it. She liked privacy, and she liked the idea that she and Emma were not only on their first trip, but it was like they had their own destination. The young woman chewing her gum loudly at the desk looked less than impressed that there were people to check in.

"You're in the Boo Room, number 607 on the sixth floor."

"The blue room?" Emma asked.

"The Boo room." The woman said, finalizing their check in on the computer.

"Blue?" Emma asked again hopefully. She didn't know what a boo room was, but unless it stood for "I gotcha, boo", she wanted no part of it.

The receptionist stopped chewing her gum mid-chew and looked up right at Emma.

"Boo."

"Okay. Boo room it is." Emma said, offering her arm to Regina so they could head up. "Which way are the elevators?"

"We don't have elevators, honey. You have to use the spirit channel." The receptionist replied. Regina was amazed that this woman could sound so jaded with a job she must have been hired for yesterday.

"Spirit channel?" Emma asked.

"It's like an elevator, but it shoots you through the physical floors as though you were a spirit travelling between walls and ceilings. Like if a portal were an elevator." Regina explained. Aurora really had pulled out all the stops on this place.

"Oh." Emma recalled back to earlier when the portal spit them out flat on their asses. She hoped the spirit channel at least spit them out onto the bed.

Emma and Regina found the hallway with the channels. Emma gasped and hid behind Regina when she found that the operator was headless. Completely. Just a body moving without a head.

Regina couldn't stop laughing at her girlfriend. She genuinely thought it was cute without being mean.

"It's alright, dear. Removing the head in this realm isn't death." Regina explained to the woman hiding behind her. The body of the operator picked up a small box, opening it for them, and then pulling out his head by the hair.

"She's right, you know." It said to Emma, still behind Regina's body. "It's barely even a scratch."

"Regina, get me the fuck to our room so I can lock us inside." Emma whispered to the Queen.

"607, please." Regina said, handing the headless man her key card to swipe. He ran it, charging up the channel, and handed it back.

"607 it is!" He said, shoving the two women into the channel.

* * *

Regina and Emma could not believe their eyes when they got in the room. It was a nice room, looking like any other castle bedroom worthy of royalty. It had furniture, drapes, and modern amenities like a television. It also had two beds.

Two twin beds. Not one king.

Regina and Emma looked at each other.

"We must have been shot up to the wrong room." Emma said. "How do I shoot back down to go fix this?" Emma asked, secretly hoping Regina would accompany her and not make her run around the haunted castle alone.

"Emma, we're the only guests. And look," Regina walked over to the bathroom, "fresh towels and soap."

Emma looked very confused. Was the King and Queen's chambers the only room with one bed for a couple?

"I know what you're thinking, and no. Guest chambers almost always have one bed. This means one of two things. Either Philip and Aurora have no idea that we're together, or they know and it's not something they wish to encourage on their property." Regina said, throwing her suitcase down.

"Hey." Emma said, snapping out of her stupor from seeing a headless man shove her into a ghost channel. "We'll just talk to them. I doubt it's because they'd have a problem with us. Philip has been friends with Mulan forever. He doesn't have a problem with her, so he probably doesn't have a problem with us sharing a bed." Emma took Regina in her arms and gave her a kiss.

"It's not that simple, Emma. We're in a kingdom. An old fashioned kingdom. We can't just march down there and demand a different room. You can't even skip down and ask politely. It would be considered rude. We are still their guests, and it's free, might I remind you."

Emma thought for a moment, still holding Regina. She put her arms all the way around her for a hug.

"Okay." The Savior responded, giving the Queen another kiss. "Let's just feel them out at dinner, and in the meantime we'll make due."


	31. She's Going The Distance

Henry was chasing Mulan through the house, each holding one Henry's old wooden swords.

"See, if we were fencing, I would block you like this. Then you're leaving yourself open for a BAM!" Henry said, getting a shot in at Mulan's arm.

"You two! Outside if you're going to play swords!" Belle said, hoping to prevent their friends from coming home to a wrecked house.

CRASH.

"Too late." Belle heard Mulan say from the kitchen.

Belle went into the room to find two red-faced swords players, and one very smashed vase.

"You've got to be kidding me, Mulan. We've been here for an hour, and we already have something we have to replace."

"Good luck. That vase was an original designer something. I don't think you can run out and buy a new one. And it was my fault, anyway. I missed my shot at her head." Henry said, as he took out the dustpan to start sweeping up parts.

"No, Henry. We'll pay for it. We'll just make sure we write it down so we tell your mothers as soon as they're back."

Belle took out a piece of paper and a pen, writing out – _Vase – est. $80?_

* * *

Emma and Regina were at dinner with Philip and Aurora, who had somehow procured a quartet of busts. A barbershop quartet, to be specific, as the dining room's entertainment. Emma was learning to calm herself down when she saw these things. She just told herself over and over again that there must be a hidden projector somewhere, and that the busts weren't really alive. That worked until they started commenting on the dinner.

"MMM rolls! We love rolls!" One of the busts said to a passing server.

"Now the only rolls we get are when someone _rolls_ us to another room!" The quartet cracked itself up, before going into another song.

Emma just decided she wasn't going to look at them.

"Who doesn't love rolls, right?" Regina said, having a wonderful time chatting up Philip and Aurora. "Emma, do you remember the first time I tried to make us rolls from scratch? That was the night you brought me over roses. _Red_ roses. They were lovely, _dear_."

She knew she was laying it on pretty thick. The two had decided that if Philip and Aurora had any reason not to believe that the two were indeed a couple, they were going to lay it on so thick that by the end of dinner they would be well aware of their relationship status.

Emma was following Regina's lead, holding her hand right on top of the table, not unlike how Philip and Aurora did between plates. The difference was that when the salads came down, Regina didn't let her go. Emma was now out of a right hand, and had to try to navigate the course using a fork with her left.

The battle of Emma versus Crouton had now begun.

"Oh if you like roses, you should spend some time out tomorrow in the garden! It's lovely out there, and red roses are our specialty. Don't worry, our staff is always around to help if you get lost, but they also understand when a couple needs some privacy." Aurora said, pleased with their company.

"A couple?" Emma said, shocked.

"Yes…are you not? I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to assume. Philip, didn't Mulan say-"

"Yes, she did, but maybe she was misinformed." Philip said, now starting to feel embarrassed.

"No, we are. We just didn't know that you knew that we were." Emma said, thoroughly confused. These were the nicest people. They were just _so_ sweet about everything. They not only knew about their relationship, but if they had any problem, there was no indication.

"Oh, if you'd prefer some discretion about it, that's no problem. We haven't told anyone. It's not like we have anyone around here to tell, anyway." Philip said. He was fine with all of his friends being lesbians, as long as they had friends in the first place.

"Oh, nothing like that. Everybody knows where we come from. In fact, most of the town had apparently been assuming we were together before we were. We just thought that you didn't know, because…" Regina didn't want to outright say that they were anything less than satisfied with their bedchambers.

"Well, we went up to the room." Emma started, before feeling Regina's grip on her hand tighten. Emma stopped her sentence when she decided that she'd like to one day have use of her right hand again. She simply smiled and went back to lefty-eating her salad with all of the skills of someone who was playing pin the tail on the donkey.

"Oh. Haha, you mean the beds situation. Belle actually asked the same thing when she stayed here with Mulan." Aurora said, thinking back to her conversations with her other new Storybrooke friend. "You have two beds because we know you _are_ together." She explained.

"Ummm. Alright then. It's really nothing. We're so happy to be here as your guest." Regina said, having no idea what Aurora was talking about.

"So you gave us two beds because you know we'd share one in our land?" Emma asked giving up on the salad until she had her hand back.

"Hey, if you're not going to eat that, we'll take it!" The bust on the left shouted to Emma.

"Quiet, Morty! Next song!" Philip shouted back.

"Yes. We simply can't have you two, or Belle and Mulan sharing a bed in our castle with your arrangement. It would cause a scandal. You have to understand, we can't have two people in a bed under our watch who aren't married." Aurora said.

Regina's jaw dropped, causing the grip on Emma's hand to loosen. Emma took advantage, switching the fork to the appropriate side before Regina noticed it was gone.

"We're in separate beds because we're not married?" Regina couldn't believe what she was hearing. She was a grown, adult woman. She ruled a kingdom. Nobody told her when or if she could share a bed with someone.

"Oh yes, that's very important. I told Belle all about how Philip courted me into marriage. It's a very special thing, sharing a marriage bed."

_Right. Was that before or after you let another woman hold your heart before plunging it into your open chest_ Emma thought, feeling Regina kick her leg.

_Damnit, I didn't even say that one out loud!_

"We're not quite up to that yet. We haven't even discussed it." Emma said.

"Oh, we know. But one day you will be. And if you want to come back after a wedding, you should see the honeymoon suite we're building." Aurora said excitedly. "In-room wine cellar." She added. She was really enjoying the tourism industry for someone who had yet to catch a tourist.

Emma and Regina exchanged small smiles, not wanting to argue with their friends, returning back to tame conversation.

"So, are you done rebuilding from the war?" Regina asked Philip.

* * *

Later, Regina and Emma were huddled together in one bed, with not much room to maneuver. They were just going to push the beds together, but the two beds must have been carved out of the heaviest wood in all the land as well as being nailed to the floor, because even Regina's magic couldn't budge them. The women just resigned themselves to sharing a small bed. It was a couple's vacation after all, and chances are they would have been cuddled together anyway even on a larger bed.

"Have you ever thought about it?" Regina asked, lying on Emma's chest, with the Savior's fingers running through her hair.

"What?"

"Ever getting married?" Regina asked tentatively.

"I don't know. I really hadn't thought about it. I just love our lives in Storybrooke so much that I never really felt like anything was missing, you know? I have you, we have a son, we have jobs, titles, friends, family. I guess I wasn't thinking about it because I don't feel like anything is missing." Emma said. Now she was thinking about it since Regina asked about it. She thought everything was perfect. What if Regina didn't?

"I guess I always sort of wondered what a real marriage would be like. I can't believe I'm saying this, but like your parents. They're two of the few people I've met who have actually gotten to marry for love. For royalty, that really is having your cake and eating it too. The reason true love was in all of those Fairytales, Emma, was because of how rarely it happened." Regina repositioned herself on her elbow so she could look at Emma while the talked. She took the Savior's hand in her own.

"So you do want to get married?" Emma asked. She knew Regina wasn't asking for a proposal. They didn't even live together. But she knew it was a good idea for them to discuss what they thought about the issue.

"I'm not saying I do, I'm not saying I don't. I'm in no rush, Emma. I'm happy with what we have. But what I can tell you is that if what we have is still going strong in the future and you asked me, I would say yes." Regina whispered that out in a low voice she reserved for pillow chats with her girlfriend. Emma let go of Regina's hand to run her fingers through the soft, dark hair before her.

"Well, as long as we're cheating at this proposal, when future me remembers that you said that, one day when we're both ready, and live together, and aren't chasing war criminals, future me will be asking you." Emma said. Regina held Emma's face in her hand and kissed her firmly. They weren't giving up their lives in the present, but it was somehow relieving to know they were on the same page for their future. Emma poured that promise into her kiss, hoping Regina could feel it through their pressed lips.

* * *

"Hey! It was my turn! And where are the rest of the Twizzlers?" Mulan said, trying to fight Henry for the game controller.

"No. I won that last level for us. It's still my turn. It's not my fault if you keep dying." Henry said fighting back. He pulled the Twizzlers out from behind the pillow, throwing it across the room as a distraction.

Mulan saw the candy flying, and went for it.

CRASH.

Belle came running down from changing in the guest room.

"Mulan! Henry! Are you going to spend the weekend trashing the place? Mulan, sweetheart, you need to get to bed. We have a big day tomorrow."

Belle went to the kitchen and added _Picture Frame - $5?_ To the list.

* * *

Emma and Regina woke up tangled in each other to a knock at the door.

"Room Service!" Someone shouted from the hallway. Two heads perked up from under the blankets.

"Emma, care to be a sweetheart and get that?" Regina mumbled into the Savior's shoulder.

"Nah ah. No. What if it's another headless thing? You go." Emma said, giving Regina a little shove. The Queen started putting on her robe.

"Am I going to have to do everything this weekend, Emma? Some people don't have heads. And it's rude to stare at them when they don't."

Regina answered the door, finding a delivery person from the hotel with her head still fully attached, who wheeled in a breakfast cart.

"Oh, good. You have a head." Emma said to the woman. Regina showed her back out, slipping a tip into her hand of a gold coin. When Regina came back in, Emma was at the cart pouring two cups of coffee.

"What did they bring us? Breakfast was included in the package, but I don't recall it saying what it was exactly." Regina asked, taking her coffee from Emma and rewarding her thoughtfulness with a kiss.

"Let's find out." Emma said, bracing herself for something to pop out at her like a jack-in-the-box, as she pulled off the metal domes and quickly dodged away.

"Yes, Emma, let's hide from the oh-so-threatening pastries."

"Hey, give me a break. Nothing's normal in this place." Emma looked down at the assortment of breakfast pastries, noticing the odd shapes.

They were all hearts. Well, half hearts to be exact, as though someone had gone through a lot of trouble to bake heart shaped pastries, cut them all in half, and arrange the halves on the plate to show they were just halves. Emma picked up the note in the center, reading it out loud to Regina.

"Good morning, guests! Isn't it sad to only have half of your heart? You get full hearts when you come back _after_ you're married. Enjoy! P.S. – Try the blueberry scones." Emma said, rolling her eyes.

"Well, I certainly will enjoy my little half hearts, Aurora. Don't mind if I do." Regina said, picking out a few.

"Regina, we're adults. This is ridiculous." Emma said. It was sweet what Aurora was trying to do, but Emma also found it patronizing.

"Well, they're lonely out here and looking for other couples to visit with, and we're also their guests. Let them imply all they want." Regina wasn't bothered, and started flipping through the morning copy of the Wonderland Times that came with breakfast. She was initially steamed at dinner, but liked waking up snuggled with Emma. Not that she would ever say that to Aurora out loud.

"Regina, we did not travel through the realms after aiding this kingdom in _their_ war to be treated like children for not being married yet." Emma said, irritated.

"What are we going to do, Emma? We're guests. Let it go."

"What we're going to do, my Queen, is have sex on every surface of this castle." Emma said.

"Revenge fucking? That's your plan?"

Emma started stripping off her clothes in the center of the room, before grabbing the breakfast tray.

"I'm getting into that giant bath tub. Right now. Naked. Coming?"

Emma sauntered across the suite fully nude, only looking behind her shoulder at the bathroom door, making sure Regina was following her.

Regina was absolutely following her.

* * *

"On your marks!" Belle said into the bullhorn, with a crowd of runners in front of her. Mulan, David, Snow, Tink, and the Dwarves were right in the front, with a crowd of students and out-of-town competitors behind them.

"Get set!" Only David, Snow, Tink, the Dwarves, and three of the student competitors entered for the full IronFairy. The rest were only entered in for the marathon portion. Because Belle wasn't needed until the second leg, where she was administering the quiz, she was put in to start the race as well.

"Go!" Belle yelled, setting off a loud horn.

It was fairly easy to see right off the bat who was in the full IronFairy, taking off in a light jog to pace themselves, and who was just running, those who set off trying to get a lead from the get-go.

Henry was waiting at the first banana and Gatorade station, pouring into the cups for the runners' first lap past City Hall. Granny, Ruby, and Lilo were with him, making sure there was enough to recharge everyone who made it through the first six miles.

Lilo saw that Henry had his bag with him.

"Henry, do you have to do that today?" She asked him.

"First rule of business, honey. Never miss an opportunity for business."

She watched as one of the university freshmen approached Henry, slipping him a five. Henry looked around, then opened the backpack to slip the kid his goodie bag.

"Henry!" Granny said, marching over to the kid. Henry gulped. "What do you have in those bags?"

Granny didn't wait for a response, taking a paper bag out and dumping the contents onto the table.

Out popped a bag of Twizzlers, a Snickers bar, a Twix bar, and a pack of Sour Patch Kids. Henry had his head down, knowing he was busted. He had taken a portion of his cleaning money, and his money from teaching the younger kids how to fence, and bought a bunch of candy in bulk to resell for a profit. The variety pack option was working out well for him.

Granny started laughing and shook her head. "Oh. Ha! Henry, you had me scared for a moment. It's just candy." She put the candy back in the bag, handing it back to the kid. She figured it was the equivalent to Henry having a lemonade stand. Granny also had no idea that the freshmen were banned from candy or sweets of any kind, having served her share of milkshakes to them at the diner.

"Henry, what are you going to do with all that money?" Ruby asked him, seeing a line form on Henry's side of the table, and not for water.

"Dunno yet. I'm an entrepreneur, not an investor." Lilo shook her head. Sometimes Henry had great ideas, but sometimes he was just sneaky to be sneaky. She hoped this was something that would lead towards the "great idea" category.

* * *

Regina and Emma were getting the grand tour of the property by a glowing Queen Aurora. She was showing them through the castle, pointing out little items with stories attached here and there.

As they passed room after room of floating objects and things that should be furniture that carried on conversations with each other, Emma was getting used to the haunted theme. She figured most of them were just tricks on the eyes, like the crystal ball in the foyer with a talking head inside of it.

"She tells fortunes. Go ahead! Give it a try!" Aurora pushed the women over to the table.

"Okaaaaay." Regina sat in the chair across from the ball. "Go on. Tell me my fortune."

"Alright. I can tell that you're a Queen." The ball said to Regina.

_Not impressed_ thought Emma, watching with an eyebrow cocked. _If anyone were going to visit during the resort's opening weekend, it would be royalty._

Regina nodded, waiting for the charade to be over so they could get on with their tour.

"You're a Queen, and you're about to be a big winner." Regina nodded, giving the ball the same face one would to a crazy person at the bus stop having a conversation with an imaginary friend.

"You and your lover behind me." Regina was a bit impressed with that one. Emma wasn't even in the ball's line of sight. "You're both the big winners. Expect a fortune to come your way." Emma brightened up at the sound of that one. She knew it was total bullshit and probably a random "you might be a lottery winner" type of encouragement, but entertaining for the moment.

"I'm the big winner. Alright then. Your turn, dear." Regina got up, and shoved Emma into the chair.

"You are also a big winner. Now you can buy real clothes." The ball said.

"Hey! Is that a dig at my outfit?" Emma asked offended.

"No. I see your closet. I see a onesie bunny suit type of thing, a t-shirt that says 'your mom thinks I'm hot', some kind of blue bat suit that looks like a towel -"

"Okay! That's enough of the crystal ball! Thanks so much!" Emma said, popping out of the chair. Regina found this place to be amusing indeed, barely covering up her laughs.

* * *

Mulan was waiting by the second leg of the competition with Belle. She was exhausted, after winning the marathon portion, but she had decided to stay as long as Belle was there.

She was surprised that she had beaten David, Snow, Tink, and the Dwarves. They all seemed to be on top of their game, keeping pace with her for most of the race. They started holding back even more than at the start after they hit the Gatorade station the second time to ensure they had energy for the quiz portion, and then for portal jumping. They saw Mother Superior twenty yards away, firing up the first portal for the third leg. She expected each contestant to want to grab their scavenger hunt list and jump right through as soon as they passed the Belle's test.

Belle sat close to Mulan, appreciating that she changed but didn't shower. Mulan's scent was something that Belle found incredibly attractive, even if Mulan was probably too tired to kiss her properly. When Mulan crossed the finish line, Belle was there to catch her, and snap a picture of the winner for the history book.

"So how tired are you?" Belle asked, shuffling her quiz cards.

"I've never been more tired in my life." Mulan said, pulling a box of Power bars out of her gym bag. "And hungry. And excited." She said.

"It is exciting. And you just won a marathon! Once this is over, we should celebrate! Did you see that giant crowd chanting your name when you won?" Belle was also excited. She was so happy for Mulan.

"I guess it is kind of nice." Mulan said, maintaining her humble composure, but letting a smile sneak out.

"The whole town saw you win, Mulan. Including my father. He wants to meet you." Belle slipped in, eagerly awaiting Mulan's reaction.

Mulan's eyes went wide. Of course Belle's father would eventually want to meet her. This was something she hadn't considered before.

"I – he – Belle, does he know we're together?" Mulan asked.

"I'm not sure." Belle said in a small voice. "I haven't actually _told_ him, but I did spend the morning holding your hand, and it's a small town with a lot of gossip." Mulan nodded, not sure what to say.

"Just think about it? I want him to meet you and get to know you before I actually vocalized the 'girlfriend' part. Ohh! Here comes Tinkerbell!" Belle said excitedly, getting her cards ready.

Tink was exhausted, and since she had just run a marathon, limped slowly over to Mulan and Belle, accepting a Power bar.

"Ready?" Belle asked.

"Yes. Quiz me." Tink said before taking a big bite of her bar.

"Alright, Tinkerbell, What is the name of Ariel's father, ruler of the sea realm?" Belle asked, holding her first card.

"Oh, damnit! What was his name?!" Tink tried to think, but she was freezing up. She was pretty sure the exhaustion from the run, and the blisters she was feeling forming from not breaking in her sneakers properly were distracting her.

"King…King something. King Triplet?" Belle shook her head no.

"I know! King Triscuit!" Belle shook her head again.

Mother superior had out her stack of scavenger clues, ready for the third leg to start once Tink remembered this name. She also took out her testing wand. Before any IronFairy athletes could proceed to other realms, they had to submit to their drug test.

"I remember! King Triton!"

"Correct! Tink, you are now in the lead, moving on to the third leg!"

Tink's energy perked right back up, and she grabbed a bottle of water to take with her, walking over to Mother Superior.

"Alright, Tinkerbell. You're going to get your scavenger list. First, we need to do your drug test."

"My what?" Tink asked.

"IronFairy policy. Only takes a moment." Mother superior took out the wand.

They both watched as it began blinking and humming as soon as it was anywhere near Tinkerbell.

"Tinkerbell, do you have something you'd like to tell me?" Mother Superior said in her most condescending tone, usually reserved for the Mayor.

"Shit."

* * *

"Mmffph. MMM." Was all that Emma could squeal out with Regina's hand down the front of her pants and their complimentary embroidered scarf stuffed into her mouth.

Regina had her pinned up behind boxes of instruments in the storage area behind the minstrel's gallery. After they had enough of the tour from Aurora, they broke off to explore on their own.

Regina kept pumping into Emma, feeling the Savior's arms gripping her shirt erratically. Three more pumps had Emma let out one last muffled cry, slumping over her girlfriend.

Regina pulled the muffle out, kissing Emma gently into recovery. Just then they heard one of the boxes go flying off of a shelf. Emma immediately stiffed up, as Regina quickly pulled her hand out of the Savior's pants to look around.

"Hello!" Regina called out.

They were answered with another box flying.

Emma's orgasm buzz was quickly overpowered by her fear.

"Regina!" She said.

"It's alright. I think it's pretty obvious that they have the castle enchanted for their little 'haunting' charade. I'm sure it's just the magic leaking around. They really should have hired someone more careful." Regina turned back around to Emma, still frozen in place, and went ahead and zipped up her pants for her, even doing the top button.

"What's next on the itinerary?" Regina asked, watching Emma pull out a piece of paper with shaking hands.

"Couple's massage, in the rose garden." Emma said.

"Let's go. You look like you need to relax, dear. Then again, I thought that I was the one relaxing you." Regina took her girlfriend's hand, leading her out.

* * *

Tink sat on the sidelines by Mother Superior with all seven of the Dwarves, who had all also failed their drug test. Sitting with them were the three students from the University, who had also failed. Tink knew she had used her stash that she had saved for an "emergency", not knowing that part of the IronFairy rules included a drug test, but she _really _had no idea that anyone else had access to the drug.

"So how did you guys get your 'roids?" Tink asked them.

"Regina." Grumpy answered, knowing the Fairy Steroids were the only reason he and the other Dwarves were even able to run the full marathon.

"She came to the mines one night when we were behind and gave them to us for a little boost. We pocketed the stash instead and saved it for this."

Tink was shocked. She had no idea that Regina had taken the stash and been just giving it away.

"And you?" Tink asked a student, who was sitting terrified that she was about to be expelled.

"We found it in the bathroom at that giant dance at the Rabbit Hole. Once we figured out what it was, we entered the competition. Am I going to be in trouble? Please don't tell my parents." The young woman trembled out.

"Look! Snow's finishing the marathon!" Grumpy said, pointing to the finish line.

Snow indeed came across, not looking as exhausted as everyone else had. She had paced herself well, and was ready for the rest of the competition, as long as she didn't have to run anymore.

"Alright, Snow!" Belle said, hoping to get at least _one_ competitor that was clean and could do the whole competition.

"What is the name of the potion that undoes a camouflage spell?"

"Oh! It's an 'all seeing eye' potion!"

"Correct! And on the first try! Nicely done, Snow! Go right ahead to Mother Superior." Belle congratulated her, as Snow grabbed her water and Power Bar from Mulan, heading over to Mother Superior.

"Nice to see you, Snow White. I just have to administer your drug test before giving you your jump instructions." Snow's face fell.

"Is that really necessary?" Snow asked as innocently as she could.

"IronFairy policy. Nothing to worry about." Mother Superior ran the wand over the front of Snow White's body, watching it hum and glow.

"You too, Snow?"

"I'm sorry!" Snow said, hiding her face in her hands.

"Welcome to the club." Tink shouted, clearing a spot for Snow to sit with "Team Busted".


	32. We Are the Champions

Emma and Regina strolled through the gardens, heading to the massage gazebo. Philip and Aurora had done a really nice job planning these types of things out for their guests. On the way, Regina kept feeling like she was being watched. She swore she had seen a shadow following them. It was a small one, not person sized, so she rationalized that there was probably a dog or cat on the grounds.

They were taking their time walking hand in hand, knowing there wouldn't be anyone else to take their spots with the masseuse. Emma pulled the two of them over to a cherry tree, just starting to blossom.

"Okay, so I know we said no weapons on this trip, but this is for something I already asked Aurora about, and she said it would be alright." Emma said to Regina, pulling a small switchblade out of her boot.

"If she gave you the tree, dear, I'm afraid you should have brought your chainsaw." Regina said.

"Nope. This tree is staying here, and it's going to have a memento from their first visitors." Emma started to carve into the tree.

Regina watched the Savior make a perfect heart, and then filled it with their initials. Regina saw when Emma went to add an arrow through the heart, and reached out to stop her.

"No arrows." Regina said.

"Right." Said Emma, remembering their last encounter with Cupid.

"That really is very sweet of you. I like it." Regina said, taking Emma's hand in her own again.

"I want everyone who comes here from now on to know that we were the first couple." Emma moved to put her arms around Regina, as they both stared at what was now their tree.

That lasted about thirty seconds before Emma saw the shadow out of the corner of her eye.

"Regina!" Emma shouted.

"I saw it too, Emma. It's probably a grounds cat. You have to keep the mice out of the flowers in a garden like this."

Emma didn't respond, but took Regina's hand to continue their stroll to the gazebo. She knew the shape she saw wasn't of a cat. It was more like a tiny, tiny person. A child, or a gnome.

* * *

David was the last of the full-length competitors to cross the marathon finish line. Years of adventure, dragon fighting, forest hopping, and then twenty-eight years in a coma all amounted to quite a bit of arthritis for the just barely middle-aged man. He had let Snow get the lead, figuring he would catch up when he could.

David stumbled over to Belle, collapsing onto the grass in front of her.

"Just give me a minute." He said, trying to catch his breath and let his body process that he was no longer running. Mulan ran him over a bottle of water.

"I'm fine. I just – do I have to be standing for my quiz?" He asked Belle.

"I suppose not. I saw nothing in the rules that said you couldn't sit for this portion."

Snow leaned over to whisper to Tink. "I left the Fairy Steroids bottle that I took from the University in the bathroom this morning. I guess we're about to find out if David helped himself or not." Tink's eyes went wide. They were facing the distinct possibility that they would have went through all this trouble to host an event, and not have an actual winner. She thought about it. Maybe they could just crown Mulan the winner for winning the marathon? The portal agency was probably going to be pissed, since they were a sponsor, and nobody seemed to be cleared to actually use any of the portals.

"Ready David?" Belle asked, watching David continue gulping down his water.

"Actually – if there's nobody behind me, I just have to finish within the time limit, right?" Belle and Mulan nodded.

"In that case, I'm visiting the port-o-potty. Then you can quiz me."

Snow groaned. She wanted to know if David was their last hope or not.

* * *

Henry had run home to change into his suit. If he was going to be a businessperson, he wanted to look like it. He and Lilo then used the rest of the IronFairy, which he didn't really care about since Mulan already won the marathon, to go shopping.

"Anything you want, Lilo, you let me know." Henry said, with a wad of cash in his pocket.

"Henry, I'm fine. But you are awfully sweet. What are you getting?"

"I think it's good for me to have a couple of more suits." He thought about it.

"I like you in your suits. You look like Prince William." Lilo said, completely whipped on her fencing champion boyfriend.

"I look like Prince Henry. But Prince Henry doesn't actually know how to pick out a suit, since Emma actually picked out my last one. I thought maybe you could help with that?"

* * *

It wasn't long after Emma and Regina had carved their names in a heart on the cherry tree that they noticed it became cloudy while they walked. More specifically, the shadow was gone, and now it was only cloudy directly over them as they walked. They literally had their own rain cloud, hanging threateningly over their heads.

"What is this, Winnie-the-Pooh day at the spa?" Emma said, looking up.

"It's a strange enchantment indeed, Emma. We better get into the gazebo." Regina hurried them along. Luckily, when they reached their destination, the cloud didn't follow them inside.

The inside of the massage gazebo was all set up, awaiting the arrival of the guests. There were to staff members waiting for them, with two massage beds, and an array of flowers surrounding the beds. The back of the gazebo had a built in waterfall, so the only sounds in the set-up were water, and the only smell was the natural flowers. Emma immediately felt relaxed just from walking into the place.

The two women got onto their beds, taking off their shirts but leaving on their bras, aware that while technically enclosed, they were still outside.

Lucky for the couple, the rain cloud was willing to wait patiently without doing anything to wreck the structure.

For the moment.

* * *

David was sitting on the ground, with an empty bladder, ready for his question.

"David, where is the Genie of Agrabah's lamp usually kept safely hidden?"

"Pass."

"David, you can't pass." Belle explained.

"What?"

"The IronFairy rules state that if you can't get a question, you can pass it to the next challenger behind you. If he or she gets it, you can have a crack at a different question. Since you're the last contestant, you have no one to pass it to. David, you have to get this answer. And you have twelve hours to complete the contest left, so plenty of time to think." Belle said.

It seemed that everyone on Team Busted knew the answer, and it was driving them nuts that David didn't.

"Charming, how do you not know this?!" Snow yelled from the side.

"I'm sorry! I've never been to Agrabah! I've never needed or looked for a genie's lamp!"

"David, everybody knows this. You're just got to think!" Tink shouted. _Somebody_ had to win this damn thing, even if she now couldn't.

"You on the sides! You can give him hints, but you can't outright tell him what to say or he's disqualified!" Belle shouted over. Mulan was enjoying this a bit more now. She didn't know the answer either, and wanted to see David get it.

"Okay, I have an idea. Ever play charades, David?" Tink shouted over. She and Snow were excitedly bouncing on their feet at the sideline.

"Good idea, Tink!" Snow said, also getting up.

"Yes, I have played charades. But I really don't know, so I don't know how this will help."

"Just try to figure it out with us, David!" Tink shouted.

She held up four fingers.

"Four words!" David yelled back.

Tink nodded, then held up one finger.

"First word!" David shouted back. The two women nodded. Tink made a "T" with her index fingers.

"The!" David shouted.

"Good!" Tink yelled back. She held up two fingers.

"Second word!" David shouted. Now the dwarves were all on their feet cheering him on.

"C'mon, Charming! One word down, three to go!" Grumpy yelled. David was now drawing quite the crowd. It seemed that everyone who was left from watching the marathon that hadn't headed home or back to a dorm was now watching David's game of charades.

* * *

Henry and Lilo had picked out five new suits for Henry from the thrift shop. Lilo didn't know why Henry suddenly had the need to be spiffy every day of the week, but she certainly wasn't going to complain.

As they strolled with Henry's bags down Main Street, each wearing the new sunglasses he had also purchased for them, she noticed the people on the street stopping to stare at them. Lilo in her sundress and Henry in his suit was turning some heads, with some people even snapping photos on their phones.

"Who's that?" They heard someone on the street saying to his friends.

"That's Prince Henry. And I guess he has a girlfriend." Another onlooker said, snapping her own photo.

They continued windowshopping, until they got to the jewelry store.

"Let's go in." Henry said, pulling Lilo inside.

* * *

Regina and Emma's massages were only scheduled for twenty minutes each, but Aurora had given the staff instructions that the two could stay as long as they liked, since there were no other guests around.

"That feels amazing." Emma mumbled into her massage bed.

"I know. We needed this, Emma. We deserve a break." Regina responded, quite pleased with her own royal treatment.

The two were finally relaxed. No more chasing bad guys. No ghostly gags outside. This was exactly what Emma had wanted.

After an hour, the cloud was losing patience. He backed up and lowered himself, so that the people inside the gazebo could see him. Emma and Regina both wondered why their massages had suddenly stopped, looking up directly at the cloud formed at the entrance.

They saw the cloud pumping, like it was taking in deep breathes, before spouting out a wind storm. Flowers went flying everywhere. Emma and Regina had their eyes squinted, hair flowing back in the wind.

"What the hell?!" Emma yelled.

They watched the cloud make itself dense, sinking as it got denser and darker, ultimately forming back into the little gnome shadow, before running away.

"Regina, what was that?" Emma popped up and started putting her shirt on.

Regina knew what it was, and really didn't want to tell Emma. She had just gotten Emma used to eating in the dining room, and they were having such a lovely time.

"Emma, it's not a huge deal. I don't want you to freak out." Regina said, tipping the staff members and leading Emma out of the gazebo.

"Okay. I won't freak out." Emma said calmly.

"Alright then. This place is actually haunted."

* * *

"Come on, Charming! You've got this!" Tinkerbell was doing her best to mimic an explorer going through a cave. David had to be able to figure out "cave", right?

It was becoming apparently that David really had no idea that there was such a place as "The Cave of Wonders", as they hadn't gotten him past "the" yet.

"The explorers!" David tried again.

"No, David. It's the name of a place. Where the genie's lamp is supposed to be kept." Snow said. She knew how to get David to guess the answer, but she really didn't want to do it. She let Tink keep her turn.

Tinkerbell needed a new strategy. She tugged her ear.

"Sounds like!" David said.

Tinkerbell nodded enthusiastically, and pointed to the sidewalk.

"Pavement!" David said. Tink moved her hands in a "go on" motion.

"Sounds like pavement!" Tink shook her head no, and got down on the sidewalk like she was paving cement.

"Pave! Sounds like pave!" He said, and the sidelines all nodded and clapped.

"Knave! Slave!" David shouted, full of energy from their game.

"You're so close baby! Keep trying!" Snow cheered.

"Wave! The Wave! The genie's bottle lives in a wave!" David shouted back.

Snow smacked herself in the face. Was he really not going to get "cave"? This had been going on for far too long. At least it looked like Belle and Mulan were enjoying themselves. Even Mother Superior was watching. She had popped a bag of microwave popcorn using one of her wands, and was sitting with the rest of the crowd, kindly sharing with the dwarves.

"Not wave, David! Come on! You can do this!" Tink said.

Snow had enough. She needed David to get his Charming butt through that portal to have enough time to do the scavenger hunt.

She shoved Tink out of the way, and started pointing at her crotch.

"Are we still doing sounds like? Sounds like…groin?" David asked.

"Not sounds like, David. What do you call my vagina?" Snow said.

The crowd went quiet, with eyebrows collectively raised.

"Seriously?" Grumpy whispered to Sneezy.

"The Cave of Wonders!" David said back, then immediately turning red.

"That's it, David!" Belle shouted, the crowd erupting into applause. "Mother Superior, you have a contestant!" Belle shouted over, watching Mother jog with David to her station.

"So did he come up with that name, or did-" Tink started to ask.

"Don't. I don't even want to – just – let's go watch him, okay?" Snow said, thoroughly embarrassed.

* * *

Henry and Lilo emerged from the jewelry store, with Lilo wearing the bracelet he just picked out for her, and Henry wearing his new pinky ring. The crowd was still on the street, snapping pictures of what in less than an hour had just become Storybrooke's newest celebrity couple.

"Lilo, I have to go take care of some business. But if you want to come over later and hang out with me and Mulan and Belle, my moms already said that it was cool." He said, kissing Lilo's cheek.

"I'd love to! Text me when you're back at your place."

Henry did a fashion shot pose for the cameras, and then proceeded to his house to drop off his bags. He had actually only spent half of his savings so far, and he still had more candy inventory to unload.

After stopping home to get his inventory, he headed out for August's club house, the little wooden hideout that the and the other boys had used for sleepovers the last couple of years. The boys had decided that this would be the perfect office for their new headquarters.

* * *

"So there really is a haunting? This isn't just an enchanted land?" Emma's head was spinning. They said it was haunted, then Regina said it wasn't, now Regina was saying that it is. The two sat on the grass in the shade of the cherry tree.

"It appears to be an elemental haunting. The Elemental being haunting a place gets its name because it haunts in the spirit of its element. This little creature appears to be an Air Elemental. Instead of dealing with the problem, it seems as though Philip and Aurora simply built a haunting enchantment over the actual haunting." Regina said calmly. She was familiar with Elementals from the Enchanted Forest. They were rarely dangerous, but could be severely annoying.

"What do we do? Do we tell them? Or should we just get rid of it?" Emma asked. She was alert, but still relaxed from their massages.

"Let's see if they bring it up. Aurora was actually right, an Elemental counts as a 'little moan here and there', but nothing to worry about. They're mainly just mischievous, and they do the things they do for attention, not to cause harm." Regina grabbed the itinerary from Emma, looking at what sort of activities they could do next. All of the resort samplings appeared to be open for business, and it was business that Regina was more than happy to provide.

"So…" Emma started to ask.

"So…jet skis? There's a lake on this map right over here. Or we could go on the fishing boat. I suppose it's not a good idea to do both." Regina said, not wanting to jet ski and scare all the fish away. "It looks like they have a riverboat casino option as well, but it looks like that boat stays docked."

"Sure. Let's head down to the water and see what looks good. Regina, are you sure this element thing-"

"Elemental."

"Okay, the Elemental thingie can't hurt us?" Emma asked, needing one more reassurance.

"It's a pest, Emma, not a weapon. Think of having a fly in your room that you just have difficulty catching. It's the fly of the magical creature world. It's fine. They can throw things off of shelves, like we saw earlier, but usually when inhabitants of a home have problems with the haunting, it's because the being only performs in front of one person, leaving the other thinking that the witness is crazy. We both saw him, so he's probably just in the attention-getting camp. He got his attention, and moved on to bug someone else."

"Okay." Emma said, sighing. "To the waterfront it is." She said, getting up, taking Regina's hand to help her up. This entire trip was becoming one giant 'learning to trust Regina' exercise, which Emma supposed was a good relationship quality to have anyway.

* * *

David sat with his face in his hands on a log between Snow and Tinkerbell.

"I can't believe you, David. You just took random powder from a bottle in the bathroom?" Snow said, completely shocked.

"It's not like I was in bathroom at an Aerosmith concert and snorted it off of a dirty sink, Snow, it was _our_ bathroom. Besides, I knew what it was. I just didn't know they tested the athletes." David stared straight ahead. The three of them were incredibly embarrassed that their indiscretion was witnessed by a crowd of onlookers, who now probably thought that the Mayor and the royal family all had drug problems.

"Now there's no winner. This was all for nothing." Tinkerbell lamented, opening her free sample of FireFairy that all of the participants received in their end-of-race goodie bags.

"Oh, there's a winner." Belle said, coming over with Mother Superior.

"She's right. You all may have failed your drug test. Miserably. I'm especially disappointed in you, David. But there is still as of now, and pending a drug test, a winner." Mother Superior said, smiling.

* * *

Henry was in the clubhouse, as he and his friends had a desk set up, with an armchair for Henry, and two chairs on the other side of the desk for visitors. They boys had everything they needed for a remote office from a combination of building, dumpster diving, and grabbing things from garage sales.

Henry had a map of Storybrooke pinned to the wall, going over the plan with his new associates.

"August! I want you selling the gum, Pixie Stix, and Jolly Ranchers, you know, the sugary fruity stuff down at the middle school. Those are the kids who are just starting to get an allowance and don't know what to do with it. Mikey! I want you selling out of your locker at school." Henry knew Mikey was the school locker choice. He had three-inch thick glasses, wore a bow-tie and suspenders, and got straight A's in everything except for gym. He was the walking stereotype of _exactly _who would never get a random locker search. "Focus on the chocolates. Everybody who's not allowed to have chocolate at home is looking for a pick-me-up before play rehearsal or student council. Keep them happy."

"Got it!" The two boys said.

"That leaves the college students to me. Nobody, and I mean nobody, gets in on our territory. The tenth graders already have the playground and an in with the ice cream truck. They've agreed to back off of our turf." Henry said, putting little pins in the various territories on the map.

Mikey raised his hand. "What's our cut?"

"Excellent question, Mike. Can I call you Mike? For every fifty cents that I spend getting the product, we sell it for a dollar fifty. That's a pure dollar of profit. It's a fifty-fifty split. For every sale, it's fifty cents for you, fifty for me for supplying. Sound fair?" Mikey was good at math, and he knew it was extremely fair for a retail split. He also knew that Henry was the current fencing champion, and even if it wasn't fair, he wasn't going to say anything.

"Okay guys, if we're all set, step right up." Henry said, putting his giant plastic canister of lollipops on the table. "Grab your suckers!"

* * *

When Emma and Regina got to the waterfront, Philip and Aurora were prepping a fishing boat for themselves. The immediately waved over to their friends.

"Emma! Regina! Come join us!" Philip was excited to show off their new boat.

The Savior and the Queen walked down the dock to the boat. Yacht would really be more appropriate. Living in Wonderland was clearly living the high life. The two boarded the boat.

"Welcome aboard, Mateys!" Aurora said, wearing a little sailor's hat. "We're about to take the boat out for some fishing! Want to come?"

Emma and Regina looked at each other and shrugged.

"Sure. We were thinking about fishing down here for the afternoon anyway." Emma said, accepting a glass of champagne from Philip. "Thanks."

"Thank you, Philip." Regina said, taking her glass.

"How were the massages?" Aurora asked, as Philip began steering them away from the docks.

"They were great, Aurora. It was just what we were looking for in a trip. And it's beautiful here. It looks like you two get to be on vacation all the time."

"Yes, it's gorgeous here. And the massages were wonderful. It was really just what we needed." Regina added.

The women moved to sit on the deck and enjoy the sun.

"What do you guys do here all day? Besides official kingdom business." Emma asked, enjoying the ride.

"Pretty much this. We have so few citizens in Wonderland that most people asked for jobs at the castle. When we decided to go ahead and make it a resort, everyone seemed pleased. Of course, the staff gets to partake in the amenities when they're off shift. Do you think people will want to come here when you get back? Is the haunting thing too over-the-top?" Aurora asked eagerly.

"No, not at all. I think it gives it a little something extra interesting." Regina said. After all, Emma was the one who was having initial problems with the theme. It took a lot more than a few singing busts to spook the Evil Queen.

Aurora noticed that was when Emma kept silent.

"Emma, is it too much? Your input is important. We want all kinds of people to be able to come here. Is it too much for, say, families with children? Was it the fortune teller? I should've known something was wrong with her when she just tells everyone they're about to come into a fortune."

"No, the fortune teller ball is a great touch. But…" Emma looked at Regina, anticipating a kick in the leg under the table. When she got none, she continued. "Aurora, it is actually haunted here, isn't it?"

"Oh, so you met Lloyd." Aurora said.

"Lloyd? Is that what you call the shadow that's been following us?" Emma asked.

"Yes, that would be him. He's quite…annoying. Anyway, we haven't figured out how to get rid of him, and he seems to stay out of the bedrooms, so we figured we'd just let him blend in with the theme. Is it working?" Aurora asked, chewing her thumb nail.

"I think it works fine, Aurora, if you actually tell people about him. Make it part of the brochure, like when they advertise the Loch Ness monster, so nobody's taken by surprise when he does pop up." Regina said after thinking about the situation.

"Hey, that's actually a good idea. It –he – Lloyd only scared me because I wasn't expecting it." Emma said. If she had been given the 'little shadow monster' full disclosure, it wouldn't have creeped her out so much.

"That's a good idea! It seems like he really just likes being the center of attention. Hopefully if we have visitors actively looking for him, it will quell his need for attention whoring." Aurora added. "I'm so glad you two came out for our test run. Please tell everyone in Storybrooke about us."

Philip found them a nice, quiet spot, and cut the engine. He joined them on the deck with another bottle of champagne.

"Alright, ladies. The fishing rods can go on the posts, or you can hold your pole. Your choice, but I recommend posting the rods. Otherwise your hands will get tired fairly quickly out here." Philip distributed the four rods between them.

"Don't forget the bait." Philip said, opening a bag of Swedish Fish. The three women looked at him like he just opened a bag of peanuts for bait.

"Hey, big fish eat little fish. We don't have any real little fish because we haven't caught any fish yet. Follow?" He asked. The women just shook their heads, threading the fish candies onto their hooks.

They all did end up posting their rods, going back to lounge on the boat. Aurora turned on the radio. There was only one radio station in Wonderland, and it was apparently a mix of the singing busts from the dining room, the court minstrel band, and the occasional Lady Gaga hit for variety sake. Emma and Regina were enjoying it. The lack of real radio stations added to the reminder that they were, indeed, on vacation. Eventually, Philip got up to check the rods, not seeing any bites.

"So how is Mulan doing in Storybrooke?" Aurora asked the couple. "She seemed happy when she was here with Belle, but they were also being polite."

"Mulan's great. She teaches hand-to-hand combat for the knights at the University. I think she likes Storybrooke. She even signed a two year lease and bought a car, so I hope she plans on sticking around for awhile." Emma said, lying on a tanning lounger.

"That's great. So she hasn't proposed to Belle yet?" Emma and Regina both choked on their champagne.

"No-Aurora, they haven't been dating all that long. They're not in any sort of rush, just like we're not." Emma said, not believing this was where this was going.

Aurora sat up and took off her sunglasses to look at Emma.

"Mulan is a very special person, Emma. She is very dear to me as a friend." Aurora looked to make sure Philip was checking the poles on the other side of the boat before lowering her voice. "I couldn't love Mulan the way she wanted me to, but I care about her deeply. She finally has someone who cares about her that way, and I really like her. I think Belle's great for Mulan. I know I'm pushy sometimes, but I really would be happy to know that Mulan's with someone who makes her happy like I couldn't. Someone who's going to stick around and be there for her." Aurora was getting emotional. Mulan would always occupy a special place in her heart, but Philip was still her husband, and she believed her true love.

Regina got up to sit next to Aurora.

"Mulan and Belle are very happy together. And I hope it lasts too. I can tell you that as one of Belle's friends, Belle has been through just as much when it comes to matters of the heart as Mulan. The two of them are perfect for each other, but they need to take it slow. Give it a few years, and I'm sure they'll get to try out your honeymoon suite." Regina said. She thought for a moment and added, "For what it's worth, Belle was happy to have gotten to meet you too. I think you'll see more of them here. Together."

"Unless Lloyd gets to them first." Emma said, starting her fourth glass of champagne. Regina whacked her shoulder, as Aurora cracked up.

"We're having a moment, _dear_. Keep it up and you can share a room with Lloyd tonight."

* * *

"This cannot be happening." Belle said, pacing in front of Henry, Mulan, and Lilo in front of the couch at Regina's mansion.

The damage from the horsing around in the house now included a tiny Queen figurine, a few china plates, a glass, a large picture frame, plus all of the stuff they had broken earlier. The teenagers and Mulan sat with their heads hung.

"She's going to kill us. Mulan, she's going to kill us. She left us alone with her house and her son, and only one of them is still intact." Belle said. The three of them had been playing what was supposed to be a sit-down, quiet game of Apples to Apples, since Mulan was still exhausted from having run a marathon earlier. Belle went into the kitchen to make dinner, and came back out to a crash, and many, many broken things.

"What can we do? Other than apologize and pay for everything."

"Mulan, these aren't just our friends. They're our bosses. And one of them used to torch villages for fun. Ugh." Belle plopped down on the couch, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"New plan. Everyone to bed. Lilo, it was nice to see you today, but I think we're calling it a night."

"Hey! It's Saturday night! I don't have a bedtime!" Henry said in protest.

"Do you usually stay up and break things?" Belle asked.

Mulan leaned over to whisper to Henry, "It's better not to say anything when she's like this. That's why we never fight. Just go upstairs and ride it out. You have a TV in your room. It's the same thing as being down here." Mulan finished, giving Henry a little shove up the stairs.

* * *

Tinkerbell returned home from her day of disappointment tired and angry with herself. If she were being honest with herself, the little box outside of her door in red wrapping paper did brighten her up.

She was no longer really afraid of Cupid, and looked forward to her little presents. It was like belonging to a "jewelry of the month" club, but not having to pay, and getting a package a couple of times a week.

She picked up the box to take inside.

"Hmm. This one's light. A pin, maybe?" She tore off the paper, wanting to forget about her shitty, shitty day at the IronFairy.

She took out the piece of paper in the box, and looked at the contents.

There were none.

"Of course! On the day I fuck up the competition that was MY IDEA, I get a fake out!" She opened the piece of paper that was in the box to see what the not-present was all about.

_My Dearest Mayor,_

_I feel as though we've gotten to know each other quite well. I know all about where you live and work, and you know all about my fabulous taste in accessories. I believe it's time we meet. I would love nothing more than the opportunity to show you an exquisite evening with a romantic companion. If you're interested, meet me at the clock tower at seven o'clock on Tuesday evening. I suggest wearing a dress. I liked the green one you wore yesterday. _

_Your Love,_

_Cupid xoxo_

"Ugh! No present, and now triple the creeper!" Tink got herself ready for what needed to be the longest, most FireFairy inspired bubble bath of her life.

What a day.

* * *

_**Happy Monday, readers! You don't get to find out who won until the next chapter, because I'm still evil like that! 3 Rogue**_


	33. What Would Emma Do?

Aurora was visibly tearing up when it was time for Regina and Emma to leave. They had so much fun over the weekend, she could only hope they Queen and the Savior would go back and tell their friends all about their time in Wonderland. To be fair, there were very few people who Aurora spent time with that she didn't end up liking. Philip helped them bring their bags back to the East wing, where they were opening their portal.

"Before you go, I wanted to give you two a gift." Aurora said.

"You've already given us so much, Aurora. We had a great time here. We really needed this trip." Emma said, going to give the Queen of Wonderland a hug.

"Wait. You're getting your gifts. You've also helped us out greatly. Without Storybrooke's help, we don't know if we would even still have a kingdom. Here."

Aurora opened a box, pulling out two necklaces. They were two halves of a heart, each on a separate chain. She helped Emma put her half on, and Philip took the other half to Regina.

"They're lovely, Aurora, Philip." Regina said. These really were the nicest people, even if the jewelry itself wasn't impressive looking. Maybe they _would_ come back one day on a honeymoon.

"Now put the two halves together." Aurora told them. Emma and Regina each put their halves up to each other. The necklace fused, glowing a bright green, and then went back to two separate pieces. They felt the pieces pulsing in their hands.

"They're enchanted." Aurora explained. "Now, whenever you two aren't in the same place, if you're both wearing your necklaces and you hold your half, you'll be able send a thought to the other person."

Regina just about melted. She would always be able to talk to Emma. Anytime. If she just wanted to think over a quick "I love you" or "I'm running late", or worst case scenario, "I'm in trouble", she could. She was just given a direct speed dial to her True Love.

"Aurora," Regina started, in awe of what she had just been given, "this is so thoughtful of you." She gathered her thoughts. "Anytime you would like to come visit us, even if it's just to jump over for lunch, please come over. You don't have to sit around here waiting for someone to show up to see people."

"That's right. You have friends now, and we're just a jump away." Emma said. They moved in to hug their new friends goodbye. "You too, Philip. I'm sure Mulan would like to hang out with you more." She added.

Philip nodded, firing up the portal for their jump.

* * *

Belle, Mulan, Henry, and David were waiting for Regina and Emma at house back in Storybrooke. They knew the two were taking an afternoon jump, planning on relieving Mulan and Belle of their duties for the evening.

Mother Superior had accompanied them as well.

"Remember, we're not telling them right away about all of the broken stuff. Let them bask in the afterglow of their vacation." Belle ordered her Warrior and Henry. "We don't need to unload the negative stuff on them the second they get back. We should ease them into it."

"Right." David said. "We're also not telling them about Cupid and Tink yet. Snow's planning what to do with Tink, so we'll just let them have this night."

They all were startled by the door opening.

"Hi, Moms!" Henry said, going over to give them a hug.

"Hey, Kid!" Emma greeted him, embracing their three-way hug.

"Welcome back!" David said, joining the group.

"David, hi. Is everything alright?" Regina asked, seeing that Henry's grandfather was oddly in her home, along with Mother Superior. Belle and Mulan just seemed to be hanging back.

"Everything's fine. Or at least, before we tell you anything, we need to make sure it's fine." David backed up, and nodded at Mother Superior, who started wanding the Swan-Mills family.

"Excuse me, but what is she doing here?" Regina asked David, moving to avoid the wand. Mother Superior ignored her fidgeting and carried on.

"They're all clear." Mother Superior said, backing away. She was actually surprised that there were indeed two other people in the town who were not on Fairy drugs. "I'll let Granny know to go ahead and start the party. I can let myself out."

"Okay…it's nice to see you all too? We're having a party?" Emma asked.

"Congratulations!" Belle said, finally adding something in.

"On making it back from vacation?" Emma asked.

"You just were declared the winners of the IronFairy!" David said, smiling at the couple.

* * *

"Snow, what are we going to do? It was fine when he was just giving me things, but now he actually wants me to go on a date with him. Gross. Yuck, yuck, yuck." Tink sat across from Snow in the War room, as they were examining their options. "Obviously, I'm not going. I want to go back to him just buying me things without ever having to see him."

"Let's not be rash." Snow said, setting up a miniature village of Storybrooke, with the clock tower in the center.

"Ew, Snow! You want me to go on a date with him?!" Tink was now shocked. Snow was supposed to be on her side.

"No, but I think you have a role to play in this mission. You're the bait."

* * *

"You're seriously telling me that you ALL took Fairy Steroids before the competition, and nobody won?" Emma said, accepting her celebration beer at Granny's. Everyone came out to celebrate the 'victors'. Orignally, the dwarves were cranky about it, before Sneezy told them all to stop their grumbling. After all, Regina gave the Steroids to use that one night, not to pocket and try to use at the competition. They had made their own decisions.

"You got it, sister. You and Regina are the winners by default. Mother Superior said that you both _technically_ didn't resign from the competition before skipping town, so you were _technically_ still competitors. You won because you didn't use any drugs, and therefore with no one left you didn't have to finish the competition to stay qualified." Grumpy was explaining the process to Emma, who still didn't really believe what she was hearing. Tink and Snow then came into the diner. Emma saw now what happened when she and the Queen went on vacation. The whole town apparently took it upon themselves to use drugs.

"You two? You both used Steroids?" Regina asked, not surprised at Tinkerbell, but completely shocked by Snow.

"Yeah, here's the thing, Regina. Remember when you gave me a bottle to make into a weapon for the University? I…got curious." Snow said, hanging her head.

"Attention everyone please!" A short man in a suit shouted, clanking his glass with a spoon.

"The Main Street Portal Agency would like to congratulate the winners of the IronFairy, and present them with their winnings. First, from FireFairy, we have free whiskey for a year!" This got a cheer from the crowd.

"You better be sharing that!" Ruby shouted from behind the counter.

"And from us, a check for TWENTY THOUSAND DOLLARS!" This gathered a loud cheer from the crowd from everyone except the Mayor, who sat sulking into her drink. "We weren't sure which one of you to put on the check, or if you wanted us to issue two separate ones and split it." The man said, presenting them with the giant, three-foot check, not yet made out to anyone.

"Make it out to Regina Mills." Emma said.

"Emma, it's half yours." Regina said, waving Emma off.

"Regina, if I had won myself, not just by existing, I would have given it to you. Go on." Emma pushed her towards the check, so she could write her own name on the "pay to the order of" line.

Emma held her half of the necklace, sending Regina a thought as she posed for a picture next to the check.

_Go get your castle, baby. Anything you want, I'm going to make sure you have._

Regina froze, hearing Emma loud and clear in her head. She turned back around, finding Emma holding her necklace, nodding at her.

"Our castle." She said, holding out her hand for Emma to join her for a picture. Emma gladly took the hand, moving in close for a shot.

Snow looked at her daughter and Regina, noticing the two looked happy. They also looked like they spent their first few full nights sleeping in weeks, no longer having bags under their eyes or hollowed out cheeks. Snow suddenly felt terrible that tomorrow, they were going to have to slam the two women back to reality with news of Cupid's newest aggression.

* * *

Emma was back in her bed in her own apartment, sleeping apart from Regina for the first time in days. While she loved her nights cuddled up with her girlfriend, there was something comforting about sleeping on her own pillows and blankets, even if they weren't as high quality as the ones in their room at Wonderland.

She was re-running her happy thoughts in her head, as she drifted off to sleep. The whole happy weekend she had spent with Regina and their new friends. Coming back to a party, everyone they loved back in Storybrooke, and surprisingly, a prize for winning a competition that they hadn't bothered to show up for. Mostly, she was thinking about the giant smile of Regina's face when she told her to take the check, spending the rest of the night making castle plans. The Queen's chocolate eyes were lit up, warming every bit of Emma as she watched her excitedly make plans with her friends and their son.

She kept replaying Regina's smile during the party over and over again. Emma was unconsciously playing with her necklace, rubbing it as she started to doze.

* * *

Regina felt the messages coming in from Emma as she started to turn down her own bed back on Mifflin Street. She thought she was getting a message, but she didn't get a clear sentence. Instead, she just felt a warm, loving buzz that she could recognize as being sent from Emma. She stopped, concentrating on what Emma was sending over to her.

She climbed into the bed, holding her half of the necklace, before sending over a reply.

_I love your smile too, Emma. Sweet dreams._

* * *

Emma was in her office hours the next morning with a pack of students who came up after training, bombarding her with questions.

"What's Wonderland like?"

"Is it true you can cut off people's heads and it doesn't kill them?"

"Is it true that Wonderland is haunted?"

"I heard that you can pull a bunch of hearts out and juggle them like tennis balls. Did that happen when you were there?"

"Did you have to jump through a hat? How do you fit in a hat?"

Emma sat down, smiling at the group. She hadn't had this much interest in her office hours since midterms last semester.

"Alright, I'll tell you about Wonderland. And if any of you are ever looking for somewhere for spring break next year, I highly recommend it."

She began her tales of her adventures in Wonderland. It didn't take long before Emma realized that she needed to omit things like the places around the castle where she and Regina may have snuck off for a quickie, and played up other things such as Lloyd's haunting for their amusement. The group sat hanging on her every word, listening intently and then asking more questions. The Savior could be quite descriptive, telling the best campfire stories at the retreat every year. Everybody lost track of time, as Emma was now talking through lunch.

* * *

Henry had been sitting at Granny's for a half-hour past when Emma was supposed to meet him. He wasn't surprised that she forgot about his half day of school. He was going to use their lunch as an opportunity to tell Emma about all of the stuff they broke while she was gone, and offer to buy her lunch. He hoped that starting with Emma also meant getting her on his side before telling Regina, who actually owned all of the things he and Mulan had broken. Mulan and Belle agreed to his plan, with the understanding that if either of his mothers were the least bit upset about anything, the babysitters would step in and pay for it all.

"Nice suit, Henry!" Ruby said, coming up to his booth. "Are you sure you don't want anything while you wait?"

"Actually, I'll take mine and Emma's to go. I'll just go bring it to her."

"No problem, Henry. I can just put it on Emma's tab." Ruby said, scribbling out their orders, circling the 'to go' box.

"No need." Henry said, pulling out his over-stuffed wallet. He got up to pay at the counter.

"I guess the candy business is good these days." Ruby said, impressed.

"It's going alright. And can you throw in a cookie for my mom?" Ruby knew Henry meant Regina, and she nodded. He just looked so adorable in his suit, paying for his mother's lunch, that Ruby went back to the pad and wrote 'three extra cookies – on me' on the bottom of the order.

* * *

"And then we got on a fishing boat!" Emma said to the crowd of students that had doubled in size since she had started her embellishments of Wonderland.

The students looked at each other unimpressed. They travelled to a far off land to battle the shadow monster, and stopped to go fishing? Emma saw them losing interest quickly.

"But as soon as the boat took off, the ghost monster started a hurricane! We rocked in the boat, not knowing how to get off. It wasn't until we were in the middle of the lake that we saw the Elemental had summoned a mighty tornado in the center of the water!" Emma said, becoming animated.

Henry watched from the doorway, knowing right away that this was complete bullshit. Emma was a step away from telling the story with a flashlight held up to her face in the dark.

"How did you escape?!" One of the students asked. Henry couldn't believe adult college students were this gullible. Didn't they have to pass an entrance exam?

Emma's wheels were spinning in her head. She was really digging herself in with this one.

"I carried the Queen back to shore on my back, against the blows of the mighty wind!" Emma said triumphantly. She would just have to fill Regina in on that little detail later on.

"She walked on water?" One of the students whispered to another. It seems a pack of students in the corner heard her, and started to murmur against themselves amongst the gasps.

"She can walk on water? Like Jesus or something?"

"That must be why they call her the Savior…she's…the _Savior_." Four of the students looked at each other, stunned in their collective revelation.

Henry thought this might be a good time to interrupt, knocking on the open door with the Granny's bag in his hands.

Emma looked up, smiling at Henry. It didn't take long before her face fell, remembering she was supposed to meet him today.

"Henry, what time is it?" She looked at her clock. "Oh, wow! Kid I'm sorry. We just started talking here and I lost track of time. Okay, class, office hours are officially over!"

The students all groaned, not wanting to give up their entertainment. Henry waited politely in the doorway for them to shuffle out.

"You grabbed us lunch? That's so thoughtful." Emma said, getting up to ruffle his hair, pulling up a chair for him.

"Yup. I figured you were tied up here. And lunch is on me." Emma looked at him with her eyebrows raised. He was wearing a suit, just bought her lunch, and looked incredibly nervous.

"Henry, is Lilo pregnant?"

"What?! No! Why would you think that?" He said, embarrassed. He really did not want to have another conversation with Emma about that particular topic.

"Because you look like you're about to tell me that my house is going into foreclosure." Emma said, pointing to his face, and then the suit.

"No, nothing like that. I mean, I do have something I need to tell you, but I just like looking good." Henry opened their containers. "Fries extra crispy, right?" He said hopefully.

Emma just nodded, waiting for Henry to unload whatever it was on her.

"So here's the thing. I know I'm not technically supposed to play swords in the house, but Mulan was over, and I got a little carried away." Emma let out a long exhale. Whatever this was, it was nowhere near what she had assumed.

"Okay. Go on." Emma encouraged, already feeling better.

"And we were horsing around and…we may have broken a few things. Mom didn't notice last night because you guys were out at the party pretty late, but I'm sorry, and I want to make this right." Henry pulled his wad of cash out from his pants.

"Belle has the full list of everything we broke, but I think this should cover it." He handed the whole wad over to Emma.

"Oh, Henry. It's alright. Things break. Accidents happen. You don't have to spend all of your savings at once to fix it." Emma said, going to give him the wad back.

"Um, that's not all of my savings. That's just from last week, so it's really fine." Emma looked at the money in her hand. She estimated in her head somewhere between ninety and a hundred dollars.

"Henry –this isn't all of it?" Emma said, watching Henry shake his head. "Is that a new suit?" She asked, realizing he wasn't wearing the one she picked out for him. It was close, but a different cut.

"Yeah. I bought it. Thrift store." Emma had no idea that Henry had cleaned so many houses. At least, as far as she knew, that was his after school job. Also as far as she knew, he didn't now have multiple sources of income.

"How many more of these wads do you have at home?" She asked, shocked at what she was piecing together.

"A few…" Henry said, not divulging any details. He was trying to make this better, and instead he was getting the feeling that he was about to be in more trouble.

"Henry, I want you to meet me after your mother and I are done here with your cash. I need you to get here before the end of the business day." Emma said, still a bit stunned. She wasn't angry, as long as Henry hadn't stolen it, but stunned nonetheless.

"Why? I earned it fair and square!" Henry said.

"I know, Henry. But if you're going to have this kind of money, we need to go open a bank account for you. It's not good to just have wads of cash stuffed around your room. And Henry, if you worked for this, and you spent your money on responsible things like a new suit for yourself, I'm really, really proud of you." She said, giving him a hug.

* * *

Elite Tactical was in their weekly meeting that afternoon. They were using the War room, since most of them knew that Cupid was still on the agenda, not wanting to risk having students over hear.

"I think it's fairly obvious that I shouldn't meet him. It's too risky." Tinkerbell said. Everyone noticed that the Mayor was no longer wearing the gifts from Cupid around town.

"I think you have to." Snow said. "It's our only way to ensure that we can get him face to face. We've been tracking him for weeks now and he's always just out of our grasp."

"There's still always my way. If we start hunting him out in the open and you let me bounty hunt, I'll have him in a day. I know, crazy idea letting the bounty hunter do what she's trained for. I say we make up some wanted posters, and let me go door to door to see if anyone's seen him." Emma said, ready to gear up in a moment's notice.

"Emma, I don't want you hunting him either. I don't want to risk him taking your love away." Regina said, putting her hand on Emma's arm.

"I can hunt him then." Mulan said, volunteering for the job.

"No! You're not risking your love either, Mulan!" Belle said intervening.

"Well, we're not going to get very far if every time we have a soldier willing to do their job, their girlfriend intervenes!" Tinkerbell said snidely.

"Hey, you're the one who decided to wear the necklace, and bracelet, and ring, and earrings, AND a princess tiara from the stalker! Of course he wants to meet you!" Emma said aggressively.

"Hey! Everyone take it down a notch!" Regina shouted. "Tink, we need you as bait, but maybe it doesn't have to actually be you." She started, pulling her thoughts together as she spoke.

"You need me, but not me? What kind of Yoda bullshit is this, Regina? I have a crazy war criminal stalker! Now is not the time to read me a fucking fortune cookie!" Tink shouted.

Regina paused to gather herself, not letting Tink drag her into a petty argument. This was official business. She also suspected Tinkerbell was still cranky that Regina and Emma had won the IronFairy without actually having to show up.

_Deep breaths. You are a Queen, she is a Fairy, which is really only a step away from being a magical firefly._

"Do you all remember when my mother pretended to be me, to pretend to kill Archie?" The room nodded. "I can do that spell, but to look like Tink."

Everyone sat back and thought on it a minute. It was actually perfect. They would have their most powerful magician trapping Cupid, instead of the Mayor, whose magic was only really powerful enough to make toast.

* * *

The pack of students who were listening to Emma's stories of triumph from the day before were putting up flyers on the bulletin board. Snow and David were bumming around campus that afternoon, putting together the supplies they needed to confront Cupid. They saw the students who usually were still in their training fatigues by that time.

Snow and David got closer to see what the flyer was that they put up. They noticed that all of the girls in the group were wearing skinny jeans, boots, and leather jackets. There must have been a rush for the thrift shop the day before.

"Hi professors!" Rebecca greeted the two. She handed them a flyer. "Have you heard about our Savior, Emma Swan?" The two looked down at the flyer she had handed them. It was for a meeting.

"Emma battled a mighty wind-shadow monster and then walked on water?" Snow asked, not knowing what was going on. She was sure if that happened Emma would have mentioned it...right?

"Yes. She's the _Savior_. We're having a group study tonight." Stacy said excitedly. "Think about it. Anytime something goes wrong, who fixes it? Whenever there's a problem, who do we call?" The girls walked away, leaving Snow and Charming with their flyer.

"David, did they just start an Emma cult?"

* * *

"Remember, Regina. We need you to get a confession out of him. I'll be close by with Tink listening in the surveillance van. What's the safe word?"

"Ours or the mission's, dear?" Regina said smirking.

"This is serious, Regina. I need you to be able to signal if you're in immediate danger. Then we come busting in. But if we can wait until there's a confession, that'll be better. I'm not going to blow the mission unless you're in immediate danger." Emma said, not biting on Regina's humor. She was crazy nervous that Regina was going on this date as Tink, not knowing what tricks Cupid had up his sleeve.

"Fine. If you hear me say anything about pineapples, bust in. The word is 'pineapple', okay? But I think it'll be fine. He's so smitten at the moment I'm pretty sure that as long as he buys that I'm Tinkerbell, he'll chirp like a jaybird."

"Regina, he's dangerous." Emma took a step closer. "Don't forget that." Emma grabbed Regina to kiss her, the immediacy of the situation overpowering her. They had their love taken away once, she didn't want it to happen again. She roughly grabbed the Queen, conveying her need.

"No." Regina said, pushing her away. She saw the hurt it caused in Emma's eyes.

"Emma, you're kissing me like we're saying goodbye. That's not what's going to happen. Kiss me like we're spending an hour apart, which is what's going on." Emma nodded, giving Regina a more gentle kiss.

"That's better. I suppose we should all get into our places." Regina said, grabbing her purse. She gave Emma one more kiss before leaving.

Emma held her necklace in her hands, sending Regina a quick thought.

_I need you to come back to me, Regina. If you need me, say the word and I will come busting in there_.

* * *

The Warrior was in her kitchen, hurriedly trying to get the take-out out of the take-out containers, and make it look like they had been steaming in pots and pans for hours.

She never actually learned how to make any traditional dishes from her family, so when Belle's father requested Chinese food, she figured that he assumed that's what she would know how to make. Mulan had been the one to offer that they come over to her place for dinner. She didn't know that meant to the clueless man that just because she was Chinese she was supposed to know how to make Moo Shu chicken. She didn't even know what the hell "Moo Shu" was made of.

The rice went into the pot, another pan with the main dishes, and another for vegetables. She would just start re-heating it when they arrived so it would look like she made it herself. Foolproof. She buried the containers in the garbage under the newspaper.

Just as she was burying the evidence, she heard a knock at her door.

* * *

"Okay, everyone!" Rebecca said hitting her gavel on the table. "The first meeting of the Swanists will come to order! Stacy, what's first on the agenda?"

The room had twelve students in total. Ten young women who were all dressed as cookie-cutter Emma Swans, and two random guys who they suspected only showed up because the flyer said "free pizza".

"Right! First order of business: our 'What Would Emma Do' campus campaign." Stacy read from the paper before her.

"Excellent! We all here know the story of Emma Swan, and how she continues to perform miracles day in and day out. But what about our fellow soon-to-be knights who are from out of town and aren't aware of her great feats?"

One of the copy-cat Emmas raised her hand.

"I think we should go door to door. Not just in the dorms, but around the whole town. How is everyone supposed to know where to go if they need to be saved if we don't share the stories with them?" She said. The woman was just as enthralled by Emma's abilities as everyone else, but these jeans were cutting off her circulation, causing her voice to be three octaves higher than normal.

"Excellent idea, Bitsy! Shall we put it to vote?"

* * *

Regina was right on time in the clock tower, pulling off the Tinkerbell glamour so well that even Emma wouldn't kiss her again after she changed into the Fairy. Emma and the real Tinkerbell were in the surveillance van, while Snow and David were hidden on the grounds outside, just in case. They could all hear Regina's microphone.

Regina, if she had been given the same proposition by Cupid, would have stormed up to the top of the tower, demanding he show himself. The Queen had to actively reminder herself that she was Tinkerbell for the evening. Tink would go right where she was supposed to go and wait quietly, so that's exactly what Regina did.

Regina was only in the tower for a minute before Cupid came out from the shadows, wearing a tuxedo with a red bow tie and cummerbund. He held out a bouquet of red roses.

"I'm so glad you decided to meet me." He said, offering his arm. Regina figured that at least the criminal was a gentleman, and took it.

"Where are we off to?" She asked.

"A lady should always be taken somewhere special on a first date. I hope you like lobster." He said.

Regina knew this was the point where she had to maneuver him into going to Granny's. That was the plan, as Ruby and Granny were both alerted and working armed this evening.

"Oh." Regina said, with her face falling dramatically. "I guess that's alright."

"Oh? If it's not alright, it's flexible. I don't want my lady less than pleased." He really was quite charming. Regina knew it was probably more of a chop-my-date-into-little-bits kidnapping kind of charming, but he did have the whole date thing down pat.

"I'm…I'm allergic to shellfish. But it's no big deal. I'm sure they have a salad or something I can order. Unless it's been anywhere near the fish, in which case I'll be purple and not breathing…"

"Oh! I had no idea. I apologize; I should have figured out what you like before planning anything. Why don't you pick where we go?"

Regina smirked as he led her out of the tower. This would be easier than she thought.

* * *

Halfway through dinner at Granny's, Cupid was actually entertaining Regina. He told all the right stories, all the right jokes…she was just waiting for him to relax enough, and hopefully drink enough, to start talking about Wonderland and his plan to take over the kingdom.

She laughed over another one of his jokes, subtly touching his arm on the table. The Queen thought back to her days where she wore nothing that didn't have a seduction purpose, usually for her own personal gain. She still had it in her.

"I think this calls for another drink, don't you?" She said. Cupid nodded, signaling over to Ruby to bring them more wine.

"I have an idea. I'll show you mine if you show me yours." Cupid said in a low voice.

Regina stared at him somewhat disgusted. Was he seriously laying on sexual innuendo in the middle of a crowded dinner rush?

Cupid noticed her face fall.

"No! Not like that! I meant magic. I know Fairies can do it too. Watch." He pulled out an arrow from his quiver, which he cleverly had dressed up in its own little tuxedo. He loaded the arrow, and looked at the couple on the date in the booth behind them. Regina looked at the pair. They did appear to be on a date, but it was lukewarm. No longing gazes or nervous giggles. She figured it was a blind date.

She watched as the fireworks went off over their heads, crackling down. Once the magic hit them, the longing gazes were there. The couple immediately joined hands, looking much happier about their date than only a few seconds before. Cupid had hit them with a love arrow.

"What can I say? I'm good at what I do." Cupid said smugly. "Your turn. What can fairies do with magic?"

Regina thought for a moment. She couldn't show him one of her impressive spells, they were far too advanced for fairy magic. She noticed that they had yet to get their wine refills.

"Watch this." Regina-as-Tinkerbell said. She floated a bottle of wine from behind the counter, drawing it to their table, and pulled out the cork with it still floating in the air.

Cupid immediately stiffened.

"It's not frightening, Cupid. It's really quite simple. I bet that you could do this from the magic from even a part of one of your arrows."

"You didn't use Fairy dust. Or Pixie dust. And there's no sparkle trail." Cupid was starting to put two and two together. What he had just witnessed was most certainly NOT Fairy magic.

"Who are you?!" He shouted, immediately causing a scene, grabbing the attention of everyone in the diner.

"You're her, aren't you? The Evil Queen who had me in captivity! That's the only person strong enough to pull off looking like someone else!" Cupid grabbed Regina's arm, standing up.

"If you're here, the other one's not far behind. Where's my other kidnapper? Where is that Emma woman you always had with you?!" He yelled. Most of the patrons were hiding under their tables or behind chairs as he yanked Regina's arm around.

They all heard the bell at the front door. Just then, Rebecca, still dressed as a Swanist, came in the front door.

"You! You made her do this!" He said, dropping Regina's arm, and lunging after the girl. Cupid apparently hadn't paid much attention during his time in captivity, as this girl wasn't even blonde.

The bell rang again, and the other nine Emma wannabes came in.

"Or..you! You're her!" He said, looking at the pack. "Or you are!"

Cupid was now staring at ten Emma Swans, four of whom were _exact_ blonde copy-cats. He thought he might be dreaming. He was in a nightmare with ten of his captors.

"Which one of you is that Emma woman who kept me in captivity with this Evil monster of a Queen?" He shouted, patting his hair. It had taken him quite awhile to fix the hairdo that Regina had forced upon him.

It was then that Granny had a clear shot, taking Cupid out with her dart gun from the order window.

Rebecca went right up to Regina, who still looked like Tinkerbell.

"Madame Mayor! Have you heard about our Lord and Savior, Emma Swan?"

* * *

_**Happy Thursday, Readers! Sorry for the delay on this one! -Rogue**_


	34. Role Model

The real Tinkerbell was put on watch duty for the captured Cupid. She felt okay being around him as long as he was tied up, and even if she wasn't going to date him, she did feel she should at least thank him for the gifts. If he wasn't a homicidal maniac who tried to colonize a kingdom and blended up her love with her friends', she might have considered a date.

She was now working up to the biggest "it's not you, it's me" speech she had ever put together.

Tinkerbell walked in with her knightly guard, hoping just to have a quick chat and run the hell out of there. Cupid was not pleased when he saw Tinkerbell's face.

"I will not be speaking with you, _Evil Queen_. I should have known something was wrong as soon as you said you were allergic to shellfish, which I have most certainly watched you eat before on lunch at City Hall. I can't believe I fell for that." Cupid said, spatting his words angrily.

"It's not Regina, Cupid. It's me." Tinkerbell pulled up a chair to sit across from him.

He looked at the Fairy for a moment, trying to see if he could tell the difference. Unlike his imposter-date, this Tinkerbell was wearing a bracelet and necklace that he had given her. She also wore an expression that was a mix of being curious, excited, and a little fearful, just like when she had opened each one of his presents.

"Madame Mayor, I had lost all hope that I would have the pleasure of actually meeting you."

"Cupid, here's the thing. I love everything you left for me on my doorstep. You have great taste. Your notes are just so sweet, with the perfect things to say. You even showed up to a first date in a full tuxedo. I'm actually jealous of the date that Regina got with you, even if it was only to capture you." Tink started, seeing the emotions in Cupid's light blue eyes.

_Why does he have to be a criminal?_ Tink thought to herself. This was exactly the kind of person she wanted to fall for her. This is what she had always wanted while she had blazed through the town's dating pool. And now she had someone who thought the world of her, and he had tried to kill her friends in Wonderland. Of course that's how the chips would fall.

"Cupid, the thing is, you tried to take over Wonderland. You're a prisoner of war. A criminal."

"Labels are a matter of choice, my lady."

"What do you mean?"

"Sure, you could choose to focus on the 'criminal' charge. If we're going by labels, I am also a king. I did lead an army into Wonderland, so I am also a leader. And as you said yourself about your gifts, I am someone with fine tastes and high standards. Now tell me this, would a criminal spend all of his time out of captivity procuring gifts for a lady?" Cupid asked smoothly.

Tinkerbell thought for a bit. Cupid had caused some trouble, but he never tried to kill anyone. And he hadn't tried to escape the realm.

"Look, if circumstances were different, that's a conversation we could have. But you started an entire war because of small penis insecurities. That doesn't scream 'boyfriend material' to me. I mean the war thing, not the size thing." Tink said, looking away from him.

"Excuse me?" Cupid said, looking thoroughly insulted.

"I know, Cupid. We all know. Mulan saw you getting out of the tub at your war camp. And it shouldn't be such a big deal, but you went ahead and invaded an entire land instead of just buying a sports car like everybody else."

"What? You think…no! I can't believe this. Tinkerbell, do you remember how the Queen of Hearts could rip out hearts?"

"Yes, but I don't-"

"Let me finish. So she never had her own heart in her chest. Do you really think the Lord of Lovers would carry his phallus around on his body, where everyone else keeps theirs?"

"I…you what? Are you telling me you magically ripped off your—ew! Why?!"

"I promise you, my little Cupid is locked safely in my vault, just as one would do with a heart. It's nice to know everyone was just dying to get a glance at my stump, I suppose. Is that supposed to be flattering?"

* * *

Mulan was sitting across from Belle and Belle's father as they awkwardly started dinner. Belle appeared to be nervous. The last time her father had met someone she would end up in a relationship with, it was because Rumplestiltskin was essentially bargaining to take Belle as a slave. She expected her father to go over everything about Mulan with a fine-toothed comb, not that she could really blame him.

Mulan answered every question he asked as directly as possible. Mr. French appeared quite nervous himself. Mulan didn't recognize his nervousness as the excitement it actually was. She had no idea how happy Mr. French was that Belle was with someone who was _not_ the Dark One. In fact, after missing Belle's life for years because of the imp, he would be happy with anyone who was not the Dark One. Nothing could be as bad as that in his mind.

"So how did you and Belle meet? Was it teaching at the University?" He asked. He was indeed going to find out everything there was to know that he could in a two hours span.

"Actually, we met long ago, when my friend Philip was turned into a yaoguai. Belle saved him. She was the only one smart enough to see the beast we were tracking was actually a trapped person in need of help." Mulan relayed the story proudly.

Truth be told, when she had first met Belle, she found her annoying, someone who would surely only get in her way. She thought back to that time, having a similar feeling about Emma who was now her best friend. She reminded herself that she learned her lesson about helping people in need, and trusting others. She had just been a soldier for so long that she always focused on her mission, only knowing someone was on her side if they were wearing the same uniform.

"You saved someone, Belle?" Her father asked in wonder. "After you saved our whole kingdom?"

"I just took a leap of faith and used some fairy dust on him. It was really the luck of the draw with that one. And Mulan is being modest. She also saved me from some bullies."

"That's when I knew," Mulan said, looking at Belle, "That Belle was someone who could be trusted, and who always did the right thing."

Mr. French was beyond happy. This woman Warrior was most certainly nothing like the Dark One. She was a war hero, Rumple was a coward. Belle was not being held captive. She was not following around a man with a dark heart trying to mitigate his schemes. Belle was finally free.

Mulan was also enjoying the time reminiscing when she and Belle had first met that she completely forgot that she left the back burner with the extra chicken on high. None of them had noticed the smoke in the kitchen until it was pouring out in a dark black smoke storm, setting off the smoke detector all but too late.

Mulan heard the alarm, grabbing her fire extinguisher and running into the kitchen. Belle and Belle's father could hear the Warrior battling the fire, with smoke still pouring out of the kitchen through the entire apartment.

"Mulan! Are you alright in there? Should I call the fire department?" Belle shouted, hearing the extinguisher still going off, and the sputter out the last of its tank until empty.

Mulan came back out of the kitchen covered in soot and some splashback from the contents of the extinguisher.

"It's out. Maybe I should open a window…"

* * *

Regina gathered her folders and books for her 11AM Honors Magics Seminar. She had been quite busy the last few days and hadn't actually sat and made up a legitimate lesson plan. She figured she could wing it just fine, and return to the curriculum next class.

As always, the Queen walked into the room at 11:01. She always gave them the extra minute of tension, knowing their collective butts were expected to be in their chairs with their books open right on the dot. If anyone walked in after she arrived and immediately began, they knew they would be kicked out, having it count as an absence.

Today, however, things went a bit differently. She walked in at 11:01 to fifteen seminar students in their classes looking prepared. She wasn't expecting the round of applause that started when she came in the room, with the students getting out of their chairs to give her a standing ovation.

She walked to the front of the room thoroughly confused. Maybe they knew about Cupid's capture? Technically, they weren't supposed to know about Cupid at all, but she did take him down in a rather public setting.

The students finished clapping and cheering, settling back into their seats. It was then that Regina noticed she had eight of the Emma look-alikes in her class, still dressed up as the Savior.

"Are we celebrating Halloween early this year?" Regina asked the room.

Stacy raised her hand to speak to the professor.

"Can we learn the magic Emma uses, Mrs. Emma?"

_Mrs. Emma? What the hell?_

"I assure you all, that while you seem to appreciate Emma's sense of style while still maintaining practicality, Emma and I are not married. I am still Professor Mills, or Your Majesty for those of you with citizenship in this kingdom. Speaking of Emma, why are you all dressed like her?"

"We like you better as Mrs. Emma." Bitsy said, providing Professor Regina with a soft cover book.

Regina looked down at what she was handed. It simply said on the front **The Book of Emma**.

"It's all of the stories about the Savior. Don't you think it's important for everyone to know about her? And here." She handed Regina a small plastic bendy bracelet, with the letters "WWED" etched into it.

"Alright, I can see this is getting out of hand. Stacy, please take your seat. I can assure everyone that while we all know and love Professor Swan, her title of 'Savior' merely refers to her destiny for breaking my curse. Not because she is 'Holy' or has any other magical powers that you're not all capable of learning. Emma is the Savior, but not in the way you're thinking." Regina said. One of the Emma wannabes raised her hand.

"So Emma didn't save you a whole bunch of times _after _the curse was broken?" The young woman asked.

"She did, but that was because-"

"And she didn't also save your son? Multiple times?"

"That's true, but-"

"We also heard that Emma's the reason we won the Great War, isn't she?"

"Yes, of course, with us all working together using Emma's plan, but-"

"And Emma's the reason we have French fry vending machines now, isn't she?"

"That _was_ her idea, but honestly-"

"See? SAVIOR!" The girl shouted, with the Swanists breaking out into applause again.

Regina put her head in her hands. This was out of control.

* * *

Mulan showed up at Emma's office with a case of beer cleverly hidden in her weapons bag. She figured if she had to ask Emma for such a big favor, it wouldn't hurt to throw in a bribe.

Mulan knocked, hearing the "Come in!" from the other side of the door.

The Warrior walked into the office, seeing it littered with gifts. There was a bouquet of flowers, all kinds of candies and baked goods, a few wrapped boxes that Emma hadn't even gotten to yet, and a Teddy bear dressed in a little plaid shirt with a vest.

"Emma, is it your birthday?" Mulan asked, looking around.

"Oh, no. A bunch of the students gave me presents at class this morning. I guess they all missed me this weekend." Emma said, clearing off a chair for Mulan.

"Have room for one more present?" Mulan asked, pulling the beer out of her bag.

"Nice! It's a bit early for us for a weekday, isn't it?" Emma said, checking out the micro-brew Mulan had picked out. Hmmm. Is it really ever too early for a porter?

"This one's all for you Emma, since I'm about to ask you for a big favor."

"Sure. What is it?"

"The thing is, I had Belle's father over with Belle last night for dinner."

"Oh, that was last night? How'd it go?"

"It was great, until I burned my kitchen down." Mulan watched Emma's eyes go wide. "We're all okay, but my kitchen is kind of a giant burnt hole at the moment and it reeks so…can I crash in your spare room for a couple of days?"

* * *

Henry was in the boys' room at Storybrooke High, having a meeting with Hansel. The bathroom had been Henry's on campus satellite office. He figured if that's the room everyone got away with smoking in, he certainly wasn't going to get caught just talking.

"So your family goes to the Canadian forest every other weekend? For sure?" Henry asked Hansel. The two decided they weren't going to clue Gretel in until they had a contract hammered out.

"Absolutely. Once it's nicer, warm weather we go regularly until about November-ish. But then in the fall we know my parents won't be taking us up as much, so we can stock up."

"And how are you getting this all across the border?" Henry said, analyzing the risk of the operation.

"Cloaking spell. It's how my parents get their liquor through. We always stop at a store on the way down from our cabin. I can put as much as I want in my suitcase, we cloak the goods so border guards can't see it, and it's never been a problem. And there are no border guards to get into Storybrooke, so no problem here."

Henry thought about it. Aerobars. Crispy Crunches. Smarties that didn't taste like the sugar someone swept off of the floor of a bakery and ground up into something that like chalk. Henry's new import premium line would be the talk of the town for everyone under 21.

"Deal."

* * *

"I think we absolutely have the authority to imprison him indefinitely. Wonderland is a kingdom we're allies with and he tried to invade them. The whole 'trial' idea is a formality, and sometimes, Emma, a good old-fashioned dungeon serves its purpose. We did it to Rumple without a trial, we can do it to Cupid. Shot!" Regina yelled before throwing up another conjured fireball.

Emma shot her conjured ice ball at the flying flame, hitting her target. The two were in the magics target range, where they practiced occasionally together.

"I understand what you're saying, but do we really think that there are people who are beyond redemption? After all we've been through? And he's been a pretty crappy villain, if we're comparing him to Rumple. He couldn't even get through Wonderland's gates." Regina threw up another flame, this one in a zig-zag pattern.

Emma watched the flame's course for a moment, before extinguishing it with her ice shot.

"Remember how out-of-control Rumple was? He didn't start out that way. This is preemptive. We imprison him _before_ he gets to the point of actual villain."

"I think if he's going to be imprisoned, that's up to Philip and Aurora. Not us. Let's just extradite him back to Wonderland. If they go through with a trial, that's on them. I want him out of here."

"Like he won't find his way back for Tinkerbell? He's lovesick. There's no way he'll stay away from here with her running around. He has to be locked up."

"Before what, Regina? He raids the diamond mine to make her another set of earrings? Yeah, he's really intimidating. Throw me a fast ball."

Regina threw the shot. She was getting irritated with Emma, knowing that extraditing Cupid to Wonderland was the equivalent of letting him loose.

"He might not be intimidating, but he's a problem. And now he's _our_ problem. Can't handle the new challenge, oh mighty amazing Savior?" Regina said in her cranky voice.

"What?"

"You haven't heard?" Regina said, going to Emma's side of the target range. She threw the **Book of Emma **down in front of her girlfriend.

"What the hell is this?"

"It seems Emma, that some of your stories of people you've actually saved have gotten jumbled up with some embellishments, and now you have a cult. You have _followers_."

Emma thought for a moment. The random gifts from students. The sudden fascination with Emma's style from the women on campus.

"Seriously?" Emma said, leafing through the book.

"Seriously." Regina answered.

"I guess it could be worse." Emma said, reading a story about herself climbing a Himalayan mountain while fighting off bears with her bare hands. Were there even bears in the Himalayas?

"Emma, you have to set them straight. They can't think that you're this perfect, Holy figure. If you do something not perfect, it'll crush them. And eventually they'll want to see you do this-" Regina grabbed the book and skipped a page she had dog-earred, "this Multiplicity spell." Regina showed Emma the page of the book.

"They think I can make copies of any object or item? Why would I even do that?"

"I don't know, but now it's part of your legend. They think that's why there were so many women's leather jackets available at the Thrift Store when they went it. You must have made copies for you followers knowing you would have some, since they also think you can see the future. Oh! And apparently, you're the best thing since sliced bread, since they thing you _invented_ sliced bread."

"Well, that's just ridiculous. Hey! Why were there so many jackets in the Thrift Store? Whatever. They're not doing anything dangerous, Regina. Am I the worst person they could follow? As long as I set a good example, it'll be alright."

"You do set a good example, Emma. You're a good role model for them. At least, we all try to be good role models. But we shouldn't be doing it with made-up stories as the backing."

"Regina, as far as issues go, compared to Cupid this is not a crisis. I don't think it needs our attention at the moment. I mean, I'm glad you told me so that I know to be on my best behavior, but eventually I'll go out of style. It's a fad."

Regina was now 0 for 2. Emma wasn't going to let her lock Cupid away in a dungeon, and she wasn't taking her concerns about the Swanists seriously.

Regina decided to table the discussion where she was going to ask Emma to live with her once the house was a castle for another time when Emma was more receptive to her ideas.

Once they had gotten back from Wonderland, Regina thought a lot about _why_ she had wanted a castle. Staying in one with Philip and Aurora wasn't amazing, or unappealing – it was simply comfortable. She had one as the Evil Queen and was still thoroughly unhappy. It wasn't the structure that made her more comfortable, the whole campus was constructed to look like a kingdom's royal grounds. She wanted the castle because she wanted to be a _real_ Queen; one that her people loved, and one that housed her family. Emma and Henry were her family. She wanted that life for them together, to rule together, even fine with sharing the leadership powers with the Charmings.

Today was not the day to convince Emma to start that life together. But she did want to ask her before she started any construction. She hoped Emma would say yes, and it would be a project they could design _together_.

* * *

"I think her Dad liked me. At least until I burned down my kitchen. But he was impressed with how quickly I put it out…I think." Mulan and Emma were on their first night of being roommates while Mulan's place was being reconstructed with flame-retardant materials.

"You can't judge the night by the fire. Look at how it was going up until that happened. A kitchen fire could've happened to anyone." Emma said, bringing them each a beer before hopping onto the couch.

"I suppose, but it's hard not to. He didn't use my name once all night. He kept referring to me as 'not-Rumple'. I'll take what I can get, but it's not a name I want to stick."

"Him calling you 'not-Rumple' is probably a compliment. We are talking about someone who had Belle agree to forever-servitude. As long as you're not only inviting her over to do your laundry, you're good."

"…do you think she'd do my laundry? Hey! Kidding!" Mulan said as Emma launched her beer cap at her.

"By the way, have you noticed that half of the female students are basically trying to pass for your stunt double?"

"I did. It seems as though they think I'm a _Savior_." Mulan laughed.

"Emma, you are the Savior."

"No, I mean like a magical _Savior."_ Mulan's face stared back at Emma.

"No, not that kind of magical…I mean like religiously. They literally think I have the power to do _anything_. Not that I have to follow the laws of nature or the rules that govern magic and what I can _actually_ do."

Mulan paused for a minute before bursting out laughing.

"It's not that funny."

"It is that funny, oh Holy Savior!" Mulan couldn't stop, laughing so hard she had tears rolling down her face.

"Don't encourage them. I'm just going to let it run its course. I'm sure I'll be out of style with the next issue of _Vogue_."

"Alright, if you say so, your Amazingness. What do you want to watch?" Mulan threw the remote over to Emma. "Or can't you just turn it on with the power of your mind?" Mulan cracked herself up again.

* * *

"I've got one! How about one where Emma rescues a lost child from a volcano?" Snow said standing behind Charming, typing away on his old-fashioned typewriter.

"Good one! How are we saying she got into the volcano?"

"She flew in! Saviors can fly, right?"

"She can fly, and she's resistant to fire. It's perfect. Oh! And the volcano should have teeth!"

Snow and Charming were making their newest edition for **The Book of Emma**.

After they had seen the girls who were so taken by Emma's heroism, real and imagined, they found something that they wanted to encourage. They were worried about the fact that students had also failed the IronFairy drug test, they suspected a candy pipeline getting in to the freshmen, and there was always the occasional student with an attitude problem, or a slacker who thought her parents being magical should give her special privileges or treatment. They could use a role model like Emma.

Hence, the birth of the book.

They were glad to see that when they warned the Thrift Shop they'd need to carry more "Emma-like" clothing, they had listened. Just that day they alerted the salon to double stock Emma's shampoo, since one of the girls had asked Emma what she used and they were sure there would be a run on the product.

"But it has to have a moral, David. Not just adventure tales. Like how Emma learned to believe in herself and magic when she saved Henry. What's a good moral we haven't used yet?"

"Never judge a book by its cover?" David asked.

"For a volcano story?"

"Never judge a volcano by its cover?"

Snow shook her head.

"What if the child was lost because his parents used Fairy drugs? That wraps in with what we need them not to do nicely."

"Ooo! Nice!" David typed away. They would have the newest edition into the master book at the Swanists' office before any of them even woke up the next morning.

* * *

Ruby was walking home from the diner, pissed off at Granny for vetoing the next month's student meal plan menu for the campus. There should be nothing wrong with meat on the menu every day, the Wolf reasoned. The vegetarians could go weed the garden for all she cared. She had put a lot of work in making five different types of pork products fit the budget, also pointed out as problematic by Granny.

She loved walking home at night. So many smells. The trees, the flowers, each storefront and house having it's own fresh scent, the smell of each restaurant, the scent of Cupid and Tinkerbell-

_Hey. Wait a minute_. Ruby realized very quickly that two of these scents did not belong here.

* * *

Emma and Mulan had discovered that anything on television could be a drinking game. Literally, anything. This included any TV show, any horribly edited for television movie, the news, the weather, and of course, the infomercials.

By midnight, the two were tanked. Wasted. A Sloppy Savior. A Wobbly Warrior. So naturally, that's when they got their "SOS" texts to meeting Elite Tactical in the War Room due to some sort of emergency.

"Shit. Emma, I can't drive right now." Mulan said. She was smart enough to know when she couldn't use her keys, but at the moment she was almost convinced she could fly.

"I can't either. Crap. No! This is killing my buzz! I'm supposed to be a role model. I can't show up to campus drunk!"

"Emma, if we don't figure out _how_ to get to campus, that's going to be a bigger problem. No students are even up this late on a weeknight anyway. Come with me."

Mulan pulled Emma into the bathroom, making both of them wash their faces.

"Nope. Still drunk."

"I know." Mulan said. "We just have to try not to look like it. Maybe I can get Belle to pick us up and drop us off. It's okay. We're not that drunk. We're not drunk. Just keep saying that over and over."

"Don't do that. We shouldn't be waking up someone who doesn't have to be up yet. I'll poof us."

Mulan knew drunk driving was a bad idea, but didn't know what happened if they drunk poofed.

Emma put her arms on Mulan's, dissolving the pair into a cloud of smoke.

Mulan opened her eyes, finding herself and Emma in Granny's.

"We're closing up, you two. If you want something, it's going to be whatever we have left in the warmers."

"Emma, what the hell? You're supposed to take us to campus!"

"I need a burger." Emma said. She knew the drunk munchies would be setting in any moment, and that's _really_ when Regina would be able to tell she had gotten carried away with Mulan that evening.

"Sorry, Emma. No more burgers tonight." Granny said while counting the contents of the cash register.

"Damnit! Eggs?"

"Nope. Grill's already off. I can get you guys some pizza. That was tonight's special. I only have one pie left."

"We'll take it. And if you have any fries left, I wouldn't mind if you threw them right on top." Mulan rolled her eyes even while her own stomach growled. They were _so_ about to be busted.

* * *

_**Readers, thank you so much for those of you who review. Particularly the regular**_ **_readers_**…**_a_**_** small line puts a smile on my face. You never really know if anyone actually reads, or if they just click on a story and read one paragraph before going "Nope!" and leaving the chapter. I know, that's a totally made up ridiculousness, but seriously, thanks for reading!**_

_**Question: Does anyone know what the Mulan/Belle ship is called? WarriorBelle doesn't sound right or appealing to me.**_


	35. Prince Henry the First

The leadership of the town of Storybrooke watched in disgust as their Savior and Warrior each took a piece of pizza, covered it in fries, then barbeque sauce, then another slice of pizza making one of the most disgusting sandwiches Regina had ever seen.

Snow and David both tried to ignore the pair by focusing on official business. They kept side-glancing at each other, not sure if they should address Emma's sloppiness or ignore it for the moment.

They watched as Emma dropped a fry from the middle of her pizza sandwich down the middle of her shirt, simply shrugging.

"Guess that one's for later!" She said.

"Oh, you can't conjure French fry boobs, oh mighty Savior?" Mulan teased, looking just as sloppy.

"Hey! You two! Tinkerbell is in trouble. Pull it together. Ugh." Ruby was with the team, since she had picked up on Cupid and Tinkerbell's scent. Once she had gathered Snow, David, and Regina, they went to check on Cupid's cell.

What they found were two knocked out guards and a note. The note from Tinkerbell was an apology letter to the royals, that she knew Cupid had done some terrible things, but she needed to give herself a chance for love. The two were running away together.

"Where should we start? Do you think they ran off in this world, or hopped realms? The note could be a fake. Tinkerbell could have been kidnapped." David started. They had to track the pair down immediately. Who knows if Cupid had the power to brainwash someone? This someone was their Mayor. She was not, by any means, someone they wanted to lose.

"I highly doubt it. The note sounds like Tinkerbell. I think she didn't tell us where they were running off to on purpose." Regina said, both irritated at the trouble caused by Tinkerbell and at her girlfriend's less than responsible appearance.

Emma and Mulan weren't paying attention at all. They had just begun to play French-fry swordfight, clearly not caring what kind of a mess they made.

"Emma! Mulan! We are having a meeting!" Regina said seriously while banging the table with her hand. "Do you not understand what is occurring here? This is not about two people running away for love. The Mayor untied a captive of war, facilitated in his escape, and left WITH him." Regina watched as Emma's French-fry vampire teeth fell out of her mouth with a serious expression.

"Emma, this is Tinkerbell. Our darling idiot friend, our town mayor, who has now committed treason. Snow, dear, does treason fall under old-world laws or new under our charter?" Regina asked. Snow had handled a lot of the administrative crossover in blending Enchanted Forest and United States traditions, especially from a legal perspective.

"You're not being serious. We're going to treat Tinkerbell, _our_ Tinkerbell, like any other common criminal?" Snow said looking devastated.

"Snow, answer the question. Old world laws or new." Regina asked. The Queen pretty much had her answer by the fact that Snow didn't want to give her the information.

"Old." Snow admitted with defeat.

"I'm sorry, but why is this so terrible? What's the old world punishment for treason?" Emma asked, sobering up after Regina had just yelled at her in front of the whole room.

"Imprisonment. The generally accepted timeframe is three to five years, unless the criminal not only acted with treason, but espionage. If Tinkerbell gave away any of our tactical information, anything that would make us or Wonderland vulnerable to Cupid's forces…" Regina trailed off.

"That's not what's happening, Regina. She ran away for love. What if she really loves him?" Snow said hopefully, but with a face that indicated she had already abandoned hope. Tinkerbell had done this to herself, instead of letting the royals handle it. As Mayor, Tinkerbell didn't even have the authority to speak to an inter-realm war criminal. The most she could do was pardon a parking ticket.

"Well I hope it was worth it for her, because once we find her, Cupid will be in prison for life for his second escape, and Tinkerbell will have to stand trial. She can kiss her job goodbye." Regina said.

"That's a good question…who's the Mayor when Tinkerbell's not here?" Mulan asked.

The members of the royal family, Ruby, and Mulan all looked at each other. It occurred to them at that moment that nobody actually knew who was supposed to step in for the Mayor.

* * *

"Henry, now tell me: which is the most common type of Trial by Battle? It's really the only one we still allow for." Belle asked, quizzing Henry over the stacks of books they had spent the afternoon going over.

"How about Trial by Omission? Belle, can you _please_ tell me why I was pulled out of school to learn all of this? Why isn't anyone telling me anything? I don't care about the Fairytale Land legal system. I'm not dueling anybody anytime soon."

"Henry, you know that's a question for your mothers. My job is to make sure you know this. You might not be dueling anyone, but one day you're going to have to referee a duel. You're a prince."

Henry groaned. At first, he was excited when Regina had showed up at the High School, informing them that Henry would be pulled out early four out of five days a week. Poor prince Henry thought that meant he was _done_ with school on those half days, not that he would just hop into _more_ school with Belle at the University.

"I get it. I'm a prince. One day I might be king. Shouldn't I be outside with Emma learning to shoot things?"

"In time, I'm sure you will. Being a prince isn't just fighting, Henry. It's knowing the justice system of your land and ensuring that justice is upheld. You have a responsibility to your people Everyone is trusting that you have their best interests at heart."

He thought that over for a moment. He had only been thinking of his future leadership in terms of leading into battle, not what leadership meant during times of peace.

Henry sighed before giving his answer.

"The duel system for Trial by Battle is antiquated. It is predicated on the notion that only the innocent can win, which has been disproven by the amount of times historically that villains were able to outsmart their adversaries. A modern duel is enacted by lawyers in the court system."

Belle smiled at him. This kid really was too smart for his own good. And he had just made a good case. The librarian thought that Henry's brains would make him a superb leader someday.

"When you're king, Henry, you can abolish legal dueling. But for now, some of your citizens prefer to settle things the old-fashioned way, and your family has chosen to allow it. Now let's move on to the graded Enchanted Forest tax system."

_Ugh_. Henry internally cringed. _I got pulled out of biology to study tax law?_

* * *

"I can't believe we're pulling him out of school. Regina, he has finals next week. We can't have him blowing them now."

"Emma, he's severely behind in training for a prince. And fourteen was the age of majority in Fairytale Land. We need to see just how much of what he knows. Here. I've made an assessment checklist." Regina handed a piece of paper over to Emma.

The Savior scanned the list, noticing separate sections for hand-to-hand combat, swordsmanship, archery, modern shooting and weaponry, military tactics, the Enchanted Forest legal system, Fairytale history and folklore, Battle tactics, and finally Magic.

_Magic_.

"Regina, he doesn't know any magic. And he also doesn't know how to shoot a gun, since you won't let me take him to the shooting ranges yet to start teaching him. _You_ thought he was too young."

"He is. By Storybrooke standards. But if he's joining Elite Tactical as a royal, he's going to need accelerated training. Might I remind you that we will be having a vacancy within the month? I don't like our baby boy holding weapon anymore than you do, Emma, but there's no more running from it."

Emma felt anxious about the whole situation. Snow and David were running against each other for Mayor. They all knew that meant that whoever won had to resign from Elite Tactical, as one could not serve on the royal council and a city council simultaneously. As royals, of course their next-of-kin would take any openings through bloodline.

"Regina, I can't teach him all of this within a thirty day election period."

"I'm not suggesting you try, either. This is just to see where we're starting with him. We know he can fight from working with Mulan, we've seen him swordfight, he does archery with Snow and David. I'm going to recant my earlier position on the guns and let you start teaching him modern weapons. _Slowly_. And I want him in protective gear at all times."

"And I take it that means you're teaching him magic? Regina, we discussed this a long time ago. We didn't want him going anywhere _near_ magic."

"We didn't take into account long ago that one day he would _need_ it, and that he would be sitting on a council with us before finishing High School."

Regina took out the sash, the medals, the hat, and the rest of the royal uniform they were going to show Henry, who had no idea why their first stop after pulling him out of school was to a tailor for measurements by three former mice. They were nice enough, discounting the need to stop every ten minutes for a cheese break.

The University's graduation ceremony was in a couple of weeks. This is where, provided they could cram in enough training, Henry would be knighted and instated as a royal authority to join the council once Snow or David became mayor and resigned.

Regina took out the medals he would be awarded, and started polishing the already sparkling pieces.

"Are you still mad at me for being drunk last night? Because that's not just what I do every time I'm not here. We just got a little carried away." Emma asked, a little afraid of the answer.

"No, Emma, I understand that you're not a wino." Regina still didn't look up at Emma, only polishing harder.

Regina didn't know how to explain why she was so tense. The combination of Tinkerbell yet again causing them trouble, the promotion of Henry to a position where he could be making war decisions at a very young age, the idea that she wanted Emma to live with her and Henry together like a real Fairytale Land royal family was all spinning around in her head. Still, Emma hadn't done anything to her. She knew she shouldn't be short with her.

She stopped polishing, and went over to give Emma a hug. Emma received the Queen with open arms, feeling how tense she was. She felt Regina rest her chin on her shoulder while Emma soothingly ran her hands over her Queen's back, giving her little kisses on the side of her head. After a minute, the Queen softened.

"One more thing that I wanted to talk to you about before making any decisions." Regina started, pulling back and waiting for Emma to nod. "I think we should pull Henry out of the Enchanted Forest summer camp, and have him start summer classes at the University. If he's going to start his princely duties, he has to catch up."

"Okay. He's probably not going to be happy. He loves that camp. But…" Emma trailed off. This was not only the moment where they were deciding to rip their teenager away from his friends and into adulthood, but where Emma had to start thinking of herself as a princess, not just the partner of the Queen.

"It's for the kingdom." Emma finished, pulling Regina back into her arms.

* * *

Snow was putting up her campaign flyer at the bulletin board at the park. She knew her former students all had parents that loved her and took their kids to the swings.

This was her battleground. David would never be able to compete with a beloved schoolteacher.

"Snow, what the heck is this?!" David said, coming from around the corner and holding a flyer from the lightpost.

"Don't vote for David?!" He said, holding up the flyer with a caricature of him herding sheep.

"David, you were a shepherd, I was a princess. This isn't personal, it's about job qualifications." Snow stated solidly.

"'Don't vote for David' is your slogan?" David couldn't believe it. "And I'm not supposed to take this personally?"

David stormed off in disbelief. If Snow wanted a real campaign, he could do that. He knew he was going to have to one-up Snow's in with the soccer moms and dads with a celebrity endorsement.

* * *

Over at Emma's Mulan was having quite the heated conversation with Belle on the phone.

"Belle, just come over! It's not any different from you coming over my apartment."

"It is different, Mulan. You're a houseguest. I can't come over for a date at someone else's house. It would make me feel strange." Belle had a nightmare image in her head of things getting heated between her and the Warrior, and having Emma or Regina walk in and interrupt it.

"It is different. Emma and I talked about it. I'm giving her rent, since the repairs are going to take awhile. I'm officially a roommate. I can have friends over, just like she can, and people who are more than friends. It's fine."

"It's not fine, it's weird. Why can't you just come over here?" Belle asked. She had noticed that Mulan rarely came over to her house, they always hung out either in Mulan's apartment, or somewhere around town.

Mulan paused. She did not want to talk about this.

"…I'm already in my pajamas." It wasn't a lie, it just wasn't a real reason.

"Mulan, talk to me. You always do this. When something upsets you, you just shut down and don't talk about it. Newsflash, soldier! Things don't just go away because you refuse to address them!"

"It's not a big deal." It was a big deal, which is why Mulan was avoiding it. She didn't want to tell Belle that it creeped her out to hang out in a house that the Scholar used to share with Rumple, and with the pictures of the two of them still hanging around the common rooms.

"My girlfriend never wants to come over and see me? That's not a big deal?" Belle was starting to whine.

"I do like coming over to see you. I just don't want to drive all the way over there tonight. I'm really tired and already settled in." Mulan wasn't going to make this argument any worse. If Belle were really ready to start clearing away Rumple's belongings and cut it down to a reasonable sentimental value based limit on the items, it would have happened without Mulan prompting it.

"Fine then. I guess my place just isn't exciting enough anymore. I'll talk to you tomorrow." Belle snapped.

"Hey. Belle – I love you. There's nothing going on here." Mulan said, hoping she wasn't stirring up more trouble than just telling Belle the problem.

"I love you too, I'm just not very happy at the moment." Belle hung up.

Mulan would drive across town any night of the week if Emma asked her to. All Emma had to do was text Mulan "Beer" and a time, and that's when Mulan showed up. How was Belle supposed to compete with that?

Maybe she couldn't. But she knew someone who could.

* * *

Cupid and Tink had finally finished clearing out Tink's old house in Neverland. How the two of them got past the Portal Authority without arousing suspicion was beyond her, but they weren't going to question it.

They chose to elope to Neverland because nobody there knew that Cupid was being hunted in other realms, being unaligned between ValentineLand and Storybrooke. They would already have a place to stay that was Tink's, and Tinkerbell knew the island.

Neverland would have plenty of magic for both of them, with plenty of dust for Tink, and magical metals and crystals for Cupid's arrows. Most importantly, they would never be found there. There was no way any of the Storybrooke royals would ever want to travel there ever again. Tinkerbell knew that meant leaving behind all of her friends, but she was an outlaw now. On the run. What choice did they have?

* * *

Henry came home to both of his mothers in the kitchen with serious expressions. His brain was just about fried after an afternoon of tax exemptions and penal codes. He tossed his backpack by the shoes by the doorway, not knowing if he should go in and see them or try to scurrying away upstairs.

Unfortunately for Henry, they had heard the door.

"Henry! In here!" He heard Emma yell. Scurrying away was no longer an option.

Henry walked into the kitchen, and watched Emma nod at Regina. Neither of them said a word, before leading Henry into the dining room. He saw the table was set, with dinner ready.

They were using the fancy dishes. The china that his mother usually kept locked away. In fact, she kept those dishes so locked up that it was the only reason they weren't broken while his parents were on vacation. He knew they came over with Regina from Fairytale Land all those years ago. There were also candles on the table.

He was alerted immediately that something was going on. He looked at his mothers, and then noticed the clothing hanging on the wall.

It was a blue royal jacket, a fairly complicated looking sash system, with medals, pants, and a hat.

"Is someone else coming over?" Henry asked, looking at the royal uniform.

"Nope. Just us. Have a seat, Henry. We have some things we need to talk about." Emma said.

Emma wasn't sure if she should be excited, proud of her son for starting his career as a prince, or terrified. This was the teenager who spent all of last weekend playing video games and riding bikes with his girlfriend. Next week, he would be fitted for armor. The three of them sat at the table.

"Henry, you are aware that you're a prince. The way that royalty works is that your position is activated when there's an opening." Regina started, laying out as much information for him as possible. She was hoping that his short time with the Lost Boys weren't going to turn this into a round of "I won't grow up!"

"Right. But you're my parents, and you're both here. How is there an opening?" Henry asked, still eyeing the uniform. It didn't take him long to figure out that was why he was at the tailor shop.

"Your grandparents are running for Mayor. When one of them gets it, they have to leave the Royal Elite Tactical council. When there's an opening on a royal council, it's filled with a member of the royal bloodline, not by election." Regina continued.

Henry's eyes went wide.

"You're telling me I'm going to be on the Royal council? The Elite Tactical Unit?"

"Yes." Emma said carefully. "After we have a mayor, your career as a Prince will begin. You can do this Henry. I didn't think I could be leader, but I'm learning along the way. And there's a whole council of people to make decisions with. Your Mom here knows just about everything about anything. She's going to work with you. And I am too. We can do this, together."

"That's why I'm not staying in school all day anymore." Henry said in amazement.

"Correct. We need you learning things about being a prince more than you need to know algebra." Regina said.

"Is that why I'm training with Mulan tomorrow?" Henry asked.

"Yes. You need to be at sophomore level for hand-to-hand combat."

Henry still hadn't taken his eyes off of his royal uniform. He saw it had a sword with it. A real sword, not a dull one for fencing competitions.

"That's yours, Henry. It's for your installation. For you to take your seat at the council there's a ceremony we have to do. Henry, I know this is a lot to take in. Just be honest with us. Is it overwhelming?" Regina asked.

"It's—I'm just…it's- THIS IS SO COOL!" Henry said in excitement, getting up to see his uniform.

* * *

An hour later, they still had barely gotten to dinner, as Henry's excitement was still going strong. It was finally real. He would be a knight, and a prince. He had the threads to prove it. He wondered if he was getting a crown.

The doorbell shook them all out of their excitement. Emma and Regina were relieved that their son was more than happy to take on his duties, and were happily answering his questions about said duties until Regina got up to answer the door.

"David. Come in. Care to join us for dinner? I can grab an extra plate." Regina said, pulling her partner's father into the house.

"I would actually love that, Regina. Thanks. I don't think Snow and I will be dining together anytime soon. I'm hoping that Emma's here."

"She is. Head right into the dining room. We just showed Henry his uniform. He's on board with serving on the council." David hadn't see Regina this happy in quite awhile.

David had come over with the intention of getting Emma's endorsement for his campaign, but now was thinking that Regina's wouldn't hurt either. Snow might be getting the votes of everyone with a child between the ages of eight and twelve, so that meant he was going to shoot for students of voting age and parents of teenagers in school with Henry.

"Grandpa! Check out the new suit!" Henry said still excited.

"Nice! It's a uniform though, Henry. Not just a suit. Nobody else in all the realms will have the same one as you. They're each made individually by hand. Hi sweetie." David leaned over to give Emma a kiss on the cheek before taking the seat next to her.

"Hi Dad." Regina set David's place, serving him up some of the food before sitting across from them.

"Well, Henry. I hope you eat up. In a couple of days, you and I will be taking your sword fighting to the next level."

"Yeah! With real swords?" He asked hopefully. David looked up at Regina. She nodded.

"Real swords, buddy. Sharp ones." Henry looked like he had just been given every present he could ever have asked for.

"Emma, Regina, I came over to ask for some help." David said to the women.

"Sure, David. What's on your mind?" Regina asked.

"I need your endorsement. For my campaign against Snow."

"Done." Regina answered.

"Hey! Wait a minute! David, you want me to endorse you _over my mother?_ I'd prefer to stay out of this." Emma said.

David pulled one of Snow's flyers out of his pocket and unfolded it.

"She's doing a smear campaign. I'm too 'common' and she's implying I'm unintelligent because I was raised on a farm. Which I think is exactly what qualifies me to be the mayor, since we had to account for our own finances, we couldn't just pay someone in a palace to do it for us."

"Whoa. Dad. This is not cool." Emma said, passing the flyer over to Regina.

"The funny thing is, I didn't know we were having a real campaign. I thought we were just going to submit our names and let the people decide. You're mothers out at the playground right now kissing babies and making campaign promises."

Emma was shocked. Did her mother expect to continue to live in the same house as her father while running an active campaign against him?

"I just need to take a picture with you two to even the playing field." David said.

"Just a picture?" Emma asked.

"That's all. Just a photo, and your consent for me to tell the students that I have your endorsement."

"What makes you think a picture with me is going to be a defining factor in the first place?" Emma asked. It was no secret that _everyone_ loved Snow White, probably even more so than David.

"Haven't you noticed every young woman between the ages of 18 and 22 trying to _be_ you?" David asked.

"The Swanists." Regina answered, rolling her eyes.

"Well, Prince Henry? What do you say to a picture with your Grand Dad? Here." David started taking off his jacket. "You can even wear my clothes. You'll look incredible."

"I'm afraid that as a member of the royal Tactical council, I cannot endorse or dismiss an election candidate. It would be a conflict of interest." Henry stated, sitting up straight.

* * *

**_Okay, Readers - I like "FrenchWarrior" so far for Mulan and Belle. That's what I'm going with! Sorry if this has mistakes, but mama Rogue is a bit tipsy this evening, but still trying to get a chapter up!_**


	36. It's All Fun and Games Until

"Fellow Citizens of Storybrooke! My proposal allows for budgetary use of funds to remodel Main Street and our parks system. Let's make this the Storybrooke paradise we all know we deserve!" Snow said from her soap box with her bullhorn.

"Boo!" Was the response from the crowd.

"In addition, we will have money leftover to revamp our education system! All of our children will have an early education in magic, and how to use light magic safely and appropriately."

"Booooooo!"

Snow looked around the crowd, not understanding why everyone in the town seemed to hate the idea of her doing anything. How did Tinkerbell get elected on a party platform? Tink's campaign slogan was literally, "Ain't no party like a Storybrooke party cause a Storybrooke party don't stop!"

She identified the audience, made up of fifteen young women, all looking remarkably like Emma. Snow was shocked. The cult that _she_ had secretly started with David was against her.

_How is this possible? I'm the Savior's mother for crying out loud! How did this make me LESS popular?_

Snow finally gave up on her soapbox, stepping down to tact another one of her flyers on the board. As she was reading the other postings, she noticed a new campaign flyer.

From David.

It had a picture of him on it with Emma, with "Savior approved, Emma endorsed" on it.

He had turned the Swanists against her.

Snow's jaw dropped. All's fair in love and war, and David had just started the latter, whether or not he knew it.

* * *

Henry was in the shooting range with Emma holding a gun for the first time in his entire life. If he were being honest, he would have been okay with leaving school early for anything that didn't involve memorizing troll sub-types with Belle.

Regina was also there, having a mother induced panic attack only matched by the time Henry disappeared to Boston to find Emma.

"He's using an AK-47? Emma, what is this about? When we said gun, I thought we meant 'pellet gun'. Don't we have a hand pistol for him or something smaller?"

"I want this one, Mom." Henry said, looking his new weapon over.

"Of course you do, Henry, because you're brain won't be done developing for another ten years. Emma, a word in the hallway."

Emma stepped out, understanding that she had a fifty-fifty chance of being slapped right in the hallway of the shooting range.

"What are you thinking?!"

"I'm thinking it's easier to aim than our pistols for a beginner. Relax."

"Don't you tell me to relax! You just handed our son, our _fourteen year old son_ an assault rifle! We agreed to let him learn magic too, Emma? Shall I start him with lethal curses or do you think conjuring bombs will be enough?!"

"Regina, I have-"

"You have some nerve is what you have. He could blow your face off, or his own face!"

"That's not-"

"You're damn right it's not happening! And why is he holding a gun without a vest on? And is that little piece of plastic shit-looking material that you call a pair of safety glasses really going to do anything?"

"Regina-"

"And what if he doesn't blow his face off. What if he shoots and he likes it. I don't want him thinking this is for fun. He's only supposed to be learning defense, Emma. Not offense with an assault weapon. You just _had_ to pull that one out of the armory? You _had _to?" Regina's hands were on her hips now, because she needed to keep her hands in fists not to completely lose it. Emma was wincing as the Queen got louder and louder. She didn't think Regina actually had the authority in their relationship to ground her, but she actually felt like that was about to happen.

"Blanks."

"What?"

"He's holding an assault rifle because that's what we have blanks for. He's not using real bullets, Regina. I'm not a maniac. I'm also not telling him that they're blanks because I want him to handle it carefully."

"Oh." Regina felt mildly better. "So what he's firing can't hurt him?"

"They can't hurt him or anything else. Maybe it's better if you stay out here while I'm teaching him how to do this." Emma said gently. She knew there was a fine, fine line between having an argument, and having a disagreement that grew into a month-long "no sex" period.

"No. I'm coming in. And I still think he should be wearing a vest."

* * *

"I like the darker stones for the outside." Emma said, looking over Regina's shoulder later on as she looked over castle modification plans. She had sample pictures all over her desk of things they could do to Regina's house to make it look like a castle.

"You do?" Regina asked, surprised. She was hoping Emma would be interested in what the castle looked like, just like she was hoping that Emma would then live there with her one day. Regina couldn't even remember what she did with her free time before Emma.

"Yeah, but you should do whatever you like, baby."

Regina opened another folder of pictures from the masonry company and handed them to Emma.

"What do you think about the tower designs?" She asked. Emma scooted in closer so they could both look together. Something about Emma was that she was always reliable, and Regina came to expect that she would have her arm around her while they did these things. Emma didn't disappoint.

"I think it's a great idea. Can't you just see us on top of one of these corners overlooking the town?" Emma asked. Regina smiled. Her gaze had never moved from watching Emma, not even looking at the pictures. Emma seemed really invested in the project.

Maybe now was a good time to float around the idea of Emma living with her. Subtly. In her mind, catching a Savior was akin to luring in a feral cat. Lots of treats, gently, with an occasional rub behind the ears.

"I can see us up there. Once the outside is done, we could talk about the inside."

"Oh yeah? Like what? Need a ball room, your Majesty?" Emma asked smiling at Regina, who was now petting and rubbing the back of her neck.

_Yes. Come to me, Savior-kitten. Come live with me. I'll take you in, feed you, rub your back..._

"Well, the outside will be a full miniature castle, if we wanted to, the inside could have a few more castle-like things as well. Or the inside can stay as-is, like a mix of modern and classic. Anything you might like?" Regina floated out.

"I like the idea of a weapons room." Emma said, looking through yet another set of pictures. Emma pulled back a bit, realizing she was now talking about Regina's home like it was her own. "I mean, I want you both safe, and Henry's taking to his rifle. Before long, he'll probably have a collection."

"_You_ keep us safe." Regina said, looking at Emma meaningfully.

"Always."

* * *

Henry was running his weekly business meeting from the clubhouse, which everyone between the ages of thirteen and sixteen in Storybrook knew as "Henry's office".

"We're _still_ doing the import deal?" Mikey asked shocked.

"Of course. We have a contract with Hansel and Gretel now. It's binding. Problem?" Henry asked, polishing his new .44 magnum. Emma let him take a handgun home to practice holding, cleaning, and aiming. Henry thought it would make him look more intimidating in his meeting. He also had no idea that not only was he firing blanks all day but this gun was actually disabled and couldn't shoot at all.

Emma and Regina agreed keeping Henry impotent when it came to learning his weapons was the best approach, made even better by keeping Henry in the dark.

"I just thought that with you joining the Elite forces…" The look on Henry's face told Mikey not to go any further with that thought.

"Me being a prince is _exactly_ the reason it's a good idea for me to expand our business. Nobody's going to mess with us. It's just candy, Mikey. We're not smuggling in Orge teeth." Henry started polishing his gun in front of the boys, as they dropped off Henry's cut from their pockets on the table.

Incidentally, the boys had all started wearing suits. Henry was practically a rock star at school. His crew was known for being the candy hook up, which everyone loved. The fact that they were dapper dressers and Henry was part of the local celebrity royal family didn't hurt.

"In fact, I think it's time we plan out our next expansion. August, clear my calendar for next week."

* * *

Mulan sat on Belle's couch the way she always sat on Belle's couch: rigidly and showing her discomfort.

"Mulan, the point of watching a movie is to cuddle. Why are you so tense?"

The Warrior looked around the room. There was a picture of Rumple fully with his sparkles from his evil magic staring right at her from the side coffee table, and it was creeping her the fuck out. As usual. She also knew that Rumple was a sensitive subject for Belle, and she didn't know how Belle would react to her true feelings.

It was also still creeping her out that they were on a couch that Rumple had most likely picked out, they had done who knows what on it, in a house that used to be his before Belle moved in and subsequently inherited it, and that Mulan was painfully aware of Belle's lack of redecorating. As someone who travelled with troops often sleeping in make-shift tents, Mulan usually wasn't picky about her surroundings. Being surrounded by Belle's dead ex-partner seemed to awaken that dormant side of the Warrior. It also still had a bunch of his magical items around that Belle really didn't even know what to do with.

"I'm fine." She said.

"You're not fine." Belle countered, using her hand under Mulan's chin to turn her eye-to-eye.

"I'm almost fine."

"Ah, now it's 'almost' fine, which is still not fine."

Mulan thought for a moment. Her options were limited to a) only seeing Belle at her place, which seemed to irritate the librarian, b) hang out at Belle's feeling like the eyes of the Dark One were watching her every move, or c) tell Belle the problem and risk having her spin into a 'dead boyfriend' depression.

Mulan preferred option "a", but as a soldier, she knew what she was going to have to suck it up and do.

"Belle, did it ever occur to you that you still live in Rumple's house?"

"It did, Mulan, since I do live here."

"And a lot of the stuff around was still Rumple's. And there are pictures of him, and of you and him everywhere." Mulan was speaking slowly, hoping Belle would get the problem.

"Oh. Oh! That can be taken care of, Mulan. Not a problem! See, things do work out better when we talk." Belle said, leaning in to give Mulan a kiss.

_Well that was easy_ the Warrior thought to herself. _I wonder if she'll take all of the Rumple pictures down, or just most of them. I hope it's at least most of them._

_She finally opened up to me!_ Belle thought to herself. _And it's so sweet that she wants pictures of us up here together. I wonder if we can get some pictures AND show Mulan that I'm just as much fun as her friends._

* * *

Regina had no problem poofing herself into Emma's apartment, since Belle had already told her she was having Mulan over. She liked surprising Emma by poofing in and trying to sneak up on Emma undetected.

Regina appeared in her small swirl of purple smoke in Emma's living room space. Emma was lying on the couch with her laptop on her lap, not paying attention to whatever she had on the television.

When she saw Regina poof in, she immediately snapped the laptop shut and shot up.

"Regina! I love you baby, but seriously, we talked about texting me first." Emma said with wide eyes, wrapping her arms around the computer.

Regina paused for a moment. The last time she had poofed herself over unannounced Emma had reacted the exact same way, snapping her laptop shut. Regina had finally gotten it out of her after magically pulling the laptop away from her girlfriend that Regina had interrupted Emma's porn time.

"Emma, you don't need to watch pornography. You're supposed to call me for that."

_Porn! She thinks I'm looking at porn! Oh thank heavens_.

"I just—um, thought you were busy tonight. I thought you were prepping to give your finals next week." Emma said, still gripping the laptop.

Regina sauntered herself over to Emma on the couch, moving the laptop to the table so she could straddle her Savior.

"I was busy tonight, but then I decided not to be. And it looks like you were about to be busy…without me." Regina leaned in to Emma's ear so she could breathe her words, sending shivers down Emma's spine.

"And what did you decide to do beside being busy with work?" Emma asked. Regina had been extra lovey since she and Emma had been talking about castle modifications. Emma had no idea that Regina was also getting revved up in the process.

"I wanted to play a game." Regina purred out, starting to run her hands over her girlfriend's body over her clothing. She leaned down more to pull Emma's earlobe into her mouth.

"I like this game." Emma said, pulling Regina closer.

"This isn't the game." Regina pulled something out of her pants pocket.

"This is the game." Regina showed Emma a pair of dice.

* * *

_Emma…Are you there?_ Tink typed out. Oh no, no, no. This would not be good. Tink had only paid for fifteen minutes of internet at the Neverland Tiki Café, and they were down to their last three when Emma cut out.

_Savior! Are you okay? Are you still there?_

Emma was still logged in, but not responding.

"Damnit!" Tink said, loud enough to turn some heads.

"Um, damn pop-up spam!" She said. The turned heads all seemed to nod, going back to their business.

* * *

"Mmm, honey that smells great! What's for dinner?" David said, coming into the kitchen to a lovely onion garlic scent.

"Oh, I'm having stewed Wonderland Wild Boar from the specialty shop." Snow said, not looking up from her pots and pans.

"Wild boar is my favorite!" David said, coming in closer.

"Well, I'm going to enjoy it, since this is what _I'm_ having, David. _You_ can have whatever you figure out how to pull the box off of from the freezer. Or maybe you can go have dinner with your little Emma friends." Snow said with a fake smirk. She dumped all of the contents of her pan onto one plate, leaving David alone in the kitchen.

* * *

"Your roll, dear." Regina said, removing her bra. Her most recent online order was coming in handy indeed.

"Alrighty." Emma rolled the dice onto the table. "I got suck and neck." Emma looked at Regina for a split second before claiming her prize. Regina closed her eyes and enjoyed being claimed, letting her eyes roll back into her head as Emma showed her skill. Emma's mouth knew exactly where to go and what to do to make Regina forget her own name. She almost didn't want to stop her.

"Hey. Mmm, Emma. I still get a turn." Regina said eventually, having to pull Emma off of her.

Regina picked up the dice. "Blow and nipple. Classic combination."

Regina leaned forward to lay Emma back. She gave Emma's left nipple a little lick before leaning back to blow on it. She watched the tip stiffen and felt Emma try to pull the Queen's mouth in closer, letting out a little moan.

"No patience, dear? I still have another side." Regina did the same to the right, giving it a good, slow lick while keeping her eyes on Emma's before pulling back to give it a soft blow. The Savior closed her eyes, enjoying the sensation of the air from Regina's mouth.

When she opened them again when Regina went back to the other side, she jumped up in a panic, pushing Regina off of her once she saw a very shocked, open mouthed Mulan and a bright red Belle with her jaw on the floor. Neither Regina nor Emma had even heard them come in.

"So…ummm. I have a roommate now. Right." Regina rolled her eyes, not rushing to put her shirt back on but doing it as a courtesy nonetheless.

"We can go. I'm sorry…Mulan? Care to stay at my place tonight?"

"It's alright, you two. Emma can just come back to my place. And next time Emma can also learn to put a sock on the door." Emma now had her clothes back on, trying to avoid eye contact with Mulan and Belle.

"Sock on the door?" Mulan asked.

"You think a hair tie is better? It's more subtle." Emma said.

"What?" Mulan asked again.

Belle gave a little giggle before giving Mulan a little tug closer so she could stage whisper her explanation.

"It's the international symbol for 'your roommate is getting lucky. Come back in an hour'. And it's not a bad idea."

"Oh. That's a thing here I guess." Mulan said, as they all still stood around awkwardly, mostly looking at their own feet or off into space.

"You lived with how many other soldiers in barracks?" Belle asked her.

"Yeah but those guys…Well, it was kind of understood that what happened on their sleeping mat was their business. Even if it was three feet away from yours." Mulan said.

"Well, we definitely do not have that kind of relationship, buddy." Emma said, now even more uncomfortable than before, not knowing how that was possible.

"Right. So next time, sock on the doorknob. Got it." Mulan said.

Regina decided to put Emma out of her misery, wrapping her arms around her girlfriend to poof them back to her place, enveloping them in purple clouds of smoke.

Belle let out a nice, long laugh as soon as they were out of the room. She walked over to the coffee table where the two had left their "special" dice.

"Oh. My. God. Mulan, look at these!" Belle said, laughing.

"They were playing strip dice?" Mulan asked, looking over the toys. One die had body parts on it, the other an action. It didn't take much for her to put two and two together.

Mulan looked at Belle, before sitting down to take off her boots. She then removed her sock, and before looking right at Belle, left to go put one on the outside of the doorknob.

* * *

Emma and Regina poofed into Regina's living room, where Henry was sorting out a variety of candies into groupings on the table.

"Henry!" Regina said as soon as she saw what was going on.

"Moms!" Henry said, frozen in his place. He at that moment decided that operations would fully have to be moved to his office. He could probably muster up a mini-fridge and a safe fairly easily.

"Were you going to eat all of this, Henry?"

"No, no, nothing like that. I'm just dividing it up and sorting it." Emma walked over and took a look at Henry, holding his chin with her thumbs and turning his head side to side. Henry did appear to have put on a few pounds since fencing season ended.

They had no idea it was because Henry had started dipping in his inventory, upping his "couple of bars a week" habit to a "couple of bars a day" habit. The suit he had on was a bit tighter than when he had bought it.

"So you haven't been eating all this candy, Henry?" Emma asked. She narrowed her eyes in a way that let Henry know she was activating her superpower.

Henry also knew that her superpower was bullshit, and he hadn't technically lied to his moms yet about anything, he just hadn't volunteered any information.

"No, not all of it. Some goes to August, Mikey, Hansel, Gretel, the other kids…I do eat some, but I'm not just sitting here pigging out."

Emma kept looking at him. He wasn't sending off her lie detector. But the kid was clearly ingesting a fair amount of this stash. She did think it was sweet that as far as she knew, he was giving it to the other kids, not knowing it was because they were his henchmen.

"Well, Henry. There's really only one way for us to find out how much of this you've really been eating." Regina said, breaking the Henry-Emma Supreme Stare Down.

"It's about time for you to see the dentist for a check-up, don't you think?" Henry moaned his displeasure, lying back dramatically.

* * *

David tried to pull just a teeny-tiny tad more of the blankets over to his side. Snow was sleeping with most of them wrapped around her body, bunched under her arms, and gripped between her legs. She also had somehow slipped away one of David's pillows for her own body.

"Snow." David whispered. He didn't know if his wife was asleep, but he suspected the blankets hadn't been disappearing accidentally.

"Snow!" He whispered a bit more forcefully.

Snow, of course, didn't answer. She did however let a small smile of victory creep onto her face once David gave up and left for the couch.

* * *

Regina took her Office Hours sign up sheet off the door of her office on her way in, as she always did. Usually, she just tossed it aside, since no students ever actually signed up unless grades were already posted and someone had the nerve to question what Professor Mills had given them.

It was pure luck that Regina did look at the paper before tossing it, as this time there was a name. In perfect script, she saw that Belle had signed herself up for a meeting. The first slot, to be exact.

Regina was still staring at the name when she heard the knock on the door.

"Come in!" She said, watching Belle walk in.

"Belle, you don't have to sign up for office hours like a student if you want to see me. You, me, Mulan, Emma…we go out all the time." Regina said, confused.

"Actually, I needed to speak with you alone. And I need you in your professional capacities. You are the magic specialist." Belle said, with enough of a devilish smirk on her face to arouse Regina's curiousity.

"You could say that I am. Although my competition is my dear girlfriend, and quite frankly she only uses magic when she doesn't want to take something to the dry cleaners."

"I need your help. Remember when we had that little 'curse' situation, and if anyone crossed the town line, they could only remember their cursed selves? I need that, but only with temporary effects. I need you to let me be Lacey."

* * *

Mulan and Emma were putting together the pieces of their garage sale acquired foosball table when they heard a knock at the door.

"David! Come on in." Emma said, as Mulan was still not understanding the game they were putting together.

"Hi David." Mulan greet David warmly, always liking Emma's father.

"Hey! Looks like you guys are setting up a gaming corner?"

"It was five bucks and in perfect condition, minus being in pieces. I couldn't pass that up." Emma said, watching Mulan play with the skewer of little dolls that were about to become part of the table.

"If you guys really want to game this place up, I have some stuff in the attic you could have. They were in my old attic when I was curse-married to Kathryn. _That_ David had a lot of cool stuff that Snow doesn't exactly want me keeping around."

"Sure! That sounds like fun." Mulan said.

"Yeah, I'd love to come take a look. What do you want for it?"

"Well…got a couch for your old man to crash on until this election business is over?"

* * *

Ruby sat next to Snow at the counter at Granny's, noticing Granny side-eye her. She was well aware that she was still on shift. She was also aware that Granny would never make her ditch Snow unless it got really busy. The most Granny would do was stare at them disapprovingly, which was what Granny did with her most of the time, so it really made no difference to the Wolf.

"Ruby, I think this mission is just for the two of us. Usually I would include David, but..."

"He's in Husband and Campaign Adversary time-out?" Ruby asked knowingly. She had seen the flyers. While she admitted that Snow actually had ideas about what to do as the Mayor, David had Emma's approval, so she was more than likely going to go down in flames.

"Precisely. Ruby, I have to show that I can be a productive leader, even if it's something small."

"What can I do?" Ruby asked, hoping Snow wasn't asking for her vote. It's not like she didn't love Snow, but voting for David was like voting for Emma _and_ David. A two-for-one wins over a single package.

"Ruby, I need that nose of yours. We need to find out how the boot camp freshman are getting all of this candy in. I swear, half of them showed up to archery nearing a sugar coma yesterday."

"I'm on it!" Ruby said with a smile. If there was one thing she loved about helping out the royals, it was using her wolf senses. She would find the candy pipeline if she had to hunt by every moon phase every night of the month.

* * *

_**I know. What the heck am I doing with these characters? Stick with me. It's all coming together! -Rogue**_


	37. It's Just Like Riding a Bike

Emma, David, and Mulan had just finished putting together their new pool table. It went nicely with the foosball table and mini-bar they had constructed from the stuff from David's attic. She also didn't know why David had cardboard cut outs of the old bikini Budweiser girls, but she figured they were from his "cursed" David days and brought them over too.

"It was really nice of you to let us have this stuff, David." Mulan said, not sure what this heavy green table was actually for, but if it was anything like the foosball table, she knew it would be fun.

"It's really nice of you two to let me stay here. I'm sure Snow knows where I went, but I doubt she'll be looking for me anytime soon."

"I'm sorry, Dad." Emma said, putting her hand on his arm. "I guess this just spun out of control, huh?"

"You could say that. I had to leave once she destroyed an entire load of my laundry with bleach. She doesn't even _do_ my wash, so it was done on purpose after I put the load in. I mean, I want to be the Mayor, but I want to make it through the campaign in one piece more. That reminds me, tomorrow I need to 'borrow' some t-shirts from the school."

"David, this is in your pocket. She only has the dwarves voting for her, and a few soccer moms." Mulan was actually thinking that some of the dwarves may have jumped ship, but didn't want to let him in on that just yet.

"I just hope if I do win, Snow doesn't have me assassinated in the middle of the night. I like staying here, but I'm going to have to go home sometime."

"She's not going to assassinate you." Emma said.

"I went home yesterday for more clothes, Emma. As soon as I walked in the door there was a red laser dot on my forehead."

* * *

"You're damn right I lined up the crossbow with his forehead. Serves him right. Emma has a washer and dryer, and he left like a coward while I was at work. He had some nerve coming back in here before I beat him."

Snow was tracking the candy leak with Ruby, trusting the Wolf's sense of smell. She had Ruby start at the freshman dorms, pick up the scent, and try to track backwards.

"It wasn't very nice of him to recruit Emma like that. Even if she is an adult, she is still your kid." Ruby said, leading them down the stairs, following the scent outside.

"For recruiting our daughter, insulting me with it, having the nerve to think that we would just co-exist and I would ignore everything. At least I approached him as any other opponent. He brought our family into it, and decided to split us up. He'll be lucky if I _let_ him back in the house."

"Not to interrupt your rant, Snow, but we've got a problem." Ruby had led them down to Main Street. This is where the candy scent split into multiple directions. It wasn't being sold out of one spot, but from many places all over. She explained this to Snow, who looked disappointed on top of pissed at Charming.

"Okay! This is the point where I throw my hands up! I'm going home. I'm going to go shave down the tips of all of David's swords. That usually perks me right up. Thanks for trying, Ruby."

Ruby stopped into Granny's long enough to make sure Snow wouldn't be on her tail. She wasn't scheduled to work, but she just popped in to make sure the office's paperwork was in order and all deliveries had been paid for. Bonus points for impressing Granny with her "increased work ethic".

She figured Snow would be home, on the other side of town in less than fifteen minutes, so after twenty she was heading out to her next destination.

It was time to stop into Henry's office.

* * *

_I'm really sticking my neck out for you here, Tink. Regina wants you locked up for treason. _Emma typed out in the messager service.

Once Emma was sure Regina wouldn't come poofing in on her again, she resumed communications with her favorite fugitive.

_I know, Emma. I appreciate it. Believe me, I'd rather be locked up than pretending to play house with Mr. Picky Pants who thinks we're just hiding out here until we can find a realm to marry us. Yesterday he alphabetized the houseplants._

Emma's eyes went wide. That's right, they were completely playing house at this point. Oh dear, how far was Tink going for this mission?

_Tinkerbell-he doesn't…ummm..._

Tink's eyes went wide as well staring into the computer screen.

_No, I got him to buy that I'm waiting for marriage. And also, his penis isn't here. It's in his vault…long story. Alright, my time's just about up. Miss you guys! If you end up absolutely having to tell Regina, I understand, but please try not to. Please please please. I can handle this. I just need some more time. _

Tink timed out before Emma even got a chance to respond.

* * *

"Shall we wait until the bread basket arrives for the heavy stuff, dear, or should we push it back all the way to the main course?" Regina asked Emma sitting across from her at the French restaurant in Little France.

"I wasn't aware that we had heavy stuff. Regina, what's wrong?" Emma asked, genuinely not knowing what they were talking about.

"Emma, what's going on with Mulan and Belle?"

"Nothing. Nothing that I know of, at least."

"Then you have no idea why Belle was in my office asking me to make her into Lacey just for one night out with Mulan?"

Emma's mouth hanging open clued Regina in that she really had no idea what she was talking about.

"Lacey? Like the into shady business, barfly, one step away from living at the Playboy mansion Lacey?"

"Ah, you remember her too. Yes, that's what she asked me for. Of course I said no. It was a ridiculous request. Belle is a lovely young lady, and if Mulan's tastes were so…vile, I think we'd all know that by now."

"Look, I know Mulan doesn't like hanging out at Belle's because it's still covered in pictures of Rumple, but I don't know what it would have to do with Belle being Lacey. She said she won't kiss her there because she can 'feel his eyes watching them from the frames' or some other excuse."

Regina thought for a moment. The two really seemed to have nothing to do with each other.

"Well then, they can certainly work that out themselves without my magic. Dangerous magic. We didn't hire 'Lacey' to teach Enchanted Forest History. Could you imagine? She would start with the invention of FairyFire. I see a field trip to the Rabbit Hole in our near future if we don't keep an eye on her."

Emma chuckled, putting her hand on Regina's on the table. It was so rare they got a night out like this, and Regina showed up looking stunning. Then again, she couldn't remember a time when Regina didn't look stunning. She was torn between looking at Regina's perfect lipstick choice and kissing it clear off her mouth.

She also really didn't like that she was covering for Tinkerbell with Regina.

"I thought for a moment when you said the heavy stuff, you were talking about something else." Emma smiled at the server who brought them their wine, pausing the conversation.

Regina also stopped, having a moment now to think that statement over. Maybe Emma was catching on to her desire for them to live together. They were both practically responsible for every design decision; she'd have to be incredibly dense not to sense something. Now with Mulan _and_ David living with her, however temporary it was supposed to be, well, she wanted Emma out of what was most certainly becoming the Storybrooke bachelor pad.

She watched Emma order. Emma didn't seem to be in a bad mood, or overly nervous. Maybe she should just lay it all out there. Once the server left, she started up again.

"I guess it was only a matter of time before this came up." She said to Emma. If she was going to ask Emma to move in with her and Henry, this was the perfect setting.

Emma froze. Regina sounded an awful lot like she knew about Tink. Did Regina know about the "something else"?

"I—you know?"

"Of course I know, we've been in this together." Regina smiled back.

"…I don't think we're talking about the same thing." Emma said.

"I don't see how we aren't."

"Okay, on the count of three, we're each going to say the thing that we're talking about. Let's just do it. One, two, three…"

Emma and Regina each responded at the same time.

"I want you to move in with me."

"I know where Tinkerbell is."

The two women stopped and stared at each other, not moving for the plates being set down in front of them.

* * *

Ruby waited her turn outside of Henry's office, where August and Mikey were manning the door while Henry finished his last appointment.

The Wolf watched as another boy came out of the clubhouse in what looked like an ejection. The kid was thrown, and stumbled a bit before looking over his shoulder once and hopping on his bike to take off.

"Alright, Ma'am. You can see the boss now."

Ruby looked at this kid with glasses so thick she couldn't believe he even knew she was still standing there.

_Ma'am?_

"Hi Ruby." Henry said, sitting back in his chair, opening a chocolate cigar for himself.

"Cigar?" He offered. She shook her head.

"I'm here for my cut, Henry." Henry stuck the candy piece in his mouth, and opened his drawer. He pulled out Ruby's twenty bucks in singles and tossed it over.

"You can also tell Granny I'm getting in her French chocolate in this week's run. I had my guy talk to a guy in Quebec." Ruby thought Henry's little "operation" was adorable. She assumed his "guy" was an imaginary friend of some sort, not expecting him to actually come up with Granny's order.

"That's great Henry. Granny really wants to take down that French café by making their chocolate croissants. Her melted baker's chocolate concoction just isn't cutting it." Ruby smiled at him.

"I'm a man of my word."

_Of course you are, Henry. And it's adorable._ She thought.

"Just a heads up, Henry. You're paying me to keep your family off your trail, but your grandmother's probably going to start sniffing around without me there to throw her off. I can't watch her all day, every day and still keep an eye out for your parents. She's really worked up at the moment. You might want to come up with some kind of cover for your…office. If she shows up here, she's going to know you're the Willy Wonka of Storybrooke."

Henry thought about that. He did irresponsibly have a bunch of the inventory out. It wouldn't take much to bust him. He'd have to take that into account.

"Thanks, Ruby. You're my favorite Aunt."

* * *

"You want me to move in with you?" Emma said, shocked at what had just come out of both of their mouths. She kept it quiet, given that they were in a candlelit restaurant. Really, she wanted to shout it.

"I—yes. I thought you were catching on to that." Regina said. _She knows where our #2 fugitive is? Which means she probably knows where fugitive #1 is? _Regina wasn't too shocked, if she were honest. Emma had a habit of playing with her necklace unintentionally, and she had sent over a thought or two about Tinkerbell. Regina thought that she was just worried about Tinkerbell, not that she knew for a fact she had a reason to worry.

"Yes!"

"Yes?" Regina said, pulled away from her thoughts.

"Yes, I will move in with you! Of course!" Emma was excited. She was giddy now. There was no way she would be sitting still through the rest of this date. No matter what happened from here on out, there wasn't an ounce of doubt that Regina wanted her. Regina smiled back at her. This was really going to happen.

"That's why I wanted you involved in picking out the designs for remodeling. I want it to be _our_ castle. Emma, there's no reason for us to be apart. I think we're well past a 'dating' phase. We're starting our 'household' phase. You, me, and our son. I don't just want to wake up to pictures of you on my cell phone. I want to wake up _with_ you." Emma moved her other hand to the table to grab both of Regina's hands at once. Regina looked around the restaurant that was packed. She would've grabbed her and dragged her right over the table for a kiss.

Emma didn't care about the other people around and did just that, pulling Regina over and meeting her halfway over the table with her lips.

"Our castle." She said, sitting back down.

"So, dear, you said something about Tinkerbell?"

"I did…let's just not ruin the moment. She's fine. I'll tell you everything later."

* * *

David was teaching Mulan how to make a Tom Collins, his idea of the perfect end to a long day.

"How have you travelled all the realms, become a weapons and combat expert, battled monsters I've only heard about, and never had a Tom Collins?" David asked assembling the ingredients.

"Well, I pretty much work as much as I can. Being a soldier in our land meant that you were always on duty. This whole University workday is new. I guess I haven't had an opportunity to try much that doesn't have to do with fighting. By the way, I love whoever here came up with this 'weekends' idea."

Mulan watched David pull out his mixed drink apparatus with fascination.

"You should ask Emma about our retirement package. What else have you never tried?" He asked.

"I don't know. I suppose a lot, since I didn't know this drink existed. You said it has magical powers?"

"No, I said it'll make _me_ _feel_ magical after today. But I promise, no magic in the ingredients. Ever…had chicken wings?"

"Of course I've had chicken wings. Have you not seen the Rabbit Hole?"

"Okay…did you ever learn how to ride a bike?"

"No, technically. But it doesn't look all that complicated. I figured out how to drive a car in less than a day. Well, three if you count that nobody told me about speed limits at first."

"Don't let looks fool you, Mulan. It takes practice to get the right kind of balance. Hey! I can sneak over and get mine out of the garage if you want to try it." David handed Mulan her drink.

"If you're brave enough to get past Snow to get it, I'm brave enough to try."

The two looked at each other and toasted their glasses.

* * *

Henry was tired when he got home. _Really_ tired. He was packing on the pounds, and shortly after his fifth chocolate cigar the sugar crash really was taking a toll. Henry was busy all day, every day, between school, prince training, and running a smuggling ring.

He took off his shoes and went to go right upstairs to his room.

He stopped at the top of the stairs, his face falling when he realized he wasn't getting anywhere, since his mothers were making out in the hallway.

He inched back down a couple of stairs, listening as he could hear the little smacking sounds.

_I just want to go to bed. Yuck._ He peeked back around the corner. They were still attached.

Emma and Regina had been stopping the car every third block on the way home to make out. Emma didn't think she had words to use to express how she felt about not just moving in with Regina, but what felt like starting a whole new life. _Their_ life. Their life as a royal family with a castle, jobs they loved, everything she ever dreamed of and more.

They also stopped in the doorway, then got their shoes off and made it to the kitchen, before breaking and stopping again on the stairs, and finally, the top of the stairs. This is where Emma sealed her mouth against Regina's, needing to hold her close. The two didn't stop to breath, didn't move their hands, they were just feeling the kiss like it was all they existed to do.

Henry decided just to go back downstairs and give them a few minutes. Most likely, he knew they would take it to the bedroom. Or one of his mothers would suck the other's face clear off. Either way.

Henry spent a few minutes flipping through channels, not wanting to fall asleep downstairs without his pajamas on. He crept back up the stairs.

Two moms. Still kissing.

Henry went back down, starting a fake coughing fit, with a sneeze thrown in for good measure. He crept back up the stairs.

They didn't appear to have actually heard him. When he peeked around the corner, they were still very much attached.

At some level, Regina's brain must have registered that there was a sound, and she wound her fingers up into Emma's hair, holding her in place. Henry was still grossed out, as they were his parents, but impressed that they somehow knew how to switch sides without breaking apart at all.

_Nice skills, Emma, but I really want to go to bed._

Henry went downstairs and put his shoes back on. He was really going to have to amp it up. He went back to the door, opening it and slamming it shut.

"Mom! Emma! Boy, am I glad to be home! I'm soooo ready for bed!" He shouted before stomping his way in on the hardwood floor. Once he got to the carpet, he took off his shoes, still stomping and in general being loud.

"Gee, I can't wait for bed!" Henry paused at the stairs. He heard a little giggle, and his mother's bedroom door open and close.

_Mission accomplished, Prince Henry_.

* * *

Belle was in Rumple's old pawnshop. It was technically hers now, but she never bothered to go in, much less actually go through the items. Now it was looking like that would be more and more of a difficulty anyway, since it was just going to remind her of her loss. It was like she would feel incomplete if Mulan ever weren't her girlfriend, but she had a little piece of her that went down with Rumple after their years of history.

She intended on finding a way to become Lacey for just one date. There had to be a memory potion of some sort, or a spell locked away. She wouldn't even rule out a curse, now that she knew she and Mulan shared true love.

What she never considered the whole way over to the shop was that Rumple didn't label anything. He didn't need to, since he was the one who knew what everything was, and sometimes was the one who made it.

She looked at item after item, having no idea what anything was for, a drawer full of potions with no indications of what was inside. She was going to need some help here, but the 'helper' she had already tried to recruit was in no way supportive.

* * *

Regina and Emma covered their mouths in giggles, waiting to hear Henry finish getting ready for bed in the bathroom, and retire into his bedroom. When they heard the light click off, they were ready.

"It was certainly lovely kissing you, dear, but now it's time to get a move on." Regina stood up, offering Emma a hand.

"I'm not opposed to putting this off and just finishing what we started, M'Lady of Castle Swan." Emma said, ignoring the hand.

"One track mind, I see. We can finish what we started later. We need to get down to that clubhouse and see why our son has two new cavities. And we can talk castle names on the way."

* * *

Emma located the clubhouse with no trouble. Did Henry not realize that he was still GPS tracked? The two women reasoned it wasn't breaking and entering if they stood on the outside and poofed their way in. Then it was just entering.

When the smoke cleared, they found themselves in what looked like a fencing room. Dummies, equipment, and for some strange reason, a desk with a big office chair.

"Like mother, like son I guess." Emma said, walking over to the desk. She tried the drawers. Locked.

"Somehow, Henry is spending an awful lot of time in a fencing studio and actually getting less in shape."

Regina was looking around at the walls. Posters and what looked like a sign up sheet.

"He must still be teaching the younger boys. I knew he wasn't making all of that money cleaning houses, and he stopped doing that awhile ago anyway."

"I guess the whole 'fencing champion of the realms' title does give him the authority to teach a few moves. And it would explain why he leaves and comes here in suits, not gym clothes." Emma said.

Regina's cell phone buzzing made both of them jump. Regina looked at the Caller ID.

"It's Storybrooke Medical Center."

* * *

Mulan and David were in twin beds in the same room, David sporting a broken right arm, Mulan a broken left. It was like if someone rolled the two beds together you could make one single functioning person.

"Regina, how on earth are you still David's emergency contact?" Emma asked as they went in the room.

"Emma, between our land, Neverland, the War, and starting the University I never really had time to sit around and update paperwork. Hi Regina." David said in a groggy voice.

"What happened?" Emma asked, looking at her two roommates.

"So…right…okay, the thing is, I've never ridden a bicycle before. So David totally used our night tactical equipment to get his out of the garage without Snow knowing. It really was a well-executed mission." Mulan said.

Emma and Regina both had their arms crossed, each with an eyebrow cocked.

"Right, so Mulan was on the bike but having some trouble. So I thought it would be best if we went to a hill, so gravity could help us out. Then I thought it would also be helpful if we balanced and each did one pedal. I've never taught someone how to ride a bike before, alright? I got that know-how from the curse." David realized more and more as the words came out of his mouth just how bad that idea sounded.

Emma walked over to Mulan.

"So why do you reek of alcohol?" She asked her other roommate.

"Oh. David taught me how to make a Tom Collins. The bike didn't have a drink container like the car does, so…" Regina was in the corner rubbing her temples. She expected David to do idiot things. She never thought he was going to drag Mulan down with him.

"Mulan, the cars come with drink holders for non-alcoholic drinks. You're not allowed to drive in a car with a Tom Collins either."

"Oh." Mulan looked over at David. "Guess that's on the 'did not know' list with the speed limit thing."

"Do you want us to call Belle?" Emma asked.

"I don't know. Who's my emergency contact?"

"The front desk said you didn't have one yet, Mulan. You've never been to the doctor here before. I'll go ahead and text her. I'm sure she'll want to know. She'll probably help you home." Regina answered. "David, should I also text Snow to get down here?"

"Absolutely not. She'd kill me for taking my own bike before offering any sort of help. I was surprised she didn't have the backyard rigged with land mines. It's fine. I can just ride back with Mulan if Belle can get down here." David said nervously. "As long as we sit like this, Mulan, we both have a left and right hand."

* * *

"Henry, I think this is getting out of hand." Lilo whispered into the cell phone. Henry was exhausted, but he heard his mothers leave and didn't miss an opportunity for a late night phone call.

"Relax, babe. I got this."

"Stop calling me 'babe', Henry. Selling is one thing. Smuggling is another. We're not just talking about Storybrooke trouble. This is the law."

"Lilo, do you know of a lot of teenagers who are given prison sentences for trying to take a candy bar home across a border? If Hansel ever got caught, they'd just make him dump it. _I'm_ not technically the one smuggling."

Henry had the cell phone crammed into the crook of his neck, and he now had a pair of scissors to cut a slit in his pajama pants. He couldn't believe even those were tight these days.

Lilo sighed. "Henry, you scared the shit out of a nine year old yesterday."

"That nine year old tried to steal from August's supply. I'm running a business, not a charity."

"This is what I'm talking about! This is changing you, Henry. It's making you…different. I _was_ dating a guy who was really charming and smart and sweet, a guy that was into fencing and video games and mini-golf. Now I'm arm candy for a prince who things he can push people around."

"Alright, I hear what you're saying. I will tone it down. Really babe-I mean, sweetheart. How about tomorrow night we go out? Just the two of us? No business deals, I promise."

Lilo paused for a moment.

"Alright. You can come get me at seven."

Lilo hoped her Henry wasn't completely gone at this point.

* * *

_**Happy weekend, Readers!**_


	38. La Petite Mort

Belle was getting settled the patients settled into the bachelor pad. She actually thought their little accident was funny, but decided she wasn't going to let them in on that just yet. She didn't want Mulan doing any more "firsts" without supervision. David did not count as supervision.

"Alright. You've each got your pain killers, water, pillows…anything else you two need before I head out that doesn't include alcohol of any kind? Especially you, David, since you're now a lefty for the next eight weeks." Belle said in her best 'annoyed parent' tone.

"I'm good! Thank you, Belle. For everything. And again please don't tell Snow."

"We're great. Thank you, sweetheart." Mulan let Belle lean over for a goodbye kiss, watching her walk out the door.

As soon as she was gone, David and Mulan popped up. Both of them were wide awake since the alcohol in their system had worn off.

"Okay, so these are 'Christmas lights'?" Mulan asked, opening a drawer.

"Yeah. That's what Emma said we could put up. And we're still using that plywood I brought over. Emma said very specifically 'no darts'. She didn't say anything about a knife and hatchet throwing board."

"Sounds great."

* * *

**Tink, how much longer do you need. How do I know you're really okay? How do I know this isn't Cupid?**

Emma was now typing with Regina looking over her shoulder. Since Emma had told Regina everything, she insisted on being in on all further communications. It's not that she didn't trust Emma, it was most certainly that she didn't at all trust Tink.

_**Ask me something that only I would know. And quickly, I only have 7 minutes left.**_

Emma thought for a moment.

**Okay, what did I get you for your birthday last year?**

_**A wicked hangover, jerk.**_

"Yup, that's Tink." Regina and Emma both looked at the response and nodded.

**Good answer. How much more time do you need?**

_**This is a delicate process, Emma. I need to get everything out from him without being too aggressive, and also without threatening his manhood. He's actually coming along quite nicely. As soon as I get him to answer the one question I ask him every day, I'll have everything we need to know**_.

"What's the question she asks him every day?" Regina asked Emma.

"He once said, 'Nobody can love me'. She thinks that's the root of everything; why he's so abrasive, why he takes away love for power instead of just giving it, why he doesn't carry his penis…"

"And why he started a war. I have to say, Emma, Tink actually came up with a good plan. It would've been smarter if she clued us all in before just taking off, but I'll take what we can get."

* * *

"Regina, please. I just need some help in here. I don't understand what all of this stuff is. When you all were in Neverland, Rumple had me find a _trap door_ with an item in it. What if there are more trap doors and there's something dangerous in here?" Belle had just about given up on sorting the shop on her own. She had every book open in front of her telling her what magical and enchanted items looked like, and she still had only been able to catalog less than a third of the shop, and even then she was only including items that she could see in plain sight.

"Then you should get out of there, dear. I'm going to give you my offer once more. I can be down there in five minutes to have it magically blown up. I'm sure you'll still get the insurance money." Regina wasn't having it.

Emma wasn't either. They were having a relaxing evening just drinking wine in front of the television, laying comfortably with body parts casually intertwined while chatting about their day. It was boring. It was domestic. It had made Emma incredibly happy and comfortable.

And then Belle called.

Emma heard Regina getting heated, and started nibbling her free ear. The Queen didn't push her away, but instead used her arm to pull Emma in closer.

"Belle, you're talking about a HUGE project. Why on earth would you start sorting these things out right now? Don't you have a wounded Warrior to get to?"

"Her arm's broken, Regina, not her legs. If she needs something between her and David they'll figure it out. And if you're not going to help me, I'm just going to start taking potions one at a time to figure out what they are."

"Don't do that! One of those is probably an incendiary decoction!" Regina did have to push Emma away at this point, much to Emma's dismay.

"You're leaving me with no choice."

Emma didn't waste anymore time, and wrestled the phone away from Regina.

"Belle, what the hell are you doing."

"Emma, I need help. If Regina won't turn me into Lacey, I need to know what will. Or, in the process, what won't. Hey, this potion smells like a fresh spring breeze. Do you think it'll make me fly? Or it could be laundry detergent…fifty-fifty on that one, really."

"Don't drink that! Belle, we're on our way." Emma slammed down the phone.

"Emma, it's seven on a weeknight. Why on earth would we go over there now? This is a weekend project. A _whole _weekend. Maybe two." Regina was staring at Emma stunned.

"Because if we don't, Regina, she's going to shrink herself, then grow herself, then set herself on fire, before trying to put the fire out with a sleeping curse. She's not going to relax until she feels like she's done something."

"And how do you know this?"

"Because it's what you would do if you thought I wanted a different version of you."

Regina thought that over. If she wanted something for Emma, no matter how asinine, she wouldn't rest until she got it.

"Alright, we can sort through a few potions, but we're not entertaining this Lacey idea. We already have two injured professors, we're not adding to the list."

* * *

Belle had all the items grouped by what they looked like. Since what magical items looked like and what purpose they _actually_ served was often two different things, she knew this whole sorting would have to be re-done.

The potions were altogether on the counter, the weapons all on one shelf, random articles of clothing and accessories on another, jewels and jewelry were together even though Belle was aware that enchanted stones hardly ever were to be worn for fashion, but she really had no idea what was magical and what wasn't. There were even various pouches of different colored powders. Dead Pixie dust? Gun Powder? Dye mix for materials?

Emma and Regina walked into the closed-down shop without bothering to knock.

"Belle, no!" Regina shouted, running up to the potions. "When you found these, were they separated into different drawers?" She asked.

"Yes, so I'm putting them together because-"

"Because you don't know what you're doing. They were kept in different drawers because some of them will react if mixed together."

"Ah, like when you make a volcano in sixth grade?" Emma asked, picking up a small bottle with 'drink me' written on the tag.

"No, like when you accidentally make a new curse in sixth grade that nobody yet knows how to reverse." Regina took the bottle out of Emma's hand. "Both of you, be aware that whenever a bottle says 'drink me' directly on it, that's the last thing you want to do."

Emma and Regina both began having a look around at the items, while Belle stood off to the side. She knew some of the items probably were dangerous, so she was just going to go ahead and let the Queen do her work.

"This is the Tarasque Dagger. How did Rumple even acquire this?" Regina said in awe, picking up a small yet rather intimidating item. Emma noticed that the Queen didn't appear to be afraid of the item, but rather entranced.

Belle could only shrug. She really had no idea how Rumple got any of his items. If she were really being honest, she probably didn't want to know.

"Emma, there are certain kinds of dragon that even your father wouldn't be able to slay without this. They are immune to hits with a regular sword. This is…this is a good thing for us to have around. And look!"

Regina rushed over to the jewels and jewelry section, picking up a reddish-purple stone with a diamond border that was a good two inches long.

"Jewels, Regina? We're not here for fashion." Emma said, going to take the stone out of Regina's hand, holding it up to look at it.

"That sentiment would be relevant, dear, if that were indeed a jewel."

"What is it?" Belle asked, coming closer. She had originally assumed it was just a showpiece worth a great deal of money.

"It's an Argus eye. An actual eyeball." Emma dropped the stone on the counter immediately. "They are giants, much more cooperative than Ogres, each with a hundred eyes that always maintain perfect sight. However, they shed their eyes, and as the eyes age, the look like this."

Both Emma and Belle started slowly backing away once they learned that some of their jewelry could actually be aged eyeballs.

"Relax." The Queen continued. "They're not actually magical. Just a 'lucky' trinket for children. Wealthy children. It's also why we had to outlaw Argus poaching, especially since they shed them out naturally."

"Regina, I'm in way over my head here. Can you help me catalog what this stuff does?"

"Not tonight. There's simply too much. But I will, eventually, on two conditions."

Belle immediately perked up, having expected to be shot down again.

"One, you drop this Lacey business. It's not in any way, shape, or form safe or acceptable. All magic comes with a price, and when you do magic selfishly and not to help someone, the price could be never getting yourself back. The universe likes to use magic to teach lessons. Understood?"

Belle nodded in defeat. No Lacey potions.

"Second, I think having these items here would be of benefit to all of us. Belle, what do you think about this being the University museum? Of course, should we ever need any of these items, it's good to know they're here and what they're for. And some of these are items that students will only see described in a book without so much as a sketch, such as our new dragon dagger. You still owe everything, of course, but one day we may need this troll eyebrow." Regina said, picking up what Emma had thought was a fake moustache. When Regina put it back down, it visibly shook before scampering off. Emma had to actively stop herself from vomiting.

"I think that's a good idea, Regina, and I think you should also teach me what these things are. I have a strong suspicion that if we were attached by that special dragon thingie, I would be the one sent in to fight it. If there are weapons in here, I need to know about them."

Regina nodded. It did make her uncomfortable to think about Emma ever going into battle again, but this was their lives.

"Great! I'm already a history professor and somewhat of an amateur town historian, I should be able to identify items on sight if you can teach me. Thank you so much, Regina! I really owe you. We have a lot of work to do here."

Regina smiled, as Belle and Emma started to chat over at the weapons displays. Nobody noticed Regina choose another stone, this one deep green, and pocket it for herself.

* * *

Snow was pacing her kitchen, distraught.

On the one hand, she was supremely pissed at her husband. On the other hand, she had seen him hopping around town with a broken arm. She had no idea how it happened, if he was in pain, or anything other than seeing a cast in passing.

She was also hurt that David didn't at least call her and say something. Then again, she knew she hadn't made it easy on him. If the situation were reversed, she knew she wouldn't have called him to take care of her.

This had gotten out of control. She decided at that moment that Snow White was not giving up her Prince Charming over some petty election competition.

* * *

Regina and Emma stopped back at Regina's mansion. Emma didn't feel like dealing with the patients, as much as they were more likely than not getting themselves into even more trouble. Regina was also rather insistent that Emma came home with her.

When they were at Regina's, Emma went right to what had become "her drawer" to grab her pajamas, getting ready for bed. She climbed in, noticing that Regina was watching her the whole time, looking like she had something to say.

"What?" Emma asked her.

"Emma, have you ever heard of a Passion Stone?"

"Nope, can't say that I have." Emma watched as Regina reached over and pulled a dark green gem out.

"Then you're in for a real treat. I only hope that the stories about it are true." Regina began running the stone over Emma's body, as the stone started to glow and interact with Emma's magic. Regina had a mischievous look in her eyes, dark but almost playful. Emma started to get nervous, but Regina simple used her free hand to caress Emma's face, as she went on to run it over her own body.

The stone stayed glowing as she put it on the nightstand.

"Our necklaces let us hear each other when we're not physically in the same room. This is—an amped up version of that, shall we say. Trust me."

"I do trust you." Emma answered, lying back on her side as Regina settled in on hers.

"Watch. Don't touch, just see what you feel." Regina was laying on her back, looking at Emma.

The Queen's hand travelled down her own body, reaching up under her nightgown. Emma had no idea what this had to do with a stone, but she was sure enjoying whatever Regina had in mind.

Emma watched with her lips parted, her breathing becoming more erratic as she saw Regina stroking her own leg, moving her hand towards her lips. The Queen never wore panties to bed, a habit that Emma was thankful for in the moment.

Then the feeling hit Emma. As Regina touched herself, Emma felt it too. It felt like Regina was physically touching her, but she knew that she wasn't.

"Oh holy…wow." Emma laid back, not able to keep her eyes open. Regina stroked her own wetness in long, teasing strokes. Emma swore she could feel the actual fingers stroking her, running through her lips, drawing wetness up to her clit. It felt like Regina's hand, a feeling she knew well.

Regina watched Emma as she touched herself, noticing the Savior's reactions, the labored breathing, the slight hip thrusts, trying to feel more of the absent fingers. Regina continued, not speeding or slowing her strokes, watching Emma bit her limp and whimper. She had made Emma watch her touch herself before, enjoying putting on a show. Now, Emma got to watch _and_ feel.

"Regina. I feel you. I can feel it." She stammered out.

"I know love." Regina started rubbing her own clit faster, watching Emma's hips next to her also speed up, knowing it was pleasing them both simultaneously. Emma was moaning in time with the strokes, the same way she did when Regina usually touched her.

When Regina slid a finger into herself, Emma couldn't simply lay back anymore. She rolled over so she was on top of Regina, pulling off her own clothing before stopping her Queen to pull off the nightgown. Regina immediately returned her hand to her center, causing Emma to gasp and dive in to capture the Queen's lips with her own. The feeling between Emma's legs never stopped, moving her hips in time with Regina's fingers.

Emma's body was pulsing. She felt the thin layer of sweat forming on both of them. She moved Regina's hand away, deciding she wanted to try something.

The Queen watched her girlfriend pull her hand out, looking at her confused. Emma sat up, lining up her center with the Queen's, using one had to part Regina's lips, the other to spread herself open. Before bringing them together, she looked into Regina's eyes.

"Emma, nobody's ever done this with a Passion Stone…it's for remote touching. I don't know what will happen if we touch each other."

"I want to find out." Emma held Regina's gaze as she pushed her wet lower half into the Queen, rubbing their sensitive bundles along each other's slickness. Regina's head went back as her eyes rolled into the back of her head at the immediately pulsing feeling shooting through her entire nervous system.

Emma was in a similar state. The erotic charge from the stone gave them a sensation not unlike using a vibrator, but with no vibrations causing it. Emma tried to kiss Regina as she rubbed them together, but couldn't keep her brain focused enough to form a kiss. She buried her face in the crook of Regina's neck, licking and sucking while rocking their bodies together. She had her arms around Regina's panting, trembling body.

It was intense. She could smell Regina's scent in her skin, she could feel them moving together in a slow, grinding rhythm, with vibrations shooting through their bodies, she could feel Regina begin running her hands up and down her back.

Her back. Her weakness. Once the Queen's hands were stroking up and down the shoulder blades, Regina could feel it in her own back; the erotic touch that turned everyone one was already feeling up.

_So that's what she feels when I do that_ Regina thought before all capacity for thought left her head. Emma mashed their lips together as she ground down, the pulsing quickening even as her pace stayed the same.

The orgasm that hit them was the highest high either of them had ever experienced. There were no words that could embody the intense duel feeling of one's own orgasm as well as one's partner's both felt by each at the same time. One thrust of Emma's clit against Regina's threw them both over an edge that they didn't realize was quite so high, the burst of magic shooting out from the pair in all directions like a seismic wave.

Emma had her face back in Regina's neck, not able to hear or see, trembling and letting out small, incoherent whimpers. It took quite awhile before she could pick her own head back up, still feeling the contractions throughout her and Regina's bodies. When she finally looked up, Regina appeared to be in a similar state, only looking at Emma, but not yet able to make words. Emma couldn't even move off of Regina's body, the two waiting for their senses to slowly, but deliciously, return.

* * *

Everyone at Granny's was there for the nighttime tap beer selection, dinner service having ended long ago. The dwarves were there, as well as some upperclassmen, also Hansel and Gretel's father, his new wife, and some of the guys from his mechanic's shop that didn't want to bother going all the way down to the Rabbit Hole on a weeknight.

It was a good night. Everyone was relaxing, another long workday accomplished. Even Granny had poured herself a pint, keeping it behind the counter, but everyone could see her sneak a sip here and there.

A seismic wave flashed through the restaurant. When the orgasm hit everyone at once, nobody was able to think. Judging from the way everyone looked, everyone had felt the same thing at once, Ruby not able to contain a moan from the kitchen.

The Dwarves looked around, embarrassed and confused all at once, but feeling _great_. Granny lost her balance, having to sit back on a stool.

"Granny!" Grumpy snarled out, once he could find his voice. "What the hell do you put in this beer these days?"

Everyone in the place immediately started investigating their drinks.

The dwarves all looked at each other, and the other occupants of the restaurant, one of whom couldn't even bother to go outside for a post-orgasm cigarette.

"REFILLS!" The dwarves all shouted, holding up their mugs.

* * *

Henry had Lilo on his lap at her place. Henry had been a good boy. He took Lilo for a night out to Storybrooke's finest arcade without making a single business transaction, even turning away potential customers. He showed up looking smashing, even while a tad bit chubbier than the last time they had gone out, and was a perfect gentleman, even winning Lilo a stuffed bear with his tickets.

Lilo was had attached her lips to Henry's, intent on showing him how nice it was to have her boyfriend back, before the wave hit both of them.

Henry's eyes widened as the wave shot through his body. He knew what it _felt_ like…but how could that be? Lilo clearly had just had the same _experience_, jerking down on his lap, and then freezing in place.

"Lilo…" He started when he was able to catch his breath. Lilo did not respond, still breathing heavily with her head on his shoulder.

"Lilo…did we just…um…" Henry wasn't thinking clearly yet. "Did we just have sex?" If they just had what counted as sex, he was going to be pissed. He never, ever even got her bra off, much less his pants.

"I'm, um, I'm not sure…that's not how that's supposed to work, but then…you felt it too?" She asked him. He nodded. They both looked at each other, not sure what just happened.

"Is there such a thing as magic sex, Henry? You're magical, right? Is that possible?"

Henry's face fell. He didn't know. _Something_ had clearly just happened. If there was magic sex that could happen without actually touching any body parts other than kissing, could he get her magically pregnant?

This seemed to be the thought they both had, their eyes going wide in panic.

* * *

Mulan and David were side by side on the couch, not speaking. Specifically, they were not speaking or making eye contact. The fact that they each just had a massive orgasm from playing Lego Star Wars right next to each other, sharing a controller because they each only had one good arm, was a level of weirdness that Mulan was not prepared for.

"Mulan, did you just…"

"Don't. Shhh. Only going to make it weirder." The Warrior responded, still not looking at David. David, Prince Charming, as in her best friend's father and roommate. Simultaneous orgasms. Right next to each other.

"So you felt it too?"

"Yup. Making it weirder." They both heard the knock at the door, and both struggled to stand up. David opened the door to accept the pizza while Mulan went to get the cash.

He noticed that the delivery girl, a student at the university, was looking quite flustered and red faced. She didn't even say anything. She just handed over the pizza, took the money, and started fanning herself with it as she stumbled back down the stairs.

Mulan and David looked at each other.

"It's not just us!" Mulan said gratefully.

"Whew! Oh thank heavens. I was about to burn that game and the couch – no offense, but Snow would kill me. Not our faults!" David and Mulan high-fived each other with their good arms. They both returned to the couch, feeling much better.

"So…do you want to talk about it?" David asked.

"Making it weird again, David…"

* * *

Belle was in the middle of her favorite Mulan fantasy. She used it for nights when they were apart and she felt a little extra…frisky.

In her head, they were in a cave behind a waterfall, in complete remote wilderness with nobody around. Belle had the vibrator next to her, ready to go, but not quite yet.

She pictured her Warrior's mouth on her tender parts, licking with Belle backed up against the cave wall, Mulan on her knees. She loved when Mulan had her stand up like that, grabbing her by the ass. She pictured Mulan's mouth, running circles up and down her lips, tasting little drips of her. While Belle had spent a good chunk of their early dating days teaching Mulan just about everything, this was the one thing that Mulan naturally had a talent for since the first time.

Belle switched on the vibrator, letting her body get used to it, with her eyes closed still focused on the fantasy. She laid the toy just outside of where she eventually would put it, only putting a slight, teasing pressure just above the hood of her clit.

In her mind, Mulan started there, warming her up before touching her lower, under the hood, where she would still feel sensitive. She was about to move the vibrator down, when the orgasm hit her. Hard.

She let it flow, recovering and very confused.

"Did I just prematurely—I'm a girl! That's not even supposed to happen!" Belle had never been so satisfied and so disappointed all at once. She hadn't even gotten to the part where Mulan lets her fuck her _under_ the waterfall. That's also her favorite part. What the hell?

* * *

_**Yes, I am cutting us off there…Still evil! Happy Monday, Readers! -Rogue**_


	39. Aftershocks

Emma finally noticed the honking horns and the car alarms going off outside of the house. She went to jump up, stumbling over her own jelly-legs.

"Nope. Can't walk yet." Regina simply groaned a response, still reeling from an ultra powerful orgasm.

Emma crawled her way over to the window, peeking through the curtain.

"Regina—there aren't realms with zombies or anything, right?"

"No dear, zombies, I can assure you, are pure fiction. Why?"

Emma's eyes were wide, looking at the street before her. There appeared to be multiple car accidents, someone taking out a fire hydrant that was now bursting all over the street. In other words, the Savior was gazing upon pure chaos.

"Because right now outside, it looks like every zombie movie I've ever seen. We have to go outside." Emma said. She focused on getting the feeling back in her legs, starting to gather her clothes thrown about.

Regina followed suit, although seemingly in less of a hurry. It figures; when one is dating a Savior, she was learning that you don't get to bask in your post-sex bliss when there is saving to do.

The two made their way outside, finding everyone in the streets as post-sex appearing as they were.

"Mrs. Thomas, what happened?" Emma went up to the first car accident.

"I—um, well, he hit me." She said, red faced. The guy who hit her didn't appear to disagree with the assessment of the situation, but refused to make eye contact with Emma. They were both using the hoods of their cars to hold themselves up.

"Do you need an ambulance? Are you injured?" She asked them both. They both went back to averting their gazes, shaking their heads "no".

Regina looked at the people on the street. The neighbors were openly fighting on the front lawn, something about it not being appropriate to "come on the family photo album".

The Queen listened to the argument, watching the car accident victims. Shaky breathing. Red faces. A lot of "I don't know what happened, exactly" while looking away from Emma.

_Oh. My. God._

"Emma, dear, why don't we go inside and call for professional back up? Police? Fire Department? Paramedics?" Regina practically dragged Emma inside, throwing the front door shut.

"Regina, what the hell? I'm trying to figure out why everyone on the road seemed to lose control of their cars all at once!"

"I'll tell you 'what the hell', Emma. _We're_ why they all lost control all at once."

"Impossible. We weren't anywhere near them."

"Emma, I believe we just found out what happens when a couple uses a Passion Stone and touches each other while it's activated." Regina said meaningfully, hoping she wouldn't have to get too crudely explicit.

Emma thought about the people she was talking to on the street. What could be powerful enough and surprising enough to cause someone to swerve their car into a fire hydrant?

Regina waited for it…

And once Emma's eyes went wide, she knew when it clicked.

"We made everyone…with us…because we…?"

"It appears so."

* * *

Henry knocked on Ruby's door fervently, hoping she would be home. If there was anyone he could trust to talk to about sex, it was the Wolf. She was a master of it. She never would tell his mothers that he came to her. She never treated Henry like he was still a child, or that anything he ever wanted to talk to her about was silly. Most importantly, she was _not_ Emma.

"Henry, what if she's busy? We should have called first." Lilo was feeling extremely uncomfortable with this situation. Once the door opened, she no longer had time to think of another option.

"Henry! Lilo! Are you two okay?" Ruby appeared to be a little flustered, but Henry ignored it. The Wolf opened the door and motioned for them to come inside.

When Ruby had heard the knock at the door, she was past wrestling with "did I just create a spontaneous orgasm with the power of my mind?" and was just content to enjoy the aftershocks. Until the banging started.

"Ruby, we need to talk to you." Henry and Lilo sat on the loveseat.

"Are you two in some kind of trouble?"

The teenagers looked at each other. That was a good question indeed. They were either in a lot of trouble, or in trouble because they didn't know what could cause them trouble. Just in case, Henry had been afraid to even so much as hold Lilo's hand. What if he was just some sort of magical sex-making monster now? Was that magical puberty?

"We don't know!" Lilo said nervously. Henry took her hand.

"Ruby…do you know if there's such a thing as _magic_ sex?"

Ruby's eyes went wide. Not because she was connecting their question at all to what she had just experienced, but because of how nervous they looked when they asked it.

"Oh, yeah! There are all kinds of magic sex. Where do I even begin?"

* * *

Snow White was _desperately_ trying to replicate the amazing, completely satisfying, randomly occurring orgasm that just had manifested in her life.

"Let's see…I was on the couch like this."

She tried to think her way back to coming. Really just picture it. Holding the thought in the mind. She thought harder, straining the muscles on her face. She determined that if she made herself come once without touching herself, she could will it to happen again.

_Not working. Maybe if I add some Kegels..._

* * *

Emma and Regina decided to go ahead and magically fix the street, otherwise Storybrooke's emergency services would have to work around the clock to fix what was very clearly their fault. They knew they needed to go check on the University.

Emma drove so Regina could blast magic out of the window at accidents as they passed them, thoroughly confusing the drivers who only knew that they had some sort of spontaneous orgasm, then an accident, then the Queen drove by fixing it with magic.

By the time they got to the school, Regina was quite drained. Emma knew if anything was wrong inside, it was going to have to be her magic fixing it alone while Regina re-charged.

The first thing they noticed walking into the main building was that it was very, very quiet.

Too quiet.

Neither of them had been on campus during finals studying before and not seen study groups, students outside training until midnight, magic students floating things until their arms were too tired to lift them, and usually at least one student mid-breakdown beating one of the vending machines into submission.

They went to check on the library. It was indeed full of students up studying. Completely silently.

Emma looked at Regina, taking in a deep breath. Nobody was even texting. They all were staring straight ahead at their books, nobody making eye contact with anyone else. The Queen and the Savior pulled the door closed, going back into the hallway.

"If this is how they study after a random orgasm, maybe we should make this happen more often." Emma quipped.

"I doubt any of them are actually studying now. More likely they are just hoping that nobody next to them noticed their own special surprise. Nothing seems to be damaged at least. Let's go check on the dorms."

"Right."

* * *

"And then, if you get really good at that spell, you can unlock the one that enables Gravity-Free sex…I still recommend you do this hovering over the bed, because you never really know when it's going to wear off. That's a lesson you don't want to learn twice." Ruby also wasn't going to admit that it was a lesson that she had indeed had to learn twice before always double-checking that there was a place to land.

Henry was originally asking about his problem, but once Ruby whipped out some sort of magic Kama Sutra, his eyes and ears were wide open. Lilo seemed just as enthralled. If only Emma had thought to use this approach every time she tried to talk about sex with him, he would've been a lot more cooperative.

Or, even more awkward. Hard to tell, really.

"So once you're in the Gravity-Free bubble, if you both know how to use magic, you can also make the other person super-bendable. Check this out." Ruby pointed to a picture of a couple floating together in quite the contortionist position.

"Um…ouch." Was all Lilo could come up with. Henry was most certainly not putting her in that position, magical or not.

Henry had no words. He could only stare at the pages.

"Then if you get good at that, check this one out." Ruby turned the page, pointing to another picture.

"GROSS!" Henry and Lilo both yelled.

"Hahahaha! Alright, I'm only kidding. That one's mostly for trolls—they need to do that for reproductive purposes." Ruby couldn't help herself with that one.

"Right. Reproduction. So Ruby, have you ever heard of anyone having sex…accidentally because of magic? Like if the magic is inside of you?"

"I'm not sure I understand the question. How do you accidentally have sex? Either your clothes came off, or they didn't…"

"But what if they didn't, but can your _magic_ have sex with somebody?" Henry pushed. He felt like he had to keep talking to get that magic troll sex image out of his head.

"No, Henry. I've never heard of someone having magic sex without actually having their body involved." Ruby assured them.

Ruby watched Henry and Lilo both exhale simultaneously.

"So, um, there's no way to magically accidentally without knowing it get someone pregnant maybe a little bit with your accidental sex magic?" Lilo could barely stutter out.

"No, Lilo. Unless you two have _actually _had sex, your magic can't have sex, and you won't be making magic babies."

"Oh thank heaven!" Henry said, leaning back.

"That's great news! Ruby, Henry's right, you are the best!"

"You want more good news? Let's look at the next chapter. Shape-shifter sex spells. It's really great for the furries and plushies crowd, not that I have a problem with that." Ruby turned the page, both teenagers now leaning in to get a good look.

_What on earth has Emma been teaching these two? _Ruby thought to herself. _Did Emma tell Henry that his magic will get Lilo pregnant to stop him from…using magic? Having sex? Developing into a mentally stable adult?_

* * *

Emma and Regina ran smack into the Swanists in the women's dormitory lounge as soon as they walked in. The women all rushed to their feet and started clapping. Their incessant clapping for Emma was something that also got on Regina's nerves.

"Okay guys, now is not the time. Is everyone here alright?"

One of the Swanists, still in pajamas, came right up to her while holding her **Book of Emma**.

"We knew you could do it!" She exclaimed excitedly.

"Okay, I'll bite. I could do what?"

"We were just having group discussion over that really powerful thing you said in the cafeteria that day about an apple a day keeping the doctor away."

Emma nodded. Apparently the girls hadn't eavesdropped on the rest of that conversation with Regina, since she was talking about how Dr. Whale is now afraid of apples, since one almost killed Henry. And also that time Regina threatened to shove one so far up his ass that he'd be spitting cider every time he tried to talk. now that Emma was thinking about it, there was also the time Regina threatened to trap him at the top of the apple tree after learning of his fear of heights during an argument.

And the time she threw one at his head for making a comment about Emma's ass at the Rabbit Hole. And the time...

"So we were asking for you to give us a sign that we should still hold the bake sale next week, minus the apple pie, and boom! We got your sign!" The girl was grinning ear to ear.

Regina rolled her eyes with her arms crossed.

"Okay, so you all felt…a special something?" Emma asked. They all nodded, a few girls giggling in the background.

"I hate to burst your bubbles, ladies, but Emma wasn't giving you a sign about the bake sale. We're just here to make sure everyone's okay. You all seem to be fine, and everything is under control." Regina said, trying to stop the situation.

"So Emma didn't just do that to us?"

"Well, I kinda did but it wasn't on purpose." Regina gave Emma a death glare.

"See! SAVIOR!" The girls all cheered.

* * *

Emma, Regina, Snow, David, Mulan, and Ruby were having a meeting. Everyone, however, had a different idea about what kind of meeting they were having.

David and Mulan were having the kind of meeting where they were going to get to the bottom of things. They were going to flush out exactly who did this to them, and how. If only David knew how appropriate the phrase "no stone unturned" would be for this conversation. David started.

"I can see from everyone's faces that we all had the same…experience last night." Nobody wanted to look at David once he actually said it, but nodded in agreement.

"I think we're all just going to have to agree to be adults here. We all had…the experience. We need to figure out _why_." He said with the tone of a kingdom leader.

"I think we all had an experience, David, that we can say minus the cars swerving off of the road can be considered positive. After all, aren't most people _trying_ to have an orgasm? I'd say it was a surprise gift, no harm done." Regina countered David's princely tone with her own authority.

Regina and Emma had decided that they were having the kind of meeting where they get everyone to just drop it and move on. They most certainly were not telling everyone they were responsible for the night before.

"We can't just drop it, Regina. I had the 9AM Archer squad asking me if using too much magic can make them go blind." Snow inserted into the conversation.

"I have to agree with Snow. Spider Unit thinks they can grow hair on their palms. They think someone _wants_ them to grow hair on their palms." Mulan said, using her right arm to lift David's coffee to his mouth. The two by now had figured out how to function as one quite nicely, and always sat side-by-side in their matching casts.

"Oh that's just ridiculous. They're adults. Did they miss sex ed before coming here?" Emma was getting nervous. She was not pleased to find out that her Passion Stone experiment with Regina had affected her parents in any way. At all. Ever.

"I agree, Emma. Let's not overreact. Did anyone else stop in Granny's for coffee this morning? Did we not all see how Grumpy is…well, no longer Grumpy? He smiled all through his pancakes. He hates pancakes. And Granny whistled the whole time while serving him. I'd say there were plenty of people in this town running in the orgasm deficit column who should be grateful someone intervened on their behalves." Regina's speech was a step away from 'and this is why you should elect me president'.

"I, for one, was grateful for my special gift, but what about someone who doesn't understand what happened? Like, hypothetically, if you were a teenager and that happened?" As soon as Ruby finished the sentence, she knew it was a mistake from the look on Regina's face.

"Care to explain that one, Wolf?" Regina growled out.

"Nope. Can't say that I do." Ruby sunk down in her chair.

"Ruby, did Henry say something to you?" Emma asked, actively holding Regina down with her right arm in case the answer was what she thought it was going to be.

"Emma, please, please don't make me break confidence with him. It's important that he feels like he can talk to me." Ruby sunk lower in her chair, hoping that if she hid her face behind her coffee mug, they would stop staring at her.

"Ruby!" Regina barked out.

"Okay, he had some strange questions. And without violating his trust in me, I'll just say that he thought he had the…experience because of his magic. I explained to him and his girlfriend that it's not possible." Ruby felt it best to leave out the "magic pregnancy" questions. It didn't matter in her mind how good Regina was these days, she knew it would only take a flick of her wrist to end up headless.

Emma and Regina looked at each other in horror.

"Our son, Regina? We did that to our son?" Emma said horrified.

"_WE_ did that, Emma?!" Snow was basically hopping out of her chair.

Regina liked to think of Snow as a Chihuahua that just encountered the mail carrier when she got excited in these meetings. The barking of "Emma! Regina!" That followed with her bouncing on her chair certainly served to solidify that mental image.

Regina sat back and exhaled irritably.

"Yes. Emma and I were having an intimate moment, and it seems it was rather powerful." Regina said, not enjoying their cover being blown.

David turned his head to Mulan.

"She did it to us?" He asked.

"David, making it weird again."

"It was an accident! I've never used a Pokemon stone before. Okay? We're sorry." Emma said, completely embarrassed.

"Passion Stone, dear."

"Mistake, sweetheart."

"Okaaaaay!" Snow stepped in, stopping the conversation she no longer wanted to be having. "I think it's clear that piece of information does not need to leave this room."

"Right." David continued for his wife. "If anyone asks, after official investigation, there was a defective Passion Stone found with our magic supplies that was found, and destroyed. No need to worry about future…outbreaks of experiences, nobody's fault. That's the public relations story. I can handle the press conference." David sounded quite confident. And completely believable. Nobody would ever question it. Snow smiled at her husband. He clearly wasn't such the simple shepherd anymore.

"Thanks, Snow." Emma said, smiling sheepishly.

Regina's wheels were still spinning in her head. They would have to talk to Henry and undo whatever that Ruby had put into his head. For all she knew, Henry now held the secrets to Gravity-Free sex and was practicing as they spoke.

"Okay. Meeting successful. It looks like I can make the eleven o'clock technology club meeting. They're building a night vision spy cam. I'm actually pretty excited about it." Mulan said, stretching to prepare to get up.

"Actually, there's one more thing I wanted to discuss." Snow said, reaching down into her bag.

She threw a stack of that morning's newspapers onto the table. Everyone grabbed one, wasting no time reading the surprise headline.

"David, congratulations on becoming our new mayor." David's mouth was hanging open along with everyone else's as they read the paper.

_**Snow White Drops from Mayoral Race; Prince Charming to be sworn in!**_

"I couldn't take it anymore, David. I'm sorry. I want you to come home." Snow and David activated their true Charming genes in that moment, hopping across the table to kiss each other in front of the whole room with David awkwardly holding his cast out of the way.

"Aww, gross. Dad!"

"Hey, Kiddo. You gave everyone here an _experience_ last night. You go home and think about that."

* * *

Regina was teaching the afternoon magic session with the students who were brand new to magic. It was an ego boost class for her, since if she so much as floated a hair it was amazing to them. She also sometimes enjoyed sparking random items from across the room to make the newbies jump. She hadn't yet decided if today was a day where she needed a laugh yet.

Henry was dead center, in the second row. Regina thought this was a perfect way to introduce Henry to more of the skills he needed to learn. He was going to audit his mother's classes.

Henry loved watching his mother teach. It was a side of her he had never seen before. She was stern and strict, but loved using her magic in a productive way, and was caring and guiding to the students who engaged with her and asked questions. She still had the authority of the Evil Queen, but taught them all the way she taught Henry to tie his shoes; she was also a little bit everyone's magic mother. A really intimidating, yet amazingly talented and knowledgable no-longer-evil-but-now-mischief-oriented teacher/mother figure.

"Today, we're going to be to be making mini-lightning bolts from our fingertips." Regina heard a few of the students giggling.

"They aren't enough to do any actual damage, I just want you all getting used to the charge for next year when some of you will be moving on to full lightning bolts."

Regina started writing the steps to enacting the spell on the board. Henry and the other students started taking notes. Henry enjoyed the "open food" policy that he found at college and helped himself to a candy bar from his back pack.

"Now, you're going to feel a little tingly, but it's nothing to be afraid of." More giggles from the room.

"Everyone's like that their first time." More giggles, Henry even catching on as to why and letting out a little chuckle.

Regina turned around, not letting that last round of laughing go.

"Do we have something we need to discuss?" Regina asked the class.

Henry immediately stopped looking at his mother. He didn't want to think back to the conversation they had last night, where Henry basically had to admit that yes, he told Ruby that he thought he magically got Lilo pregnant, and no, they didn't actually have real sex and yes, he did indeed know now all about Gravity-Free sex. He wasn't one hundred percent sure that either of them didn't have some sort of mini-heart attack several times through that chat.

Regina looked around. Of course, nobody was outwardly going to admit to their professor that they all had a massive group orgasm last night.

"Alright, I know what this is about." Regina decided to address the situation head on. Henry was going to have to start being treated as an adult. He would be taking up his role on Elite Tactical in just a few short days.

"I understand that everyone had a collective sexual experience last night. Everyone can relax. We have found the magical item responsible, and it has been destroyed." _Or, it's sitting in my dresser drawer_, Regina thought to herself. "It's nothing to be ashamed of. It's a natural body function; nobody here did anything that could cause it, and it won't happen supernaturally again."

Regina watched thirteen student faces fall, even hearing someone in the back say, "Awww, man!"

"Problems?" The professor pressed.

Mindy raised her hand. Dear, sweet Mindy who at the moment was _not_ a Swanist and therefore one of Regina's favorites.

"Your majesty, that's not such good news for us."

"Why? You all have nothing to worry about."

"Well, it's just…we were hoping whoever did it could to it again."

Regina watched as all of the heads in the room nodded, including that belonging to her son.

* * *

_**Author's Note: So I think a lot of us are super bummed out this week. We're down an amazing, talented author, Queen Nan, who I'm sure most of you know is choosing not to continue writing, for very valid reasons. I wish her the best, and highly recommend reading what she's left up. Also, there's been fandom drama left and right after what sounds like a terrible con experience for some fans, compounded by our usual fan problems.**_

_**I started writing this story because the fics I was following stopped updating, and the hate on SWEN on other websites was upsetting, both from other ships and from those within our own who are flat out mean to other people. I wanted to put something up that would update A LOT, and that could make us all smile. **_

_**Thank you to those who do read. I know I'm not the best writer (and really appreciate constructive criticism, or reviews that let me know when I'm writing things that people want to see more of), but I want to see us stick together and have fun! This is supposed to be our entertainment, what we go to in our spare time to enjoy ourselves. **_

_**If anyone sees someone in the fandom getting harassed, please feel free to forward them a link to this story or any other story that you think might lift their spirits. I would love to see us figure out a way to maybe start circulating some love in the current storm. I want people to be able to look at SwanQueen stuff and laugh and smile. **_

_**Okay, longest A.N. ever! Sorry for the short update, but I really wanted to get a chapter up! I hope I gave someone a few minutes of SQ happiness. **_

_**-Rogue**_


	40. Preparations

_**Ahhh, so here goes! Another night where I had no plans on updating, and yet, here we are ;)**_

* * *

Emma and Regina were at the hockey rink, with the students from the winter club hockey league. They had convinced their administrators that to be the best hockey team ever, they should be allowed to use magic to make the ice rink a year-round availability. The sport was so popular with the students, and it was so cold in Maine for so many months of the year, that they had just built an outdoor rink and assumed they would all take the summers off or play something else. They hadn't counted on it becoming the most popular extra-curricular. It was not lost on the Queen or the Savior that they had to figure out how to do this on an outdoor rink now that it was summer, both hot and humid.

It was actually so hot, that Emma thought they were geniuses for asking for this, and Regina thought they were idiots for not requesting a swimming pool instead.

These were the students who were sticking around to get ahead in summer classes. These were the students that always showed up to training on time for Emma, and handed in their homework neatly done to Regina. And they were the hockey club, not the magic club, which was a little creepy and usually getting into some sort of trouble. They went to bed early to get up to practice before school. They seemed to be staying away from the candy that the non-athletic underclassmen were somehow still smuggling in. The Spiders and the Archers had their own teams, as well as the other units, including the Flounders, Storybrooke's equivalent of Navy Seals, and the Order of the Staff and Snake, trained in medical and magical healing.

Ironically, the healers were actually the most aggressive body-checkers in the league. Regina had gotten one too many papers from Staff and Snake students about how their professional dreams included working for the UFC, complete with pictures diagramming all of the delightful injuries they would like to fix for them.

These were the responsible, attentive students. They couldn't just say no to them. Hell, Regina and Emma would've given them both the rink and a pool if they had asked.

"Students, the plan is to create a semi-permanent blizzard cloud over the entirety of the rink that will keep it winter all the time only in this one spot." Regina was circling the area, determining how many of them it would take to construct such a cloud, and they how often it would have to be maintained.

"If we jump start this for you guys, you're going to have to re-charge it yourselves. I mean it. The teams are going to have to take turns." Emma said, getting ready with Regina. They stood next to each other, and with the help of four students, whipped and whirled the air around them, slowly forming into a giant cloud.

The group felt the air getting cooler and cooler as it whipped around them, gathering a crowd of onlookers.

"Keep blasting it! It's working!" Regina shouted to the students.

The air started to make ice, and the ice started to form into blue cotton candy like threads, spinning from an invisible wheel.

When it was all finished, the crowd got closer to look at the creation. It had formed a perfect snowperson in the sky, complete with buttons, the outline of a hat, and a blue cloud scarf. And underneath at the rink, it was cold enough for ice.

"It worked!" Captain John, also Captain of Spider's team said after dispelling the last of his magic.

"Did you ever doubt us? Happy Graduation." Emma said to him, handing him his skates and a hockey stick.

"And we might take you up on that faculty-student game you've all been asking for." Regina said, smiling.

"Regina!" Emma whispered to her. "I can't ice skate!"

"You mean you can't ice skate _yet_, dear." Regina winked at her. Emma knew Regina's playfulness only reinforced that Regina just required her to strap on some skates at some point.

The players who were around wasted no time pulling on sweatshirts, but most leaving themselves in shorts and getting out onto the ice.

The onlookers gathered around, not getting too close without coats. In fact, they discovered if they sat just about ten feet away…

"Air conditioning!" Someone yelled, with all of the students at the field running over, enjoying the-not-hot-yet-not-too-cold ring that formed around the rink.

Henry watched with August and Mikey from a bit farther away.

"Boys," Henry started, "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" The two looked at him with no idea what he was talking about.

"I see a hot chocolate stand in our future."

* * *

Emma and Regina then went on to the tailor's shop, as Regina was steering the "what we're going to wear" boat that she currently had Emma trapped in with her. The upcoming weekend was Henry's addition to Elite Tactical, party afterwards, then David's swearing in, party afterwards, then University Graduation…party to be announced. The town also made it clear that they expected the couple to make good on their promises to share their supply of FairyFire, meaning everyone was saving a sick day for the following Monday.

"Regina, I have clothes. I know that you know this, since you're constantly taking them off of me." Emma whined, as they walked down the street with Regina's arm casually woven in Emma's.

"Emma, this is a giant political event for us. Sometimes we have to look like royalty, sometimes we have to look like administrators. And at no point is this going to be appropriate." Regina pointed to Emma's tank top and leggings.

"I am going to make something clear, Regina. I'm not wearing a corset. At all."

"I wouldn't ask you to, dear. We have to look like a pair, not twins. And I'll be wearing one on Friday night most likely. And if you're good, and look presentable, later that night it's _all_ I'll be wearing."

"Shopping it is, then!" Emma said, suddenly feeling very enthusiastic.

* * *

After Regina had basically picked out ALL of Emma's outfits for the weekend, allowing Emma to input such important information as color, _sometimes_, Emma let it go. This was Regina's area of expertise. She had hosted large, royal events before. If they needed to, for example, jack a car on the street, she would step in.

Regina was also giving Emma a _lot_ of control over the house renovations. When she told Emma she wanted it to be _their_ castle, she wasn't kidding. She didn't want Emma to feel like she was moving into someone else's space, like she were being adult-adopted, but like they were building a space together, mutually. Regina wanted Emma to make co-decisions with her on everything about it, with occasional Henry check-ins. It meant the world to the Savior.

Emma was also beyond happy that whenever they had to go to talk to a contractor, decorator, designer, or anyone else, Regina always made sure she walked in holding Emma's hand. The Queen made it clear to anyone they were working with that they were a couple, and this was _their_ home for _their_ family and there would be no questioning it. It gave Emma the extra dose of happy to put up with these little shopping excursions. She even carried the bags for them in the hand that wasn't holding Regina's.

Emma then felt herself being dragged back to campus by Regina's hand.

Emma had started to move in the opposite direction, towards Regina's house, already being constructed, at least externally for the moment, to look like a mini-castle.

"Regina, I just tried on like five thousand outfits. I thought we were done for the day." Emma said after feeling her should being yanked out of the socket. She had just turned to go home on autopilot.

"Well it turns out you're in luck. Henry said he had some things he needed to take care of, so now is a perfect time for your first ice skating lesson."

"Regina, I'm like really bad. Not even bad at the skating part. Last time I fell just from the 'standing up on skates' part, and then there was the 'I can't get back up because I'm wearing skates' part, and finally the 'why the fuck do I live in the Northeast' part, and it's bad, Regina." The Queen could hear Emma's nerves talking through the babbling, and just squeezed her hand, still pulling her towards the rink.

_I love this woman_, Emma had to remind herself. _I love this woman, and we're going to live together. I can not whine for one day. ONE day. I can give her that much. _

…_She might be trying to kill me._

* * *

When they arrived at their newly constructed rink, Mulan and David were themselves getting ready to skate.

However, they had strapped themselves together as one player, like an ice skating version of a three-legged race. They were also wearing one giant hockey jersey, each so their good arm could stick out.

"Okay, now let's try the stick." David added the hockey stick. "I hold the top part, you hold the bottom." They also had their broken arms wrapped together in the center of them for protection.

Regina was lacing Emma up.

"Like I _really_ can't skate, Regina. I've tried. It's bad news. I was so bad I made other people's children cry from watching me. Who decided it was a good idea to balance an entire body on two butter knives?" She asked, getting nervous.

"Emma, I'm not going to let anything happen to you. I'm just going to pull you around the rink myself so you get used to having these on."

"Maybe I should have a helmet. And some gear…that's what the players wear."

"They wear that because they're playing a sport. Emma, think about it. If you fall on the track, what's the first thing you're supposed to do? Put ice on it. If you fall here, it's already on the ice. Nothing to worry about."

_Right._

Once David and Mulan had figured out how to share holding the stick with each only having one arm, the started trying to figure out how to skate. Neither of them wanted to move the giant double center leg they shared, and subsequently were spinning themselves in circles.

"Move us, Mulan!"

"No, _you_ move us, David! Stop spinning us!"

"This is a stupid sport. This is a stupid stick, and these skates are stupid." David was still spinning, as Mulan and he were still battling over who got to use their free leg.

"Okay, forget the stick, we have to concentrate on moving."

Emma got one foot on the ice, giving one hand to Regina. Regina nodded at her, giving Regina her second hand, and putting the second foot on, almost immediately slipping.

Regina was quick, catching her before she could go down. She held Emma up, letting her calm down from her first almost-fall of the day.

"See? I've got you. Now bend at the knees a little bit…good, Emma! Now keep your legs bent and your feet straight. I'm going to pull you around." Regina kept her hands on Emma's waist.

"Regina, go slow."

"That's what she said!" She heard Mulan yell from the center.

Emma narrowed her eyes. "Regina, I think you should pull us over there."

Regina smiled and nodded. She loved when Emma got that look in her eye.

The Queen slowly and steadily pulled Emma towards the three-legged monster in the middle. Just as Regina had them passing by, Emma let go of one of Regina's hands and gave them the tinsy-est, tiny-est little push.

David and Mulan went face down onto the ice.

"Help! We can't get up!" They said, flailing their limbs around.

"Regina, I like this sport now." Emma said, the pair smirking at each other.

* * *

August and Mikey had one of their bottom sellers, or what Henry was calling their "minions" held in place, each taking one of the kid's arms.

"I understand that you skimped out this week on paying up, Donnie." Henry stuck a chocolate cigar in his own mouth, coming around to the front of his desk.

The kid looked terrified. He shook his head, not knowing what to say. He _had_ skimped out on the boss's take, because like Henry, he too was dipping into the inventory. He just thought he could make it up the next week.

"We don't skimp on payday, Donnie. Now what do we do with you?" Henry said threateningly.

Lilo was right inside the doorway, as she was let in while Henry was finishing up his office hours so they could go out. Lilo was also, quite frankly, terrified. She had never seen Henry so intimidating before.

"Please, Mr. Henry-I'm going to make it up to you guys. I am. Just give me one more week."

Henry nodded to August and Mikey, who took their cue, holding the boy tighter while administering a wedgie like nobody's business.

"When you don't pay up, Donnie, that's the same as stealing. Do you think I'd let you steal from my boys?"

"Ouch! I'm sorry! I'll pay you back…okay! Double! I'll pay back what I took next week in double!" Henry nodded at his guys to stop.

"Remember this agreement. This week it was a wedgie. If you don't pay up next week…" Henry didn't need to finish the statement. Everyone knew if you crossed Henry, you would be upside down in the boy's room for the most horrific, Scrubbing Bubbles-scented swirlie of your life.

Lilo simply shook her head and walked out, not bothering to wait for Henry any longer.

* * *

Mulan had eventually extracted herself from David, leaving him to his own devices at the rink and made her monthly trip to see Ruby.

Not that she didn't see Ruby pretty much every day between the campus and Granny's, but once a month she always made a _special_ visit to Ruby. The Warrior knew that Ruby was one of Belle's oldest and most trusted friends, so when she was preparing for their one week anniversary, she stopped in for advice from Ruby. It snowballed from there.

For planning their one month anniversary, Ruby helped Mulan pick out some gifts, all of which Belle loved and kept around her desk at school. Belle now had so many items covered in little hearts and kissy-lips that the students probably thought she was dating someone from Hallmark.

For their two month anniversary, Ruby helped Mulan pick out what to do. Or, at least she tried to, but Mulan couldn't decide what kind of date to take Belle on, and ended up combining a picnic and a day in the park and a movie and a boat ride around the docks into one, never ending mega-date.

Of course, by now Mulan was getting the hang of things. She had some ideas for their three month anniversary. She just wanted to hopefully get some input from Ruby.

By now, the Wolf had their anniversary memorized, having seen the pair through two of them. When Mulan came into the cafeteria looking as nervous as every other time she came in for anniversary help, Ruby was expecting it, and took her break.

* * *

Lilo showed up at Regina's doorstep in tears. Henry was back out "taking care of business", so she knew she would find the Queen without him.

"Lilo, what's wrong? Did something happen to Henry?" Regina asked, seeing the girl upset.

"He's out with August and Mikey. I wanted to…I need to talk to you about something."

Regina brought the girl right inside. She liked Lilo a lot, but knew very little about her. She knew when she was out with Henry, and that the girl was nothing but sweet and fun when she was over. She also knew that Henry's girlfriend was being raised by her older sister, and she knew some things here and there about running track and school, but she had never come over before to talk to Regina alone. What she knew from the first time she met Lilo was that she really, really like this girl. She loved when Lilo came out with them as a family.

So naturally, the Queen decided that whoever upset Lilo was going to pay for it.

"Come inside. Tell me what happened." Lilo followed Regina to the living room.

"It's about Henry. He's not himself anymore."

Regina knew the girl could be talking about any number of things. Since he started seeing Lilo, he didn't look the same, he didn't dress the same, he was keeping himself quite busy…maybe they were just having relationship problems.

"Lilo, you can talk to me. Whatever is going on, if you want me to know, I'll listen."

"Okay, then there are a few things you need to know. But if I tell you, Henry's never gonna to speak to me again. But with what Henry's been doing, I don't think I care if he stops speaking to me, because he's _mean_."

"What do you mean, dear?" Lilo was getting more upset. Regina sat next to the girl, putting her arm around her and stroking her hair.

"First, Henry is the reason the freshmen and everyone else in this town with a mouth have access to candy. Second, Henry is selling it as a mob business, but it's changing him. He's a _bully. _He's _mean_. He shakes people down. He has his 'employees' rough people up. I saw him make someone cry today. A _seventh grader_." Lilo started to cry, with Regina holding the girl close.

"Lilo, I want you to listen to me. Whatever you decide or whatever happens with you and Henry, you are _always_ welcome here. I will take care of this. He won't even know that you told me anything." She promised the girl, still hugging her.

Henry was going to need to be taught a lesson.

* * *

Emma and Mulan felt like they hadn't had a night out just to kick back a couple of beers in forever. Mulan liked David well enough, especially since they had most recently learned to work together as much as possible, but after today's ice session which involved a group of aggressive juniors using them to play a giant game of curling, Mulan needed a break.

"So where are you taking Belle this month? Candlelit dinner? Flowers? The classics, I'm guessing." Emma paid for there beers, waiting for Mulan to answer.

"I talked a few ideas out with Ruby, but I'm keeping this one under wraps, Savior. Unless you're suddenly going to use your special Savior powers and see the future!" Emma rolled her eyes.

"Hey, I have followers right now. C'mon, you can tell me. What did you get her?"

"Well, what did you get Regina for your three month anniversary?"

Emma tried to think of a tactful way of telling Mulan that they didn't celebrate an anniversary every month, since they weren't in the eighth grade. Nothing was coming to mind.

"Well, we're…not doing that. It's just that Regina and I have already known each other for so long, and we already have a kid together, and we're moving in together. I guess we're sort of just on the accelerated path, you know? I'm not going to worry about that until it's been a year. Even then, I wouldn't know what the hell to get Regina. How do you give someone something when they have a kingdom?"

"I'm sure you could think of something. Just wait until you see what I got Belle."

"I can't wait, actually. You've really pulled out all the stops with her."

"Yeah. It's just, she finally got the hint and started taking Rumple's pictures off of the walls, and with her and Regina cataloguing the shop…I really think she's moved on. I feel like she's really with me, you know?"

Emma smiled at her friend. Mulan was still a complete dork when it came to Belle, but she was sort of starting to grow up.

"Yeah, I know. I can tell with Regina. It's like you know when you've found someone who's your home, right? I didn't know all those years that I didn't have a home, it wasn't because I kept moving places. It's because I needed the people, and now, the person."

"I know exactly what you mean. Hey, I have an idea. The pool tables are open. If you beat me, I'll tell you what I got Belle." Emma cocked an eyebrow. She felt the warmth from her second beer, which means she felt her Savior-ness being challenged.

"Ah, and if you win? Which you won't."

"I'll think of something."

* * *

Three hours later, Snow was settling David back into their home. His clothes were back, and Snow was disengaging the booby traps she had set around the apartment while she was still mad at him.

"Snow! You set a trap on my armchair?" David said watching Snow removed the last of the traps.

"Sweetie, I was upset. I wasn't going to let you sit down and relax. If you were doing this to me, I would expect nothing less. And also…I missed you. I _missed_ you, David. We've been through too much to split over this petty stuff."

"Yeah, I guess we're just so used to living in a crisis zone, that we have a habit of making things into a crisis even if they're not. I don't want us to do that anymore." David hugged Snow in with his not broken arm.

They both heard the singing starting from outside.

"I'm a little teapot, short and stout!"

"Louder, Emma!" Mulan said from the bushes, watching the results of her best-of-three win at pool against the Savior.

Emma gritted her teeth, wearing Mulan's homemade cardboard teapot costume. Belle was a little bit too excited to help with that, painting it purple and pink when they stopped at her house for help on the way to visit the Charmings.

Emma started again, louder.

"I'm a little teapot short and stout! Here is my handle, here is my spout!"

Mulan was in hysterics in the bush, seeing that Emma's parents had indeed come to the window to see their serenade. She especially liked the part where she made Emma agree to all the hand motions before beating her.

"Louder, Savior!"

"I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT, SHORT AND STOUT!"

Snow and David enjoyed the little embarrassment show from the window.

"Aww, look honey, our kid lost another bet." David said smiling.

"When is Emma going to learn she inherited our pool genes?"

* * *

_**Like the story? Like or review! Suggestions? Reviews! Hate the story...why on earth have you sat through 40 chapters of something you hate? Happy Thursday, readers!**_


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